Am I A Ghost Or Real?

Fall For You

Light. Who let light into my bedroom?

It's saturday. My day off. Which means sleep in. No morning jog, no morning calls, no morning training, just me and my bed. So why aren't my drapes closed?

Why is the light seeping into my room?

I Stir a bit, trying to get myself to fully wake up.

Why is my bed softer than usual?

Why does it smell different? Better?

Why does it smell like Holly?

I lift my hands from under the covers, in hope to pull myself up.

Why's my bed breathing?

My hand just touched something!

Shit! Boobs!

That automatically wakes me up. I jolt my hand away and open my eyes.

Holly.

I'm on top of Holly.

My head's on her shoulder, one of my legs is straddling her and lodged in between her legs, and my arm is now around her waist.

I guess we fell asleep during the second movie.

We fell asleep on her comfy big couch.

We fell asleep cuddling.

I fell asleep in Holly's arms.

Should I stay where I lay?

God she smells so good. And she's so warm. I never want to leave. I'm staying right where I am.

I lift myself up a bit to look at her. She's sleeping so peacefully. She's just so beautiful. Somehow this feels unreal. Being here with her is like a dream.

This was supposed to be just a job. I wash't supposed to meet someone. I wasn't supposed to like someone this much. But I have. And like I said, I never want to leave. Even though I know I have to eventually.

This relationship, if it's a relationship, is built on lies. Lies on my part. And I hate it. Because Holly feels warm, she feels good. She feels like home.

Should I tell her? Gah! I can't. I wish I could.

Maybe when this is all over.

Maybe I could tell her everything then? And she won't hate me as much?

Maybe I wouldn't leave at the end.

I just want to wake up like this whenever I can. With her close.

I haven't felt like this in a long time. Maybe I never felt like this. And I've known the ones before her much longer.

Maybe I shouldn't leave.

I can stay, can't I?

Do my job and stay. Stay here with her?

Look at me! I've turned into a sap! A woman I haven't known for long has turned me into puddle. If anyone who's met me was to hear that I was gazing lovingly at someone right now, they'd laugh at that. No one would believe it, and yet here I am, gazing lovingly at Holly.

I don't think I've ever met anybody as interesting as her, or as smart as her. She may be weird, but I like her.

Her nose twitches a bit. So adorable.

Then her lips lift up a bit, to form a mini smile.

Is she awake?

"You know, I'm not sure if you staring at me is sweet or creepy." She husks out in a still sleepy voice with her eyes still closed.

"I don't really do sweet. I guess you'd have to settle for creepy." I say softly as I reach a hand up to move the hair that was on her face to the side.

"Mmm." She moans softly as she half opens her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes. She was wearing her glasses when we were watching the movie. Where are they now? I look a bit around. Oh, they're on the coffee table. Wonder how they got there.

"Morning." Holly with a still sleepy voice as she fully opens her eyes.

"Morning." I say back.

"We fell asleep." She states.

"We fell asleep." I confirm and she just smiles at that, looking at me in a way that jus melts every part of my being.

She closes her eyes again for a bit and I just stare at her. I think she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

I look at our position and I am half on top of her. I've propped myself up on the right side with my right elbow with a leg tangled with her legs. I can feel her breathing, almost hear her heart beat. And God! It's a think=g I want to always hear.

I lift my left hand to move a stray hair lock away from her face and that causes her to open her eyes and meet mine. I still my hand when it was and smile softly at her.

I didn't need words. I just wanted to bask in my first morning, in a really long time, waking up next to someone.

My hand finds it's way into her cheek and she just leans into it, returning my smile.

And that does it for me.

I couldn't not lean in and peck her lips. Morning breath be damned. Just a simple peck. And then I just keep my eyes closed and lay my forehead against hers.

"Have I told you how Gorgeous you are?" I whisper as I lift up my left hand again and start moving it through her hair, with my eyes still closed.

