Walls. All around me. Huge walls. Covered of ivy. I turned my gaze toward the sky, unscrewing my head to see it through this Giants walls.
They made me feel so mall. And so alone.
I was entirely alone.
The idea hit me. I like it. I was in fond of it!
No more screams or silent threats, no more guys, no more pressure of finding answers nobody had. Just me.
A laugh exploded in me. It was shaking my body. I was roaring with laughter. I couldn’t stop laughing and I didn’t want to. Tears were welling from my eyes, running on my cheeks. I fall on my knees, my body shaking too hard to stay standing.
I made it. I resisted the fear, the memories, I escaped them. I did.
I was euphoric. And exhausted. And confused. And alone.
Sitting against the wall, I closed my eyes for a few seconds.
The dreams started same as last time.
Sitting on a cold chair. A white room, nude of anything. Nothing inside, no windows, no hope. There was only me sitting on this used padded leather chair, the clinical table, the plates full of different needles and icy products. Nothing else except the cold within the room. Or was it inside my veins? Even deeper, inside my bones. But even through this cold, I could feel the sweat on my forehead, some drops on my upper lips.
It was the same dream than last time, but I knew it was a different memory.
I couldn’t move, immobile under the piercing light. The only thing I could observe with my blurry vision was a black spider. It was going to devour me. It was going to put its venom in my blood. Again. And again. And again. It will ignore my quiet tears….no actually….it would enjoy it like a kid eating a lollipops right before dinner. When he shouldn’t and this idea makes it even better.
“I don’t want to do that neither you know.” Lied the spider.
I could see the smile on its lips, ear the pleasure in its voice, see the anticipation in its accelerated gesture while it was carefully picking up one needle among the others.
I wanted to throw up but I couldn’t even do that.
“You will see, it won’t be that difficult.”
I could hear the satisfaction in the spider voice. It was taking pleasure of seeing me scared, unable to defend myself. I could feel its excitation to hurt me again, to see me scared but unable to defend myself and to resist it.
*No, don’t look scared, don’t make it happy* I tried to push myself, to resist.
But I knew what was coming. I couldn’t control it.
The spider came closer, feeling my terror like a shark smells blood.
“It will be over soon.”
A lie again.
The spider’s needle get under my skin, pushing the icy product in my veins…
The dream didn’t stop there. It got dark and I saw something new.
The spider again…but this time, it had the body of a male adult. I couldn’t see his face, just the spider on his arm. This black thick spider that grossed me out.
I was on the chair, in the same nude and cold white room, waiting for him to start. Today, he was taking even longer. I already realized he liked waiting until the limits of the drug I was under, when I almost had the feeling I was going to be able to control my body. The others were not like this. They didn’t pay any attention to me. Just putting the products in my blood, not looking at me as a human, just as a guinea pig.
This one…he was a pure sadistic and I was his toy. The diffuse pain in my stomach make me understand the drugs that were immobilizing me will start to stop working little by little. I usually had this feeling once I was on the way back to my room or already inside this nude cell they were calling my room. I knew that after the pain in my stomach, the World will be all blurry, my head fuzzy and I will be sick. But after that, I will be able to move and to regain control of my body.
I looked around me again. He was nowhere to be seen and we hadn’t even started the injections yet.
*It might be my chance…*
Just when this crazy idea pop up in my head, he entered the room with a big smile. He was able to read the deception in my eyes and it made him even happier.
“Sorry for the wait.”
A part of me was sure he could read in me. He did it on purpose. To see the hope flourish in me and to be able to destroy him.
Tears of frustration and anger welled up in my eyes.
“Oh Subject 13, don’t be like this.” He said in an awfully sweet voice.
“After all, you have nowhere to run to.” He said before laughing.
Will it ever end?
He was starting to pick up a needle when an alarm exploded in the room.
In the same time he jumped of surprise, a woman appeared in the door. Tall, wearing all white uniform like everyone working here. The strict bum holding her blond hair was making her look older than she probably was.
“We have a Code 3. Go to the station.” She ordered him.
"But… “ he turned his attention back to me.
“What? This subject in under drugs, she won’t move.”
Perceiving the hesitation of Spider, the woman asked him, threatening.
“She IS under drugs, isn’t she Paul?”
“Yes, of course Madame O’Hara.” Answered the Spider, aka Paul.
“You haven’t messed up again, have you?” asked the woman with disdain.
