Velvet of black, roses of red, rivers of blood
She remembered it now, every word she had heard that day. The elleth that had visited her father's home was an old friend of his, from way back during the great journey. She had been a child back then, maybe six or seven, running around on stubby legs, being so innocent and cute. The elleth had petted her on her head and grinned, offered her sweets which her father had confiscated later on. An elfling on a sugar high was not what he wanted within his house that day.
She hadn't understood then, the elleth was renowned for her ability to foresee things which were to come. She had sighed and caressed the little one's bright red locks and then she said it. " Take all the joy you can little one, and enjoy every day of happiness for I see such sorrow in your future"
Mahtan had abruptly told her to keep her mouth shut and stop frightening the elflings and the elleth hadn't spoken but her eyes had been weird and so she had felt a bit scared. Why she didn't know, but she soon forgot about it, until this very day.
She felt his arms around her, the warmth of his body and she could hear the steady beating of his heart, she had never been happier so why this sudden fear? This almost paralyzing sense of doubt? Her father had once compared the future with a huge and beautiful tree with lots of strong branches. You could follow it from root to top but for each choice you made the other branches, the other options did disappear, you couldn't go back, ever. She had just jumped from one branch to another, chosen a different future, and she now knew what the old elleth had been talking about.
Take all the joy, and she had. He was breathing steadily, eyes glazed with sleep and she knew she loved him. Eru how she loved him, he was her everything. With him she wanted a future, a family, to be complete. They had skipped the traditions, given a damn about the so called rules. One should be betrothed for at least a year before marrying but they had never officially gotten betrothed. They had kept their feelings as a secret, not even her father knew how serious they were.
But their love was strong, fierce, burning like the passion within their hearts and now there was no way back. They were married according to the rules made by the valar. They had wanted to wait, but it had gotten more and more difficult and so it had happened. They had crossed the line, joined their bodies and faer and were now one being in the eyes of Eru,
She had to giggle, had to go through the memories yet again, just to confirm to herself that yes, it was true. She was his wife now, as he was her husband. They had taken a ride out into the countryside, found a nice grove of trees by a small lake and had eaten the food she had brought. Then they had chatted for a while and small kisses became caresses became deeper kisses became a burning hunger she only had felt the very start of earlier.
And so they forgot everything, forgot the world itself in this consuming blaze of pure need, of desperate desire. Clothes were shed and discarded, hands were roaming everywhere, caressing hard muscle and soft skin and she had wanted it, by everything holy how she had wanted it. And it felt right, it felt like the most sacred thing she had ever done, even if it did hurt, quite a lot. But it was expected, it was a sacrifice, and the joy of it so much stronger than her discomfort.
He had whispered his vows and so had she, overwhelmed by the sacredness of the very moment, of the purity of their emotions. She had wept, and so had he, in sheer joy. They had rested a little, laying there close together, yet unable to say anything except small words of commitment, of love. Her heart had swelled with love, with a happiness she had fought impossible before.
Then the desire reawakened, their bodies young and strong and her curiosity got the better of her. She wanted it again, even if she felt sore. She wanted to feel him inside of her, feel him move, hear him moan her name in absolute rapture and know that it was she who gave him this pleasure, this bliss. This time she had followed him and screamed his name as she came, felt how he too reached that realm of sheer and pure ecstasy.
When they both were sated and lay there sweaty and breathing hard she had to laugh, thinking about the advice so many had tried to give her. Some of the vanyar were so pious they believed that such activities ought to be performed only with the purpose of conception and never for joy, and a females place was under her husband with her eyes closed and her mind occupied with prayers. As if that was at all possible, she forgot about Eru when she was in his arms, and she didn't even feel ashamed of it.
They lay there, close together, resting and at peace and she turned her head. Her braids had come undone as had his, and she watched how locks of their hair got mingled together. She grasped some, braided them together. A braid of velvety black and rose red, like a piece of art. It was beautiful but her fingers stopped braiding after a few turns, she slowed down, stared at the braid laying between them. Seven times the red and the black were mixed down the braid, seven…
She suddenly felt a sting of fear, as is she knew something, something terrible she couldn't remember, something her mind couldn't touch in fear of going insane. To her inner eye she saw that red, surrounded by blackness and it became a river, a river of flowing blood slowly snaking it's way through absolute darkness. She let go of the braid with a gasp, as if she had gotten stung. Then she undid it, fast, without waking him up. The prophecy of the old elleth would come true, great sorrow was to come and she wondered when it would sink its claws into her, and in what shape it would come. Trembling she pressed herself closer to his warm body, to the safety of his scent and his strength. He would protect her wouldn't he? Nothing bad would happen as long as he was there, she was being silly, paranoid, Scared by some old stupid female out to seek attention. She was his wife now, the wife of Fëanor son of Finwe and her future would be bright, wonderful.
With that in mind she fell asleep, tired from all the emotions and the huge leap they had taken.
When she woke up he was awake and leaned down, kissed her lovingly. " We'd better get back home, before they start looking for us"
She got a weird sensation then, a peculiar feeling of not being alone within herself, a sense of something having been completed. She stopped dressing, stood there, listening to her own body and then she knew, there was no doubt. Eru what have we done?! She didn't say the words but she somehow knew that whatever the old elleth had told her, she was now on the path towards it, and there was no turning back.
"What is it love?"
His voice was a bit nervous, he had been so worried that he would hurt her and his desire and passion were so untamable, so strong. She closed her eyes, gathered her courage. " We need to go to father today, and tell him."
He frowned. " Why so fast?"
She took his hand, held it against her still flat stomach. "Because!"
At first he didn't understand, then he too sensed it, she saw how that knowledge spread through his entire fêa. He let out a small mewling sound, then he hugged her, swung her around, whooped with joy. " Oh beloved, it is wonderful, this fast? We only did it twice and you are already carrying new life? Eru is blessing our union Nerdanel, he really truly is blessing us"
The warmth and sheer joy of his voice, within his eyes and entire being made her smile too, made her hide her doubt, her fear. " Yes my love, indeed he has blessed us. Indeed we are in his favor."
She closed her eyes, clinging to him, praying that her words were true, not only a hope born out of childlike innocence. Not a daydream doomed to die. Praying that her vision of a river of blood flowing from their union was just a nightmare, just a lie, not real. But deep in her heart Nerdanel already knew, take whatever joy you can, claim it as your own, keep it within your heart for the years, the long cold lonely years they will come. As inevitable as day follows night they will come and the memories will be all that gives you warmth, that gives you hope….
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