"I am?" She whispers back. A question she actually meant. As if she wasn't fully believing my words. Which is ridiculous. Does she not have a mirror?

"Absolutely breath taking." I assure her as I open my eyes to meet hers. And my God the look she had in hers as she looked right into me. Was that my heart that sped up? Or hers?

She then just lifts her face up a bit to connect our lips. She kisses me slowly and softly. A kiss that doesn't last long. But that doesn't matter. Because the second our lips disconnect and she lays her head back down on the couch, I'm the one leaning my head down and capturing her lips in another kiss. A kiss that's more needing. A kiss that deepens quickly. I then find myself fully on top of Holly. Hand still in her hair, and she does the same. She raises both her hands into my hair. She gently passes her fingers through my long hair. But once our kiss gets rougher, once our tongues start battling, her hands leave my hair and start roaming my back.

Before I know it, the leg I had tangled between hers is lifted and touching her in her core. She moans and grinds down on it. And I become undone. I'm pretty sure there's no stopping this now. The sounds she makes, the gentle touch she gives, the way she feels. I want it all.

She doesn't allow me to be the only one giving. Her leg lifts as well, and her thigh finds it's way into my center and I moan into the kiss that I refuse to break.

I can't help but grind down as I lift my hands under her shirt. When my hand finds her bra clad breast, I slowly kneed it. With that movement she jerks her thigh up meeting my grinding and I shudder.

I move her bra to the side and find her nipple. I circle it with my finger tips, and the sounds she makes at that, the way her body is moving under mine, assures me that we've crossed that point of no return. This is happening.

But she probably had other thoughts, because she breaks our kiss, but she doesn't move her leg from where it's lodged.

I look her in the eyes, in order to read why she might have stopped, and her eyes are black, completely filled with desire.

"Do you want to stop?" She says completely out of breath.

"Do you?" I ask instead of answering. I'm pretty sure the look on my face and the way my body is tingling is indication that I do not want to stop.

She shakes her head no as answer. "But this isn't exactly slow and I'd understand if you want…" I don't let her finish that sentence.

I silence her with a kiss. A kiss that answers her question. A kiss that says No Stopping.

Her hands then roam my back under my shirt, and I find myself breaking our kiss. But only in order to rid myself of the shirt. When the shirt is gone she looks at me with dreamy eyes. A look that makes my breath hitch and make it hard to move.

I lift her shirt up and question her with my eyes if she wants me to take it off. She nods as she lifts up and takes it off herself.

Before we even lay down our lips connect again, and at this point the blanket is on the floor.

Once she's back on her back on the couch, I start trailing kisses down her neck. Kisses that trail down to the top of her breasts. She reacts by thrusting her thigh into me, and I do the same. Her hands trail down into my lower back and get lower, she grips my ass, and helps my grinding movement.

I'm pretty sure I won't be lasting long. My whole body is on fire and I want her.

I move up to kiss her lips. And she moves her hand up to unbuckle my bra. Once my bra is undone I lift up to help take it off.

But once I reach for the straps. The magical moment we were in. This want we were sharing, gets interrupted. By the ringing of her house phone.

"Ignore it." I whisper in her ear as I gently bite her earlobe.

"Oh God." She whimpers as she grinds down on me and my mouth goes back to hers.

But the phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Damn phone.

And then the machine answers.

"Hey Holly. Are you in there? Still asleep?" The voice on the phone says and Holly breaks our kiss once she hears it.

"Shit." She says as she gives me apologetic looks. "My mother." She buckles back my bra and I move off her, to the side. Breath still heavy. Body still on fire.

"Haven't heard from you in a couple of days." The voice on the machine continues.

"Sorry." She breathes out and I turn my face to meet her eyes.

"It's okay. This can wait, till there's no interruptions. Answer it." I reassure her and she nods as she makes attempt to get up. "I on the other hand will need to soak in ice." I comment. Ice will probably melt faster than normal if I touch it. That's how hot I felt.

