7. The end and the means
7. The end and the means
Sakura got out of bath, singing along Toxicfrom Britney Spears coming from her laptop. She loved that song and couldn't help but dance to it. The song amazingly reflected her mood of the day.
She turned to the tall mirror beside the door and smiled at her slim form. Slowly and tentatively, her hand went up to her belly, caressing where live was springing. Instantly the image of the father came to her mind. Today they had a date, and just thinking about it filled her with butterflies fluttering inside and out her body. The guy just made her like crazy.
He was like a star or a model that landed in the wrong side of the country. It made her giggled because everything felt like a damn movie, where she was the main character living something incredible and he was that hot lead actor making you all hot and bother, making you envy and hate the lead female –he was that goof.
Sasuke was so mysterious and cool, and so, so hot it broke her heart. She had never been attracted to anyone that much. There was so much to know about… he always seemed to be so far away, out of reach.
Now that she was part of his life and had met his ex, she could understand some of the puzzle he was. But it wasn't enough because she wanted more; she longed for all of his being and story.
She could save him if he let her do, and because he needed to be saved. If she could have had a doubt about the drama of his life, their first encounter had been sufficient proof of that.
"I'm so happy that my parents bought that big flat for us. We'll be roommate!" Ino beamed
"I don't know… I prefer my independence" Sakura teased
"Come on, you should definitely come. You'll have a good place to live with no charge!"
"Man, I'm not a leech" she giggled and rolled her eyes
"Sometimes I wonder how we are friends. It's like you didn't care" Ino pouted
"I do care, I do…" Sakura said with a thoughtful air "It's just I'm like –I don't know it's like something is missing"
"Where the hell did you get that one? You sound like TSTL heroine from those stupid romance books. Yikes" Ino grimace with a finger on her tongue
"Yeah, Ino we all know you get excited by chirurgical intervention's video" Sakura rolled her eyes "you forget I'm the best of our-"
Her breath got caught by a hard bump.
"Hey!" Ino screamed "The hell is your fucking problem?"
Sakura angrily looked up while massaging her elbow "You could at least excuse your-" she started screaming but her breath caught for a second time
His face made aggressive butterflies attack her belly. She didn't usually read or approve romance novels' cliché but something like instant love crossed her mind. She just blushed and held his gaze until he went away without excusing his self. His expression of despair and sorrow as if he had all the problems of the world never left her mind since then.
How could someone this handsome be this desperate?
Ino stayed as speechless as Sakura until his tall frame disappeared.
Still under Sasuke's effect,
her belly churned in a good way while she was playing with her cereal. His face was almost reflecting in the mini pool of her milk, and a giggle escaped her. Love could render one stupid. She felt stupid and loved that.
She chocked a little cry of joy.
"How did you meet with the father of your kid?"
Her mother just knew how to burst her bubble. How annoying! She's much happier when her parents weren't around –maybe she'd take Ino's proposition, even if it was nine months old.
"Mom… I already told you" she moaned "stop being so annoying"
"First of all don't talk to me like that! I'm your mother! And secondly, you're the one who made a mistake, not me. You shouldn't even talk"
"If you don't want me to talk fine"
"Don't be a smart mouth now, will you? I asked you a question" her mother yelled, her strong personality showing off "And you'd better don't lie"
"I bumped into him –instant love and bla"
'God!' She couldn't help but scream mentally 'when will she shut up!'
"Oh gosh… we met by accident one day."
"You're hiding me things. Speak now!"
"Ino already washed my dirty laundry in front of you. Tsk! She can't close her stupid blond mouth"
"Oh mom! You already know. What the use?" she sighed exaggeratedly while going to the sink to wash her bowl
"So it's true you found him get beaten"
Sakura was getting angry with time. She knew her mother too well, and as much as she knew herself –she wasn't going to take her mother talking dirty on Sasuke.
"A lout! Couldn't you do better than that?"
"Louts! Criminality is increasing every day, and people get assaulted every hour mom! It could have been you! And I would have wished for someone to save you too!" Sakura angrily shouted back
"… and he could have been aggressed because he belongs to a gang or he does drugs" she bit back angrily
"Fine, I don't see what else I have to say since you're too stubborn"
"Mother! You're my mother I know! But there's limit! I love him mom, I love him more than anything else! I feel so empty when he's not there"
Even surrounded by her friends, even around her family, she missed him every second. Her mother had been in love too. Couldn't she understand her?
"This is not healthy. You've a family! Friends!"
"So? I still feel lonely and I've always! And now that I found the man of my life you just act like that"
"I'm protecting you from your own self and him. Many stupid little girls dream every day of 'love' and when a cunny bandit discovers how crazy in love they are of them, they used it against them. Look at you talking about him -it's clear he had brainwashed you"
"If you knew him you'd never said that! He never tried to brainwash me. On the contrary, he had been keeping me away"
"Of course! He knows he's hiding something"
"Mom! Gosh, you're insufferable as dad said"
"What? Oh he's going to hear about me that one! And you-"
"I wouldn't be living here. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be still living here"
"What was I saying? Brainwashed! That lout –yes I said it, lout! He gets you pregnant, acts like an irresponsible father and leaves your family to take care of that fetus, but you think he's cool and honest? That's so stupid! And you think I don't know you help him meet Yamato for a job? Not only is he a cunny gigolo, and an irresponsible father but he's a profiteer -where do you think you're going like that? Stay there!" her mother grabbed her arm and continued shouting on her "That kind of guys always choose girls from rich family to suck out their money! He's using you and when he'll be finished, he'll throw you aside. Don't you see you're too much naïve?"
