A Farewell Marking a Beginning
'The day is approaching….
Also known as my least favorite day of the year.
My mother told that’s the day he died…
It was when I was an infant so I don’t remember him…
But the day still feels eerie to me…
And all I want to do is curl up and hide.’
Kanade stood outside of the moon dorms waiting for Zero and Yuki. The prefects needed to see the night class off while they went away on break. Ever since the dance Kaname and Zero have both been gravitating towards Yuki and dragging Kanade along to watch. She tried to hate Yuki but she just couldn't. Their feelings for her aren’t her fault… she was this adorable, innocent, high-spirited girl.
Kanade stayed silent as Yuki and Zero arrived at the gate together. She looked the other way, trying to hide her face. Just the sight of them brought back the realization of how alienated she was. How she couldn’t act on her feelings towards Kaname. How she had to pretend like nothing was the matter whenever Zero was around in fear of what sort of things he would call her,
"Kanade?" Yuki put
her hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.
"I'm fine, it’s the pain is all." She composed herself and tried her best to ignore Zero's stare.
The night class students
arrived and began to put their things in the car.
"Thank you Kanade, Zero, Yuki, for your hard work!" Takuma praised the three prefects. "You three work so hard. You can rest while we are gone."
Yuki bowed, "Take
"Ah, Kaname!" Takuma exclaimed. Yuki grew stiff and hid behind Zero. Kanade averted her eyes to the gates. "Did you lock the doors?"
"I can do that much by myself Takuma." Kanade felt her throat tighten when she heard his soothing voice. "Here you go, Ms. Guardian, the key to the moon dorm." Kaname held out an envelope for Yuki. She moved out from behind Zero and took it. "I know what you said to me wasn't a lie so… " He patted her head. "Don't worry." Yuki blushed.
"Kaname I know you don't want to leave, but--" Takuma started.
"You can wait on the car with everyone else." Kaname interrupted him. Takuma walked off. "Yuki, Kanade if you could leave us for a moment as well." Yuki gave him a confused look. "Don't worry, I won't be mean to him."
"Alright then, please take care Kaname." Yuki said before she walked off and Kanade followed without even a glance back. They waited for Zero a far away enough so that they wouldn’t be eavesdropping. Kaname briefly told him something and then started to walk off. He abruptly stopped.
"Kanade." He called out. She glanced back in confusion. He stood and waited for her patiently. She reluctantly walked over to him. Zero narrowed his eyes at her as she passed him.
"Please go on ahead." She whispered to him with her head down. She walked up to Kaname. "Yes Lord Kaname?" She bowed at him, the stabbing pain nagging at her.
"Just because of the promise we made does not mean you need to treat me as
your superior. You do not have to call me lord or bow."
"It just… makes things easier." She veered her attention to the open gate behind him, not wanting to meet his intoxicating stare.
He paused for a moment and they stood in silence. "You could come with us you know.”
"No, I need some time away from vampires for awhile." He raised an eyebrow, briefly glancing over at Zero who seemed to refuse to go on ahead. "He doesn't count." She added.
"Of course. Well, I'm sorry that I will not be here for your birthday." Her eyes widened and she was overcome with panic.
"How did you know?" He slightly laughed, feelings victorious that he got her to look at him.
"That was the day I thought you had died, of course I remember it." He moved a piece of hair from her face, careful not to touch her skin. "It used to be one of the hardest days of my life, but now it's a happy day." He smiled down at her with that sad smile of his that made her heart drop.
"Please don't tell anyone about it."
"I'm afraid they already know, the Chairman does have your school file after all."
'Fuck. I didn't think of that.'
"Goodbye Lord Kaname." She said with her head downcast as he started to walk off. She looked over and saw that Zero and Yuki were finally gone. "Kaname!" He stopped and turned towards her. “I just…” In that moment Kanade was overcome with adrenaline as she realized this might be her only chance. She barely felt her feet move as she ran up to him, got on her tiptoes and lightly pressed her lips against his, sending the burning sensation throughout her body. Tears ran down her cheeks, not because of the agonizing pain, but because this would be the last time she could ever be able to touch him this way.
