Keep Me Sane (Shizaya Fanfic)


2 Weeks Later:

(Shizuo's POV)

Izaya and the other patients at the burnt down asylum have been transferred to an abandoned asylum down north. The abandoned asylum is even farther away from the city, it's as isolated as ever.

By the time the police got to the scene to track down whoever was responsible for starting the fire, all the cameras have been smashed. Props to Izaya and me for smashing every camera's lenses with a baseball bat. Since the police had no concrete evidence to arrest the most reasonable suspect, which was Izaya, he was off the hook. And for Mr. K's death, Izaya convincingly lied to the police about his death being a so called "accident."

After the patients settled down in the other asylum, Izaya invited me to go see the remains of the old asylum. And so, here we are...

"Waah~" Izaya exclaimed, "The asylum looks way better like this!"

I took a good, long look at the asylum. Windows were shattered, ash was everywhere, and even the door to the entrance was missing. We walk around the exterior and I can see Mr. K's now stained blood smeared on the ground. We make a loop around the asylum until we were back at the start.

"Wanna go in?" I suggested.

"Sure!" Izaya ran in.

I follow him and we make it to the courtyard. Izaya stops at a tree and stares at something. Half of the tree was burnt off and the other half was barely standing.

"Look!" Izaya traces the carving, "I + S, remember that?"

"Of course I do," I went over to him.

(Izaya's POV)

I step back so Shizu-chan can look at the carving. I stood up straighter and took a deep breath. The air smells fresher without the stench of other people.


Who was that?!

I'm talking to you stupid.

Who are you?

What are you talking about? Did you already forget me? I'm Izaya.

As in...

Yup! The one who guides you through your breakdowns!

Get out of my mind!

Haha, even if I wanted to, I'll be stuck with you forever.

Get out!

I just wanted to remind you about something!


You'll be having a breakdown soon!


Don't worry! I'll be the one physically and mentally controlling your body! But your soul gets to stay and watch the whole thing!


Hmm, I'll give you a few seconds.

My chest suddenly feels a lot lighter, it's like the other me left. I look at my hand, it was trembling, I glance over at Shizu-chan. I'm scared. What's going to happen to me?

"S-Shizu-chan!" My voice croaks out.

! I felt like there was something in the waistband of my pants. I traced the outline of the item with my hand... It was- ! I clutch onto my shirt. It was getting harder to breathe. My chest feels tight and I feel like my lungs would explode any minute. My throat was dry, I tried to cough it out, but after every cough my throat just kept getting worse and worse. My vision is blurring, I want to black out, but even though I'm mentally ready to black out, my body won't let me.

It's time.

The other me is in control.

(Shizuo's POV)

"What is it?" I ask.

There was no response from Izaya. He was kneeling on the ground.

"Izaya?" I knelt down beside him.

Izaya suddenly stands up, still gripping onto the side of his chest. He looks up at the sky and lets his arm drop.

"Iza-!" He pushes me onto the ground.

Izaya's eyes were soulless yet they were burning with fire. It's not him anymore.

It's staring, it'll be the same old conversation, the same old voice in his tone, the same old Izaya. Now it all depends on how I answer his questions. One mistake and I lose.

(Izaya's POV)

"Hey Shizuo, isn't life like a game?" I start to ask him.

"Hmm? Yeah I guess, I mean I treat life like a game." He shrugs.

"Ehh?" I drowned the sound of my voice, "So you confirmed it right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hey Shizuo, you said you treated life like a game right? Right?" I tilt my head.

"Yeah... Like 2 seconds ago, what about it?-"

"So it's ok if I do this right?" I cocked a gun straight to his forehead.

My head was empty. All of my emotions for him, they were forcibly thrown out. I don't know what I'm doing. I try to control my own body, but it's no use. What am I supposed to do?

"-Hey wait! Where's you get that?!" He raises his voice.

"If you treat life like a game then you should be able to revive right? You should be able to restart the level right?" Izaya looks at me straight in the eyes with a wide grin.

"Tch..." He smiles, "You really did turn into a monster."

"Insanity is good, it keeps me sane." I place my finger on the trigger.

He closes his eyes.

Aha! I was gradually gaining control of my body. Will I make it in time?

"Hey Shizu-chan..." I grit my teeth, "Game over."


(Shizuo's POV at the same time)

Ahh, looks like Izaya finally cracked.

"You really did turn into a monster." It hurts to smile but I did anyways.

"Insanity is good, it keeps me sane." He begins.

Of course it's good, I knew it all along.

Izaya grits his teeth.

Yes, hate me. Hate me forever.

I look at him once more in the eyes and I close my own.

Looks like I couldn't save you huh? You've lost it, but it's ok... So are we going to end this never-ending cycle once and for all? Hey Izaya, you know that I love you right? I love your childish ways, I love the smirk you put on that I could never hack off your face. I love your darker personality too. I love how incomplete you are, and I especially love how you were able to accept me, the me who's been playing with your emotions over and over again. Gosh I'm such a coward, I can't even say this out loud to your face...

Izaya, I love you.

Izaya clears his throat, "Hey Shizu-chan, game over."

My eyes were fully shut.







I don't feel pain.

I open one eye, then the other. Izaya lays on the ground motionless. What caught my eye was the hole in his head. Blood slowly streams out of his forehead and I crawled over to him. I cringe at the sight and pick him up.

You didn't have to- NO! You can't die!

Tears start to flood through and my vision becomes hazy.

Why can't you just kill me? This is going on for too long. This is the same outcome every single time. No matter how many times I try to change the ending, it always stay the same!

One by one, everything starts to disappear. The asylum, the sky, and then the world. We were in a black space of emptiness. The only thing left was Izaya and me.

I suddenly burst out, "Of course my life has been a whole game!" My voice echoed in the vast space. "No matter what I do I can never make it!" I scream at Izaya as if he were still alive.

Just then, something appears, it's the same 7 letter word that I've came across too many times that I've lost count. The RESTART button flashes in red and I stare at it.

I look down at Izaya who was still in my arms.

Maybe this time I can save you.

I lightly touch the button with my fingertips and paused for a second.

No- This time... I'll definitely save you!

I press the button

I stood at the entrance of the asylum, I go in and the same scene happens. I get assigned to Orihara Izaya, the infamous patient around here. I go into his room and Mr. K. introduces me to him. Mr. K. leaves us so we can spend the time getting to know each other. Once we were alone, I walked up to him.

"Hello Orihara-san, I'm Heiwajima Shizuo," I held out my hand to Izaya.

"Hmm..." He scratches his chin, "Sh-Shi-Shi- Ah! I got it! It'll be Shizu!" He snaps.

"Eh?" I leaned closer to him.

"I'll call you Shizu-chan!" He grins.

"So what do I call you?" I sigh.

"Easy!" He points at himself, "Just call me Izaya."


[A/N: So if you found yourself confused at the end, you may wanna read this.

Alright so Shizuo has been living in a "game" I guess. He's gone over the same thing for countless of times, but still gets the same ending (which is Izaya dying). So in hopes, every time he gets to the ending of the "game" Shizuo hopes that Izaya is willing enough to kill him, and if Shizuo dies, then the "game" is done. Meaning he didn't get the bad end where Izaya dies. Unfortunately, in the last few sentences in Izaya's POV, Izaya mentions that he's slowly regaining control over his body. Just to be clear the "other" Izaya that controls him through breakdowns wants to kill Shizuo. But the real Izaya loves Shizuo too much that he would sacrifice his own life. Therefore Shizuo ends up with the same ending over and over again. Hope this clears up your confusion!]

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