In the living room Thea sprawled out on the couch finishing her history essay. After giving a big yawn, she glanced down to the floor to see Reid's face in a book, not reading, but fast asleep. A cry all of sudden echoed throughout the house and Thea placed her pen down.
Reid jerked and raised his head up to face Thea. He asked, "Do you want me to get her?"
Thea smiled, "Nah. I got her."
Reid placed his face back down, "I'm so happy our baby isn't possessed." Thea laughed and agreed, "Me too, Reid. Me too."
To understand lets go back to May 1st in Home Economics class. Everyone was antsy to know what the next project would entail. Some guesses were going around, like carrying a sack of flower as a child, nutritional meal plan, or writing an essay on parenting techniques.
Ten minutes passed in class before Mrs. Peters enter the room, wheeling a cart with two big cardboard boxes.
"Class settle down." She grabbed a pile of papers on her desk and smiled at the class. "Alright one paper per couple."
The papers were finally coming down her isle and Rae said puzzled as the teacher passed the pile to her, "They're birth certificates?"
Thea glanced down at her paper. It had blank spaces to fill information such as the number of kids, the names and sex of the child, and a contract for both parents to agree to equally share the responsibility and signatures.
"For the next three weeks your partner and you will be taking care of a simulated baby. They're the closest model to a real child, so it needs feeding, changing diapers, rocking it to sleep and so on. These means must be met or else you will have one neglected and cranky baby." She added, "Just too let you know, you have one more project after this, which is making a will and testament, and it'll be handed to me before school ends."
She pushed two glass bowls, filled with small strips of paper, further up her desk. "Now when a couple comes down, one of you will draw out of this bowl and get the number of kids you will have and the other will tell you what sex they will be." She scanned the row of students, "Whose first?"
Rae chuckled under her breath as she appeared to be just day dreaming. "Miss Preston would you like to start?" She was still scanning the future and Caleb nudged her side.
Rae snapped back into reality, "Our turn?"
Caleb stood up, "Yep. What were you laughing at?"
Rae smirked with a wicked grin, "I'll tell you later." They stood in front of the class and Rae whispered to Caleb, "I call the sex bowl. Wow that didn't come out right."
Caleb shook his head and fished out a paper, "One."
Rae mixed the bowl before choosing, "And it's a boy."
Mrs. Peters said to everyone in class, "Good, now that they have that information, they will write it down and give him a name. Sign the contract at the bottom, hand it in at the end of class to me and part one of this assignment is done. An easy A, I say."
She handed them a baby and they returned back to their seats. Rae held the baby up to show Caleb, "Kind of hard to look at. He gets that from your side."
Meanwhile up in the left rows, Abby sat by the usual gang of Serenity, Chase, Kate, Pogue, Kira and Aaron, plus her partner, Elliot. Mrs. Peters said, "Next couple. Mr. Collins?"
As Chase helped Serenity down the stairs a snicker came from the Kira and Kate.
Kate said to her, "I don't think she needs another baby the way the tramps going." Abby glanced at Pogue to see if he would at least give her a disapproving look, but instead he did absolutely nothing. Well, hell, she'd just have to straighten her out.
Taking a deep breath, Abby bent over her desk and said nastily, "Why don't you shut the fuck up."
Kate turned around appalled at her tone, "Excuse me…. If you hadn't notice you weren't invited in this conversation."
Abby replied, "Well if you learn how to properly whisper I wouldn't be in this stupid conversation. Besides, no one talks bad about my friends."
Kate let out a laugh, "Friends? You haven't spoken to her in weeks." Abby grimaced at her past actions. But even though Serenity was spinning her world into craziness, she was still like a sister to her. And sister stood by each other no matter what.
Abby said, "Just because we get into a fight doesn't mean we're still not friends. It'd be a lot easier to understand if you had any."
Knock it off Abby.
Kate was still babbling on as Abby switched into an internal argument with Pogue and she asked, Are you serious? Did you just not hear her comment?
I'm telling you don't talk to my girlfriend that way.
Abby nostrils flared in this intense argument. Then keep your girlfriend under control. I suggest a tighter leash.
Let me make a suggestion too. Why don't you stick to solving your own problems since you're doing such a great job?
Abby gawked at the back of his head, What the hell gotten into you? Another idea popped in her head and she asked, Really. Are you still pissed over me choosing to just be friends….
He cut her off and said coldly, Get over yourself. I've moved on. Kate might be unpleasant at times, but at least she's not a screw up. Oh just so you can comprehend, we're not friends anymore.
Down by the bowls Chase announced, "Twins."
Serenity grabbed two papers, "Girl and a girl."
Abby glanced down at her paper thinking to herself, Yeah, it was obvious by your crude tone.
Kate asked, "Are you even listening to me?"
Abby didn't even raise her head, "No."
