Secret Untold

A little reunion

New number? Who’s this?

He gulped when hesitantly took his phone from the bed. Fear suddenly crept out on his heart and he wanted to turn it off. His heartbeat increased together with the trembling of his hand.

Please. Not him, please.

He prayed that it wasn’t from the person he thought. He hoped it was one of his friends. Which one? They have already graduated. They didn’t have anything to do with him anymore. They were their selves now, busied with their own problems for being adult. There’s no way they called him in such a situation. It was in the middle of the day and everybody should be at their works. Or did they on their lunch break? Maybe it was really from one of them. He should answer it. He missed them so much. He missed the day when they just wandered around the city for nothing. He missed the day they fought each other for no reason.

“Yeah …” he answered weakly.

“I’m in front of your door. Can I come in?”

Reita? How come he knows my number? I didn’t remember gave him.

Hesitantly he stood up from the bed and walked to the door.

“I mean I’m in front of your room. Aunt Yoshiko let me in few minutes ago but she told me that I have to call you first before I enter your room because she said that you want to be left alone. May I?”

Yamato closed the phone and opened the door to be faced by his childhood friend which stood up awkwardly in front of him. Without words he moved aside, signaled him to come in. And when Reita walked into the room slowly, he closed the door behind him.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in school now? Yamaguchi will scold you if you ditch even just for once. She’s a monster to her heart.”

Reita shrugged. He threw his bag on the floor and dropped himself on the bed and folded his hands under his head. “I’m bored and I wandered around the city when I saw Yuichi’s car moved out from the hospital.” He turned to Yamato “Are you sure you’re okay now? Usually it took at least a week for you to recover from your fever back then.”

Yamato chuckled and moved close to him. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not a child anymore you know. It’s mom who exaggerated everything. It was just a slight of a fever and he called Yuichi who brought me right away to the hospital without checking on me first.”

Raita didn’t give any respond. He was just staring at him from his back.

You fainted. Nobody should check on you first when they know you fainted. Anybody would bring you to the hospital right away if they really knew you. I will do the same if I was the one who found you fainted.

They fell into silent moment for a while. They just stayed there without words, feeling the presence of each other, made them reminiscence their old times. Reita closed his eyes, tried to feel the atmosphere. He missed this kind of situation so much. He smiled slightly when he remembered those times where they were just laying down under a shady tree near the river. No one talked. No one moved. They were just lying down and felt the wind blew their bangs. The feeling of having each other beside them, made them believe that they didn’t need anything more. It’s enough for them being together. Having your best friend stayed beside you always was enough. They didn’t need anything else in the world. They only need that simple thing, being there for each other, no more, no less.

“What were you doing in Ara?”

That question stopped his train of thought. He opened his eyes and saw Yamato from his back. “What were you doing in Akadou?’ He asked him back. “We promised to go to Aoshiba back then.”

“Ah, I forgot.”

A pillow threw at him right after he said it.

“People said you went to an only boy school down town. A school contained delinquents only. I went there because I thought you were there. But you weren’t. Before I realized it I’ve already drown in their behavior and couldn’t save my own self.”

“Stupid.”

Suddenly Reita strangled him on the bed. “Do you think whose fault is this? You made me joined those stupid persons who only cared about fighting. You made me colored my beautiful hair. You made me forgot that I have a very smart brain. And you left me to wander around that stupid school for almost two years just to find you.”

Yamato laughed out his heart when Reita tickled him hard. He tried hard to release himself from the attack but Reita was too strong for him. He made him stayed still in his place and continued tickling him.

“And when finally I found you in Akadou, you have already made friends and I was feeling being left. I’m angry with you, don’t you know that? Am I jealous? Yes, I am. Why you able to stand up from your drowning while I can’t?”

“That’s because we have a great teacher to pull us up.” Yamato yelled at him between his laughter.

Reita stopped his attack. He then lay down beside Yamato. “You’re right. She’s a great teacher. Akadou is lucky to have such a teacher. I’m really lucky for being kicked from Ara and moved to Akadou. I found you, and I found a really interesting teacher. A teacher who’s willing to understand us thoroughly.”

“You won’t find that kind of teacher everywhere. Even in Aoshiba.”

“Yeah …, I guess you’re right.”

They fell into silence for a moment before Yamato sat up again. “I missed the old days. “He said it weakly. “The days when we spend our time freely. The days when we don’t have any responsibility for anything. The days when we only think about ourselves.”

Reita stared at him silently. Yamato looked so lonely. What happened to you? What are you hiding from anyone? Why don’t you let it out? Why are you trying hard to hide it? Why don’t you try to tell someone? Why don’t you try to tell me? Like the old days when you always spilled everything to me?

“Hey ..” Hesitated, Reita finally decided to ask. “Will you tell me now why you chose Akadou?”

Yamato stood up. He walked to the window and looking down at the green park below. His mother’s roses were blooming beautifully. He smiled bitterly. “Can we not talking about that now?”

“When? You’ve been hiding it for years. At least, let it out little by little. And let’s start with the reason why you turned to choose Akadou? You betrayed me. I need to know why you did that.”

Yamato turned to him and smiled. “I’m sorry for hurting you then. I’m sorry for making you colored you hair. I’m sorry for making you through days like hell in Ara. I’m sorry for making you …, as you are now.”

“That’s not what I want to hear from you, Yamato. You do understand what I mean. I need to know your reason.”

Yamato fell into silence for a moment. Slowly he walked out to the balcony. He breathed the fresh air in and closed his eyes, tried to feel the spring breeze that caressed his face. “The cherry is starting to bloom. It must be very beautiful next week.”

Reita followed behind him. “Yamato, please.”

Yamato turned to him and smiled. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything. Can we talk about something else?”

Reita stunned. His hand clenched into a fist in his pockets. “I don’t want to talk about something else right now. I’m here because I want to talk about you.”

Again, Yamato smiled to him. “Please?”

Reita gritted his teeth. “Then I’m going home.” And with that he turned over and walked out the room.

“Reita.” Yamato called him and almost ran after him but he stopped right in front of his closed door. After a silence he went back to his bed and lied down. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know that I’ve hurt you too. I’m sorry.” He whispered weakly. His tears fell down and he cried in silence. I really made everybody suffered with everything I did. I should’ve been here longer than now. I should’ve disappeared.

Reita stood up in front of the door for a while. He wanted to go back to the room but decided to not. He saw it. He couldn’t forget Yamato’s eyes when he saw him. It was full of hurt and sadness. He wanted to grab him to his embrace but he also knew that Yamato would refuse it now. And he failed to make him talk. He knew from the very start that he would fail but still, it hurt him so much when he knew that Yamato wouldn’t spill anything to him. It meant that he didn’t trust him enough.

I want him back. I want my cheerful Yamato back. I want my so honest Yamato back to me. I want him back so we can share everything like we used to be. I want him back. But how? He locked everything in his heart and tried hard to not ever let anyone to even see it. He pulled himself to his own world which nobody could enter. What should I do?


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