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The Order

By hayme

Scifi / Action

Chapter 1


In a galaxy far, far away. Over the planet of Coruscant, two jedi knights lead a desperate mission, with the help of the 301st clone legion, to rescue Chancellor Palpatine from the clutches of General Grievous.

Static came over the receiver as the pilot deftly avoided the incoming trade federation drop fighters with the speed of a racing falcon. They circled around and their guns were locked onto the clone gunship. The pilot began to dive, spin, and turn to avoid them.

The static cut out in the pilot’s headset and a voice said, “It’s time to go. What is taking so long?” The ship shuddered from the buffeting of one of the enemy fighters.

The pilot said into his receiver, “Sorry general, I’ve got two drop fighters on my tail.”

A second voice replied, “We’ll help you. Where are you?” The pilot dove down, attempting to throw off the enemy ships.

“I’m nearing the flag ship on the starboard side, sir.” He dove again and turned sharply to the left. The ship moved with the swiftness of a bird.

“Alright, we are on our way. Hold in there.” The pilot turned on the boosters and swerved to the right. The ships fired at him so he dove the ship down, and again, he swerved to the right.

He yelled back to the men in his ship, “Hold on guys. It’s about to get rough.” He pulled back and put the ship into a steep incline. The second voice came back over the receiver.

“Alright, we are behind you. Try to level out so we can get to them.” The ship leveled out and it was not long before the flash of light and sound of two explosions reached the cockpit. “Woohoo! Got ‘em!” said the second voice over the receiver.

“Anakin, please try to be professional. Let’s head over to the flagship. We’ll cover you Aero, you get those clones in there.” Aero turned the gunship left and headed for one of the hangars.

Then he said into the receiver. “Lucky for us, It won’t take much to take out these clankers. There aren’t many and they are pretty basic droids” Aero turned on his guns and began to lock in on the droids in the hangar. The first round of fire was a wave that ripped through the hangar and those droids who weren’t hit scrambled for cover. The two jedi fighters zipped past the gunship on both sides and they headed for the landing zones. The pilot shot two rockets at the small pockets of droids in the way and cleared out the landing space. Anakin and the other jedi landed and jumped out of their ships. Their lightsabers blazed to life and deflected the incoming enemy fire with the precision of an X-acto knife. They ran forwards and took out the remaining droids, then they turned and signaled for Aero to land as some more droids ran into the hangar.

He yelled back to the men in his ship, “It’s go time! We’re going in.”



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Erica: La trama es muy interesante y original y eso ya dice muchísimo cuando todos tratan de triunfar con ideas ya trilladas.No puedo opinar en detalle sobre la gramática, porque a pesar de entender el inglés a la perfección, la falta de uso en cuanto a lectura y diálogo hacen que me maneje bastante mal...

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kim: This is great! Maybe it could just be a little more specific. One of the keys to great writing is describing things in detail. I think you're off to a great start. I wish you much luck.

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