"That makes us too." Holly agrees as she puts her glasses on and makes her way towards the phone. Still topless.

"Hello." She answers, with her voice still shaky and out of breath. "Hi mom… No I was awake… Oh, my voice? Nothing's wrong… No I'm fine… My voice is not shaky…" I guess her mom has caught on to the state that Holly's in, or misunderstood it. "Mom I'm fine… Yes I know sorry.. I've been taking long shifts. And by the time I get home I just go to sleep.. Yes I know, it's no excuse…" She rolls her eyes and then she turns towards me, giving me a gently smile. "How're you and dad doing?"

Holly topless is something I probably won't get tired of, even if she still had her bra on. I kept staring at her, following every movement she makes. I know she knows I'm watching. Her expression turns into a tiny smirk as she catches my eyes roaming all over her body. And that smirk sends a tingle right into my center. I'm so wet I might drown in myself.

Holly's conversation with her mother carries on while I just watch her. And I could tell what my stare is doing to her. As she assures her mom a few times that she's fine, since she's answering her a bit late, or not answering her enough.

I paint a mischievous smile on my face as I get up off the couch and walk slowly towards where Holly's standing. Her words get a stutter as she watches me come closer, still shirtless.

Once I'm close enough I whisper right into the ear that doesn't have the phone pressed against it. "Where's your bathroom?"

I can hear her gulp then, as she asks her mom to hold on a second. She lifts her hand up to cover the mouth piece of the phone.

"It's upstairs." She whispers back.

"Thanks!" I whisper again into her ear and I feel her shudder. I peck her on the cheek and saunter away from her, towards the stairs, picking up my shirt on the way.

"What?" She continues her conversation on the phone as I walk away. "No… Fine yes… No I'm not alone… No mom!…" And her voice drowns out as I find the door to her bathroom, giving her some privacy.

-

I make my way back downstairs and I see that Holly's still on the phone. She's sitting at her kitchen island and still talking to her mom. She has her shirt on now though.

Her eyes follow me as I make my way closer to her and sit in front of her.

"What? … Yeah sorry, didn't catch that…" She says into the phone's mouthpiece once I'm fully seated in front of her.

"Yes.. I'm listening… No… I haven't talked to her in a couple of days… She's probably asleep mom.. It's way too freaking early for you.. Yes.. I will… I promise.." I give her a questioning look but I remain quiet. Her tone sounds worried. And when she meets my eyes and sees the questions I was having she decided to end the conversation with her mom.

"Mom, I gotta go… Yes I'll call you later… No mom! I already told you that… Yes yes, me too… Bye…" She then hangs up and faces me, giving me her full attention.

"You okay?" I ask her.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." She nods towards the phone, probably apologizing for the interruption the phone caused.

"It's okay." I assure her.

"It's just they're worried about my sister. She apparently hasn't called them in a few days. She's probably working on some project and she's too busy to even remember to call and talk to people." She explains the situation then answering my first question. "She does that. Forget about things. Sometimes she even forgets to eat and drink when working on something."

"Well if you can't reach her soon, let me know." I offer my help as I get up and move towards her.

"Thanks." She says with a small smile once I'm standing right next to her.

"Why don't you go freshen up? I'll make you some breakfast." I offer.

"Really?" SHe questions.

"Yep. I'm an excellent cook. And don't worry, I'll find my way around here. Go." I assure her and then peck her on the lips.

"Okay. Thanks." She then pecks me on the lips as well and gets up and makes her way upstairs.

I then get to work on breakfast. I find the ingredients needed just fine. So I start on some pancake batter, an omelet and some much needed coffee.

When Holly comes back down about twenty minutes later, showered, Breakfast is about ready.

"Hey," She greets as announcement of her presence.

"Hey." I smile at her as I pour her a cup of coffee and hand it to her.

"Thank you." She sits at the kitchen island, and I then start plating the breakfast.

I put everything in front of her and take a seat myself after grabbing my own cup of coffee. "Bon apétit." I say before we both eat.

