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By galindaba

Other / Humor


Disclaimer; I don't own the wizarding world of Harry Potter or any of the characters in it. I wish I did. But I don't.

Cover Image by anxiouspineapples. Absoloutly my favourite artist for James and Lily! :) Check out her stuff.

This is just a a one-shot that I thought about and couldn't help but write down because I thought it was funny. You might not think it was but I was in stitches at myself :p It coincides with the characters and plot lines from my uber long James and Lily story which I am now writing the sequel too and I am really excited about that! Check it out if you want to!

I'm not the best with spelling and grammar but I've done my best.

Hope you enjoy it!

'So what we gonna name him?' Sirius asked.

He, Remus and Peter were at St. Mungo's hospital visiting new parents, James and Lily Potter. Lily was sat up in the bed holding a six pound eight ounce sleeping bundle of joy in her arms. James sat perched on the bed next to her, his arm around her and his face full of pride as he looked down at his small son. Remus and Peter were stood opposite them at either end of the bed, Remus on the side James was sat, both of them smiling happily at their two friends in their small cocoon of happiness. Sirius was stood next to where Lily sat, his arms folded and an expression on his face not too different from James' as he looked down at the brand new baby Lily had just brought into the world.

'We?' James asked him, tearing his eyes from his son and looking up to Sirius with a sceptical expression. 'There's no we.' he went on, pointing between himself and Sirius before clarifying, 'Me and Lily get to name him.'

Sirius blinked at him with a blank expression. 'That's cute.' he said clapping his hands together, his handsome face lighting up as he spoke to his friends at large. 'I'm thinking something royal but unique, you know? Something fun.'

'And what did you have in mind?' Remus asked, raising his eyebrows at his friend, appeasing his idea that he did in fact have a say in the child's name.

'Glad you asked Moony!' Sirius grinned. He paused and looked between him and Peter slowly. Then he looked to James and Lily who both also had their eyebrows raised, waiting on his idea with dubious faces. 'Excalibur!' Sirius announced opening his arms, expecting applause, congratulations, thrilled faces. Something at least. That's not what he got.

Both Remus and Peter shook their heads at him with slightly derisive looks whilst Lily and James took a more vocal stand point on the subject. After all, it was concerning their child.

'That's a sword.' Lily stated slowly, an incredulous tone in her voice. She looked at Sirius in disbelief at the suggestion.

Sirius didn't pick up on this though and just continued, grinning like a mad man and nodding his head, complete faith in the idea that the name he had chosen was the best name you could ever think of to name your kid. 'I know.' he said, 'Genius right.'

'Oh god.' Lily said, rolling her eyes and looking back down to her child, unable to believe how much she loved him already. She said nothing more on the subject. James however, did.

'We are not naming my son Excalibur.' he told Sirius flat. No gimmicks or frills.

'What? Come on!' Sirius protested, dropping his arms to his sides and slumping slightly, his patented puppy dog pout appearing on his face. 'Just think about it!' he went on, trying to convince his best friend in the brilliance of the name he had chosen, 'When each of us has him and like, some of us are confused on who, we'd be saying, 'Hey, who has Excalibur today?' and people listening in to our conversations will be all like, 'wow that is awesome. They actually have Excalibur.' But only we'll know.'

'No.' James said as if it was the final statement to the conversation, which, by rights, it should have been. But when arguing with Sirius Black, that is rarely the case. He wouldn't stop till he'd won.

'Wha-but…' Sirius whined, finally turning to Remus for help. 'Moony.'

'Don't ask me.' Remus said, folding his arms and exhaling deeply. He looked to the child who was now yawning adorably in Lily's arms. He sighed and continued to speak. 'I have as much chance of convincing him to let you call it Excalibur as you do.'

'He, Remus.' Lily pointed out, barely looking up at him.

'My point still stands.' Remus replied with a shrug.

Sirius folded his arms and adopted a grumpy pout, glaring at James who looked back at him with one eyebrow raised and a shake of his head.

'When it's my turn to have him I'm gonna call him Excalibur.' Sirius muttered under his breath. Still, everyone heard his statement. The room they were in was peacefully quiet with new mothers and fathers doting on their new children with reverent hushed tones.

'Turn?' James asked, wishing immediately that he hadn't.

'Yeah.' Sirius said, his pout automatically disappearing as he started to talk about how he thought life with a baby was going to go. 'I could take him on Fridays. Moony can have Saturdays. Pete can have him on Sundays-'

'I work on Sundays.' Peter interrupted.

'Ah right I forget.' Sirius said, mentally slapping himself for Peters work schedule slipping his mind. He rectified his own schedule to accommodate it though. 'Well Prongs can have Sundays I suppose and-'

'You suppose?' James laughed, 'Sirius he's my kid! I can have him whenever I want.'

Again, Sirius blinked at him. 'Don't be selfish Prongs.' he said levelly, 'We have to share.'

'Share?' James repeated, 'He's not a broomstick we can trade off on the weekends.'

