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Widow's Hill Notes to Dark Shadows

By Graeme Cree

Horror / Humor

Episode 26

EPISODE 26: Before Vicki can show Liz the bleeder valve she stole from David, he steals it back.

Vicki's opening narration draws big laughs when she describes finding a "Thingie Valve" of some kind in David's room. Her response to the chuckles, "Dammit Jim, I'm a governess, not a mechanic!" is one for the ages.

In the upstairs hallway, David and Vicki catch each other sneaking out of the other one's room. Vicki shows David the valve, and David tries to bluff his way out of it. ("So YOU'RE the one!") When this fails, David tries to wrestle Vicki for the valve. Although Vicki fights like a girl, she fights like a girl about 11 years older than David.

Vicki fights David off using some of the self-defense techniques described in the Dating Guide that Carolyn is writing, and locks the valve up in the bureau in her room. Vicki not only beats David off, but actually outsmarts him into turning his back long enough to be shoved out the door and locked out. (In fact, Vicki shows more competence in this one scene than she did in her entire final year on the show).

At Police Squad, Constable Carter is perusing the evening paper. The lead headline, "Toilet Paper Stolen from Local Police Station, Cops Have Nothing To Go On", leaves a lot to be desired.

Roger drops by just as Carter is eating lunch from Irving's Delicatessen for a change. It seems that the last time Carter ordered from the Coffee Shoppe, he got a bad case of Maggie's Revenge (Like Montezuma's Revenge, but much worse).

Roger just wants to see if Burke is in the Hoosegow yet. Carter says no, he told Roger last episode... er, I mean yesterday, that he didn't have any evidence. Roger acts as though he's unfamiliar with the term. Evi--dense!? A look at the dictionary doesn't expand Roger's vocabulary.

Since he's unfamiliar with the term, Roger tries to ignore it and continue pressuring Carter to arrest Burke. Carter pretends to be too engrossed in the lunch Maggie made him to pay attention to Roger. And when he gets a good look at the lunch itself, he's engrossed... OUT! [In a blatant disregard for continuity, nobody remembers that Carter actually ordered lunch from Irving's Deli today.]

At Collinwood, David is still standing vigil outside Vicki's door, keeping her room under siege, ready to rush in and try to grab the valve the moment the door opens. To make her room seem better defended than it is, Vicki takes a page out of Beau Geste, and puts dead bodies in her windows (there are no shortage of these at Collinwood). David isn't fooled. He knows they aren't alive. He killed half of them himself!

Back at Police Squad, Roger reads a prepared speech to the Constable. Isaac Collins founded this town almost 300 years ago. The Collins family built the town and employs half of its population. And when the Collins family elects a Sheriff, they expect him to do a little more than just fix traffic lights. If an arrest isn't made pronto, Carter may find his own career arrested in the next election. Capiche? Carter says yeah. "In other words, crime not only pays, it pays my salary."

Roger tells Jonas not to get the wrong idea. Of course he doesn't want Carter to manufacture evidence or anything like that. But surely he could... I dunno, beat a confession out of Burke or something.

Or he could at least look a little harder to find some of that... what did you call it? “Evidence”? Carter hasn't even searched Burke's room yet. Carter says there would be no point. If Burke did remove the valve, he would have to be a complete idiot to have kept it. Roger says to search the room anyway. After all, Burke has been hanging around Vicki a lot lately. Maybe some of it has rubbed off!

Back at Collinwood, David breaks off The Siege of Vicki's Room and makes a run for it, only to be stopped by Liz. David tells Liz that Vicki hates him and is likely to make up all kinds of wild stories about him, like... well, just to give a 'for instance', completely at random, she might even claimed that he caused Roger's accident. Sure enough, Vicki comes in at that point, and tells Liz that she found the... Thingie Valve in David's room. Any seriousness that the scene had left is lost when the Sherry that Liz is drinking comes out of her nose.

Back at Police Squad, Carter has gotten a Search Warrant (something else Roger hasn't heard of), to look for a valve that couldn't possibly be there. Despite this, he promises to search Burke's room as thoroughly as though tomorrow were Election Day (the campaign sign in his hand proves it).

Roger wants to come along on the search, but Carter says it would be illegal. Roger isn't an officer. Roger lets himself be deputized to get around this, but the moment he's sworn in, Carter double-crosses him and assigns him to the lavatory cleaning detail.

Back at Collinwood, Vicki starts to tell Liz the whole story from the beginning. When Liz falls asleep, Vicki realizes she needs to start a little later on. Vicki decides to start the story at the point where she found the Bleeder Valve in David's pyjamas. Liz insists on knowing why Vicki was wearing David's pyjamas at all.

After this hilarious misunderstanding is resolved, Vicki tells the story. Liz doesn't believe it, because David just told her that Vicki would try to blame things on him, like, just to pick something at random, Roger's auto accident. And since David said this before Vicki told the story, the story must (somehow) be untrue.

To prove that her story is true, Vicki takes Liz upstairs and tries to show her the valve, but it's now missing from the locked drawer she put it in! But one small consolation, at least Vicki's letter is there this time.


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