Glad To Be Alive
"Okay don't freak out." I ask of Holly as we stand in the middle of my living room. It's been two days since the Peck dinner, and two days since we said I love you. Zoey had to deal with all the mush we've been sharing for the past two days. We got too lost in each other at the breakfast table once that she had to smack us on the head with a newspaper, because we were so lost we didn't hear her begging us to 'stop the disgusting lovey shit.'
But I'm not complaining, I don't think I've ever been this happy before. But in all honesty I was scared of how she would react in the morning when she remembers that I dropped the big L word. Three words I've probably never truly used in my life. But I woke up to find Holly gently moving some hair away from my face and looking at me with such a gentle and love filled gaze.
"I love you." She whispered and I knew then that there were no regrets. That it's not too soon. That this is real.
"I love you too." I whisper back as I reach up to hold her hand and pull it towards my lips, and place a kiss.
"I'd move up to kiss you, but moving isn't exactly easy, so could you help me out?" I ask with a smirk, and she just lowers her face until our lips connect. And everything felt right. ANd the next two days, I'd stay at her place, we'd share sweet moments, we'd kiss, share 'I love you's and get scolded by Zoey. I loved this life.
But now that my ribs don't hurt as much when I walk, I asked Holly to come with me to my house.
I knew that Caroline and Ashley were gone, they'd called me the next day and told me that they'd see me in Ottawa and that I should enjoy my month off with Holly, before I have to sign the resignation paper and be a full on detective. Marcus however, I still need to see. He's still here as far as I know, at his apartment. He won't let them move him and he can't move properly yet, so he's waiting till he's better. So after I show her the house, I planned on going there to see him.
"Why would I freak out?" She asks once she stands right next to me.
I had just showed her the house. I was seeing it for the first time too and it looks just like the one that exploded. Not a lot of differences except it had more of my stuff. Everything in my apartment in Ottawa a was shipped here. Especially my car, which is parked outside, and Holly seemed to love. Now I'll have to ask for Caroline to send someone in to pick up the other car I'd been using for the past few days.
"Agent 875. Open." I say clearly and wait for the basement door to open.
The ground in front of us opens to reveal a stairway and Holly just gives me a quizzical look before I grab her hand and lead her down to the basement.
"What's all this?" She asks in wonder once she sees the big screens and many computers on one side and the couches and tables on the other side, while there's a hallway entrance int he back which she doesn't know leads to the sleeping rooms.
"The base." I answer honestly. I promised her no more lies, so I'm starting by telling her everything from now on. Telling her all about the base. I can't keep this from her anymore.
"The base for what? I thought you quit." She reminds me. Right I didn't mention to her I'd help.
"I did. But I quit the field work. I'm still part of the intel team if I'm needed. But I work from here. I'm not leaving." I explain.
"Gail." I can hear the arguments about to start. She however doesn't continue what she wanted to say.
"Holly, I'll hardly be needed, and if I am, I can work from here, and usually the intel they'll need won't take me long. They do still have a giant team helping them. It's just, I can't just completely leave. It's all I've known for the past few years. My job is dangerous, even on the police force it is. I can't change that." I hope she understands where I'm coming from. "But I can't just leave when they need me either. Because I can't leave you. I just found you." She must believe that if they required my intel work anywhere away from her I'd refuse them.
"So you have this in your house." She says dropping the subject and arguments gone. "Did you have one in the old one?" She asks.
"Uh, yeah I did. It's how I escaped the explosion. There's a backdoor that leads to the other house. They're going to rebuild it. It'll still be their mission house. It's just you're the only one who'll know." I explain and then take her hand to show her what's on the other side of the hallway. I show her the two bedrooms with the eight beds and the bathroom, and point at the backdoor. "This is a safe place and leading missions from here will be safer than even the precinct. It has top security. Instant alarms and weaponry." As I say that I reveal the hidden weapons behind a wall.
"Okay, I see what you mean." She says.
I then close the wall and lead her towards the couch. Once we sit there, I turn on the big screen by the couch area.
"Want to watch something?" I ask her hopefully.
"Sure. But what do you have on there?" She asks in wonder. Which she has every right to do.
"Anything you want." I tell her.
"We have to meet the gang at the penny soon. I don't think we have time to watch anything." She reminds me and chuckles at my groan. "Come on. They've given you your space but you have to face them now. You're going to have to work with these guys."
