Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wish I did. No profit here either.
~I didn't much like what happened to a certain character in TFA. I understand the reasons for it but still doesn't mean I have to like it. And since I need some way to soothe my soul I am trying my hand at writing again. Just a warning, there be spoilers ahead so if you haven't seen the movie yet don't read this. If you don't care about the spoilers then go ahead and read it. This will be an AU of course, since I am changing things to my liking. Anyways hope you all enjoy! ~
He knew it was coming. In a way he always knew. But the part of him that loved his son, the part that prayed to whatever gods or the Force that Leia had been right and there was still light in Ben, pushed him to do it. So with tears in his eyes he had mustered up the strength to approach the bridge and his son. He'd called him by his true name, not the name he went by now. Kylo wasn't his son. Ben was, and so he would always be Ben to Han. For a moment, after calling out to his son, he sees him as the little boy he once was, happy and all smiles, playing with him in the living room of what had once been their home. For just a moment he can feel the light, or so he thought he could, coming from his son. Or was it wishful thinking? Han didn't know. All he knew was he was seeing his son and finally talking to him after all these years. He had to get through to him. Had to bring him home.
A pain in his heart breaks the moment at the cold, mechanical way his beloved son refers to him. Han Solo. Not father. The pain, the knife that had taken up permanent residence in his chest since his son's turn to the dark side once again twists, making the tears in his eyes more pronounced, though he does his best to hide them.
Han approaches Ben, telling him he didn't need the mask. Not with him. Again that feeling of hope grows as Kylo removes his helmet, revealing the face that looked so much like his. He wanted to run to his son and hug him, hold him and never let go, much like he had when Ben was a boy and had a nightmare. But instead Han approaches him slowly, cautiously. When he is close enough he tries to reason with Ben, telling him to stop this, to just come home. That he could come home, that he was missed. When Ben tells him he was so confused, the father in Han instantly is there, wanting to comfort the boy, wanting to make him whole again. Perhaps that is why he doesn't see it, why when Kylo extends his hands with his light sabre in them towards him he reaches out instantly and takes hold of the sabre. All Han could think about was the look of pain and tears in his little boy's eyes. The fear there. He doesn't see the anger behind it, the trick until it was too late.
Pain, like that knife always in his heart but a million times worse cuts through him and he gasps. He should have known. Ben wanted help, but not in the way Han and Leia wished. He wanted to be free of his family, of his father, and this, this was his way of doing that. Han knew now that his son was corrupt beyond hope. There was no turning back. But yet, a part of him still believed, like Leia, that there was light and goodness in Ben. It was this belief that caused him to smile softly, lovingly, at his son when Ben thanks him for helping. He then reaches forward and with one final touch to his son's face he forgives him, before falling to the platform beneath their feet. His final thoughts before his eyes close is of Leia and Ben, and how he'd once again failed them both.
Chewbacca saw it all happen in slow motion. His best friend, approaching the creature that had at one point been Chewie's own Life-Son, a title he had cherished when Han and Leia had told him that was what he was to be for the tiny baby Ben. No more did he cherish that title. The boy was too far gone, he knew that. Nothing short of a Force miracle could bring the boy back to what he was now. Han had said it himself many times, Ben had too much Vader in him. He wished it wasn't so but there was no denying it. Ben was no longer Ben, he was Kylo Ren, Knight of Ren and Sith apprentice to Snoke. But still, he couldn't fault Han for trying to win his son back.
