Speare of Finality

Chapter Twelve

After we finished our little giggling session, Brian leaps up and puts on some music. It's a good song and soon enough, all of us are up and dancing the only way we can in the 80's. It's great fun, and watching everyone else have fun is awesome, especially after the emotional day it's seemed to have been.

We dance away till the end of the song, when we all calm down our fast beating heartbeats.

Before I can really recover though, John grabs my hand and pulls me a little away from the group, before he lets go. He sighs, and his eyes are locked onto something behind me as he speaks.

"You going to ditch me on Monday then?"

I blink a few times before I can actually hear what he's saying to me, it's a slow reaction, but it's oddly vulnerable of John to straight up ask me this. I don't know how to respond though. Earlier I was ready to let go, because of what he said to Claire about it never happening, but I'm still unsure, so I ask him a question instead.

"Are you going to ditch me?"

"No..."

I scoff at his answer, before turning his head so his eyes are looking directly into mine.

"Are you sure because I mean, me and you walking down the hallway is never happening according to you, and I'd rather not be known as Bender's slut or something."

"Look, I just said that because I was pissed off at Claire, I didn't mean it. I said I wanted to try and I do. It's not like I fucking care what other people think, even my friends. Never have, why should I fucking start now?"

"Alright, that's a fair point."

It's John's turn to scoff at me, he looks annoyed as he stares at me, and I realise as he opens his mouth to speak, that I never did answer my question. I dodged.

"Well, what about you, since you're 'not meant' to have friends? What's that even about? Because you're sick? That's not a fucking reason."

I flounder under his gaze and my mouth opens and closes multiple times before I gather my wits.

"I'm not meant to have friends, or at least, that's how I feel. I haven't had friends for the longest of times, and it's weird just talking to people now, to you, because I find it awkward, though you'd never guess. And being sick is a reason. Why would I be friends with people if I knew they would just be hurt in the end? I don't want to hurt people over this, and so I steer clear. I can't help it John."

"What do you mean hurt in the end? How would they be? You're only sick; you're going to get better aren't you?"

"Not really."

John doesn't say anything after that, but his eyes light up with recognition, though it doesn't last long as his eyebrows furrow, and his face moulds into anger.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"I couldn't get the words out. You already told me you liked me, how on Earth could I tell you that I'm dying after something like that?!"

My voice raises on the last sentence, and I close my eyes in hopes that this situation just goes away, because it's hard, I've never told anyone, and I didn't plan on telling John Bender of all people, despite all his weird romantic gestures. I open my eyes, before taking a deep breath.

"Just forget this whole thing yeah?"

I'm just about to turn away when John roughly grabs me and hauls me back to him, locking me in an embrace. I sag against him; I'm too tired to fight at this moment.

"I won't just forget this, I'd be an idiot. This thing, it's way too emotional for me, but I said I'd try, and I still will."

"Even though I'm going to die?"

"Things can change, even I know that much."

I nod my head from against his chest, then pull back to look up at him. I know I have tears in my eyes but he doesn't comment, or maybe he just doesn't notice as he stares back at me.

"I won't ditch you then but let me tell you this. If you even think about telling your buddies that we've had sex, even if we have, I will not hesitate to dump your ass. Also, don't treat me any different, I don't think you will but if you do, don't, just don't."

John doesn't answer me; instead he leans down and kisses me. I've decided I like his kisses, even the ones he doesn't let me react to. He pulls away from me first and untangles our limbs gently.

"I won't. Now I got to go back to my little prison."

"And where is this prison of yours then?"

"Supply closet across the hall of course. It's real roomy."

"Don't expect me to come find you. I'm too tired right now, might need to carry me home."

"Carry you home? Who said I'm even walking you home?"

"I did my dear. Oh have fun."

I kiss his cheek quickly, and then dart away from him; only spinning round after I'm a good few feet away to find him climbing back through his hole. Someone will notice that and when they do I really hope they don't pin it on John or any of the others, or me for that matter.

I walk back over to the others, and they all turn to look at me with the same 'we know everything about you and John', making me huff, then blush, before I settle with sticking my tongue out at them. That immature gesture has been used so much I think it's getting good.