"Hate it when you make absolute sense." I mumble.
"No, you love it when I do." She says as she grabs my face gently and pecks my lips.
"I think I know how we can kill the time." I say and pull her back to me and attack her lips with mine fully. I go for a full on make out session with he sitting right in from of me, and our hands entwined in each other's hair as we kiss passionately, with battling tongs and soft moans.
When the position gets too difficult to keep I try to push her back into the couch, but once I'm half on top of her a hiss of pain escapes my lips and Holly pushes me back up.
"You're not well enough for this yet." Holly tells me, as she starts fixing the lose strands of hair on my head.
"I'm gonna fucking kill Greene." I mumble but Holly overhears.
"Hey, no more killing. You said that they'll handle him well. And you'll get better soon. However long it takes, I'll still be here." She promises me, as she pulls my head to her and plants a kiss on my forehead.
"Still want to kill him." I mumble again and she chuckles.
"Come on, let's do something else till it's time to go to The Penny." She tries to change my focus. Which would be on her, if it wasn't for my ribs.
"Stupid agent Greene." I mumble again.
"Come on, what do you want to do?" She asks.
I think about her suggestion though. We're in a base, with lots of computers and gadgets.
"Let's prank someone." I suggest with an evil gleam.
"Uh, how would you do that?" She asks as I get up and make my way to the computers.
"Let's see who's using a computer." I say as I turn on the computers and go to the camera screens to see what everyone is up to. I end up checking the cameras I had installed in the precinct.
"You have cameras of 15?" She asks and sits next to me.
"I actually have them everywhere, even your lab." I say, "and yes, even your office, sorry. But only I have access to them so don't worry."
"So you could see us all this time? You could see all the pain and tears and everyone in angst?" She doesn't look mad, but her expression is somewhat sad.
"I actually couldn't handle looking most of the time. I tried to ignore the lab, and only watched the precinct. Marcus watched it more than I did." I explain.
"I hate that this is the situation we went through." She says.
"I hate it too. But the reason that led to this situation has led me to you. And I'm glad I met you." I go all mushy on her and she gives me a small smile and peck my lips.
"I'm glad I met you too." She whispers to my lips.
"No one's on a computer." I say. "So no pranks. But want to go meet Marcus? He's on the way to The Penny and I haven't properly talked to him since it all happened."
"Lead the way." She tells me and with that we leave the base and the house and make our way to his apartment.
"Hey Asshole! I know you're in there so stop ignoring the door and open the damn thing!" I say loudly to the door as I knock. Marcus hasn't opened the first two knocks.
"Oh it's you." Says a voice on the other side as the door opens.
"Hey shit head." I greet.
"Hello to you too ice princess." He greets back.
"Princess?" I ask, he's never called me princess. He'd used the queen term a few times, but never princess.
"Your ice is melting, I'm guessing you're no longer the queen." He explains and then his eyes flicker towards Holly. "And I see you brought the reason behind the melted ice. Hello doctor Stewart." He greets her and she just gives us both questioning looks.
"Holly, this Marcus, annoying CIA Agent." I introduce, "Now move it." I then push his arms out of the way and lead him inside.
"So you came to say goodbye?" He asks while closing the door.
"Goodbye? You leaving soon?" I ask as I take a seat on a couch and lead Holly to sit next to me.
"Yes, I leave the day after tomorrow." He explains and limps to the couch facing ours. "So good thing you brought the doc before I left."
"Oh." I don't think I can say more. The person I've been working with for a year, will no longer be my partner or someone I work with. "Well glad it's over. You can go back to your secret department and I'll just put criminals behind bars." I turn to my Gail self, ignoring the situation.
"I'll miss you too, idiot. But you're not getting rid of me that easily." He saw right through me. The downside of working with someone for so long. "I'll be sure to annoy you from time to time." He adds.
"You know I'm more annoying than you are." I remind him.
"Right, you're always annoying." He says with a smirk then he turns his attention to Holly. "So doc, I see all's well with Gail here. You guys work everything out?" He asks her and not me.
"Yes we did." She answers him.
"Good, cause her moping is so annoying." He says exasperated.
"Shut up." I just fling a pillow at him.
