Let me forget

Our x Childhood x Memories

Kurapika decides not to think about his friend’s weird behavior for very long and focuses on his mission. He’s already made it this far in the exam he might as well go all the way. He also has some unresolved issues with her concerning their last mission together and his feelings towards her.

‘Why do I have to feel this way?’ Kurapika thought.

His life would be so much better if he couldn’t feel anything, well not everything, just the annoying feelings like anger, jealously, sadness… love.

Kurapika shook his head vigorously when his thoughts landed on ‘love’.

‘Ugh, why am I so bothered with that? It’s not certain what I feel for her is actually love, it just the emotion that fits in best with what I am experiencing...’

Kurapika breathes out a sigh. Why did he maybe like her that way? Was it because he was attracted to people with happy go lucky personalities like hers and Gon’s? Was it because he had become a cliché and is attracted to her because of her looks and profession like Hanzo? Was it because he knows that even though she isn’t serious most of the time but when something important comes up she handles it with elegance like Killua? Or was it because he had actually found someone around his age that had an all rounded knowledge and not just one topic like Leorio?

“Pff.” Kurapika couldn’t help the little laugh that came up. Why did every good quality he thought up about her always come back to his friends?

‘Wait.’

As his mind shifts to his friends, he remembers what Killua made him realize. Did he like Sakura because she reminded him about his childhood friend, Mikan?

‘That’s it all I have to do is find her and realize that she’s not Mikan!’ Kurapika thought with excitement. If he can just confirm that Sakura and Mikan are two different people, maybe he can get rid of these annoying feelings for her.

Determined on confirming his new revelation and solving his problem once and for all, Kurapika eagerly begins his search. He decides to go back to the last place he knew Sakura had been, which was the town closest to the mansion. When he reaches the town, he starts off by going to all the inns and gave them a description of Sakura. At first they were all unwilling to tell him anything, saying that it was against their policy to divulge any information on their customers, but once he explains and shows them his hunter license, they spilt the beans immediately. He felt a little guilty for scaring them, but he was on a time limit and she could be a million miles away from here for all he knew.

The town was quite big so Kurapika had to go to a lot of different inns before he found the right one. It didn’t help much that the inn Sakura stayed at was tucked away in the corner of the village, where not a lot of people went. Although the inn does seem to fit her personality. As he had spent more time with her, he noticed that she didn’t seem to like to be in a crowd all that much despite her career. He had seen the way she would stray away from her friends and kept to herself while they chatted amongst themselves. At first he just figured that it was her way of giving her friends some alone time together as a couple, but the more he observed the more apparent the distance was and not just between her and Maya and Chase, it was everyone. At first glance it would seem she was interacting with the people around her in a carefree manner, but was she really? Sometimes it seemed like she was trying too hard and when she couldn’t be bothered trying she would go silent and just smile and agree with the people around her. At times Kurapika feels that he was overthinking it, but then he would think about how his theory about her also applied to himself.

Kurapika breathes out a sigh after realizing how much time he had spent thinking about Sakura. He was supposed to be trying to figure out where she was physically not mentally.

‘Can’t wait until I confirm everything so I can stop worrying so much,’ Kurapika thought as he plans his next course of action.


Meanwhile, Sakura was currently travelling on an airship to her next destination. She was still recovering from the side effects from using her scarlet eyes so she figured it was best for her to preserve her nen as much as she could and if that meant taking an aircraft filled with people then so be it. Her scarlet eyes may go haywire again, but then again it’s not like cared anymore if anyone finds out, since the people she didn’t want to find out already has. She breathes out a sigh and leans back into her seat.

To say that the side effects took Sakura by surprise was an understatement. Seriously what was that reaction her body had towards her eyes? She knows that it was the first time she had ever tried combining them with her nen, but weren’t the side effects a bit much? She wasn’t even in that state for very long and from what she heard from Kurapika’s friends, he was in that state for almost a full day and suffered for just as long as she did who only used it for about an hour.