"No I'm neither naïve, nor stupid" Sakura answered with trembling lips but a strong voice "I'm the first in my entire department dammit! I never had been rebel and always kept the image of a good girl so you could show off to your friends!"
"I'm not showing you off! I'm just proud of-"
"If!" She screamed over her mom voice to cut her short "If spending your money on me disturb dad or you, don't worry I'll refund all of your dear money. If you want to throw me out, fine! I don't give shit"
"I'm trying to protect you; you're my only child for god sake! You're pregnant of a lowlife! He didn't have a job and get beaten –what if those guys were his partners in crime? That's what being innocent means and you need protect-"
"I'm stupid I get it! I got pregnant I get it! He didn't know about the pregnancy and didn't remember!"
"What the… Oh my gosh!"
"Let go of me!"
"Honey, what's going on?" her father came
Sakura finally snatched her hand away and went upstairs. She slammed her door shut, not caring about her father plea or mother yells. She didn't care about anything and couldn't care less about all of their mockeries or said friendly warnings. She didn't care about all of those scandalmongers!
She lay on her back and looked up at the mirror nailed to her ceiling. That had been a gift from her mother for her sixteenth birthday. Her expression was so pale and livid. Why did her mother have to be like that? And her father who never defended her! Sometimes she wished she had no parents!
Only Sasuke and that baby made her feel good and hopeful… it didn't start as a fairy-tale-like story but she had it all now… the boy and his baby. Means didn't matter but the end. All that was important above everything was Sasuke and their child living in her womb.
"Sasuke-kun? Are you there?"
The scenery was scary. She knew some people wanted him and tried to kill him. If that day she didn't honk and scream; those guys wouldn't have run away. Ever since that day, the wilder her feelings became the worrier she was that anything bad would happen to him. She was mesmerized by him.
As time went on, they somewhat became friends and she would come by, like today. She especially made an extra effort to come every day because he definitely needed help. He was always drinking and had that empty air on his face. He looked so lost. His state of scruffiness wasn't healthy, but she'd be there for him.
He needed someone.
Sakura remembered that shy girl easily. The dark haired girl always looked sad and she would wonder what they did together because she seemed boring like a wall. She had nothing positive to talk about -besides big breasts. Well, that's the only thing she envied on her, if Sasuke wasn't considered.
Every time they met, the girl would look down and do as if she didn't know her –well, it was true. The girl seemed meek and fragile, but that never stopped Sakura from dreaming, fantasying and coveting her boyfriend.
She wasn't that girl's friend, and Sasuke was too tempting.
So when that girl married an older rich man four month ago, her feelings were mixed. She was happy that her rival was offside, but her heart was broken whenever she saw him in that state.
That's why her heart was broken when she saw the state of his living room. The place was untidy, and empty bottles littered the floor. Sakura hoped so much that one day he'd get up from his nightmare. Sighing, she joined his room where he was drowsing with a half-filled bottle in hand.
Their eyes met for a second, and what she saw in them made her stomach dropped to the pit of her belly like a heavy stone in water.
"Why did you do that to me?"
When Sakura bent to his level, he grabbed her fist and pulled her to him.
"Why did you do that to me Hinata? I loved you so much! Why didn't you come back to me?"
"Sasuke-kun… it is not-"
"I swear that I can do anything for you! Why is it not enough? ... Hinata"
Sasuke cut her off with an angry and bruising kiss. Her mind was screaming that wasn't right but her body couldn't help but surrender to his rough yet sensual treatment. All that time he called her Hinata, while exorcising his anger, his pain and his longing on her, she accepted and received all of it.
Even as her mind was protesting, her body was gushing for him.
He was an amazing lover. All her life she had always played it safe, never daring but this time she'd let go. Regrets would be for tomorrow. Now she would let him make her reach cloud nine.
And finally he came. His eyes were still dark and filled with anger.
"I swear you won't run away from me…"
He sucked her lips hard before lying on top of her. With what strength she was left with, Sakura moved him aside softly. Too tired to go back home, she lay on his chest and slowly slipped away to the sweet world of dreams….
She remembered their first time as if it was yesterday. But every time she remembered it, something unsolved always came back: when she woke up the next morning to make breakfast for both of them, the door was gaping wide for anyone to enter. Stranger even was that earlier that night, a feminine frame had been looming over them. It was a pale skinned person with long black hair, if her memory didn't play her tricks. She never talked about that with Sasuke though.
There was chance it had been her mind going insane from all her excitement. Like now, as she was unable to stay put.