Kate turned around pouting and whispered to Kira, "Can you believe her ignoring me completely. Bitch." Kira nodded in agreement, but inside she was snickering at Kate's outcome of bitching Abby back.
Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks Kate's wasting her breath, Kira thought.
Back to the other side of the room Reid asked Thea, "So what should we name our boy?"
She scratched her head absentmindedly, "Ah, I don't know? I like Ian?"
In chicken scratch handwriting, Reid wrote down the name as he said quietly, "Ian Garwin."
Thea asked, "You didn't want a middle name?"
Reid stared at the paper thinking if he should place his middle name down, the one name his father use to have, and then shrugged his shoulders, "Na, one name's good."
Rae snuck a peek over their paper, "Nice name. Our son is called Sebastian Andrew Danvers. But his nickname is Sea Bass."
Caleb shook his head, "We're not nicknaming our kid Sea Bass."
Rae rolled her eyes and said, "Then why did I see us doing so?" Caleb hesitated in answering and Rae replied, "Ha. You know I'm right. Now we have to make a schedule. I have chess club every Tuesday and Thursday after school and training has been amped to Monday, Wednesday, Friday nights and Saturdays to Sunday all day."
Caleb sighed, "Well that won't work out. I have my swim meets on Wednesday. Then practice after school until 5 during the week and Saturdays…."
Rae waved her hand, "Yeah I know your schedule. I guess I'll just have to sacrifice my Wednesday and Saturday practices. Oh darn, how will I go on?" She wrote down on a paper, "You get him for Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays."
Caleb said, "Wait. I get him for four days and you get three days."
Rae turned to face him, "I have to babysit him every day until five, which includes bring the tike to a quiet game of chess. So yes, four days for you."
She was waiting for his witty rebuttal to get out of it, but instead he said, "Okay."
"What?" Rae said taken back.
He nodded his head, "Okay. So are you going to tell me why you laughed before?"
Rae shook her head, "You'll see once Kylie and Tyler come back with their baby."
When Kylie and Tyler sat down at their desk with a new baby girl it was unlike some of the baby's that were crying, smelling up the place, or moving around at a normal pace. Instead Kylie's baby was slowly giving small twitches and a mousy cry.
Kylie said to Tyler, "I think something is wrong with our baby."
Tyler asked, "Do you think the batteries are dying?"
Rae laughed again, "I think you're baby has 'special needs'."
Kyle glared over to her, "Don't say that. It's offensive. And even if it's true, I can still take care of her just the same."
"Kylie, how long have you known me? I'm the most offensive person ever. But if it makes you feel a little better, I insult everyone equally," Rae said.
Kylie smirked as she glanced over at Caleb, "Mine may be slow, but yours is a spazoid. Right, Joanie?"
Rae turned around to see Caleb holding Sea Bass out at arm's length as he twitching like crazy. Sea Bass did this until it projected vomit all over Caleb. Apparently we had a colic baby, Rae thought.
Pinching their nose from the nasty smell, Caleb raised his hand, "May I go…."
Mrs. Peters said, "The office has extra shirts."
As Caleb left Rae, she stared at Sea Bass, who was wailing with the others. She thought, This might not be so bad after all it did aim at Caleb.
But little did she know that karma always comes around and by the end of the project she would have be glad to take Kylie and Tyler's slow baby any day.
Now that you're caught up in full speed the date is now May 11, so they all have been doing this project for about two weeks. It was on this particular day that Rae, holding Sea bass arms length, and Caleb running his hands through his hair had walked into the kitchen where Thea and Reid were feeding Ian supper.
Rae wailed in almost tears, "I can't take this anymore. I've rocked it, fed it, burped it, been spit up on multiple times and changed his disgusting diapers and he still won't stop crying."
Caleb, who looked like he was ready to drop, said, "This comes with the parenting, right? Some kids are worse than others." He grabbed the crying child from Rae's arms, "Here give him to me."
Rae had that crazy eye look going on and responded, "Caleb, this is not how real children act! It's a demon." She glanced over to Thea, "I wish he was real, at least Thea could calm it down or I could give it a sedative." Rae leaned on the floating isle and said, "I just need a break."
Caleb agreed, "That would be nice."
Rae smiled, "I say we hire a baby sitter. Let them watch him for six hours at most. Mrs. Peter's wouldn't have to know."
"We'll babysit for you guys," Reid said quietly.
Thea paused in feeding Ian another spoon full of the nasty baby food, which they got with a complete supplies bag at the end of class. Reid looked over to Thea to see if she would agree.
"Yeah. Ian's been a gem, so no problem taking Sebastian off your hands for awhile."
Rae hugged Thea in a death grip and kissed Reid on the cheek, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Caleb handed over the baby, "Thanks Reid, Thea."