"You really can cook." She says once she tastes the food I've made.

"Well living alone for a few years. I was bound to learn how." I brush her compliment off and she just smiles at me.

The conversation at breakfast continues. She tells me stories about her and I share some of mine.

And when her mug is empty I reach to grab it so that I can pour her more coffee. Before I can even lift the mug up her hand is grasping mine and turning it around to inspect my wrist.

Shit!

The scars. I still had my sleeves rolled up from when I was cooking.

"Gail. How'd you get these?" She asks softly, shakily, worriedly.

"Undercover operation." I answer as if no big deal.

"These are deep. They could've killed you." She then starts to trace the two visible scars. If it's like this now, I wonder what would happen when we finally are intimate with each other. What would happen when she sees my skin and the scares that cover it?

"I'm okay." I assure her as I slip my wrist out of her hands so that I could hold her hand with mine as I way of reassurance.

"What happened?" She asks then still looking at my scars.

"Can we make it a story for another time?" I ask her. I don't even know if I want to lie about this to her as well. I need to get my story straight before we can talk. And I don't want to bring up the subject of my bad experiences in life while we're having a nice breakfast.

"Okay." She agrees as she squeezes my hand before letting go.

"Thank you." I smile at her affectionately. "I just don't want to ruin a good morning with stories about my scars." I explain further.

"Scars?" She asks with raised eyebrows.

Shit! I revealed too much! Why is that when I'm around her all my spy training is forgotten?

"How many are there?" She questions.

"A few." I confess and she looks pained at the revelation. "But I'm okay."

"I just worry. Your job is dangerous."

"I made it dangerous. Holly I took every undercover job I could. I knew how dangerous some of them were. I even knew that some of them probably weren't meant for me, but I was an idiot and I put myself in harms way. But I'm a detective now. I guess where I am is good. I don't have to jeopardize myself more than I already have." I try a lame attempt at reassurance. I know my words won't change much. Now that she's seen the marks that my job has left behind she's going to worry, as long as she knows me she'll worry.

As long as she knows me.

She wasn't supposed to know me for long.

It's too early, we haven't met that long ago.

So is it still wrong that I want her to know me for a long time?

But this is wrong. It's a relationship that's starting with lies. Lies on my part. And I hate it.

I wish I could tell her the truth. I probably could. But I don't have clearance to, and I don't want to have clearance to tell her. She knows Jameson. She works with him. Knowledge could put her in danger.

I really hope we can figure this case out fast. Take out Jameson as soon as possible.

So that I can tell Holly.

So that I can stay here.

With Holly.

If she'd like me to.

"Just promise you'll always be careful out there." She begs and I give her a nod as I show her how serious I am with my eyes.

Her worry for me is kind of cute. I don't have many people who worry about me. And I needed to be closer to her at that moment. Reassure her that I'll be okay, that I like her, and for me to feel safe, because someone cares, and someone's worth being safe for.

So with my breakfast forgotten I make my way towards her and give her soft kisses. Everytime our lips would break apart, I'd go back in for more. Our kisses remain soft and caring. And when we do break apart Holly gives me her lopsided smile. The one that makes me tingle.

"So you have the whole day off?" She asks me.

"The whole weekend." I correct.

"Me too." She tells me and I just give her a playful questioning look.

"Hmm a weekend with just us?" I ask her amused and excited for that. No one to interrupt. All the people I've managed to meet are out on a hiking trip. My parents can wait. I can just tell them I can't make it tonight. I can tell mom I have a date. That should make her okay with me ditching dinner. I don't necessarily have to tell her who with though.

Two days of not having to worry about Jameson, because I know for a fact he's not even close, and the people he's with can handle themselves. Besides, if he meant them harm, he would've hurt them already. So I get to days with no interruptions.

"Hmm.. Maybe. I do have to go with a couple of close friends to another friend's baby shower tomorrow. You can join?" She offers. I guess we'll only be getting one day together. Still good.