"Just telling the truth. I've lived with you for a year remember? You were never as talkative, or as alive as when you met her." He reveals me to Holly. "And when things got bigger and you had to fake your death, You were whining constantly. Never heard you talk that much before." He's got a point though, I just didn't want all that told to Holly by someone else.
Holly can feel my annoyance and how uncomfortable the conversation is making me, so she just squeezes my hand in reassurance. "It's hard not to forgive her. She's very pervasive and good with words." She says and gives me a warm smile.
"Good job Sawyer!" He cheers me on and I just give him my death glare.
"So when do you leave?" I ask, trying to be mean and he laughs.
"You want me to say now?" He catches on.
I decide to ignore the annoyance and just change the subject.
"No really. How long do you have days off?" I ask.
"A while. When my leg heals, I'm on desk duty and analysis for a while." He explains. "Unlike you. You'll be detective Peck."
"Yep. The cover becomes real." I guess it'll all be the same, except the job would be real now.
"And you two will be working together then." He notes.
"If she keeps out of my crime scene. She's not good at keeping evidence." Holly takes a jibe at the time we met at the crime scene in the forest.
And so the conversation continues for a while, until we have to go to the Penny. Holly and Marcus chat. We bicker again. And then we say goodbye and I promise to keep in touch. I gave him the number I'll be using as detective Peck, he's the only one with the complicated life now.
When we left, Holly noted that we treated each other like siblings, and in a way I guess that's true. For the past year I've thought of him as a brother and he always reminded me a bit of Steve. But the journey's ended now. This mission is over. And I'm going to be facing a new chapter in life.
"Hey!!" Cheers echo around the long tables put together at the Penny once Holly and I approach it. And then I'm being hugged, gently, by a few people, one at a time.
I guess Traci must have already made sure they'd know not to hurt me when hugging me.
"It's good to have you alive." Oliver says as I finally get a chance to sit next to Holly.
"It's good to be alive." I say and He smiles.
I then take a look around the table and I notice almost everyone I know from 15 there. Traci, Steve, Dov, Chris, Andy, Sam, Oliver, Noelle, Chloe, Nick, is that Zoey next to him? And Carl's there. Why is he there?
Then two beers are place in front of us, but Holly snatches mine away before I can even reach it with my hand.
"No drinking with the meds." She reminds me.
"Fine." I say with a small pout, but she knows I'm not mad and I know she's right.
"Hey you." I point at Carl with my chin. "Why the hell are you still here?" I ask.
"What, you don't want to say goodbye to me? I leave with Marcus tomorrow." He answers.
"And… You're here because?" I prompt.
"You're not the only one I want to say goodbye to." He points out and I understand then.
"Come on Casper. Chill out. And tell us stories." Zoey comments.
"Casper?" Of course Steve is the first one to catch on. "Why did she call you Casper?" He asks me.
"She's not really dead and she's so freaking pale." Zoey answers though.
"Casper, fitting." He agrees with her.
"Hmm I like it." Traci adds in.
"Detective Casper. Has a ring to it." Dov adds and I just turn my icy glare to all of them and I focus it more on Zoey, until I feel a hand squeeze my thigh under the table. It's Holly's attempt to get my attention.
"I've going to kill your sister." I whisper to her as I turn to face her.
"You get to keep me though." She reminds me to our conversation. She'll never call me Casper and I guess that's enough. I still however give a murderous look towards Zoey and after a few seconds she starts to cower away.
"So you're leaving them," Andy points at Carl. "To be one of us?" She asks me.
"I'm not one of them, and yes, I'm leaving the exciting life behind to be one of you." I answer.
"When do you start?" Nick jumps into the conversation.
"In a month. I have to heal first." I inform him.
"Can you teach us some of those Ninja moves?" Chloe asks.
"Oh yeah, that'd be perfect." Andy adds.
"Do I look like someone who'd give any sort of lessons?" I ask sarcastically.
"Oh come on Gail! Please!" Chloe begs and I just raise my eye brows at her in wait for her to stop.
"At least if we have Fight night this year, help our rookie train." Andy chimes in with Chloe's begging.
"I have time to think about that then?" I ask and Andy nods. "I'll think about it then."
"Fair warning, it's a no." Steve informs them after my last comment. "She's just messing with you now."
"Like you ever asked me for anything." I scoff at Steve. And I act offended by his comment.
"Like I'm lying? I don't have to want something to know." He answers me and I just nod in agreement. I see his point.