“No, Madame O’Hara.” He said his voice softly muffled by his hatred towards her.
“You know what will happen if you do.” She said, posing her sharp and icy eyes on him, sensing the lie.
“I know.” He answered.
She looked at him with piercing eyes. I could almost feel the temperature of the room drastically dropping.
“…Madame O’Hara.” He added quickly, as aware as I was of the danger he had in front of him. I could see his hands shaking of anger for being humiliated and feeling like this.
“Then go to the station immediately.” She turned back.
“And Paul, don’t ever make me repeat myself.” She said haughty at him
“Yes Madame O’Hara.” He said to the emptiness. She already had left.
If I could have, I would have smirk. She scared the hell out me. But many things did these past years. But seeing my executioner being threatened was a first. And I loved it.
No matter what will happen today, it was worth to see the humiliation on his face. He turned his gaze on me and read it in my eyes. With the frustration he just got, he didn’t even repress his desire of murdering me from his face. His fist met my cheek with all of his power, sending me flying from the chair to the tiles. My other cheek and forehead hit the floor with an echoing sound. I heard the blood running through my ears. My head was feeling funny, probably a commotion.
“I’ll be back to play with you Subject 13.” He promised before running out of the room, after the so-called Madame O’Hara.
I stayed on the floor, filling the pain on my cheek and welcoming it. I had realized long ago that the physical pain made me faster to regain control of my body. And indeed, few minutes after his departure, I was able to move a bit. That definitely was my chance.
Without thinking twice, I went for the door. Unable to walk or stay on my feet for the moment, I crawled to the door. Fortunately my torso was protected by bandages that I got the day before after “falling” thought the kicks of my executioner. It had been a few weeks that my attitude was pissing him more and more. I was done with the fear and now he could read the disdain and hatred. I don’t think it was bothering him as much as not seeing fear anymore.
There were nobody in the corridor. I knew where to go. The place I was always passing in front of in the wheelchair he was pushing. The place that they sometimes brought boys though. With real clothes, not the white hospital blouse I was wearing. Clothes that you will wear outside.
Fighting against the urge to throw up and the blurriness I knelt down. I had to use my legs or I will still be here when he will come back. And no way it happened.
I fought the sudden dizziness and the urge to throw up. I hit the floor pretty hard back then. My head took all the chock. If I was listening to my body, I will probably just passed out.
*No way! You’re gonna’ take the best out of this.*
My fighting instinct pushed back. I made a deal with my body to let it be as sick as it wanted after all of this.
Hesitantly, holding into the wall, I stood up. Weakly first, I started walking towards what could be my exit. I got very lucky there. Being so arrogant and sure of themselves, there were absolutely no watchers. Guarding against what? The subjects like me were either in their cell, either under strong drugs. Not really the possibility to fight.
I finally pushed the heavy door on the room I was targeting, my blouse drenched in sweat. Here was my only hope and I had no idea how long it will take before they realized I was not where I was supposed to. I knew that after that, I will probably be under drugs all the time. Or killed. With a shiver, I rejected both ideas. I wanted to live.
The room had no other door. Just an elevator. More of a cage looking like than an elevator but still. And on top of it, a long and dark tunnel going up toward the sky. Or so I guessed, almost blind in this darkness.
I realized that I had one issues. It was that it was full of boxes. Really full. Even if I was not fat, I will never be able to get in. With painful groans, I climbed on the top of the cage and open the heavy grill that was blocking the only way in. On my knees, I pulled some of the boxes out.
It cost me everything I had. And it took me so long. I could feel the second passing, I was still so slow… But now there were enough room for me to get in the elevator.
Now, how to command the cage?
There were no command control in the cage. The only thing that look like one was on the wall, opposed to the door.
With another groan, I slide down to the floor and went to the wall. Without waiting, I pushed the control button with an arrow toward the sky. I then painfully sprinted toward the cage. Fortunately, it as an old system and the security were putting themselves in place before the cage go. Fortunately because if not, I would have been blocked down here. I jumped back on the cage, closing its roof behind me. With a loud and tired “humpf” the cage starts to lift itself, the boxes and me. I could see through the grillage. I realized that I was lucky enough to have with me an old tee-shirt and a worn out jean. Without hesitation, I took off my blouse and put the clothes on me, adjusting the jeans with a hasty done belt done from my blouse.