I stop short though, my tongue zipping back into my mouth as I look at Ally. She's... She looks like a prep. My mouths dropped open upon seeing her, and I'm stuttering because she looks like a whole new person. I don't like it, because she just doesn't look right in the white but her hair looks good as it's pushed out of her face. And Andy seems to think so as well as he stares googly eyed at the girl.

"Wow, Ally, you got one heck of a face. I like it!"

Allison blushes at my praise, as Andy smiles in my direction, obviously liking that I complimented her. Not like I was going to be mean towards her, I genuinely like it, despite the clothing not being my favourite. I think it's probably because Allison's always worn dark clothes, and plus, I would never wear anything like that. I like my tight trousers and simple tops.

I look over to the clock and notice it's nearly time to go. I gesture to the others that we should probably sit down before Vernon comes in and shits brick.

I skip over to my seat at the front and grab my brown leather messenger bag, bringing it onto the table as I lean back and wait for Rick to walk in. He does come, he doesn't walk in, John does, and Vernon just walks back into his office so John tell us that probably means we can go. So we all gather our stuff and walk through the library door.

John comes to stand by me, and places his arm around my shoulder as I slide closer to him. Andy and Ally have their hands attached tightly, and are smiling at each other whenever they make eye contact. Now there's a couple I thought I'd never see. Hopefully Andy doesn't break her heart. That would suck because they actually look cute together.Brian and Claire are talking together, quite close but not enough to notice. She'll ditch all of us. But wasn't I going to do that? No, I'll have a go at least. I can only hope she does the same. She can be alright sometimes.

As we all walk past Carl, he smiles at us, before saying goodbye to each of us. Me and John are at the end of the line, so when we pass, we come to a short stop as John speaks.

"See you next Saturday."

Carl chuckles at John before looking to me. He's got that knowing look in his eyes and I just know he knows what's wrong with me, and it becomes clearer as he rests his hand on my head briefly before gesturing us off.

"What was that all about?"

I look up at John and break out into a smile.

"Nothing to worry about at all. Come on, let's go say goodbye to everyone!"

I shrug John's arm from my shoulders and reach out to take his hand in mine before dragging him quickly over to the others just as they split. Instead of speaking to them individually I wave my free arm in the air as soon as we make it outside and shout to them.

"Adios people, I'll see you on Monday!"

They all turn to the noise, and wave back at me, while I grin in achievement. I stand there with John watching them all drive away eventually, leaving us to watch after them.

"Walking me home then Mr. Criminal?"

"If I must."

I swatted John's arm, then steadily walked across the road and to the field opposite the school. John catches up with me and slips his arm over my shoulders again. I grin as we walk, finding the peace and quiet good for my headache and to look over the events of today.

"Who would have thought it?"

John looks down at me as I speak, he's smiling as well, and it makes me happier knowing that he's as happy as I am.

"Thought what?"

"That you walked out with a girlfriend, or with friends from other cliques."

"Girlfriend? Ew, where?"

"Haha, jerk move Bender."

"Bender now is it sweet cheeks?"

"It is now. You know I'm your girlfriend buddy, can't run away now."

"You know they are your friends as well."

I jerk in John's hold at the sudden subject change, and I try not to waver under his heavy gaze. I still wasn't sure if they were my friends or not. I meant what I said when I answered Brian earlier, I wasn't meant to have friends, and I'm already risking it with being with John. But if I'm already risking it with him, then why not with some more people. They seem genuine enough. Except Claire, I'm wary about her, with good reason, she flat out said we wouldn't be friends come Monday. We'll see though won't we?

"Maybe."

"No maybe about it Alka, you know it's true. Stop trying to dodge it."

"Sorry it's a habit. I'll have a go. Happy?"

John doesn't say anything, but as we reach the end of the field he pumps his free hand in the air, as I giggle at his action.

"You're so weird."

"I think amazing is the word you are looking for. Or maybe it's hot? Or handsome?"

I shove him away as his face gets closer and closer with each suggestion. I waggle my eyebrows and run away as I speak.

"None of those words are true!"

It doesn't take him long to catch up to me, he tackles me to the ground and I hit the ground hard.

"That's mean."

I pout at him before shoving him off me so I can sit up. He does so without hesitation and stands up briskly then reaching down a hand to pull me up, but he purposely yanks to hard and I fly into him losing my balance.