"Whatever." I end the conversation.
"So where are you staying?" Traci asks me after a few seconds.
"Oh I got a new place." I tell her, but I do reach for Holly's hand.
"You do? How? That was fast." She comments.
"Not when you get hep from the agency. Then it's normal." I answer.
"Does this place have a base too?" Nick asks in a tone that's so normal, as if he's asking me if I want coffee in the morning.
"No." I lie, they don't need to know. Holly squeezes my hand in knowledge then. I will only inform them about the base if it ever becomes needed in police work. "I'm going to have a normal life now. So no spy shit."
"Fair enough." He gives up on the arguing.
"Is it as big as the old one?" Chloe asks.
"Yes. It's kind of the same." I answer. "Not like I need the space anyways." I add with another squeeze to Holly's hand. Because she knows that what I meant is that I have barely been to the house since they all found out the truth. I've been staying at Holly's and that's probably how things will go until I go with her to Vancouver for the holidays. We can figure everything else when we come back.
"Yeah you don't. Cause you already have a space to stay in." Zoey chimes in with a raised bottle my way in a toast.
"Considering you'll be stuck with me for a while, you should be careful what you say." I threaten playfully.
"Oh please. I'll just be ignoring you the whole trip. My sister can deal with you." She retorts.
"That would be great! I'd have Holly and no you." I say back. And I can see the whole table look at us worriedly then. They're not used to the bickering that goes on between me and Zoey. It's been happening since we met. And once she forgave me for fake dying on her sister, we were back to our old routine. It's like we're the siblings and not Holly and Zoey.
"Oh once you deal with mom and dad, I'll sound like a better idea." She informs me and I just shut up at that. As if I wasn't nervous already about meeting Holly's parents. The ones who sent Zoey to check up on us and report back, the ones that want their best for their kid. The ones that are always checking in on her and making sure she's happy. I'm going to be meeting those people. Me. THe person who fell in love with their daughter, and then hurt her in the worst way possible, and then all I have to defend myself with is: I had to keep her safe, so I broke her heart to keep her out of something that I dragged her into by being with her.
Holly sneezes my discomfort once Zoey's words are out and she takes her hand away from mine, and before I can feel disappointed I feel it under the table on my thigh, while I feel her body closer to me as if she's sitting so glued to me. And that makes me feel slightly better.
"You'll be fine." She whispers in reassurance in my ear. "She's just messing with you."
I turn around to look at her and when I see signs of truth on her face I nod my acknowledgement at her. While Zoey makes a small gagging noise in the background and I just flip her off.
"You two are worse than Gail and Steve." Traci comments at our behavior then she turns to Holly. "I'm glad to see your sibling is being a sibling to Gail."
"I know." Holly answers back. "Try living with them." She adds and I just give her a squinty eyes look in question, wondering if it's annoying her that I'm there a lot now. She however gives me a reassuring smile and then I know that she's joking.
"I don't want you going anywhere. You're staying in my sight and right by my side." She whispers into my ear and I couldn't help it, I had to just turn around and peck her on the lips.
Some at our table cheer and I end up turning my facial expression from loving when I look at Holly to an icy glare once I turn around to face them.
"You know what. I'm getting another round. Anybody want anything?" Steve asks as he gets up and holds up his empty beer bottle. Dov and Chris follow him to the bar and our conversation changes to work related and simple things and I'm more than okay with that.
Because Holly is still sitting super close to me, her hand is still on my leg and her breath is tickling my cheeks.
"I'm just hoping you're a fast healer." She whispers when she's sure no one is watching us anymore.
"Oh I hope I am too, because I can't keep away from you that way for that long." I whisper back.
"Then you should stop looking at me like that." She remarks.
"Then you should stop reminding me that you want me like that." I say back and she just gives me her lopsided grin.
"Ugh, you two are so sickening." Zoey comments loudly breaking our moment.
"Just shut up and drink." I tell her, while Holly just rests her face on my shoulder and I join the conversation going on around me.
Soon I'll be a part of this team. They'll be my family. And I'm glad about that. I've never had a steady team, or a team this big to work with, or a team that was this close.
And soon I'll be going home with Holly, and if her parents approve, I can already start making future plans with her, because I meant it, I'm not going anywhere. And that means, she's it for me.
She's my forever, and once I'm well enough I'll just have to prove that to her.