The silence that followed after John's loud cursing was long and rather awkward, just as I expected it to be since no one knew what to say. Well, there honestly wasn't something to say to him, and even if I said something he'd probably think I pitied him, which I don't. He obviously did it for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason is, it must have been pretty important for him to do it.
In the end, I just spared him a glance and noticed he was looking back at me, his eyes were hard and full of anger, but he offered me a smile. It was almost like he knew I wanted to comfort him but fought against it. I really hope he doesn't think I want to pity him that would be terrible! And it would end whatever these little smiles and glances are. I really don't want that, it's some normality for me.
We all sat there for a while, bored out of our minds no doubt.
I looked around to observe the other students and I admit, it was a very varying sight. 'Cherry' was staring mindlessly into space, her head leaning against her hand, obviously thinking about something amazing otherwise she would have been dead asleep by now. Johnson was staring at 'Red', as if that wasn't a surprise, but what was a surprise was when he subtly placed his hat on his crotch. Oh God, has the nerd actually got a stiffy? Bad thought, don't go there. I shook my head and looked over to Andy, he was just playing with the strings on his jumper, his eyes darting closed every once in a while. The girl in the back, Allison I reminded myself, was tying string around her finger, making it turn a dark purple colour and I winced when I saw that because I wondered if she was going to let it go before she lost all blood circulation. I dared to glance at John and I found him leaning back on his chair lighting a cigarette with his shoe on fire. I sniggered a bit and got the urge to walk over and sit next to him. Should I? I mean, I never take the first move in anything, and I like him despite him seeming like an utter asshole. Maybe if I get to know him he would be a great friend to have, or just a stranger to know. I stared a little longer in that direction before scrapping my chair back, which acquired all the eyes of the people in that room, stood up and glided towards the seat next to Bender.
I sat down and looked up at John; he was staring at me with an eyebrow raised so I just poked my tongue out in a moment of immaturity.
"What you doing over here Al-ka?"
I smirked when he spoke my name; I knew he hadn't forgotten it. Also does wonders for my self-esteem.
"Not a clue really, thought I'd stop being anti-social and make it seem like I do actually talk."
"And why next to me?"
"Are you saying you want me to move John?"
John looked at me surprised, must have thought I didn't know his name.
"You know me?"
Ah, there it is, knew he would ask me. He probably didn't know I've been going to this school for years, or maybe he had known. I'd have to ask him one day.
"Of course I know you but then again who doesn't. Everyone talks about you, being the criminal you are, and the teachers talk about you as well. Though it's usually just curses rather than an actual sentence and all I can say is that they really don't like you."
I wasn't looking at him when I spoke, I was looking around the room again, the others had started to fall asleep, or at least it looked like they had already. Maybe they were just trying to ignore me and John talking since none of them really liked him. I get why but I didn't want to be like that to him. When did I start wanting to be his friend? When did I even start wanting friends? Oh man, Alka just don't forget what's going to happen soon. Idiot, I'm an idiot.
"Do you believe everything you hear about me then?"
If I didn't know any better, I would have said that his voice seemed hopeful, like he didn't want me to believe everything about him and I didn't know what to say, what he wanted me to say. The truth or a lie? Truth. My mind made up for me.
"I'm not really sure what to believe sometimes. The rumours about you could be seen as truthful because they just seem like something you'd do," John opened his mouth but I quickly slapped my hand over it. "Hey, I wasn't finished." I pulled my hand away and huffed a laugh as he sat back with a pout. "As I was saying, you may be seen to do something like that but I don't really know you so I can't say what you'd do and what you wouldn't. I think you're misunderstood mostly, like you do the things you do for a reason, kind of like me. I don't do things randomly, there's always a reason. I'm not going to judge you on rumours because I wouldn't want to be judged like that. I'm giving you a chance I guess you could say."
Nothing was said for a while, silence it seemed, had crept upon us and the only thing that was really heard in the library were the deep breaths of the others sleeping, I really hoped they were sleeping; I didn't want them to think I was a softy, even though I really was.
I glanced at John and he was just openly staring at me. I don't know why he was so I clicked my tongue.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
He was still looking at me, but he seemed to snap out of it when I punched his arm.
"Ur... just no one's ever looked past the rumours and stuff."
I laughed aloud at that before giving him a look that just screamed unique-ness and then shrugged.
"I'm not normal."
"Not with Alka as your name you're not"
"Hey! You making fun of my name?"
"No, I happen to like your name, no one else has it do they?"
"No, I don't think anyone does, my mum named me it because she said it meant intelligent and that as soon as she saw me she knew I would be a smart kid. I think she was a little wrong."
"No she wasn't. You are smart, smartest girl I know."
I snapped my head back to him, and looked at him in disbelief.
"Smartest, I'm sorry, how do you know I'm smart at all? I'm not in any of your classes."
"Oh I know you aren't but I do remember you from when we were younger. Even as a little kid you knew every answer to every question. Bit of a nerd weren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I was back then."
"You still are, don't get me wrong you don't look like one but you hide it more than you used to."
"Who the hell are you? You're like analysing me."
John leaned away from me, not that I knew we were leaning towards each other at all, and snorted.