He knew what was about to happen when he saw Kylo hold the lightsabre out to Han. He tried to call to his friend but his roar of caution went unheard. He would have shot Kylo but Han was in the way. So when he saw the red shimmering blade protruding from Han's back saw his friend hunched slightly over, before falling backwards to the platform, he instantly roared out his hatred. He knew the sight of Ben Solo killing his father would live with him forever. Suddenly he was filled with a rage, and quickly aiming his bow caster, he fired off a shot, hitting Kylo below where he wanted to actually hit him, in his stomach rather than his heart. He is about to fire again when suddenly there are First Order storm troopers everywhere. He fires off a shot at a few of them, before pressing the button on the detonator that Han had given to him. Suddenly the building is rocked by explosions, sending him scrambling for something to stabilize himself with. He holds onto a bulk head and fires off a few more shots before seeing Kylo Ren rushing out, followed by the girl Rey and the ex-storm trooper Finn. He takes out a few more storm troopers before looking around for an exit. He sees one, on the other end of the bridge. Chewie's eyes light on the body of his best friend. He couldn't leave him there. He just couldn't. The least he could do is bring him home to Leia one last time. He had failed in his life-debt to Han, but he could make his failure less by bringing his body home.
So he starts moving towards the prone body on the bridge, grunting a little as he feels his fur singed by a blaster bolt that narrowly missed his neck. He growls and takes out the storm trooper firing at him. Another one appears, firing at Chewie and causing him to have to take cover again. But just as another three storm troopers appear, in through the gaps blown in the walls of the compound flies an X-Wing. He knew that X-Wing and he roars at it in triumph as Poe starts taking out the fuel conduits and the few remaining storm troopers. Knowing he had little time, Chewie rushes towards Han's body again and gathers it up into his arms. No movement, no breath, he was dead weight. But he couldn't think about that now.
Running as fast as he can, Chewbacca just barely makes it out before the place begins to blow up. He rushes to where the Millennium Falcon was and boards it. Rather than put Han on the med bunk, it wasn't needed now, he lays the Captain in his old quarters, glad the place still had Han's bed still. It was dusty and little dirty but it was there. He covers up his friend, pulling a blanket up over his head and then straps him down. He might have to do some impressive flying to get off this planet. As he gives his old friend one last look, Chewie mournfully growls a goodbye to Han Solo before leaving the cabin. Now he just had to find Rey and Finn and get them out of here before the whole planet exploded. For a moment, just a second, he thinks of Ben. No. That Sith could die here for all he cared. Moving quickly to the cockpit, he gets the Falcon started up and begins the search for Rey and Finn.
Leia knew, she had felt it just as much as Han had, when the sabre had pierced his body. A swell of emotions had made her have to sit down. Guilt, fear, regret, but most of all a heartbreaking feeling of complete loss. She should have told him she loved him before he left. But she had believed he'd be back, he always came back. But now, now all she could feel was a void where the calming warmth that had been Han's life force had been. He was gone. The man she had loved for her whole life was gone. And to top it all off…by their own son. She wondered briefly if this had been what her mother felt like when Anakin Skywalker had fallen and tried to destroy her. She decided that no. No this had to be worse.
She feels a hand on her shoulder and looks at the tech. "I'm fine." A lie, she was far from it but Leia was nothing if not strong. She would grieve later. For now, they had a mission to complete or she would be seeing Han again very soon. Standing slowly she squares her shoulders and looks at the tech monitoring the attack on the Star Killer. "What is the status of the attack?"
Chewie couldn't look Leia in the eyes, knowing he had failed. As he laid Finn's body on the med transport, he growls an order to get the boy to the med center. He then turns to see Rey and Leia hugging, tears streaming down the young girls cheeks. Although Leia had her back to him, he knew she was crying as well, though probably hiding it a lot better. He walks over and touches Leia's shoulder. Both women look at him and he growls softly to Leia, informing her that Han's body was on the ship. With a look to Rey, who nods sadly, Leia moves slowly towards the ramp leading up into the Falcon. Chewie knew how hard this was for her, but rather than follow her, he instead stays with Rey, leading her to where the med center and Finn were.
She didn't know if she could do it, but her legs kept moving on their own accord. She gives a shaky breath before whispering,
"Oh Luke…I wish you were here."
