It's Always Darkest Before Dawn

All For Nothing

It was a month later, and Rachel had rushed Emma to the Emergency Room, as she was complaining about not feeling well, as Phoebe, who was saying with them for a few days, waited back at the house, as she called Ross, who was in the middle of a lecture. They performed a barrage and battery of tests and it was later on in the afternoon, when Doctor Anderson escorted them to an office, and asked Emma to go and watch TV in the play-room.

Emma left and the doctor removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes and turned to Rachel, and said 'I wish we had better news, and I know what you have been thru during the past months'. He sighed, collecting his thoughts before continuing and said the three words Rachel never wanted to hear... 'The cancer's back'. Rachel felt as if she had the wind knocked out of her and bit her lips to keep from crying, but a small sob escaped her.

'What do mean BACK', she asked, clearly upset and agitated. 'She was doing so good', she continued with a shaky and un-steady voice. 'I know she was, and sometimes a few cells remain dormant, and sneak up on you, like they did in this case'. He opened a folder and pulled out some film and pointed and said 'This is Emma's pancreas, and do you see this spot... no bigger than a pencil eraser'. Rachel nodded, afraid of what it was. 'Rachel that is a tumor', was the response.

'So, what do we do now? How do we fix it', she asked and he could only offer a sad smile, and shake his head as she started to sob uncontrollably. 'I am so very sorry, and I know this is the news no parent wants to have to hear. But the cancer is spreading too quickly for treatment to be effective.. we could do another round of chemo, but to be honest, the cancer cells are aggressive and any more treatment would have only a minimal effect. Rachel looked up and said 'So this was a waste of time. Everything we've done and been thru was all for nothing'

'No...not at all Rachel, and she wouldn't be here right now, if you didn't. She would already be gone'. Rachel stood up, and defiantly informed the doctor that he was wrong, and would be seeking a 2cd opinion. He nodded and said he agreed that she should seek a 2cd opinion, and said he would send the results of the test to a colleague for his input and opinion. Rachel took a few minutes to stop crying and regain her composure, before getting Emma and returning home.

'Mommy, is everything ok', Emma asked, sensing something was wrong. Her mom didn't answer and just tried with every ounce of her soul, not to break down, right then and there, and just hugged her daughter, kissing her over and over, saying 'I love you' so many times that Emma lost count. 'Am I going to be ok', she asked and Rachel couldn't hold it in any longer, and knew the doctor was right and with tears running down her face said 'No baby. I am so sorry, but no.. you are not ok'. A tear escaped Emma's eyes and she said 'Mommy... am... am I dying, or something'.

Rachel reached out, hugged her tightly, and thru the tears and sobs whispered 'Yes, baby'

- To Be Continued -

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