Then, with nothing else to do, I started to wonder where this elevator was going, if it was going anywhere…how long would it take? Will I die in this? But the panic calmed down, replaced by a huge headache.
*Shit, I really hit the floor hard*
I kneeled down and push my forehead against the grillage. I couldn’t see the floor anymore. Only darkness. I had no idea where I was going but I had done everything I could. With a sight, I closed my eyes.
Rocked by the sway of the elevator, I was fast to pass out.
The icy kiss of metal against my cheek makes it feel numb. Or was it the diffuse sensation waking up my skin and pushing me on the edge of conscience that made me feel this way?
After all, the cold against my face was the only thing I could feel.
Was I dead? They say that you grow colder and colder when life is leaving you. And that you are losing all the sensation, all the pain of your charnel envelope. I send my conscience do a check on my body.
According to the furious pain under my skull, I guess that was not the end for me.
“Ughhh……” a moan escaped my lips
The pain was unbearable, giving me the feeling someone was trying to explode my head with a hammer. From within. I shut my eyes tighter, trying unsuccessfully to control the pain and the nauseous feeling.
I could hear my blood bumping at my temps.
Boum Boum Boum rrrr Boum Boum rrrrr Boum.
Wait, that is a strange sound, even for the worst headache ever. I thought.
Slowly, I realized that my blood was not the only one screaming in my ears. A more mechanical sounds was echoing it. With the best courage I could gathered, I opened an eye and got a glimpse of my immediate surroundings….
Few minutes after I will make my entrance to my new World, having forgotten anything from the previous nightmare I was living in.
I found myself back on the used padded leather chair. A little kid, maybe around 8 years old, was watching me with her huge green eyes, tearstains on her face with a reddish noise. She was terrorized. I could see the attachments on her wrists, attaching her to the chair. It was hurting my wrists. With a jump I realized I was watching myself through the tinted windows in front of me. I was this scared little blond kid.
I was terrorized, I shouldn’t have been here. It was a mistake. It had to be a mistake. Some grown up person will enter the room and they will take away these attachments and I will be able to go back home. Tears started to run again on my cheeks while sobs where escaping my lips. I wanted to go home.
“Mum ….” I sobbed even more.
“She left already.” Answered a man’s voice.
I jumped at the sudden voice. A man just entered the room and was watching me, limping against the wall. He looked like a man to my child’s eyes, but he probably was just a teenager.
I forgot to keep crying while I was watching his tall silhouette.
“Mum? I wanna see my mum!” I sobbed.
A smile stretched his lips.
“Your mum left. She left you here with us. You see, you were too much of trouble for her. But no worries, I will take good care of you.” Promised the man.
“Wh…no….that’s not true! Mum will not…you’re lying! You liar!” I shouted and sobbed together.
I didn’t know what was happening but I wanted my mum to come and hug me and to bring me home, far from this strange and scary man.
“Oh it is the true sweetheart. You’ll never see her again.” Promised the man.
I cried even more, becoming hysteric.
“Stop playing Paul.” Reprimanded a woman with an Hispanic accent entering the room.
“…Mum?” I couldn’t really see through my tears, but the sonority of a woman voice reassured me.
“Who is she?” She asked, ignoring me.
“Her name is Alex, she has…” started the man.
“I don’t care about that small details”. She said in a severe voice, cutting him off.
“I apologize Leader Martinez. She is Subject 13.” Repeated the man.
“Good. Let’s start the process immediately.” Ordered the woman.
“Yes Leader Martinez.”
The man got closer to me. He now had a needle in his hand, scaring the death out of me.
“It won’t hurt.” He lied with a sadistic smile.
My eyes kept going between his face and his needle, not sure of which one I was the more scared of. The needle suddenly pierced my skin, making me yelling on top of my lunges.
I suddenly woke up with a cold sweat. Heavily breathing, I looked around me, feeling in danger. The panic overrun me. It was dark, I couldn’t see a thing. I could hear a lot of strange and worrying noises all around me. Where was I? What happened? Where was the needle and the strange guy? Feeling nauseous, I passed my hands on my arms, making the memory of a piercing ghost needle disappear.
With a gasp, I started to remember. I was in the maze. I was not in this little room anymore.
I realized I had run away from Spider twice now. From the camp and from the small nude and cold room. I clearly could see the face of Paul when I was closing my eyes.
Paul was Spider.