‘The world is so unfair,’ Sakura thought as she rests her head on the backrest of her seat. ‘Not like I haven’t already learnt that.’ She sighs, as she was once again as she was reminded of her past.

Seriously, she thought that she would’ve been done with her past by now, but then Kurapika had to show up out of the blue. Granted the reports of stolen scarlet eyes should’ve sent alarm bells off in her head, she never thought the culprit would’ve been Kurapika. Honestly, the Kurapika she knew as a child was so much more different than the one now. Back then he was reckless and carefree, but now he was all serious and super cautious. It makes her sad to see how much he had changed during their time apart. Just goes to show you what the world was capable of. This applied to her as well, although she had already been damaged a long time before he was. She could still remember how Kurapika brought her out of her dark place and reshowed her the joys of the world, which also made her feel guilty for how she was acting towards him now. But she couldn’t help it, she didn’t want to hurt him by telling him the truth and she didn’t want to be hurt by him in return.

~ Flashback ~

The elders of the village had decided that it would be best to leave Sakura in her mother’s old house and to fabricate a lie about her circumstances. The other villagers had been told that her mother had accidently gotten pregnant with her and for the sake of her reputation she fled the village. Her mother then tried to raise her child on her own on the outside, but it ended up being too much for her and she used up all of her remaining strength to return her daughter to her village before she died. The father of her child was never mentioned and the other villagers didn’t dare ask, in ‘respect’ to her mother.

Since Sakura was only three years old, they thought they could convince her that their story was true and that she was a full kurata. At first she refused to believe them, who would believe someone they saw murder their parents right before their eyes. However as they kept repeating it over and over again to her, the more it started to sound true. Eventually her memory surrounding her parents’ death starts to become unclear and she accepts the story as the truth. That was when she started living the lie.

For the first few years, all the villagers had pitched in to help take care of Sakura, but as she grew older and wiser in a sense, they all started leaving her. She didn’t blame them. After all she was the only illegitimate child in the village. At the age of seven she had been left completely alone and essentially fend for herself. She didn’t mind though. She was tired of the dirty looks they gave her when they came into her house.

During her spare time Sakura would make up little songs, which grew longer as her grew older. Her mother had a piano and she was able to teach herself from the books she found in the house. She wasn’t able to play the full pieces she assumed her mother could play, but she was able to play almost all the chords. She knew all of them, but her hands were too small to play a few of them. However that didn’t stop her from creating a tune for her songs. She found that most of her songs were slow and only needed chords anyway. Most of her songs were sad songs as she would use them to express her feelings instead of showing her feelings physically. She often wonders if the villagers ever hear her singing… if they ever hear her pain.

When Sakura wasn’t singing, she would often read the other books that her mother had left in the house. She didn’t particularly like reading, but she was too scared to go outside and potentially have to interact with the people outside, so she supposed she would have to use books to tide her over until she was old enough to leave the village. It was also convenient as she learnt that her mother was an avid reader during her time in the village, so she didn’t have to go to the library. Her mother’s collection of books was mostly filled with storybooks, but she enjoyed reading about the adventures the characters go through. She still remembers a little about the time she was on the ‘outside’, as the villagers called it and she couldn’t help but wonder if she could’ve lived the adventures in the books if she had stayed there…

Sakura breathes out a sigh and places the book down on the table before heading for the only windowsill that gave her a view of the village. She didn’t really enjoy watching the villagers, but she finds herself unable to look away as they go about their day happily with their families. She often wonders what her life would be like if she was born into a normal family. She didn’t hate her mother, but sometimes she wished that her mother had been like everyone else, so that she could be like everyone else. It was a selfish wish she knows, but at least she wouldn’t feel the pain of loneliness she does now. She continues to stare blankly out the window, until a golden haired boy obstructs her view.

“Hi!” The boy greets her.