"Well. I appreciate the offer, but I'll pass. You go have fun, and think of me." I add at the end with a wink to tease.

She shoves me playfully and then encircles my waist with her arm.

"So what shall we do today?" She asks me.

"Anything you want. We can go out, take a walk, eat, go watch a movie.. or stay in and watch a movie." I suggest.

"Yeah? A movie?"

"If you want."

"Okay."

Oh watching movies with Holly. In a dark room. Where other people are. Where Holly will be seated next to me. So close to touch. Gah! Stop! Get outta the gutter! I shout at my brain as I come back to the present.

"But I gotta stop by my place first. I'm in desperate need of changing my clothes." I add one as reminder. And maybe even a cold shower.

"You can always borrow some of mine." She offers and I just shrug.

"Not this time."

And that's how it goes. I drive up to my place. Take a quick cold shower. Get dressed. Blow dry my hair and pull it into a ponytail. And all the while Holly's in my living room, waiting.

When I emerge I find her by the book shelves.

"So many comics." She remarks. "And I thought I was the nerd."

"They're cool and you know it." I say as I walk towards her and take a stand right by her side.

"Some of them are. Like Buffy. Who'd have thought you'd have it." She teases as she reaches for one of the comics and pulls it out of the organized pile.

"Like you aren't fan? I saw your DVD collection." I remind her. She can't tease me about this. She probably loves it as much as I do.

"Guilty." She says as she shrugs and puts the comic back in place.

"Come on let's go. I figure we can visit the park. There's this food truck that makes the best slushies that should be there around this time. Then I'm taking you to a movie. And then late lunch and after that, we'll figure things out." I tell her my plan for the day and she smiles as she reaches for my hand and walks with me out of the house and into my car.

Holly loved the Slushy. We hung out at the park for like an hour. Conversation flowing easily. Stories told. Books talked about. Music criticized. People watched. Holly even petted a stranger's dog. Then when I knew it's time for a movie screening I took her to the theaters.

We ended up watching some romantic comedy. Holly seemed to like it. I on the other hand didn't find it as interesting as other things in the theater and spent most of my time just watching Holly. Which she noticed. So in the middle of the movie she reached out and held my hand, even layer her head on my shoulder.

Dark room with Holly.

Maybe after a lot more dates you can take advantage of that, but not this time Gail!

I held her but what I really wanted was to get lost in the moment and kiss her, but I restraint myself. When the movie ended.

When the movie ended we went to this Thai place. During lunch we discussed the movie, a bit. Holly talked more than me, she obviously watched more than I have. Then she tells me a few stories about when she was an intern and just starting her job. A cute fumbling nervous Holly would've been nice to watch.

It amazes me how fast we're connecting.

How easy it is to communicate.

How amazing she is.

And how she makes me want to quit and stay here.

I love my family. But if Holly wasn't around now, I probably wouldn't want to stay as a spy. I probably would still leave, and contact them once in a while.

But there's Holly in the picture now. And she makes me want to stay. She makes me want to know everything about her. And that's a bit amazing and scary at the same time.

"So you up for some more movies? Or maybe even shows at my place." Holly asks me once we're done eating and ready to leave.

"Anything you want." I agree as I drive us to her place then.

Ironically when we get to her place, we settled on watching a show, and we picked Buffy. A thing we both love. Can't go wrong with that choice.

We just curl up on the couch kind of like we did last night as we watch it.

It's been a really long time since I've been like this with someone.

I probably never felt this relaxed with anyone.

I should take advantage of the peace Holly gives me as much as I can now.

So I hug her closer as we watch another episode.

But before it even finishes my phone rings.

I'd already texted mom telling her I had a date and she let me off the hook. So it can't be her. The ringtone was the one I put for Marcus's number. If he's calling me today, when he knows I don't want to be bothered, then he must have something big.

