I - Prologue
It was a warm morning when Hoseok left his home.
His spirit was high when he first went out to start his day. Yet right this moment, just as he reaches the crowded street with people passing him by, the less joyful he is slowly becoming.
His footsteps are still light as he continues to walk down the sidewalks, but his nerves are all over the place. He fumbles with the strap of his briefcase hanging on his shoulder as he walks by, as he tries to put his attention elsewhere just so he can make it all the way to where he needs to be.
He still has about an hour left before he has to be in his office. With no more time to spare, he makes a quick turn to make a short stop at the diner a block away from his office building. He looks around the moment he enters the room, smiling brightly with relief when he finds the seat that he usually takes completely vacant while you have taken the seat that you have always chosen to sit on for your morning meal.
Without any hesitation, Hoseok slides into the booth, sitting down and facing you while you have your eyes looking out the window beside you.
The morning sunlight streams through the windows, directly illuminating the entire dining room and bringing its warmth within. But Hoseok could not care less about any other part of the room, nor the other crowd bustling around him in that small diner.
He only has his eyes on one thing; you.
The only thing he cares about doing now is to admire you silently, to revel on the beautiful sight before him, admiring how serene you look as you look out the window, as if you are watching closely at the world evolving and moving around you. His chest feels warm as he watches you marvelling the life outside this small diner with eyes full of wonder, and he enjoys absorbing as much sight as he could to keep all of this in his memories. He wants to remember how the sunlight brightens your face, making you glow so bright, so captivating to his eyes that he barely notices anything else around him.
“The usual?” the waitress comes by his table, pulling his attention away from you briefly.
“Yeah, the usual. Thank you,” Hoseok give her a quick answer before his eyes return to you again, while you don’t even notice the exchange ever happening, still lost in your own world.
He has no problem with it at all, however, for it only gives him more chance of being able to continue watching you, staring at you as much as he could.
His lips curl into a small smile when a smile grows on your face and your eyes sparkle with joy. He has no idea what it is you are currently watching out there, but he always feels glad to see it when you are smiling, even if he is not the one to put it on your face. Your hair falls over to the side of your face and he clenches his fists tightly on the table, resisting the urge to lean forward and tuck the stray strands behind your earlobe to get it out of the way.
But he cannot do it. No matter how much he wishes for it, he can no longer do anything to reach out to you.
Not when you are too far out of reach even when you are close. Even when you are right there, right in front of his very own eyes.
One year ago, he would be sitting in this booth, enjoying his breakfast and coffee while chatting along with you. The sound of your laughter to his silly jokes would be enough to help him make it through the day, no matter how rough his day would be, and your hands would find each other on the table, refusing to let go until the very last minute of your morning together. You would be looking up to him with curious eyes filled with awe and love, giving him the very same look that you are currently giving to the rest of the world instead of only to him, and you would give him a warm smile that could always make him feel more alive. You would be sitting here together before the two of you would part ways to your separate workplaces with a parting kiss that would linger on his lips even until later, until he could be reunited with you again when the day was over.
Today, you are sitting on the next table, without even noticing him sitting there all alone. Your eyes are searching at anything else but him, as if he is merely a shadow, just another patron amongst the rest.
Today, he is invisible to you. Just another person that you would look past without any recognition in your eyes even if you are looking straight at his way. His name will no longer be the one you call when you smile and his hands will no longer be the ones you reach out to when you feel lonely.
Because he is no longer a part of your memory and he has no place in your heart. He is no longer the person who is worth a single glance coming from you when you walk past by, when you are moving on with your new life in which he is no longer a part of.
It was years ago when Hoseok first began coming into this diner in the morning, before making it a tradition which he had to do before going about with his day. The tradition which he had built together with you once you started living with him.
Yet he still comes into this place each and every morning even after you had stopped being a part of his life all those months ago. Because this place was the final piece of thread that he could still hold on to from the relationship and the love that he had lost. The final piece of what he had with you that he still had left.
It was only about a month ago when you suddenly walked through the front door, finding your way into the diner on your own. Seeing you there had him hoping at first, allowing him to think that maybe there was still a tiny piece of your memory left behind to lead you here. The hope had kept on building the more he kept seeing you coming to this diner every morning since then, though it would always shatter apart each time you fail to return his gaze or whenever you show no sign of acknowledging his presence nearby.
But that never stops him from coming back. Always with a new hope that maybe one day things will change, that maybe next time you will finally notice him, or remember the reason why you always feel the pull that leads you back into this diner at the exact same time you used to share your mornings with him.
A part of him knows that those hopes are nothing but wishful thinking. But he keeps them with him the whole time anyway, for those thoughts have become the only thing keeping him alive and breathing since the day he was forced to let you go.
He continues to watch you from the distance as you pay for your meal and ready to go, dreading the fact that he will have to watch you walk away from him. Again.
He still has his eyes on you when you finally leave your booth, passing his table on your way out of the diner.
Look at me.
Turn to me.
He keeps watching you closely with hopeful eyes, inwardly begging for you to notice him, to at least give him a brief glance, to give him a small smile like the one you would give to the waitress at the front, or better yet, to find any semblance of recognition the moment you meet his eyes. In the end, he would never find out if you have ever seen him the way he wants you to before you are suddenly gone, for he always turns to look away on the very moment you are walking past by his table. The only thing you leave behind once you are gone from his sight would be the shadow of your footsteps and the jingle sound of the bell above the front door as it snaps back to close.
Pathetic, he curses at himself, groaning defeatedly at his inability to face the truth, to face the disappointment of having you not knowing who he is. Even if the sweet words you had always whispered to him at night still remain in his mind, only for him to remember.
Slipping a few cash under his empty plate to pay up for his meal, Hoseok pushes himself out of the booth and forces himself to walk out. This part is always the hardest, when he is forced to keep his chin up and his shoulders straight as he returns to his life and goes on about his day.
To continue living without you being a part of it as if you had not taken a huge part of him with you when you left.