At first Sakura thought the boy was talking to somebody else, but the boy continues to stare right at her. She stares back at the boy for a while until the boy takes a step closer to the window and touches the pane of glass separating them, which made her panic. Even though there was glass in between them, this was the closest she had been to someone for a long time and she didn’t like it. She quickly pulls the curtains to cover up the window and sits on the ground with her back against the wall.

‘Maybe he’ll go away if I stay like this.’ Sakura thought hopefully, but the boy wouldn’t have it.

After about a minute of silence, Sakura heard a knock at her door. When she doesn’t respond, the knocks became louder and faster. She covers her ears with her hands, but she could still hear the knocks.

“Go away!” Sakura yells out in fright. To her surprise, as soon as she said it, the knocking stops. A minute goes by, then five, then ten, and still no noise was heard.

‘Maybe he left…’ Sakura thought as she crawls out from under the windowsill. She slowly starts to get up towards the window and carefully moves one of the curtains out of the way so that she could see out the window. She almost fell back when she sees the boy was still on the other side.

“Hi!” The boy greets her as if he was there for the first time and she hadn’t she rejected him.

“I thought I told you to go away,” Sakura says as she grips the curtain tightly.

“Well, I don’t want to,” the boy responds

“Well, I do,” Sakura retorts.

“…Don’t you feel lonely being in this house all by yourself?” The boy enquires.

“Wha- that’s none of your business,” Sakura responds and grips the curtains tighter. Who does this guy think he is, talking as if he knows the pain she was been through. “Besides I prefer to be alone,” she adds.

“That’s only because you haven’t felt the joy of hanging out with people.”

“Hmph, like anyone would hang out with me,” Sakura mumbles under her breath, but the boy hears her.

“But, that’s why I am here,” the boy announces his intentions blatantly.

‘Yeah right,’ she thought and decides to set the boy straight. “Look I don’t know if you’re mocking me of taking pity on me or whatever, either way I’m not interested. You should just go and hang out with some other people.”

Sakura doesn’t give the boy the chance to respond before fully closing the curtains and heading back to the table. ‘I’m sure he’ll leave soon,’ she thought and picks up her book.

After Sakura had finished her book, she took the time to sweep the house before going back to the window. She wanted to let the light in and she figured the boy had already left by now so she reopens the curtains. ‘Seriously…’ was all that came to mind when she sees that the boy was still there.

“You’re back!” The boy says excitedly.

“How long have you been standing there?” Sakura asks with incredulity.

“How long has it been since you last talked to me?”

Sakura let out a sigh. “Go home,” she demands.

“No,” the boy responds.

“Go home,” Sakura repeats.

“No.”

“Seriously what do you want from me?!”

“I told you I want to hang out with you,” The boy replies in all seriousness.

“…Why?”

“So we can be friends,” the boy simple states.

“Friends? Why would you want to be friends with someone like me, you’ve heard about me right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“You know my mother had me out of wedlock and now she’s dead and who knows where my father is so why?! …Why?” Sakura questions the boy while on the verge of crying.

“What does it matter what your parents did? They’re not you and besides if you think about it, if your birth turned out a different way, you wouldn’t be who you are today and that would be bad.”

“Hmph, what could you possibly know about me,” Sakura laughs at the ridiculousness of the boy’s reasoning.

“I know that you like to read,” the boy answers, which catches her off guard. “I know that you’re very diligent because you clean your house everyday all by yourself. I know you’re kind because you like to take care of small animals that have been injured. And I know that you’re strong because you continue to go to the market even though everybody is so mean to you.”

“…How do you know all that?” Sakura asks hesitantly.

“You leave you curtains open everyday. You’re practically letting the world know what you’re doing everyday,” the boy explains, which leaves her to give him a strange look. “Not that I watch you everyday! It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Sakura asks with genuine curiosity and a little amusement.

“It’s just ever since I saw you, I wanted to get to know you more, but I couldn’t build up the nerve to talk to you,” the boy informs her with a light blush across his face.