"I don't analyse you. I just knew when you were little you read a lot and answered damn near every question. Fucking got all of them right too. But now you don't show that side as much. It was a few years after your mum died when you shut off a little from that side."
I stiffened slightly, and looked away from him. That was around the time when I was diagnosed with a tumour when I stopped showing my nerdy-ness as much but I couldn't really tell him that, so I settled with a partial truth.
"Yeah, when my dad left me."
"Shit, you didn't have to... sorry."
I laughed quietly and looked at his face. I'd never actually seen him apologetic, but here he was saying sorry to me. John was certainly surprising me in this conversation and I mutely wondered why I had never spoken to him before, and how did I not realise I actually knew him, well he knew me from the younger years. It was slightly shocking to hear that not only did he remember me, he still looked over me and saw that something had happened that made me a little less... me.
"It's fine. Happened years ago now, I got over it eventually. I kind of had to but it's still fine. Just don't go telling everyone, not something anyone knows but the school teachers."
"Why tell me?"
I stopped short of my next sentence when what he said registered in my head. Yeah, why tell him? It's not like he needed to know, and it's not like he probably cared about it. But maybe he does care, I mean he did look over me, and that sounds like he cares, doesn't it? Or maybe he just did that because he didn't recognise me but when he heard my name he did? No that doesn't make any sense. Why did I tell him? Why?
The thing I said to him though, was nothing like my thoughts. And it just slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.
"I trust you."
I blushed vividly as soon as I spoke, and I coughed before turning away and staring very intently at a poster, though I got no idea what it said. I hear John splutter next to me, but I didn't look, I was far too embarrassed by that and my head was working a mile a minute. I'm so confused. I didn't want a friend, and now I do. It's like I've forgotten about my fucking death sentence. Maybe when this detention is over I can forget this ever happened, and ignore Bender when Monday comes around. Or the case could actually be that John will ignore me because he doesn't actually like me and would never want to be seen with me.
A clearing of the throat makes me pause in my thoughts, I didn't turn however because I knew it was John who made the noise.
"I don't know why you do, but thanks." There was a hesitation to that, but his voice sounded grateful so I just left it at that, but before long, John spoke up again. "You do realise these nut sacks could be awake?"
I chuckled, more in horror than humour though and turned back to look at him, a mixture of embarrassment and desperation clouding my voice.
"Oh shit, they could be! Why didn't I think of that? Go check for me."
"Are you ordering me?"
I winced before nodding hesitantly. I forgot John doesn't like being ordered, and especially hates it from me probably but to my surprise, again, he just laughed and stood up but not before he rubs his hand on my head.
He walked over to Allison first and poked her, but she just kept her head down, not even moving. I just remember her doing it in Art when she had finished with her work. Teacher always hated her doing that but could never really complain since she usually did a lot of work in class and at home. Next John poked Johnson roughly, and all it made him do was snort and move over a little to get away from the now insistent poking. I chuckled at that, leave it to him to only snort and kind of roll over. Looked like a dog. Oh, I take that back, that was kind of mean.
After John was finished with his little poking session, he moved over to the red head. Oh no, what's he going to do here. I shook my head at him, a clear sign of no, but he just smirked and danced over to her. He nudged her head; thankfully he didn't wake her up when her head hit the table from being knocked out of her hand. What the hell? Is she a really heavy sleeper or something? I would have woken up at that for sure, and definitely would have gotten a bruise. I laughed at her though, it was kind of funny. Finally though, John made his way around to Andy, standing over him, John ruffled his hair before tapping his face roughly. I had to put my hand over my mouth at that. He's such an idiot.
Happy that no one seemed to be awake; John came back over to me and sat down.
"Make you feel better then Al?"
"I can't believe you just did that. Funny but still, what if one of them had woken up?"
"Even if they did, they still wouldn't know what we talked about, would they, so it's fine."
"It's alright sweet cheeks. Anything for you."
I blushed at John and then in my head moaned in embarrassment. But all thoughts stopped when, for some reason, unbeknown to me, John just chuckled at me and leaned over kissing me gently on one of my red cheeks. Obviously when he did that my cheeks brightened even more, and I swear I choked a little. I turned to him, eyes wide with curiosity, but all he did was lean back and smirk at me.
The things he does to me are so questionable at times and right now I want to know exactly why he just kissed me. On the cheek mind you, but a kiss none the less. Does that mean he likes me? I'm looking into this way too much; he's probably just messing with me.
So, instead of asking I just turned to stare at the front before placing my head on the desk since it was cool and I really could use that for my burning face. I closed my eyes, and tried to fall asleep. I didn't even see the strange look that passed over John's face that was obviously directed in my direction, or the smile that was permanently stuck to his face when he saw my blush.
All I thought was I knew I'd be aching when I woke up, all because I left my stupid medication at home because I was in a rush. We'll see how it goes won't we? I hope no one notices if I do feel sick. That would be terrible.
I eventually fell asleep thinking about John because honestly, that boy was so damn confusing and I couldn't just not think about him, especially after all those confusing actions he'd shown towards me a minute ago. I don't know how long I kept my eyes closed for and slept, it must have been longer than I thought because I didn't open them again till I heard Vernon speak.