Today she had a date with Sasuke and not even her violent quarrel with her mother would ruin her happiness. She was there in that cozy and warm restaurant, with her perfect makeup and dress, waiting for him. Sakura readjusted her beige flouncing dress and reapplied her glossy lipstick.
Oh, she remembered the surprise he did to her yesterday. Orikoyomio was a pretty popular bar amongst students and even some professors from her medical school. She usually went there to meet with friends and classmates to relax. Thus the place was familiar to the point of boredom sometimes.
So how big was her surprise to see him walk through those doors? -pretty much breathtaking. He was as hot as ever; making the plainest of outfits look like it came from a designer's house -hard not to spot him with all the gushing females whispering around her.
When her eyes felt on him, she blushed and never then skipped even one second of staring at him from afar.
All evening, she had been wondering what he's doing there but never approaching him because she didn't want her classmates to know about them -too much drama. No one knew about her pregnancy and it was fine already to have her mother and Ino ruining her life. What definitely kept her from joining him though was when Ino approached his pool's table.
With an unhappy heart, she stayed where she was while stealing glimpse of Sasuke. Finally, he went out and she released the air that had been caught in her lungs. Even when he exited, she still stared at him. She saw how he rubbed his neck, subtly stretched before texting on his phone. It instantly made her jealous until her phone rang.
From: Hatake Sasuke
Are you free tomorrow? Wanna talk
She screamed and moved in every direction, not caring at all about the curious eyes set on her. She breathed repeatedly and focused on relaxing every part of her body and then she typed carefully her answer.
From: Haruno Sakura
She jumped on her seat and finally breathed like a drama queen when a friend of hers asked her to cool down while laughing with her.
Still light like butterflies' wing, an idea crossed her mind: what if he came here because he knew she'd be there? After all, it was the first time he ever came there and he directly texted her after failing to properly talk with her. It was crazy but plausible and that delicious thought cradled her through the night until her mother pierced her bubble that morning.
Their story was real for her, not matter what others had to say.
Stirring clear of yesterday memories, she saw Sasuke entered the restaurant they had a date at. He had a gray sweater and a dark vest on. She was surprise to see him so formal. Whatever this meant, her imaginative mind was far gone.
"Y-you look good Sasuke-kun"
The understatement of the century!
"Thank you. You like nice"
"T-thank you… so… what is the vest for?"
"I have an important meeting"
"Oh! For work?"
"We can say that"
"I hope I'm not keeping you from your business"
"I had planned this to be longer but I had a late encounter yesterday that changed everything"
"It's fine by me"
"Okay. I'll treat"
"Thank you… Sasuke-kun"
They quickly make their orders but she was disappointed when Sasuke just asked for water and wouldn't stop looking at that damn phone. She felt the urge to snatch it away and to crash it into a wall. Or better even, she mentally made anyone waiting for him disappear from this world –just mentally, but it felt satisfying all the same.
"Um, when I saw you that day… what was that? Who attacked you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I-I… I don't mean anything but… I have to know. You never tell me anything"
"I never tell you anything because you are not concerned"
"How… You're my child's father. You're part of my family now. Of course I'm concerned" she tried again and laid a hand over his bigger one
"I know that and that's why I texted you. I'm not ready for any type of relationship. My life's fucked up and unstable and honestly as things are now… I don't have any kind of feelings for you. Not yet"
She would have preferred that he was like her mother said. Thousands lies were worth more than one truth through those lips… Sakura'd have preferred if he made fake promises than that because it stung as hell.
Sakura chocked a sob and swallowed her heart.
"I'm sorry. I'm being rude but things are better with honesty. I could tell you to wait, that maybe I'd be more disposed with time but I don't want you to waste your time on me. If I'm ready one day and that you're already with someone else, so be it. As for now though, I won't make promises."
"What about the baby?"
"I want to be present for it"
"She's a girl" she muttered, hiding her face
"I want to be present for her."
"I've got to go" Sakura mumbled again "I don't feel well"
"You did have other expectations"
"Of course and… and… I love you Sasuke-kun"
"I'll wait for you –don't say another word." She put her fingers against his lips, lingered there for his breathe to caress her skin "We are both adults –you make your own choices and I make mine. I know I can make you feel good. I know… this is not just coincidence but we had to meet, and I love you"
"I don't ask you to say it back –I had to tell you before you make any choice." She shrugged lazily, hiding her turmoil "I know that you somehow still have feeling for Hinata and that's what is keeping you from opening. But I don't judge you –of course it doesn't matter if I do or not! It's just… it's just that I need you to open to me… so I could help you…
You know I'm right but that girl is crazy. She's crazy and you'll eventually realize that -and I'll be there." she was crying now
Before Sasuke could speak, his phone rang and she read 'Itachi' on his lips. He looked back up with his eternal calm expression.
"I think everything has been said. Let me know what you need for the baby -or anything else"
He put a brutal end to her dream but she knew she just had to wait… she saw it as he exited the restaurant with his phone at his ear –their future, with that Hinata out of the picture.
Sometimes, the end really justified the means. That was her story, and he'd be hers at the end.