“You’re talking to me now aren’t you?” Sakura points out to the boy.

“Well yeah, it seriously took me by surprise when you were staring at me. Normally you would look at my general direction but you would never really look at me so I got a little excited and came a bit closer… sorry if I scared you,” the boy apologizes.

“Pff, I…I wasn’t scared…” Sakura says unconvincingly, her face red from embarrassment.

“It’s okay to be scared, I get scared sometimes too.” The boy says and gives Sakura a reassuring smile.

Somehow, hearing the boy admit that he has been afraid made Sakura feel a lot better and at ease.

“Sooooo, my name is Kurapika. What’s yours?” Kurapika introduces himself when he sees that Sakura was starting to lighten up.

“…It’s Mikan.” Sakura introduces herself shyly. She doesn’t give her last name as she had noticed that the people here did not have last names.

“Pff that’s a weird name,” Kurapika laughs.

“Not as weird as yours,” Sakura fires back.

Both glare at each other but soon they burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of their little fight.

“Well, aren’t you going to come outside?” Kurapika enquires.

Sakura walks away from the window in response and Kurapika thinks she is heading to the front door. He goes over to her front door to wait until she opens the door, but she wasn’t thinking of using the door.

Sakura was actually going blow out the candle on her desk and close her book. Then she goes back to unlock the window then slides it wide open before she jumps out, much to Kurapika’s surprise.

“What? It’s faster this way,” Sakura tells Kurapika with a smile.

Kurapika feels his heart skip a beat, it was the first time he had ever seen her smile. All the times he had watched her from the window, she never had a smile on and it makes him truly happy to see that she could smile like that. It also made her a lot more beautiful in his opinion.

“What’s wrong?” Sakura asks as she notices Kurapika had been staring at her for a very long time without moving.

“N-Nothing!” Kurapika quickly responds. “Let’s go!” He grabs Sakura’s hand and pulls her along, blushing furiously.

This action surprises Sakura, but she can’t say that she didn’t feel happy. ‘He’s warm,’ she thought and smiles.

Kurapika introduces Sakura to his friend Pairo. Unlike Kurapika, Pairo was a little more cautious of her, but he soon comes to accept her, stating, “Any friend of Kurapika is a friend of mine.”

Time had never gone so fast for Sakura. Before she knew it, she had two of the nicest friends who had taught her a lot of things. The first thing they ever taught her was how to use her swords, which made her extremely happy, although she admits she might’ve taken it a little too far. Kurapika and Pairo had both started learning from a young age and she had felt that she needed to catch up so she would train anytime she was free. It wasn’t long before she was able to fight them evenly and sometimes even win, much to their surprise and a little annoyance.

Out of the two of them, Sakura bonded more with Kurapika. He had discovered her habit of reading books and recommended all the books he liked for her to read. Honestly, she didn’t want to read more books as that was basically what she had been doing for the past few years, but Kurapika seemed really excited to find someone who he could share his love of books and she couldn’t turn him down. Plus she found that she didn’t like it when he knew something she didn’t so she may have gotten into it more than necessary. Although on the outside she plays it off as just a something she would do when she was bored, the truth was she read almost five books everyday. Kurapika also ups his game when he notices Sakura was starting to know more than him and he didn’t like that, especially when he just sees her playing and eating sweets all day. Another thing Kurapika had noticed Sakura enjoyed doing a lot was singing. That was honestly what drew him to her in the first place.

---

The things Kurapika had heard about Sakura from his parents and the people around him were not good. Even as a child, he could sense the hate all the adults around him felt towards her, but he never knew why. He gets that her mother wasn't married to her dad when she was born, but why does that have anything to do with her. Even if that was a fact of concern, she was one of them wasn’t she?

The first time Kurapika saw the girl was when her parents had been assigned to take care of her. His first impression of her was like all his impressions of people. He couldn’t see what was so bad about her. She seemed just like all the other kids in the village. However it was obvious through their actions that his parents thought differently and he could see she notices it too. After that encounter, he never met her face-to-face again for a while and by that he means years.