But he wasn't, and she had no idea where he was. So she had to do this alone. But she was used to that. Stepping towards where she knew Han's body would be she enters the captain's cabin, her eyes instantly adjusting in the low light. They move towards the blanket covered body on the bed. For a moment she allows herself to believe that he was just sleeping. But she knew that wasn't true. Approaching the bed she stops at the foot of it, her hand reaching out to touch the foot under the blanket. Nothing, no movement. She feels a sob escape her as her hand moves up from his foot, her body following around to the side of the bed, her hand not stopping till it reaches his head. Only then does she grasp the blanket and carefully remove it. Tears flow as she takes in the calm look on his face. He always looked younger when he slept, unguarded. But now he looked sad. She knew why. It had hurt her as much as it hurt Han, what Ben had done. No…not Ben, Kylo Ren. Ben would not have harmed his father in this way. Leia is suddenly filled with a dark hatred. Damn that Snoke! For taking everything from her! For corrupting her son, for making him into the monster that was Kylo Ren. She can feel something telling her she should be the one to end Snoke. That if she did Ben would come back to her. She could at least have her son. All she needed was to take hold of the dark side, turn it against Snoke and free her son. But as soon as the seduction hits, she pushes it away. No. The dark side would not return her son to her, nor would it make her happy again. Her life was in shambles and the dark side would simply make it worse. Han had died trying to bring their family back together, she would not give in to her hatred and sully her husband's memory. No. She was Leia Organa Solo. She was strong and would not fall.
After taking a few calming breaths, after feeling her hatred recede, she slowly sits on the edge of the bed and just softly caresses Han's cheeks, a soft smile touching her lips at the stubble on them. "You needed a shave, Flyboy." She smiles sadly, tears still flowing as she leans down to kiss his cold lips. She stays like that for a moment, wishing she could feel her kiss returned. But nothing. She shifts around and lays on her side next to him. She didn't care he was dead, or that she could still smell the charred flesh. All she wanted was to be close to him. So she moves up against his side as best she could, her small hands uncovering and taking his larger one. Then she just really lets go and cries out the pain in her soul. She wanted him back, wanted this all to be different. She wanted her son to be there with them, happy and healthy, like he'd been before she'd sent him away. Yes he had anger issues but they could have fixed that, there had to have been away. They should have been a happy family, living together, free, safe.
Looking up at his face through blurry, tear filled eyes, she frees one hand from her hold on his and softly caresses his chin, remembering the scar there. "I'd give anything to have you back. I wish I hadn't asked you to bring him home. I should have been there. We could have done it, if only we were together. But even if we couldn't, I could have helped, you wouldn't be dead." A sob leaves her and her tears begin anew at the last word. She sobs against his shoulder, whispering. "I love you. I always did. Even when we fought. Even after you left me, I couldn't hate you. I loved you too much. Now what do I do without you? How can I go on when my heart is dead?"
She doesn't know how long she cries for but eventually she opens her mind to the Force like Luke had taught her to do so long ago. Her final wish was to feel Han one more time. Even if she knew it wouldn't happen, she had to try to find him. Luke said sometimes the Force would allow someone to come back, like it did for Obi-Wan Kenobi. True he wasn't alive, he was a Force ghost, and Luke had said it only ever worked with those strong in the Force. But she had to try, if only to let him know she would never forget him, nor love another like she loved him. And that he better be there to meet her when her time came. As she lets her mind search and float through the Force, her body relaxes, allowing her to use her true potential in the Force. She doesn't realize she is asleep and still open to the Force, something only a few force users had ever been capable of in the past. So when she hears a familiar voice, all she can do is smile.
~So what do you think? Should I continue? Leave it at that? Let me know. This is my first posted Star Wars fanfic. I actually used to RP star wars with a friend. But she is gone now and I think that is why I need to do this. For her and for Han. Losing two people I love in one year is pretty hard. True Han is a character in a movie but when you RP a similar character for almost 20 years, a RP character based solely on Han Solo, it kind of sucks to let it go. Anyways I hope you enjoyed the story. I would like to continue this, but it could just be a stand-alone I guess. And like I said, if I do continue it, it's going to be an AU. Let me know your thoughts. And also, if all you want to do is say it sucks, don't bother. Only helpful criticism will be welcome.
Thanks for reading!