EPISODE 31: Burke returns David to Collinwood, and tries to sell the idea that both he and David are innocent, but Roger isn't buying it.
The shock of Burke's revelation is too much for Vicki, who starts narrating ("My name is Victoria Winters...") right in front of Burke, Roger and David. (In Vicki's defense, she claimed that it was that time anyway).
Roger demands to know where Burke got the Letters of Transit. Er, I mean bleeder valve. (Sorry, I was thinking of a more valuable MacGuffin for a moment.) Roger says it doesn't matter, as Burke has been caught red-handed. (Actually, Roger is the one who's red-handed from the sticky red brake fluid that leaks out when he holds the valve the wrong way, but you know what he means).
Vicki reiterates that she found the valve in David's room, not Burke's. All right, says Roger, then David has been caught red-handed, but somebody has been caught red handed (he says as red brake fluid continues to ooze all over his fingers)!
Burke claims that he just found the valve lying by the roadside when he found David, coincidentally just a hundred yards away from where Roger's car crashed. So nobody is red-handed here. Except Roger, of course.
Roger demands to talk to Vicki alone, to try to sort the story out. Burke and David are left alone in the Foyer, and pal around some more. David confesses to having put the valve in Burke's room after it becomes clear that Burke knew about it anyway. David thinks that Burke covering for him is about the most awesome thing he's ever heard of, and says that when he grows up he wants to be just like Burke, and wreak vengeance on the Collins family too! Burke says he'd better change his name to Smith or Jones first, or it will sound silly.
David wants to know why Burke saved him after he tried to get Burke sent to jail and all. Burke says that he thinks David is really a good kid at heart, he's just got a rotten father. Burke thinks maybe they can be friends, and he can help teach David right from wrong, unlike Roger. David thinks it's ironic that Burke is trying to teach him right from wrong by lying to his father. Burke says yeah, well another lesson he wants to teach him is that Rank Hath Its Privileges.
David points out that he really did try to go back for the valve after he found out what a great guy Burke was. Burke says he knows, and that's why he forgives David. As long as they're pals, maybe Burke will even get David a present, like a dog. Or even better, a 12 piece drum set. David thinks that would be awesome, and asks why on earth his father doesn't like Burke. (Burke says he can't imagine.)
In the Drawing Room, Roger is chewing Vicki out for letting the valve out of her sight once she had it (I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that). Vicki says she didn't know there was another key to her dresser, and that she had nowhere else to hide the valve. Roger suggests she could have stuffed it down her blouse (I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that either).
At that moment, Carolyn telephones and tells Roger that Burke and David were seen together at the Collinsport Inn that evening. Roger says you know what that means. Burke's story about finding David by the roadside was a lie! Vicki tries to make excuses. Maybe Burke did find David by the roadside, and took him to the Inn first, to hold him for ransom or something. And maybe he brought David back when he realized that nobody would pay it.
Out in the foyer, David shows Burke a picture of himself and his mother, Laura Murdoch Collins. She and Burke used to know each other, didn't they? Yes, admits Burke. In the Biblical sense. David, who is actually still innocent in one or two areas, asks if this means they went to church together. Not exactly, says Burke, but let's just say he answered a few of her prayers.
Roger wants to talk to Burke now, leaving Vicki and David
alone together. Roger confronts Burke with the fact that he was seen at the Inn
with David, so how could he have found him by the roadside? A well-timed
commercial break gives Burke time to think of an answer. You see, he did find
David by the road. Then they went to the Inn together before coming back here.
And then they went to the crash site to laugh at Roger's misfortune, which is
where Burke found the valve. Mystery solved.
As for why David came to see Burke at all, Burke says that it was for the same reason Carolyn did: To see what the Monster that Roger and Liz kept talking about was really like. Roger says that Burke can't even be a Monster right! If Burke wants to destroy the family, why didn't he destroy David when he had the chance??
Upstairs, David says he hates Vicki for not covering for him. Vicki points out that David hasn't admitted to doing anything that needed covering for, but David tells her she's not getting off on any technicalities. David hopes that a thousand ghosts will come and strangle Vicki on the spot! (Rotsa Ruck there. On the spook front, the show hasn't managed so much as a rattling chain in the attic yet).
When Roger comes up to talk to David, Vicki comes
downstairs, and finds Burke playing Chopsticks on
the piano, very badly (his revenge is taking some bizarre forms). Burke invites
Vicki to join him in a 4-hand number; he's pretty good playing the bass. Vicki
thinks he's just trying to get to first bass with her! Burke warns that
David hates Vicki more than ever, and tells her to stay away from open windows
and cliff tops. Or better yet, go home. Vicki asks why he should care. Burke
says that he likes Vicki and doesn't want her winding up at the bottom of
Widow's Hill. Vicki says the only winding she plans to do is to her watch, and
that she's more interested in seeing the report that Wilbur Strake wrote about
her. Burke says that if she'll come to his hotel room for dinner, he can check
her out himself, er, she can check it out.
David breaks free of Roger and runs into the room where Burke and Vicki are talking, allowing all of today's characters to get together for the big finale. David says his father is a big meanie, and hopes Burke does whatever he's planning to do to him, assuming it's something bad. Roger calls David a little monster, and chases him back out of the room. Burke gives Vicki the "Yankee Go Home" speech again, and storms out too, leaving Vicki alone to carry the rest of the show all by herself. Vicki goes into a little softshoe number, as the episode fades to black.