Widow's Hill Notes to Dark Shadows

By Graeme Cree

Horror / Humor

Episode 14

EPISODE 14: Vicki meets Carolyn's boyfriend, Joe Haskell, who works at the Collins Cannery, yet somehow is able to afford a suit.

David searches Vicki's bedroom, looking for blackmail material. He finds some really incriminating stuff. Lingerie, pantyhose, and other unmentionables. Oh, wait. Those things aren't all that incriminating in a girl's room, are they?

Vicki returns to her room later, and can tell that it's been tampered with, but doesn't know whether David made a withdrawal or a deposit. Just to be safe, she calls the Bomb Squad number that Liz gave her.

Later, David is reading Mechano, the magazine for serious mechanics enthusiasts (so hard-core it comes complete with a fold-out centerfold of a socket wrench). He takes a metal cylinder out of his drawer and shows it to the audience (Carolyn believes in ghosts, David believes in the audience).

Vicki comes in to have it out with David. Why do the two of them have to be enemies, anyway? After all, she grew up in a Foundling Home in New York, where nobody knew who their real parents are. David says that if Vicki wants to be friends with him, she'd better not finish that story.

Vicki asks what David took out of her room. David swears he didn't go to take something, he went to GIVE her something. Namely, this hair clip that he took from her the other night. (It's the thought that counts, right?) Also, this seashell that she could sell by the seashore. Vicki accepts this excuse rather than try to say that three times fast.

Vicki says that maybe she could be friends with David by sharing some of his interests. Like that magazine he's reading. Why don't they talk about that? David says okay, and quizzes her. What do you do when your rack and radial frammistan torque suspenders go out of alignment? (Vicki's answer, "Call Triple-A", isn't mentioned in the magazine.)

Vicki leaves and meets Carolyn in the hall. Carolyn wants to know what David did now. Vicki says it was nothing too bad. He just wanted to give her this hair clip back. Carolyn finds that very appropriate, as she's wanted to get David out of her hair for years.

Vicki and Carolyn argue over which of them is more foolish? Vicki for trusting David, or Carolyn for trusting Burke. They fail to reach an agreement, but unfortunately, no catfight ensues. (If the show were re-made today, it would!)

At the Blue Whale, Joe shows up to pay his bill from the night before. He sees the tab, and wishes he had that $2375.48 after all.

Back in Vicki's room, Vicki and Carolyn have made up. Carolyn says she's going out on a date with Joe Haskell later, and asks if she should raise the hem of her dress. (Vicki says no, everyone else says yes). Vicki asks what she and Joe aree going to do on this date. Carolyn doesn't know. Usually they watch the fights, but Joe's neighbors pull their shades now. The rain starts to come down outside, and Carolyn laments that her new hair-do is going to be done for. Also her new hair color. (It's a good thing this show is in Black and White).

Vicki suggests that Carolyn and Joe could go to the Blue Whale on their date. Carolyn isn't keen on the idea. The place is a seedy dive, and smells of fish. But when Vicki mentions that Burke Devlin will be meeting Roger there that night, Carolyn mysteriously changes her mind. (Strange? Why should she be so anxious to see Roger? She can see him any time.)

They hear Joe knocking on the front door, but Carolyn doesn't want to go down until she decides whether to change clothes. The dress she's got on seems too long and schoolgirlish. Carolyn asks what Vicki thinks of this other dress she's considering wearing. Vicki says it makes her look like a tramp, which settles the matter. Carolyn decides to change.

Vicki goes downstairs to keep Joe entertained while Carolyn changes. (Vicki is the kind of friend you'd trust your boyfriend with). When Vicki comes down, Joe pretends to see a ghost behind her! (Are they going to tease us with this forever??? In the later episodes of this show, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting the ghost... of a dead cat). Vicki tells Joe that the ghosts haven't gotten her yet. How could they? She doesn't believe in them. Joe says he'll remember that trick if his Draft Board comes calling.

Carolyn comes downstairs and not-so-subtly changes their date from a movie to a trip to the Blue Whale. Vicki implores Carolyn not to go looking for You-Know-Who. Joe wants to know who You-Know-Who is, but Carolyn insists that it's just Girl Talk. Nothing important. Joe recalls that the last time he said Girl Talk wasn't important, he ended up wearing his breakfast.

Vicki goes back upstairs, and as she does, the door to the sealed off West Wing of the house opens by itself, and then closes again as Vicki approaches! Vicki thinks it's just David pulling a prank, but he immediately appears right behind her! (This incident was long believed to be the first bona fide supernatural event on the show until The Amazing Randi debunked it.)

David gives Vicki his magazine, making sure that she gets her fingerprints on it. (What can possibly be behind this strange mechanical turn the show is taking??) David asks Vicki about her own father, but she starts to go off again about how she doesn't know who he is because she grew up in a Foundling Home, yada, yada, yada. David asks how does Vicki KNOW she doesn't know her father if she doesn't know who her father is? Maybe she does know him but doesn't know she knows him. Maybe David himself is her father, and it's some kind of weird time travel thing!

Annoyed, Vicki asks David what he's up there for, anyway?? David says that he's one of the Children of the Corn, and that Vicki will soon be destroyed. Vicki promises to make him a Child of the Broccoli, and drags him off by the ear. (Obviously, Vicki still has a lot to learn about creating a Gothic mood).

At the Blue Whale, Joe wants to know what the heck is going on. Back in Episode 2, Carolyn danced with every masher that came to the table. Today, she's rabbit-punched two, and maced a third. Even the one who was wearing Hai Karate! Carolyn finally spots Burke, and makes goo-goo eyes at him to come to their table. As she does, Joe makes dagger-dagger eyes at her.

Back at Collinwood, David is giving Vicki a litany of all the things his father hates, including disco, Burke Devlin, and Vicki herself. Vicki insists that Roger isn't all that bad. How about if she asks him to bring David back some more Junior Terrorist comics when he goes into town tonight?

David perks up at this. Roger is going into town tonight?? And he's taking his car?? Vicki wants to know why David should be so interested. David says oh, no reason, it's just that this is such a dull house that any anecdote is interesting. In fact, David is almost bored enough to hear one of Vicki's Foundling Home stories. Er, note the "almost".


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