“My first kiss…”
He held her trembling body firmly against him by the small of her back with one hand while the other was tangled in her hair. She shakily wrapped her arms around his neck as she melted into his lips. After a few moments of pure bliss she pulled back, still entangled in his arms.
“I’m sorry I just…”
He wiped her tears with the back of his thumb and his voice
dropped to barely a whisper as he leaned in so his lips were only inches away from
her ear, "I love you."
She took a sharp breath savoring those breathtaking words before stepping back, stumbling a bit from her weakened knees, and bowing her head.
"Take care… Lord Kaname."
She watched him as he walked off and got into the car. When they drove away she stood there holding a trembling hand to her parted mouth in astonishment and replayed that moment in her head a thousand times. Now that she has that memory she can just replay it in her head and feel at ease. He was hers for that one moment, and even though he may never be again that moment was worth all the pain.
The break felt more like a long and tedious torture for Kanade rather than a time for rest. Nothing had particularly happened so far besides returning Maria, who was no longer possessed by Shizuka, to her family. All she could think about was that kiss and what it meant…
She always wondered what it was about Kaname that attracted her to him so much that she would even forget about Zero in his presence. What was it about him that was pulling her in?
He was the one person she wasn’t supposed to fall for and now she was nothing but miserable.
Yuki loves Kaname. The young girl confided in her and told her everything about the night that Kaname had saved her from a rouge vampire and brought her here to the academy. How she has always loved him, how he was her beginning, how she feels like nothing could hurt her with Kaname by her side.
So Kanade had to keep her feelings bottled up, she needed to repress them and stay away from Kaname. All she could feel now was regret when it came to that kiss, because she betrayed her dear friend, Yuki.
There was a knock on the door to her room.
“Kanade?” The Chairman called out from the other side. Kanade stood up, walked over, and swung the door open. “Dinner is ready and Yuki has been in the bath for a long time now… will you go check up on her?”
Kanade nodded and walked past him towards the bathroom.
‘I’ve betrayed her by falling for the one person she held so dear… and I betrayed my feelings for Zero…’
Kanade lightly knocked on the door leading to the bathroom, “Yuki? The Chairman asked me to check on you since you’ve been in there for so long. Everything alright?”
“Yeah…” She replied. Suddenly there was a scream.
“Yuki?!” Kanade exclaimed, swinging the door open to find Yuki in the bathtub staring down at the water in fright. “What’s the matter? What happened?”
“…It was nothing… sorry. I’ll get out.”
“Okay… I’ll just wait out—“
“Please stay!” She abruptly exclaimed.
“…Okay…” Kanade walked over and handed the girl her towel as she stepped out the tub and crouched down on the floor. “What’s wrong, Yuki?”
Yuki held her head down and hid her face in her hands. Kanade sat down on the floor across from her and waited for her to recover.
“My past… I tried hard to remember… for the first time in ages… when I did…” She looked up at her, her eyes stricken with fear.
It’s okay, Yuki.” Kanade held her hand out for her. “It’s all the past, it can’t hurt you.” Yuki gave her a hesitant look before grabbing ahold of her hand. “I’m sure there’s some records out there regarding your parents or something. Maybe a birth certificate at least…? If we just keep looking we will find something.”
Yuki stared at her with wide eyes, “Yeah…”
Kanade sat on her bed, pulled
her knees up to her chest, and stared at the wall. Yuki, Zero, and the Chairman
were in town. Yuki explained that she needed to remember her past and that
the Vampire Hunter Society might have some answers. And because of what she was
the Chairman deemed it to be too dangerous for her to go.
With Zero ignoring her she felt lonelier than
ever. Kanade felt as though at this point she didn't really belong anymore, she
was the third wheel. Except, when she was with the night class things were
different. She didn't feel too much like a problem and didn't feel like she was
this freak… Although she knew that the way most of the night class students
treated her was because of Kaname, at least she as acknowledged.
'Maybe I should become apart of the night class…'
They had forgotten her birthday just as she hoped they would.
'I got my wish so… why am I so sad?'