Keep Me Sane (Shizaya Fanfic)


"Can you leave us alone for a while Mr. K?" I told him in a serious tone.

Mr. K notices the heavy atmosphere and begins taking his leave. I watch him close the door and I look at Izaya. I see him standing, his eyes were a bottomless, empty black pit. I felt them piercing through me, it was like there was no soul in him. Izaya still had his hand out and it pains me not to shake it. I grit my teeth in frustration.

"Do you-" My voice was shaking, "Do you really not remember me?"

"Not at all," Izaya pulls his hand back, "Have you seen me before?"

"Of course I did," I smile miserably, "I've taken care of you, but for some reason, you don't remember anymore."

"I see," Izaya sits walks to his bed and sits cross-legged, "Say, if it's not a bother, can you tell me the memories we've shared?"

A series of memories flash in my eyes and I hold back my tears. I sit beside him on the bed.

"...Alright..." My voice croaks out.

Hours have passed and I've just notice that it was now night time. I realized that there were so much things that have happened when I first met him. I left out parts such as the kiss or the nickname "Shizu-chan." I see no point in telling him about this part in our relationship, it's worthless to force him into a relationship like that right after he just lost his memories.

"So..." Izaya starts off, "I was this person with two different personalities, one was a bubbly, yet sarcastic person and the other was a psychotic killing machine?" He confirms.

"That's right."

He chuckles which surprises me for a moment because for the past hours or so, he hasn't shown any emotion of some sort.

"Is it really that funny?" I pat his head.

"Of course, it's refreshing to see you talk about me, you look so happy."

"I-Is that so?" I scratch my chin and slightly blush.

"I wonder what it's like to be in your shoes and see how you view the world," Izaya stares into my eyes.

"It probably isn't that exciting, I'm sometimes viewed as a monster to other people," I force out a smile.

Izaya stays quiet for a second, "Well then that's something we both have in common."


"What if..." Izaya stares out the window, "What if I had my memories? What if I remember everything I did with you? Would you still smile like before, would you smile in pain? But I've already became a completely different person. What if you don't accept who I am right now? Do you still want to see the old Izaya? Would you rather see someone who has emotions than this freak sitting beside you?"

I couldn't even find the answers to these questions that Izaya was desperately trying to ask. I see a tear roll down his cheek and he begins to cry quietly.

"W-Why do I feel so cold inside?" He looks straight at me, "Why do I feel so emp...ty...?"

Izaya breaks down into more tears and I pull him into an embrace.

"Just remember that I'm never going to leave you. I know that somewhere deep down inside of you, you still carry the memories we've shared. I won't give you up for the world," I hug him even tighter.

I walked back home after my shift ended, my t-shirt was still wet from Izaya's tears. I think back to what happened today.

Something wasn't right, Izaya can't possibly lose his memories. I still remember the file I read about him and there were no records on amnesia. There is a million in one chance for him to lose his memories after the breakdown. He's had so many breakdowns, but why would he lose his memories now? There were many unanswered questions that needed to be answered. And I'm planning to figure them out.

I go to work a bit early than usual to see if Izaya's ok after last night.

"Izaya," I knock on his door, "I'm coming in."

It seems as if he just finished dressing up. I see Izaya quickly pulling down on his long-sleeve shirt. I half expected him to blush, but what I didn't expect to see was his stomach area to be covered in bandages.

"Izaya what happened?!" I panicked.

"I-It's no big deal," he reassures me, but fails to make eye contact.

"It is a big deal," I said in a stern voice.

"No it isn't-," Izaya waves me off, "I just...fell," he looks at me apologetically.

I feel unsure about this, but I let it slide.

"Hey, do you wanna eat outside?" I change the topic.

"You have food?" He asks emotionlessly, but there's a small spark in his eyes.

"Yeah, let's go," I motion him to come follow me.

"Wait!" He tugs on my sleeve.

"What is it?"

"Carry me," he spreads out his arms.

"E-Eh? Do you remember?" I ask in astonishment, I feel my heart tightening.

"Remember what?" He tilts his head, "I felt like trying this out for no reason."

I felt disappointed and mad at myself for getting my hopes up.

We go outside and sit on Izaya's bench. I led him near the tree which had the "I + S = 3" carving on. I lightly trace the carving on my finger.

"You did this you know?" I informed him.

"R-Really?!" Izaya looks at the carving in disbelief.

"It's the truth," I nodded.

Izaya goes closer to the tree and gazed at the carving. He goes through the tracing with his finger. I watch him more intently and I could tell that Izaya's eyes were staring off at the distance.

"L-Let's go eat," I try to lighten the mood.

We sit back down on the bench.

"Did you have breakfast yet?" I asked him.

"Yup, I had a light breakfast," he notified me.

"Then I guess it's ok for you to eat this," I take out a box.

"Hmm?" He looks at me with curiosity.

I opened the box which revealed a slice of strawberry cheesecake. At the corner of my eye, I could see Izaya's eyes twinkle with delight. Seeing him like that brings a smile on my face. Izaya cuts a small piece of cheesecake with his fork and brings it forward to my face.

"Open up wide Heiwajima-san," with a blank expression, Izaya opens up his mouth to demonstrate.

I felt like blushing, but I did what I was told to.

"A-Ahhh," I say in embarrassment.

He then accidentally misses my mouth and brings it back to his mouth. He slowly eats the piece of cheesecake while staring at me with a smug face.

"Why you sly fox," I pinch his cheeks.

Once again, he does the unpredictable and starts to laugh. I begin to feel the heat against my cheeks.

"My apologies, my reflexes just told me to do that," Izaya shows a peace sign.

"Apologies my ass..." I growl at him.

"Well, I'm not too sure myself," he tilts his head and stares at me.

His eyes cast a spell on me and I couldn't bring myself to look away.

Izaya caresses my cheek, "It just feels... nostalgic..."

I stay quiet and Izaya lets his hand drop down from my cheek. We just looked at each other. Moments have passed and Izaya was the first to break the silence.

"...Sh...zu-chan..." He mumbles under his breath.

"E-Eh?!" My heart begins beating faster.

Intrigued, Izaya says it louder, "Shizu-chan..."

"Where did you h-hear that from?" I frantically ask.

"Not sure, it just came to me," he turns away and looks at the sky.

"W-What are you going to do with that n-name?" I stutter.

Still looking at the sky he continues, "Hey Heiwajima-san..." He turns and faces me, "Can I call you Shizu-chan?"

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