Rae grabbed Caleb's arm, "We can't waste any time. Sleep!" She yanked him through the doors leaving their child behind with them.
Thea wiped the excess of food off Ian, "That was nice of you."
Reid smirked as he turned the crying baby over, "I have my moments."
Thea hoisted Ian up to burp him and looked over to Reid. "What are you looking for?"
Reid smiled sheepishly, "Batteries."
Recently Tyler had been giving Kylie a ride home, since both their practice let out the same time. As Tyler scanned the field, he could see most of the girls softball team were packing their equipment up to leave, except Kylie, who was still pitching to the fence. Getting out of the car, with Joanie in his arms, he walked over.
"Hey Tyler!" He turned to the sound of his name and saw a girl with curly blonde hair. She smiled with her multi-colored braces showing, "I'm Val Montgomery."
Tyler said, "Oh yeah, you hang out with Kylie and…that other girl."
Val replied, "Sam Russell. You should know her. She is on the girls swim team." Tyler tried to place a Sam on the team and Val added, "They call her Ariel because of her red hair."
Tyler nodded his head, "Oh yeah, I do know her."
Val laughed, "She was right you really are oblivious." He was about to ask who she was talking about when Val asked, "So how did last night go?"
He paused, "Okay. I'm sorry, but I have to see Kylie." He quickly waved his hand up and powered walked away. He asked once he was by Kylie, "Ready to get home and start on some homework?"
Kylie picked up another softball, "No. I need to throw some more before I'm ready."
Tyler leaned against the fence, "Coach told you?"
Kylie grunted as she threw a pitch, "No." He watched her pick another ball up and noticed her pitches were becoming fiercer. And now that he thought about it, her face was turning redder by the second. "Are you mad?"
Kylie placed a hand on her hip and asked, "What would incline you to think that?" Tyler swallowed praying she didn't find out. She directed her disapproving look at him, "You didn't do anything, right?"
This wasn't good.
Either way it was a trap. If he didn't answer quickly she knew he was guilty and lying to her would be death.
"How was your trip to the mall with Val and Sam?"
Kylie grinded her teeth and replied, "Interesting to say the least. Val told me this gossip that the shy son of Ipswich had finally gotten a date with Lisa Baker."
Oh he was in some deep shit now.
Fumbling his words, Tyler said, "Kylie I did go on a date and I-" he stop holding the baby up as Kylie raised the ball up.
Kylie said aggravated, "I wasn't going to hit you idiot." She threw it into the fence, "I might now that you did that. Using Joanie as a shield." She cradle Joanie in her arms and asked calmly, "Why did you go out with her?"
"She asked me in the hall way with everyone around. And when I hesitated, Reid pulled me over and said if I didn't take her out everyone, including himself, would think I was gay. So I took her took Nicky's last night for a quick dinner," Tyler answered truthfully.
Honesty is the best policy, right?
Kylie bit her lip and inquired, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Tyler cleared his throat, "I didn't want you to know."
Kylie huffed and started to throw the softballs into a carton. "So is that a supplication for I want to date other people?"
Tyler shook his head quickly, "No. It was just one date that didn't mean anything."
"One date. Maybe I should go on one date. I hear Greg Michal is available," Kylie said being stubborn.
Tyler picked up the carton, "Kylie I'm telling you it was nothing. I only did it so we can keep our relationship a secret like you wanted. Give me a break."
Kylie sighed, "I know. It was just a huge shock to hear it from Val that you went out with some hot girl." She said quieter, "A really blow to the self esteem, especially the fact you weren't planning to tell me." They walked to the car and Kylie buckled Joanie into the back seat.
When she turned around Tyler stood in front of her, "Don't ever feel that way. You're the only one I'll ever want."
He kissed her lips and Kylie smiled, "Alright you're forgiven." They went to the back to the trunk of the hummer and Kylie lifted the carton of balls up. Kylie began to say, "But if I find out anything like that way again," she pushed the carton to Tyler, "I will get you back."
Tyler smiled, "Fair warning."
She pecked him on the cheek and went to the passenger side.
Tyler grimaced as he reflected not mentioning one important detail, like making out with Lisa. Sure it was a surprise attack on him, but he should have pulled away sooner. He sighed in defeat, "I'm so screwed."
Thea grabbed the keys to Kylie's Escalade and called out, "Reid?"
He sat on the couch watching TV and gave a momentary look, "Yes?"
Thea saw the two babies quietly taking a 'nap'. "I'm going baby shopping with the girls. Will you be okay?"
Reid said with fake concern, "You really don't have to buy clothes for the drones. I promise they won't get cold."
Thea rolled her eyes playfully, "Shut up. Baby shopping for Serenity's boy. Now will you be okay with both of them, or do you want me to take one?"
Reid glimpsed over at the babies, "I'll be fine with both."
