Keep Me Sane (Shizaya Fanfic)


(Shizuo's POV)

Every time I see I Izaya he keeps on getting paler and paler. And today he didn't even mutter a single word to me or to anyone. He just sat on the corner of his bed and hugged his knees. Right now, I'm getting some juice for Izaya, although he might not even accept it.

Before I go back to Izaya's room, I take a detour to Mr. K's office. It's time to play the dense guy and discuss about Izaya with Mr. K.

"Mr. K?" I knock on his door, "You in here?"

Mr. K. opens the door, "Oh Heiwajima-san! Welcome, take a seat."

I sat on a chair that was nearest to the exit, "Can we talk about Izaya?"

"Sure," Mr. K. closes the door and sits on his office chair.

"Um, doesn't he seem paler to you?"

"Eh? He does?" Mr. K. acts surprised.

You fucking piece of shit-

"I'm sure about it, does he get enough food to eat?" I contain my anger.

"Of course, I always make sure that Orihara-san gets enough to eat." For a brief second I saw him smirk.

You two-faced cunt-

"Oh and I wonder if he'll ever get his memory back, is it temporary amnesia or permanent amnesia?" I gritted my teeth.

Or is it actually brainwash?

"Let's hope that it's not permanent, should I help Orihara-san too? I mean, for only one person to look after him, I know he's a troublemaker, but give him a chance." Mr. K. pretends to show sympathy for Izaya.

Geez, you talk like I've already given up on him...

"It's ok, your help won't be needed, I can handle it!" I smile like it's nothing, "Actually, I have to go back now, thanks for the talk." I start to walk out.

"Alright, have fun!" Mr. K. says in a low tone.

"I feel like there was a few words missing to that," I shifted my head at him.

"Hm?" Mr. K. tilts his head.

I give him a sly grin, "I think you meant to say: Have fun, while you can."

Mr. K. sat there, speechless.

"Right?" I confirmed.

"Haha... Heiwajima-san you sure are funny..." Mr. K. breaks out in a sweat.


Once I close his door, I slam the side of my fist on the wall. Dammit! I let my anger get the best of me.

(Mr. K's POV)

Shit... Shit, shit, shit! That fuckhead Shizuo!

I start to throw things off my desk and onto the floor.

How did he figure me out!? Ahh, it'll all end soon, no worries.

I sit back on my chair and stare at the mess on the ground.

Nooooo worries...

(Izaya's POV)

A shiver went down my spine. What's happening?! Just then, Shizu-chan walks in and smiles. His smile could melt me away if I weren't stuck in this depressing situation. I hug my knees tighter but loosen my grip soon after. I was so weak that I couldn't even hold onto myself.

"I got you some juice," Shizu-chan hands me a juice box.

I slowly reach for it but I pull back afterwards. I was too scared to drink, eat, or talk. How pathetic of me. I hid my face between my arms. Shizu-chan suddenly sat on the bed beside me.

Shizu-chan sighs and opens the juice box, "Sorry, you can hit me later."

He started to drink the juice but held the remaining liquid inside his mouth. He gazed at me and I shot up. Shizu-chan beamed and went up to me.

"H-Hold on-" My voice was hoarse.

Shizu-chan didn't listen and pressed his lips onto mine. He transferred the juice into my mouth, leaving me no choice but to swallow it.

"I-Idiot!" I covered my blushing face.

"All better?" He ruffles my hair.

I was left astonished, "C-Can I have a hug...?"

"You can have whatever you want," Shizu-chan extended his arms out.

I dragged myself closer to him and wrapped my arms around his chest. Oh how I craved warmth, more importantly, I desired for Shizu-chan.

"When was the last time you did something like this?" He hugged back.

(Shizuo's POV)

"Izaya, I'm here," I open his door.

Izaya was still sleeping. Hmm, so Mr. K. didn't even bother to try and do something to Izaya this morning. Serves him right! I sat on his bed and started to comb through his hair with my fingers. I spotted something on the back of his neck that I shouldn't have. What's this? It was a hickey. Oh, so something did happen last night. I should've known, Mr. K. was near Izaya's room once my shift ended. Damn that sneaky rat.

"Mmm," Izaya opens one eye.

"Did I wake you up?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "I had a dream."

"What kind?"

"About my previous self, you know, when I didn't have amnesia," Izaya says sleepily.

"Um- Do you mind telling me?" I ask, my voice wavering.

Izaya stays quiet.

"Uh! Actually, you don't have to-"

He shakes his head again, "I don't mind."

"O-Ok..." I let my voice trail off.

Izaya closes his eyes and starts off, "Do you ever wonder what my old self felt during a breakdown? Well, I did, and I got my answer."

"How was it?" I continued to brush through his hair.

"It's like being in my own little world. The feeling of enragement, despair, hate, and agony lingering around in the air. But don't forget about love, love was the only thing that told me to keep on going. To not give up! " Izaya opens his eyes.

"But in my world, love was only a petty little feeling. So I let all my other emotions swallow me up instead. But even if that happens, I don't scream for help, I don't even try, I just... don't care. I'm-" Izaya started to hesitate.

"I'm (not) okay with this. I knew immediately that my happiness isn't worth fighting for. So in return for my demoralized state, I let something switch inside of me. Oh, I know! I'll just remove any unnecessary emotions. I just need to let myself go through all the pain. But even better, I'll let my mind devour it." Izaya closes his eyes again.

"Because when my mind consumes the pain. I find myself the most relaxed at that state. You can even be relaxed enough to kill, to fight, or to gouge someone's eye out. But then that's when I realize..."

Izaya was trembling.

"... I'm in my own little world again..."

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