"Aw, is little Alka upset?"

He says it mockingly, and I squint a glare at him. I nudge him a little, and start walking down my road; I wasn't too far from school, which I was happy about because then I didn't have to get up as early for school, and I wouldn't be walking to school for very long in the winter.

I stop outside my house and turn to John; he was still trailing after me, smirking that God damn smirk at me. I roll my eyes before reaching up and linking my arms around his neck. I could just about manage that, I was glad I wasn't any shorter than this and needed to stand on my tip toes or something. God that would be so awkward.

"So here we are my humble abode, kind of."

"You live here?"

He says it in a weird way, and I find him scrutinising the building. I know it isn't much but it's been home since I was 16, and the people round my flat are nice.

"Yeah, I can't afford a house, and this is a nice place really."

"You live on your own?"

I chuckle at John's tone of voice, it's a cross between, 'you're so lucky' and 'you shouldn't be alone', and it's cute really. I would have never imagined John being so affectionate towards me, but people always act a certain way around different people.

"Have for like a year man, I have nurses who come to check on me and social workers sometimes."

"Well that sounds like a fun visit."

"Oh it is, the nurses usually bring me some junk food in case I need sugar and haven't had enough, while the social worker, Ms. Stuart, listens to me play the violin before she leaves."

"You get free junk food?"

"Well yeah, sometimes."

"Why? Is it part of you being sick?"

"Kind of. I don't actually need it, but they bring it round because sick people apparently feel more cooperative when they are given something sugary, and they feel better about themselves generally."

John scoffs at this, and tilts his head away from me. I shrug as much as I can in response, but it's the truth. I do get food because it's meant to make me feel better. Not that I need the food, but if they get me cupcakes then its all good and I will accept that beautiful food.

"Why the violin, out of interest?"

"Hm? Oh, my mum started me when I was 6, then when she died I just wanted to hang onto her. I didn't have the heart to give it up. Drove my dad up the wall, he hated the violin."

"You'll have to play for me sometime, even though I don't think I'll like the music, I can listen."

"Thanks I guess. Hey do you want to come inside?"

"Better not, I got to get home."

I hug him tighter and pull him down to kiss me. I don't want to break the kiss but I have to as air evades me for too long. We break away, our lips are still brushing, and I can feel his breathe hitting my nose, making me scrunch it up, which causes him to pull away and laugh.

I stand there watching him walk away before I'm struck with an idea, and I yell to him, making him spin round and grin.

"Want to come over tomorrow?"

"I don't know, I got a party tomorrow."

"You can still go to your party Mr. Criminal, I won't keep you long."

"What apartment?"

"Hit 16 on the com over there, I'll buzz you in."

He doesn't say anything back, only waves a hand with a smirk and turns back down the road. After I can't see him anymore, I realise how cold it is outside and trundle up the path to the apartment door before unlocking it. Everyone who lived here had a key to get in the main door, unless someone buzzed your number, you could open it with a push of a button upstairs. Took me ages to get used to.

I close the door behind me, already knowing it would lock when it closed. I slowly walk up the stairs to my apartment which is at the end of the corridor, near a window. I unlock it and shove my way through before letting the door slam behind me.

I release a sigh as I put the chain on the door and stick the key in to lock it, and leave it in there.

I dump my bag by the door and instantly run to the sofa and collapse on it in relief. Today has been exhausting and I allow my eyes to close, just for a minute.

I jerk awake when I hear an alarm and I fall to the floor none to gracefully. I jump up and find it's my alarm clock in my bedroom making the offending noise and switch it off. I squint at the time on the clock. 7:21pm. I gasp at the time. My medication. I completely forgot.

I rush into my kitchen and search the cabinet for my pills, before grabbing a glass from the cupboard opposite, and fill it with water from the tap.

After I swallow all my medication, I put my glass by the side of the sink and drag my feet to my room. It's dark outside, though only slightly, but I don't care for the time as I collapse onto my bed, not even bothering taking off my shoes or coat. I was too tired, and feeling sick to bother, so I let myself gently fall into a slumber, thankful that the longest day, in my opinion, was finally over. Just wait till Monday. Perhaps I better get through tomorrow first. Good idea.




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