I reluctantly untangle myself from Holly as I get up and find my phone on a table nearby and pick it up.

"Hey." I greet him.

"Sawyer you need to get here now." He urges.

"Why?" I ask him a bit wary. If I was to leave Holly I want to make sure the reason I'm leaving her for is BIG.

"We have a match on the guy with the tattoo." He explains.

"Seriously? We do?" I thought it was turning out to be a lost cause.

"Yes, and you're not gonna like it." His words then surprise me. Who could this guy be?

"Do I really have to come?" I ask just to make sure.

"I'm sorry. You're probably with your hot doctor, but this is big. Like really big." He apologizes.

"I'll be there in a few." I give in.

I then give Holly an apologetic look.

"I guess we only get half a day. Sorry, gotta go. Needed at work. Since two of their Homocide detectives are on a camping trip." I lie. I hate this. But I have no choice.

"Is it serious?" She asks me worried.

"Nah. No dead bodies found. They won't call you in doc." I tease her as I sit down next to her on the couch.

"I really hate that I have to go." I admit.

"I really hate that you have to go as well." She says as she reaches out to rest her hand on my shoulder as she starts to play with my ponytail.

"I'll call you later?" I suggest and she nods as she leans in for a kiss. That leads to a few more soft kisses. Before I finally get up and leave.

"What is it?" I ask Marcus once I enter his place and he just points me towards the screen. He then clicks the remote and a picture appears.

"Is that…?" I start to ask and let my words trail. The guy in the photo is probably early thirties. Blond hair, brown eyes, tall, muscly and intimidating.

A snakelike tattoo on his wrist. And it turns out to be a perfect match for the half tattoo photo we have.

But what's really surprising is that the guy in the photo is one of ours.

When Marcus confirms my question on who he is I ask if he's sure.

"We checked everyone in the agency that has tattoos, just in case and we have him as a match. Jay Thomson. I already sent it to Stevens. Thomson is out on a mission. He's undercover. As one of the tattooed guys." Tattooed guys? I think about his words and then it hits me. The three lined tattoo. He's undercover on that case? Then why is he meeting up with Jameson?

"How's he connected to Jameson then?" I ask.

"I don't know. Stevens says she can't reach him. They only establish contact when he approaches, otherwise they'd jeopardize his mission." He explains.

"Think he might have gone rogue?" I ask Marcus and he gives me a weird look. "Okay maybe not."

"But if Jameson isn't part of their organization why would Thomson meet with him and exchange things?" Marcus questions. "Jameson doesn't have a tattoo does he? The three lined tattoo?"

I try to recall if I've ever seen him in short sleeve, and then I remember. At The Penny. There were no tattoos there.

"No tattoo." I tell Marcus and he just shakes his head.

"There's gotta be a connection." He then gets up and goes to his computer. "We need to check all of Jameson's data and Thomson's. Read everything about his mission. Stevens already sent me briefs. We need to know what we're dealing with. We may not have been allowed to know about the other mission, but since it's meeting with ours, we have a right to." I follow him towards the computers and plop on one of the chairs as I pull up some files.

"I really wish you'd have figured this out a few hours later. Even tomorrow would've worked. I mean Jameson's away for the day." I whine.

"Sorry. But you can just have sex with your girlfriend some other day." He replies teasingly and I just slap him in the head.

"Ow."

"Stop being annoying and I won't have to hurt you all the time." I remind him. Sometimes I feel like we're siblings. He reminds me of my relationship with Steve. Which is probably why we get along. We may work for two different teams and two different countries, but we're great partners.

"Sorry." He apologizes as he rubs the back of his head and starts on his reading. I do the same until my phone alerts me of a text.

Buffy is not as fun to watch without you now. Holly texts and I smile at that.

Then save it for next time. We'll watch it for hours straight. I promise. I text back.

"Is that doctor love?" Marcus teases.

"Shut up and do your work." I grit through my teeth as I put my phone away and start doing what I suggested he'd do. Work.



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