However one day, Kurapika decides that enough was enough. By this time, he had noticed that the villagers had stopped visiting the girl all together as she was now, they supposed, self-sufficient. They weren’t wrong to deem that she was capable of taking care of herself but she was still only a child. There are other important things other than being able to stay alive like having someone to talk to. Don’t they even consider whether or not she would be lonely in that house all alone? Well he did, which is why he was going to visit her.

Determined, Kurapika heads to the girl’s house and walks up to her front door. He was about to knock but then he hears a piano playing from inside. He decides to switch from the door and move to the open window. There he was able to see that it was the girl that was playing the piano. He wonders where she had learnt how to play, but then he sees the piano books scattered all around her.

‘Oh, she taught herself. That’s pretty impressive.’ Kurapika thought, though it did sadden him a little that she would have to teach herself.

The piece she was playing wasn’t overly complicated, just a few notes accompanied by some chords if Kurapika wasn’t mistaken. He doesn’t play the piano, but he has read books about them. Even though it was simple, it was really nice in his opinion. He looks up at the player and she looked very relaxed while she plays, then he sees her mouth start to open and her sweet voice starts to sing.

“A summer breeze comes knocking again~

I open up just to let in the sun~

And all I hear are those fleeting tweeting notes they carry away~”

Kurapika listens, as the words seem to flow smoothly out of her.

“A half read book I place to the side~

‘Hey little guy, where on earth are you from’ with a smile~

And with me blindfolded I still know that it’s 3 after noon~”

At first Kurapika was fully enjoying the song. It sounded so happy and fun, but then as the song continues, he realizes how wrong his first impression was.

“I know how simple this world it seems~

And yes I know, that it’s me who is weird~

But even I have to wonder why I cant just be like the rest~

And far away and out of their sight~,

there is a house in the forest of trees hid away~

And can you bet there no one crazy enough to stop by~”

The worst part was that Kurapika soon becomes aware of the fact that the song was about her life.

“Don’t look in their eyes!~

A heart so cold became ice, I guess that I wasn’t able to make a friend~

And all I see everyday can never be much more than a thing~

The world outside there is made from pictures in books~

So please could you forgive me thinking such terrible things~

Will someone please let me see with my own eyes?~”

Kurapika couldn’t help but feel guilty about the pain she was conveying through this song, though much to his relief the song does take a small turn for the good.

“Long long long since before I was born~

It’s always been an inside out world but there was burning~

Life inside me~

I knew it’d never it’d never go out~

Hey hey, when will that knock ever come?~

I just cant wait to see what kind of future is out there~

I’ll wait to hear the sound~

Knocking a beautiful call at my door…”

‘At least she has hope.’ Kurapika thought as he listens to the part about having life inside her and waiting for the day someone would come visit her.

However Kurapika’s slight relief was only short lived as the girl stops playing and singing all together, she had run out of words.

‘Eh? That can’t be it!’ Kurapika thought, but then he sees the girl stand up and head to the window. ‘I have to hide!’ Was Kurapika’s immediate response and he ducks under the windowsill. He could hear the sounds of curtains being shut, signifying that she was done for the day. He goes out from under the window and stares at the now covered window. ‘I guess I’ll visit her next time.’ Kurapika thought in a defeated state and heads home. ‘I hope I get to hear the rest of the song next time…’

The next time Kurapika visits, he sees her reading a book instead of playing the piano. She looked so calm and serene as she flipped through the pages and he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt her so he continues to watch her for a while before leaving.

The times after that didn’t go as well as Kurapika had hoped either. Whenever he comes over she would always be doing something and he just couldn’t bring himself to interrupt her and just ends up watching her through the window for a while. He’s seen her reading a book, cleaning, writing what he assumed were her original songs, tending to small injured animals… and playing piano while singing. Although he never heard the sing the song the first time he came here much to his disappointment.

