EPISODE 28: Burke insists that he was released from prison after five years for good behavior. Constable Carter searches his room anyway.
At Police Squad, Burke is livid about having his room searched, and is reading the Riot Act to Constable Carter. Carter says he wrote the town's Riot Act and already knows what's in it. Most of it is about exiting the theater in single file during a fire, and other stuff that's completely irrelevant to this case.Besides, says Carter, who seems to have trained under Joseph McCarthy, if Burke has nothing to hide, he shouldn't mind having his room searched. (The Supreme Court issued the Miranda Ruling later that same year! Coincidence??)
Burke threatens to sue, but Carter points out that he had a warrant, so Burke would have no case. Burke brags that he has a lawyer who specializes in helping people who have no case, but then remembers that Johnnie Cochran is busy with another case at the moment.
Carter is very interested in some of the contents of Burke's room. For example, that entire drawer full of lady's lingerie. Has Burke got some kind of (heh, heh) private life that nobody knows about? Burke doesn't like the implication, and says of course not. He keeps a supply of that stuff on hand, just in case he needs to bribe any nubile young women. Carter probably noticed that Burke also has a whole drawer full of chocolate bars for the exact same reason. Carter is even more interested now. Exactly what does Burke bribe these women to DO? Burke says "Steal secrets and commit industrial espionage, it's all perfectly innocent!"
As for the search, Carter says it would help if they had another suspect besides Burke. Burke argues that since nobody likes Roger, everybody is a suspect. Carter doesn’t buy it. Around here, killing Roger Collins is like the weather; everyone talks about it but nobody does anything about it.
At the Coffee Shoppe, Maggie finds David, and offers to make him an Ice Cream Sundae. David says he'd rather have one right now. ("If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that joke", grouses Maggie.) There's no reward for finding David, so to keep him around until there is one, Maggie offers to teach David to be a soda jerk. (She doesn't say that he's halfway there already, but we all know she's thinking it.)
At Police Squad, Burke is looking at the wanted posters on the wall. He finds one for his former cellmate, who was apprehended when he got his foot stuck in a bucket of cement. Carter says he has better things to do than stand around chatting about hardened criminals.
Burke tells Carter to get off his back, and storms out. After he leaves, Carter calls his old friend, Commissioner James Gordon in Gotham City for advice. When a voice on the other end of the line tells Carter to "Riddle me this!", Carter decides to call back at a better time.
At the Coffee Shoppe, David is saying he really needs to get out of there before his father arrives... To wait for his father, he means. Maggie tries to get David to stick around by offering to let him play with the soda fountain. David thinks that would be NEAT! Maggie says yeah, it is a lot of fun... unless, of course you spend 40 hours a week chained to the thing, knowing all the while that you're wasting your life away in a low-paying dead-end job, begging in vain for tips from inconsiderate oafs!!! (Maggie has some angst of her own, as you can see).
Maggie asks David why he broke into Burke's room. David insists that he didn’t, but Maggie says the door was broken down. That is David's calling card, isn't it? David is really annoyed by this. "Everybody always blames me for everything that goes wrong around here. And one of these days, you're going to be wrong!"
Roger arrives to collect David, but David disappears before he can. Maggie wants to know what's going on between Burke and Roger. Roger in turn wants to know what's going on between Burke and Sam. Burke enters and wants to know why Roger cares what's going on between Burke and Sam. Burke and Roger both want to know why an ice cream sundae is melting all over Maggie's counter.
Roger wants to know when Burke is getting out of Dodge as promised. Burke says his plans to leave town have changed. Besides, the Sheriff doesn't want him leaving town right now anyway, thanks to Roger, so chew on that! Roger does, and the idea proves to be as indigestible as everything else in the diner.
When Roger leaves, Burke tries to find out what the deal is with Roger and Sam (the only combination of the three that hasn't been mentioned yet). Maggie says that the two of them never saw each other the entire time Burke was in prison, but as soon as he returned to town, they've been together several times. Burke reasons that Sam might know something about Burke's conviction. Burke further reasons that the only thing worth hiding would be information that exonerated him. Burke finally reasons that he'd better start reasoning a little more slowly, or else this will be a really short storyline.
At Police Squad, Roger asks Carter if the background check turned up any dirt on Burke. Carter says that Burke checks out clean. He owns Devlin & Devlin, a New York investment company that buys failing properties and sells them at an obscene profit. Okay, maybe Burke isn't clean, exactly, but he's legal. As legal as any other unscrupulous, money-grubbing rich guy. Er, present company excepted, of course. Roger wants to know who the other Devlin is in this Devlin & Devlin firm. Carter says nobody. Burke just has such a big ego that he put his name on the company twice.
Carter says he also discovered that Burke had a private detective check out the Collins family. So, does Roger have any deep dark secrets that Burke might uncover? Roger says absolutely not. Burke's detective was probably checking out that new governess of theirs. Carter says oh yes, he met old "Pippi Longstory" at Collinwood. Good luck digging up dirt on her. Soap is probably too dirty for Miss Winters.
At the Coffee Shoppe, Burke finally goes upstairs, and David exits the phone booth he's been hiding in all this time. (the little "operator" finally met his match).