My dad and I are outside waiting for Caleb to answer the door, or anyone for that matter. Since my dad is this big government person he has a lot of work to do with the other government people in this town and right now, we are invited to Andrew Prior's family for dinner. Tobias has been saying for a month now that he wants to change faction, that he doesn't want to stay in Abnegation anymore. Every time I see him in secret, I'm hoping that he is going to say that he has changed his mind, but I have a feeling since it's the day before the Choosing Ceremony that he isn't going to stay. That's why this dinner isn't going to be very fun.
Caleb opens the door and he lets us come in. He is the only person who knows I am dating his brother Tobias and the only person that knows that my father blames me for my mother death. My dad or Marcus has been or is an abusive father, but I know how to hide my feelings, but then again I have had some practice. When we come in the door we see Natalie and Andrew talking with Tobias. When they see us coming in the stop talking. The only thing I hear is that Andrew is telling Tobias that he loves him anyway.
"Beatrice it's so nice to see you again, how are you?" Natalie asks.
She is so nice, I have always envied Caleb and Tobias parents. They seem so nice and lovable.
"I'm fine, how are you?" I ask, not to draw attention to myself.
"I'm fine thank you." She says. Then I see Andrew nod and wave to me and I do the same back.
"Beatrice come." Caleb says to me half way up the stairs. I turn toward Marcus or my father, for his approval and he nods, then I turn to walk upstairs towards Caleb's room. I'm used to being here, it's nice and cozy. I'm glad that he isn't the one who is 16 and has his Choosing Ceremony tomorrow. I don't know what to do without him, since he is my best friend. There I go it again, my not selfless side, but then I know that he is not going to stay in Abnegation either, he has always been fan of books, and I have a feeling he is going to choose Erudite, but then again he likes book, so no surprise there. I think I want to chooses Dauntless they seem cool and I know I can't stay in Abnegation with Marcus, I'm not going to survive here. First reason is that I can't stay with Marcus, second is that I'm not selfless enough.
"What are you thinking about?" Caleb asks, ruining my moment of thinking.
"Just what I want to choose for my Choosing Ceremony." I say. I can tell Caleb anything, he is like a brother to me, which is kind of weird since I'm dating his brother.
"Is this because of Tobias or Marcus?"
"Maybe -" I say being interrupted
"Maybe what?" asks Tobias. I didn't realized he was in the room and the first thing that come to my mind is if he heard anything about Marcus.
"Nothing" I say to quickly, I realized.
" What did mom and dad say?" Caleb ask, noticing my nervousness, which I shouldn't be, since he is my boyfriend and everything. Caleb thinks I should tell him about Marcus, but I don't want to. Caleb is the only person who knows about my father and I don't want Tobias to know anything about my father that might change his mind about me. Caleb told me once that that is just something I think and that Tobias really likes me, but I still don't want to tell. Now when I know or I'm pretty sure he is leaving.
"Just how I should choose what faction tomorrow based on what his going to be right for me and not think of anything else or anyone else." He says looking at me with the last few words he says. I can't help, but to turn to look at Caleb when he looks at me.
"It sounds like mom said that, but what did dad say?" Caleb ask pointing at the chair where I can sit. I go and sit down on the chair looking only at Caleb, which I do by the way feel bad about.
"Are you ignoring me on purpose, Beatrice?" He asks me. For some reason I can't bring my eyes to look at him, I guess I'm kind of upset that he hasn't said anything about what he is doing tomorrow, but then again I don't want him to stay, because I know I'm not going to stay.
"Are you going to answer my question or not?" Caleb asks, knowing that I really don't want to talk about this.
"Dad isn't happy about what mom said, but he pretty much told me that he loved me anyways." Tobias said.
When he said that Caleb eyes turns to me. I have a feeling it's because my dad never tells me he loves me and mean it. Caleb has been very careful not to use words like that around me, which I think is nice. I guess the only person who told me they loved me was my mom before she died, but then again I know Caleb loves me as a sister and a friend. He just hasn't told me yet because he isn't sure if I'm going to break down or not.
"Did I disturb, because I can leave, I guess mom and dad would be pleased if I came down again." Tobias says. "What do you think Beatrice?"
"You did disturb us, but I guess you can stay." Caleb says.
"Beatrice?" Tobias says.
"It's not my room, Caleb decides." I say, which I just realized might make him more upset with me.
"Are you upset with me or something?" Tobias ask.
"Why would you think that?" I ask looking at him.
"I don't know, since it's pretty much the first time you have looked at me today."
"Well I'm sorry about that, but it's not me who is leaving my boyfriend with a lot of unanswered questions"
"What kind of questions?"
"Like 'are you leaving tomorrow' or 'is this going to be goodbye'." I says. " You know what, you forget that, are you changing faction tomorrow?"
"So this is goodbye then?"
"It doesn't have to be."
"Yeah right! We are still going to be together when you live in another faction? Like that's going to work!"
"It could work."
"No Tobias it can't, you know that and I know that!"
"Please Beatrice stop shouting" Caleb says. I look at him and I know he is right.