This cycle of Kurapika coming to her house to visit her, giving up and watching her through the window instead became a part of his normal routing and he was okay with that. However it did shock him when one day she catches him in the act. He remembers think ‘Crap, did she find out about what I’ve been doing?!’ He then tries to confirm whether or not she does through her reaction to his greeting. When she didn’t react, he took a step closer, which turned out to be a bad move and she shuts the curtains almost immediately. He wasn’t about to give up on though, he had gotten this far and there was no going back. To his surprise he somehow convinces her to come out of her home and become his friend.

---

“Hah?! You seriously did all that?!” Sakura yells in shock of Kurapika’s stalker behavior.

“Well what else was I supposed to do?” Kurapika defends himself.

“Um, I don’t know…knock?!”

“Would you have answered if I had knocked?”

“…” Sakura couldn’t admit that Kurapika was right so she doesn’t say anything in response, but something from Kurapika’s story did catch her attention. “That song wasn’t finished, but I have finished it now if you want to hear…” She shyly offers.

“Wait really?!” Kurapika shouts excitedly. “Yes, I want to hear it! Let’s go back to your house right now so you can play it!”

“Eh? I can just sing it right here.”

“No, you have to play it all properly.”

Sakura really didn’t know what the difference was but Kurapika seemed so into it that she couldn’t bring herself to say no and lets him drag her to her house.

“Can I sing now?” Sakura asks when she was seated in front of the piano.

Kurapika nods vigorously in approval, which brings a smile to Sakura’s face. She sighs and starts to play the song.

“A summer breeze comes knocking again~

I open up just to let in the sun~

And all I hear are those fleeting tweeting notes they carry away~

A half read book I place to the side~

‘Hey little guy, where on earth are you from’ with a smile~

And with me blindfolded I still know that it’s 3 after noon~

I know how simple this world it seems~

And yes I know, that it’s me who is weird~

But even I have to wonder why I cant just be like the rest~

And far away and out of their sight~,

there is a house in the forest of trees hid away~

And can you bet there no one crazy enough to stop by~

Don’t look in their eyes!~

A heart so cold became ice, I guess that I wasn’t able to make a friend~

And all I see everyday can never be much more than a thing~

The world outside there is made from pictures in books~

So please could you forgive me thinking such terrible things~

Will someone please let me see with my own eyes?~

Long long long since before I was born~

It’s always been an inside out world but there was burning~

Life inside me~

I knew it’d never it’d never go out~

Hey hey, when will that knock ever come?~

I just cant wait to see what kind of future is out there~

I’ll wait to hear the sound~

Knocking a beautiful call at my door~”

Kurapika was literally on the edge of his seat when he hears the last line and sees that this time Sakura wasn’t done yet.

“Knock Knock Knock and the sound is loud~

Although I’d never heard a knock upon my door so~

I was so scared~

Oh god I need to think straight~”

“Hey hey, hearing a knock at my door~

I never thought that I would ever hear such beating~

And just so easily~

It opened to leave me exposed and alone~

And then finding me cowering hiding eyes away~

That person was of course to be surprised~

‘Don’t look in my eyes…petrified…you’ll turn to stone’~

I tried to speak but he just smiled back~.

“I was just like you, I was scared of living life~

so scared that I would turn completely stone~

But living in a world where no one is ever scared~,

now wouldn’t that be nice?~”

‘Could this be about our first encounter?!’ Kurapika thought happily.

“Now now now, from a spark inside~

I had imagined a new world for me to live in~

Where they love me I feel it ringing out now~

Hey hey, what does this world look like~

I wanna know please tell me just how then can I get there~

So if I’m ever lost~

Hey will you search for me once again?~”

“Of course I will!” Kurapika jumps up and hugs her.

“Hah?! What are you talking about, it’s just a song!” Sakura yells at Kurapika for the sudden attack, but really inside she couldn’t be happier.

~ Flashback end ~

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