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Ugly Naked Guy's Transformation

By florence.elise

Humor

Meet the Stalkers

There was a man named Michael who had just moved to New York City.  His first few months in the city had been fine, and nothing was unusual. That soon changed.  One day after he walked into his living room, he noticed something alarming when he looked through his window.  He saw a group of people crowded around a window in an apartment looking at him, grimacing at him, and scrutinizing him.  He brushed it off of his shoulder, expecting it to be a one-time thing. However, it kept happening. The same people would always stare at him, and Michael realized something, he had stalkers.  There were six of them, and they seemed to be best friends.  One of the women in the group of stalkers happened to work at Michael’s favorite coffee shop, Central Perk. The other five were constantly hanging out there, as if they did not even have jobs of their own. Michael always knew where to find them, on the couches, never letting anyone else sit in their spots. He always had to sit in the back of the coffee shop because of it, appearing as though he was just pretending to make conversation in order to make the six friends appear more important.  The friends’ conversations were very interesting, so Michael would listen in on them, and he found out a lot about his stalkers because of it.  The waitress was constantly on-again, off-again with another member of the group, who was a paleontologist with three divorces.  He was quite competitive when it came to being right, and he was always trying to prove that “WE WERE ON A BREAK!”  Michael never understood what that meant.  Next, there was a woman who sang songs about cats that smelled.  Another had been on a soap opera, but he was killed in the show by an elevator shaft. He was as dumb as a sack of rocks. There was also a very sarcastic man who put too much emphasis on the word “be.”  Lastly, there was the culinary expert, the divorce guy’s sister, who was a clean freak.  She too was extremely competitive; like brother, like sister.

One of Michael’s most horrifying days was caused by his stalkers.  He had just finished jumping on his gravity boots and was pretty exhausted.  After that he decided to take a nap, which turned into a rather long nap.  To his dismay, he woke to something poking him repeatedly.  He had no idea what it could be. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw a large stick made from a bunch of chopsticks that was going from the balcony of his stalkers’ apartment, through his window, and touching him!  When he turned to see who all was doing it, he saw this magnificent thing. Suddenly, the poking did not bother him anymore. Standing in his gaze was the blonde girl who sang all of the strange songs. He had never realized how beautiful she was, and he knew from the second he saw her there that he was in love.  There was one problem. He had never been very good with the ladies. He was  quite large; he was almost as big as a mobile home. He walked around his home nude, which the ladies did not like so much. He felt like the only way she would notice him was if he slimmed down and wore clothes. So, he joined Weight Watchers and went clothes shopping to win her over.

Two months had gone by and Michael was thin and clothed. He decided to go to Central Perk in hopes that the woman of his dreams would be there. He walked up to the door leading to the coffee shop, took a deep breath, and walked in. Unfortunately, she was not there.  A few minutes later, one of his stalkers walked in.  It was one of his stalkers, the one that had been a soap opera star.

He looked around and said, “Mike!”

Hearing the other name Michael went by, he said, “Yeah?”

The old soap opera star walked up to him and said his name was Joey and that he needed Michael’s help. Joey asked Michael to agree to go on a blind date with a woman named Phoebe. However, there was an issue with Joey’s request. Michael was still in love with the woman on the balcony, and he did not want to go on a date with anyone else.

So he tells Joey, “I’m sorry, but I am in love with someone and I do not want to jeopardize anything with her.”

Then, he walked out of Central Perk, onto the street, and when he turned, he saw a truck coming toward him at full speed. Everything went black.
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Chapters
1. Meet the Stalkers
Further Recommendations

veeranng: This has become one of my best novels of all time...This story has the right amount of humour...I was hooked to it from the start and i was not able to keep my phone down for like entire 4 hours...The characters are all so adorable and relatable...The plot and the dialogues are just fantastic...I...

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

JulieJeanette: I'm only on chapter nine, but so far I am loving this story!. I am on pins and needles hoping that they find good men in their lives by the end. I am American and so the British tone and lingo ('knickers,' 'sod it' ) of the book is very appealing. I had to find out how much '12 stone' was by goog...

M.Jones: Its rare i come across stories with women relationships and its rather realistic, but at the same time its as a fantasy in terms of a shinning knight and a princess type style. The only thing was I was having some issues at parts with keeping track of who was saying what and who was talking at ti...

mcase: I really enjoyed this story. Felt drawn to Cami as a genuine person. Great characters with funny honest perspective. Many subplots made this continually interesting. I was never bored and thought the overall plot was intriguing. I do wish that some elements had been excluded, such as some extrane...

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

Jaslyn: I loved reading this so much!! The transformation of Nina's self-esteem was incredible to read, and while I was rooting for Parker halfway through, I was very satisfied when Harrison and Nina finally got everything straight. The side characters were adorable - I especially loved Anna, Richel, Mic...

romboili000: No a fence to the people who wrote those reviews but u are being to judgmental for a few silly little mistakes anyway I really like your story maybe go back and try to fix those mistakes but also please do not give up I really liked your story. And I know you can get far with it so yeah.

Destiny Lee: This is amazing. It's totally realistic - cool girls have flaws, too, okay?? Totally awkward girl picks up her mom's old bass from her garage, messes around, and realizes, hey, maybe I can move on after all. She has moments where everything's hopeless for her, after all, an alcoholic dad and a fl...

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asianzwerg: its cliche, but in a good way. it captured my attention at once and ate its way through to my heart. it made me feel lots of emotions, from wanting to rip my hair out to crying myself to sleep coz irs just. stuck. in. my. mind.