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Bachelor King #1

By Chayanne2

Other / Humor

Chapter 1

Hey, there! My name is Akanthodis KyvernΓ‘. Want to make it simple? Just call me Spiny. Before you have the great pleasure of enjoying these stories and adventures, I'd like to tell you some things about me and the other main characters.

I'm a dinosaur, a Spinosaurus. In human years, I'd be 14 years old. I'm also the King of my country, Amarkia. It is mostly inhabited by dinosaurs and other extinct creatures. But Amarkian dinosaurs are much, much peaceful, creative, intelligent, and advanced than dinosaurs in movies or TV shows. But we still have humans as citizens and they come from pretty much everywhere. Our culture is even more diverse and varied than that of America. Here in Amarkia, we do not tolerate prejudice.

Anyways, Amarkia has existed for 95 million years.

Enough of that, let's get on to the story.

It was August 25. First day of school. The alarm crashed the early morning silence at 6:45 am. I-yawn!-reached over and tried to...hey! Where was the alarm anyway? Why wasn't it turning off?

I got my face out from under the pillow and...huh. The alarm clock was there all right, but it wasn't turning off. What the...oh, now I know what was happening!

"Larry!!" I yelled looking over at his bed. Well, surprise! He wasn't there.

This guy didn't even rest even for a day. I'd been having to take this for the past 1,700 years. In case you're wondering, it really is that bad. Believe me, you could never get used to Larry. With him you never know if he'll let the air out of all your tires or even put the exhaust pipe on the inside.

Well, that put aside, I got up and walked over to the bathroom in my room. I stared at myself a good long time in the mirror. "Well, Spiny Kyverna, this is it. It's either now or never. Ready to plunge into the social nightmarish world of 8th grade."

Really optimistic, right?

Well anyways, I slipped out of my pajamas and ran the hot shower. The early morning sun glistened through the window, reflecting the golden walls of the bathroom.

After I showered, I got dressed and started combing my hair. I know it's not that popular today anymore, but I like wearing my hair long and in layers. I remember seeing it once in the early 80s. Don't remember exactly where, but I liked it and started using it.

And considering that People's magazine continues to place me on their list of the Most Beautiful People in the World year after year, I guess it's okay.

Once I was dressed and had my school books and binders ready, I got my backpack and stepped into the hallway. It was the same story every year on the first day. I was the only one awake on time and ate breakfast mostly alone.

I reached into my pocket and unlocked the silverware cabinet. When I mean silverware, I really do mean silverware. I sat down to eat and...splash!...okay that did it!

"Larry will you please cut that out?!"

He popped out of nowhere right in front of me. "Why? I don't have any scissors!"

"Larry, that's an old joke."

"Well, it's a very old scissor."

"That's not funny."

"Neither is the scissor."

"Larry, will you please shut up for once in your life and do something constructive? Like eating breakfast or getting everyone else up so we won't be late."

"All right. I'll go wake them up. I'll just use my taser."

"Oh no you don't!" I grabbed him by the shoulder and stopped him before he went back upstairs. "You're not using anything extreme on anybody."

He shrugged. "Or I could just sit down."

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, that's a good idea."

We started eating in silence and waited for everyone else to come down. "Good morning, Spiny," said a voice. I looked up with my mouth full of cereal.

"Oh, hey Kathy," I said to my sister. "You're finally up, aren't you?"

She crossed her arms. "Hey, we still got half an hour left."

"Yeah, but that half an hour includes dropping off Greeny and Robert at the elementary school."

"Chill, Spiny." She threw her bookbag aside and made herself a fruit smoothie. She's not exactly dietary, but she's...well, kind of vain.

"Don't you eat real food?" Larry said.

"This is real food. And it's a hundred times healthier than what you're eating!"

Larry looked down at his plate. His plate and I were like night and day. He had tons of marshmallows covered in powdered sugar, frying oil and another layer of powedered sugar.

Well I certainly hoped that he wasn't planning to run in a marathon.

"Mornin'!" My brother Robert walked in with his usual outfit to the first day of school. Torn pants, a shirt that was inside out and backwards, and two different types of socks.

Typical fifth-grader. That's pretty obvious.

Patty, my cousin, and Greeny, my six-year-old brother came running in, their hair still wet. I smiled at both. "Well, well, well. Come in Prince Phillip and Auntie May. Just in time to catch the last twister to school."

"I'm not Phillip, I'm Greeny," he said.

"It's a metaphor, Greeny," said Patty, sitting down and pushing the hair out her face.

"What's a metaphor?" he asked, placing the cloth napkin in his lap.

"You don't know about those things, 'cause you're still too dumb," said Robert.

"I am not!"

"Robert, don't start!" I warned.

Well, to least to say that breakfast was uneventful. Well, with ten minutes and nothing to spare, we all finished and jumped into our family car...which is nothing short of a stealth fighter.

I guess it's not easy to call it a family car when it was originally designed to go inside tornadoes. And it's also got a time machine/teleportation device. Or laser cannons. Or built-in RPGs. Or...well, okay, you get the picture.

Please forgive me, but this is the first time I've written my life's happenings. And even though I'm 10,400 years old (fourteen in non-Amarkian human, for health reasons), I've never really thought that telling the story of my life would be important.

But, as they say, just in case.

Anyways, we dropped off Greeny and Robert at Saurosuchus Elementary School and went on to our own death sentence...or better known...middle school.

Believe me, even here in Amarkia, it's that bad.

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