"Are you going to break up with me or not?" I ask looking at Tobias.
"Not, I'm not going to break up with you."
"It's dinner guys!" Natalie is calling us for dinner. Just perfect timing.
"Coming!" Caleb shouts back.
"Guys can we have this conversation after dinner?" Caleb asks.
"No we can't. If you aren't going to do it, then I have to. Goodbye
Tobias." And with that I walk out the door and downstairs where my father is looking at me with those eyes: you have done something wrong and you are going to get when we come home. I just nod and go to the table.
Dinner goes by quickly, there isn't much talking between Caleb, Tobias and me, but than again, we aren't supposed to talk. My dad and Caleb parents had some kind of discussion about work when we are eating, which in my point of view, isn't really interesting, but Caleb looked pretty interested. I haven't looked at Tobias once after what I said. I want to take him up to his room and say 'I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said' and make out with him, but then again I don't want to say anything, maybe just that he should choose what he feels is right, something like what his mother said.
"Beatrice do you want to go up?" Tobias asks me when we are done eating. I don't know what to say, since my father looked at me with the face that I did something wrong, so I look at him and I could see that he was going to hit me a few times when we came home, but he nods so I say thank you for the food and take my plate to the kitchen, before I go up the stairs with Tobias.
When we came to his room, I closed the door and he walks toward me and put me up against the door.
"I'm going to kiss you now." Is all he said. The next thing I know, is that I have my lips on his. I'm going to miss him so much. It's so crazy. I really really like him and I really don't want him to leave, but I know I have to do this.
"Tobias," I said pulling my face away from him, even though it's pretty hard since he had me up against the door.
"Tobias, you are leaving." This is not the way I wanted to start this conversation, but here it goes.
"I'm leaving yes, but that doesn't mean we don't have now Beatrice."
"Okay, but I still have to say this-"
"Say what?" He said moving away from me now.
"You have to choose what you want to choose. Don't choose anything that is going to help me, choose something that you will feel good about. I know you aren't going to come back to Abnegation, but if you do come back, which I hope is not happening, I'm going to feel it's because of me, and I don't want. I want you to choose something or somewhere where you know that you are going to be happy, somewhere you find new friends, maybe even a new girlfriend, because we both know we are going to have to break up. The only thing I'm saying is that, you have to choose something you love, somewhere where you are going to feel you can be safe. Okay?" I hope this makes him feel like I care. I don't know if I could say it any better, without saying something that might mislead him to think that I love him, because I don't know that I know what love is, because no one has loved me.
"Beatrice, I'm not going to get a new girlfriend, I really like you and I don't want anyone else." Is that all he got out of that whole essay I told him?
"Fine then don't get a new girlfriend, just choose a faction you know you will be happy in. I really care about you and I really like you too and the only thing I want now is to make sure you are going to be okay and happy, okay?"
"Okay" He says smiling at me. I walk up to him and kiss him and kisses me to.
"Beatrice - oh sorry I will knock" Caleb says walking out of the room.
"Caleb you annoying person come in here." I say laughing at him.
"What is it?"
"You have to go home now."
"Okay," I say knowing that when I come home, my dad is going to hit me and that isn't really a happy thought, but then again, knowing that Tobias isn't going to be here tomorrow isn't an happy thought either. I turn to him and kiss him.
"Promise me to choose somewhere you feel good about, somewhere you will be safe, okay?"
"I promise." He said kissing me back.
"Bye Caleb." I say looking at him. " Bye Tobias." I say turning to look at Tobias, and I walk out the door, trying everything I can to hold back my tears.
"Bye!" Was the last thing I heard from Tobias.
I go down stairs and see my dad saying bye to Caleb's parents.
"Bye Beatrice." Natalie and Andrew say when I came down.
"Where are the boys, they should come down and say bye too, especially Tobias." Natalie says. "Tobias and Caleb, can you come down and say goodbye?"
"Coming mom!" Caleb shouts back. He came running down, but there is no sign of Tobias.
"Where is Tobias?" Andrew asks.
"He said I have to say bye for him," Caleb says. " So bye Marcus
and Beatrice, it's been nice seeing you again." He said looking at me and giving me an apologetic look.
"Bye." I said and walked out the door, with tears in my eyes.
I have showered and I'm now lying in my bed. I'm lying on my side, because my back hurts too much. He hit so many times, one reason was because I didn't come down right away when it was dinner at Caleb and his family place, and the other reason was that he missed mom a lot so it helped hitting me. That night I cry myself to sleep, because of my back and because of Tobias.
My dad has already gone to the Choosing Ceremony and work and I hear other people coming through our street. I'm still in bed, I don't want to wake up or be up. I can hear people talking and it sounds as if the Choosing Ceremony is done, which makes it official, Tobias is no more Abnegation. I wonder where he is now. I walk down stairs to get something to drink when I hear someone knock on the front door. I walk towards the door and I have this feeling that I'm hoping it is Tobias, but then again I don't want it to be.
I open the door and I see Caleb.
"You want to come in?" I say and he only nods. We go up to my room and just sit there.