"Alright, I'll see you at seven then," Thea replied.
He smirked and yelled as she was closing the door, "Love you hunny!"
She replied, "Yeah, yeah."
Reid faced the TV again and said to himself, "I don't know what their problem was. He's been fine since they left.
One hour later….
Reid bounced Sebastian on his leg trying to subdue the wailing of the child. He tried to shush him, "Come on Sea Bass. Sh, sh, sh, sh…."
Dangerous as this was he sniffed his diaper. Clean.
Reid decided maybe the tike was hungry and placed him in a high chair, "Okay time to drink the, that's disgusting, lumpy milk." He shakily placed the bottle in Sea Bass mouth and before Reid could close the bag the sound of slurping interrupted him.
"Gees you suck that down like no tomorrow." Sea Bass started to cry again, "Still hungry?"
After the seventh bottle, Reid realized this wasn't working. He trailed back to see Ian still asleep and rocked Sea Bass, but his crying became louder. He was about to fling him at the wall until he stopped.
Reid froze trying to figure out what trigger this miracle.
As he search around, the sound of 'Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's played from the radio. He sat down relieved. Well maybe it just took a while for the milk to settle, Reid thought.
"….Oh it's what you do to me, what you do to me. This KISS 108 fm…." In one breath Sea Bass let out a screech making Reid practical jump out of the chair.
"Or maybe it was the music? Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City…."
As Reid sang in his low tone the doll started to calm down.
Yes music tamed the beast.
He crouched down to see Kylie's music selection trying to find a CD that contained this song. When Reid did he practically jumped for joy and played it the DVD player and laid the demon child on the couch. Reid collapsed to the floor, "Maybe 666 is on the back of his head. Note to self, check later on."
His eyes began to slowly close in the quiet house, when the noise of, "Hey there, hey there, hey there…."
Son of a bitch, it’s skipping. He sat up staring at the player and on cue the siren went off. Reid picked up the Sea Bastard and noticed a foul odor reeking off of him. "Great a messy diaper." He yanked a diaper and wipes from the bag and placed dish gloves on before doing the dirty deed.
When he started to change the flow of crap kept coming. He quickly trying to scoop it up and put it into the garbage bag, but realized he couldn't keep up.
Quickly Reid maneuvered Satan's child over the trash can and walk outside. It was a good three minutes when the possessed baby became empty. Bad news was when Reid was rushing to get the drone out, Sea Bass fell into the can with his own filth. Reid out of anger kick the can making it roll to the wall were the garden hose was….
A few minutes later….
"Reid what the hell are you doing to their baby?" Thea said as she got out of the car.
Reid was standing while hitting Sea Bass with high pressure water, "Cleaning him up of course."
Thea pick him up, "Really you couldn't give him a bath like a normal person."
Reid laughed, "I would have if it was normal. I understand why Caleb and Rae are ready to give it away. It's evil, Thea."
Thea walked inside the house, "He can't be that bad. Look he stopped crying."
Reid shook his head, "Sure for you he stops." He took off the gloves, "You wait, the monster is bound to show his true colors soon."
Thea held him at arm's length not trying to get wet, "Reid you over exaggerating."
Another hour passed….
Thea, who was covered in vomit, leaned against Reid on the couch as the both slept in the quiet house. The door began to jiggle waking Reid up and he noticed the rejuvenated looking couple entered the house. Rae cautiously looked around and said, "I don't hear anything."
Reid gave them a shit ass grin and Caleb said, "Please tell me he's not in a million pieces."
Reid answered honestly, "You will find him in one piece, thanks to Thea."
"Where is he then?" Rae asked.
Reid pointed back, "In the basement." They both looked at each other and walked to the other room to where the door led to the basement. Reid sat up more and lightly shook Thea, "Hey the parents are back. Why don't you get a shower and I'll make sure Ian's okay."
Thea slowly got up, "Thank the Lord. We better get a big ass check for babysitting that monster."
Meanwhile Caleb and Rae stood outside the door. She finally opened it and the piercing wail echoed, then she closed it, silence. Open , close, open, close, open, close. Caleb put his hand to hold the door close.
Caleb said hesitantly, "I've been thinking…."
Rae added, "We should leave it down stairs."
He replied, "I usually wouldn't do this…."
Rae cut in, "But he's the epitome of Damien."
Glancing back at the door, Caleb tried to reason, "And no matter what we do it's unhappy. We tried for two weeks now."
Rae shut the door, "Then it's agreed we don't touch it until day of due project. Either the batteries might die by then, or the end of the world will happen."
Upstairs in the bathroom, Thea ran a towel through her damp hair and felt better knowing she was going to be taking care of her child Ian, who was now like a saint in her eyes.
As she descended down in her pjs, she found Reid face in his math book. And now we are full circle on the whole true situation of the baby from hell project.