I know that you’re angry and hurt right now,
And for all that you believe, you’re right to feel that way.
But I have to believe that, for as much as you’re inclined to trust what your eyes see, you believe in me too.
I love you, Clarke.
And I feel ill at the thought of writing it here before I can even have the chance to say it out loud first, to you.
But it’s the simple and undeniable truth.
I’m writing you this letter from another plane that will take me to you, another journey that I hope will end with you waiting for me.
I never hid the fact that I was afraid of what our relationship would be like since we would have to be apart a lot, I almost lost you before we could even be something.
And now we’re here, and I’m losing you again…
Clarke, I want to be with you, I really do, you have no idea how much you became important to me, and it’s because of this that I’m ready to let you go if you think that you can’t do this. That it’s too hard.
I understand. I’ve already been there.
I truly believe that you’re someone that deserves only the best, and if you think that I can’t give you that, I won’t hold on to you, I’ll let you go, if that’s what you want.
But if you’ll give me a chance to prove myself to you,
If you’ll give me the chance to show you that I will learn how to be the best for you, I swear I’ll do anything in my power to stay true to this promise.
I love you, Clarke.
And I think you love me too, so I’m asking you to believe in me.
Believe in us.
Because I do. What about you?
I’m an idiot.
I don’t know what you’re still doing with me, to be honest.
I’ve been trying to find the perfect moment and each time something comes up and ruins all my plans. Apparently I’m not as good with preparations as Octavia is, that gene must’ve all gone to her, since everything she does turns out perfectly.
I’m actually jealous of my sister’s organization skills. And she’s also the messiest person I know! Her work station is a disaster…
Okay, I’m digressing though, as I said before. Me? An idiot.
An idiot in love with the most amazing woman in the world.
Every important moment of our life together has been marked by letters.
We found each other after five years thanks to a letter. And then we fell in love writing letters to each other. So, I thought that maybe I should do this through a letter, too.
We fight, a lot.
You drive me crazy sometimes, for how much you make me feel. Nothing with you is mild or insignificant.
Everything with you is heightened.
Every time you’re angry at me I feel like I want to be angry at you too but at the same time I’m completely and helplessly at your mercy.
Since the moment we’ve been together, you’ve stood by my side and never once make me feel like you didn’t believe in me, or us.
You’ve become my muse and the light of my life.
You, with your infuriating stubbornness and contagious laugh. You, with your almost creepy fixation with my freckles and your hands always, somehow smudged with charcoal. You and the way you look at me that never cease to amaze me.
Clarke, I’ve known for a while now that I’m yours. Forever.
I thank everything that made me catch that train just in time. Faith? Serendipity? Coincidence? I don’t care. I’m just grateful that I met you.
So, in this letter, I’m asking you, Clarke Griffin
Will you marry me and be the princess on our wedding day and the queen of my heart for the rest of our life?
Everyone has them, without dreams, humans wouldn’t be able to live. They would just exist. Or that’s how I think about it.
It took me some time, but I realized that all of my three biggest dreams have become reality.
I had a music career that gave the band and friends I’ve been performing since we’ve been ten-year olds, the possibility to share our music with the world … Don’t know if you remember, putting it here just in case… J
I finally took my master’s degree in history and became a professor. And enjoyed spending great part of our life together telling you awesome anecdotes.
And 3) I realized the biggest dream of all, the most unexpected and the one I wanted to make reality more than I ever wanted anything in my life.
Be married to you and building a life, a family with you is the greatest thing that I did in my whole existence.
And no, don’t roll your eyes, I’m not being overdramatic, here.
Okay, maybe a little.
Oh damn, twenty-five years and I still am shit at writing love letters, aren’t I?
Well, now I cursed too. This letter couldn’t get any better.
Moving on, where were we…
Dreams. And my love for you.
Do you remember that letter where I told you that I’d let you go if you wanted, because if that was what you wanted I’d do anything to give it to you?
I still stand by those words.
But in those years together, my love for you has changed enormously.
My whole being, my heart and mind and body and soul is filled with love for you. I never loved you like I love you right now.
And I will never love you like I will love you tomorrow, and so on, because day after day, after every challenge, every night spent making love, every fight and tears I will love you even more than the day before.
Not one day has passed that I haven’t been infinitely grateful of the fact that I was the one that you chose to make you happy.
I love you. You’re the Queen of my heart, and always will be.
To my baby Augusta.
I can’t believe you’re going to college.
I feel like it was yesterday that I held you in my arms the day you were born.
And, don’t roll your eyes, lady. I’m your mother, let me be emotional over the fact that you’re so grown up.
For me though, you’ll always be my little girl. The one that always demanded for me to tell her new and exciting stories, the girl that would come home with a new scrape every day after having climbed that damn tree in the garden and the one that would listen to my little advices completely raptured.
So, today I’m going to give another piece of advice. Something that your great-grandfather, my grandpa had always said: Whatever you do or wherever you are, if you find love and happiness, don’t let them go, for those two are the essence of our life.
I think he was a very wise man. And I absolutely agree with him.
You always shied away from the idea of love, and I suspect me and your dad have something to do with it. You know our story, we’ve grown up together in the same neighbourhood and been best friends for a long time before we finally got out heads out of our shells and got together.
You’ve never had someone like that, and with time I noticed that you sort of gave up on the idea of love.
And well, I wanted to remind you of your grandparents.
Clarke and Bellamy, my mom and dad had, what I think as, the most beautiful love story ever.
And they didn’t know each other like your dad and I, they met on a train like the one you’re probably reading this letter on.
And then? Then they didn’t saw each other for 5 years.
But both of them have never stopped thinking about one another. Five years, and they somehow found their way back to each other.
It was hard.
Your grandpa was a famous singer at the time, he was part of a band (!) and he had to spend a lot of time apart from grandma, but they made it work. Because of how much they loved each other, and how much they were sure that there wasn’t anyone else for them but one another.
I attached to this letter, of the most beautiful and in my opinion the most important letters that Grandpa Bellamy had sent Grandma Clarke. So, that you can see it for yourself.
I wish you to find all the happiness and love that you deserve.
I love you forever,