'No Prongs he's a child that we can trade off on the weekends.' Sirius said.

James widened his eyes and turned to his wife who had been listening to the exchange between the two boys with an amused smile. 'It's like I'm talking to a wall.' he said to her.

Lily shrugged. 'It's Sirius, what do you expect?' she replied, turning her head to smile teasingly at Sirius who narrowed his eye at her for her joke.

A serene quiet fell around the group and the baby boy in Lily's arms made a small sound in his sleep. Lily shifted herself slightly to adjust her position in holding him. Though she was sitting down, keeping her arms in the right position to hold his head upright as the healers had told her too was still difficult to keep. She supposed she would get better with it over time. Besides, James was there to help her as he was doing now. He stood up momentarily from the bed to help her adjust the covers she had over her as she moved slightly to a more upright position. He plumped up the cushion behind her head and, whilst she moved the tiniest inch backwards, held their sons head up slightly with his hand gently on the back of the baby's head until Lily was ready again to have him rest in the crook of her arm. When she was settled again, James sat back down next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders again. He kissed her near to top of her head through her hair and rested his own against hers after. They were a picture perfect family. Right until Sirius interrupted again.

'I could take him on Mondays.' he inputted suddenly with a slow nod of his head.

Remus chuckled at him starting up this conversation again, Peter looked up to the ceiling in exasperation and Lily shook her head fondly to herself.

James lifted his head from Lily's and looked to Sirius with an exhausted expression. 'Yeah.' he said with a slow sarcastic nod of the head, 'From now until eternity, every Monday, you can have our son for the day. When he's fifty you'll still be taking him out for ice-cream and calling him Excalibur and when he asks me why, I'll tell him it's because he's a time share baby.'

'Really?' Sirius asked hopefully.

'No you fucking idiot!' James said.

'James!' Lily reprimanded, telling him off for swearing in front of their new-born child. Sure he was tired. He actually hadn't slept for thirty-six or more hours, keeping a watchful eye on their son after he had been born whilst Lily rested because the child was two weeks premature. But that didn't excuse him language. She knew that he was just a baby but she didn't really want her son to hear that kind of language at such a tender age.

'Sorry Lils.' James sighed, looking down to the baby and moving a finger over its soft little cheek. 'Sorry.' he repeated to the child, just glad that he was still sleeping. It was all he had done since he had been born really apart from a slight cry when he had been hungry or had needed changing. But as soon as he was satisfied he had been fed or changed, the kid just dropped straight off. James wished he could do the same.

'You look exhausted James.' Peter said from where he stood, leaning on the end of the bed frame.

James breathed a sigh. 'I am.' he said, widening his eyes as if trying to keep them open, 'But Lily's probably more exhausted than me.'

'Nope I'm good.' Lily grinned at him cockily.

James looked back at her mystified. 'I have no idea how.'

Lily laughed and looked back down to the child, as did James, the conversation pausing as they, once again, took in the miracle that was their son. The life they had created so perfect, asleep in Lily's arms, his little mouth puckered open as he dreamt.

Sirius leaned into them, looking at the child as well as if he too, was a father to it. He smiled at the boy and leant in a little bit further to Lily. 'I could take Excalibur on Tuesdays.'

James hung his head momentarily whilst Remus laughed loudly and Peter tittered along with him. Lily also chuckled a laugh, shaking her head at Sirius not being able to let this go, any of it. It tickled her. Not only because Sirius wanted to name the baby Excalibur but because it was James who was adamantly saying no. To her, that was even funnier than Sirius believing he had the right to name him or take him on a specified day of the week because, quite simply, James had been the one trying to convince her to name their son some of the most ludicrous names known to man. When they had started discussing baby names a couple months back, he had naturally started off the suggestions with Elvendork, claiming that as a unisex name, they would be easily prepared for either possibility. When she had said no to that, his suggestions had become steadily more and more insane. He had gone through suggesting Merlin, Abraxius, Bathsheba, Seraphima, Zephyrine and Berengaria before resorting back to Elvendork and saying really it was their best bet. But now it was he who was dead set against a weird name. Perhaps it was seeing his son, holding him and knowing that he was now reality rather than an upcoming prospect or dream that had changed his mind. Either way, it seemed he was not going to let Sirius name him Excalibur. What he could do to stop this though, Lily didn't know.

'I wanna hold him.' Sirius said suddenly, making grabby hands toward the baby as if he was a child himself.

Lily made no motion to move. 'No.' she said simply, wanting to be selfish and hold her son for a while longer.

'Aw!' Sirius stropped, pouting once more and dropping his hands to his sides. He stamped his foot as if he was about to have a tantrum. 'Why not?' he moaned.

'Cause you can barely hold your own head up Sirius.' Lily stated simply, sparing him a glance, 'How am I meant to trust you to hold his?'

But that was it for Sirius. He was feeling extremely put out now and he wanted to get his way in something. 'If I can't hold him and I can't have him on Tuesdays then you have to name him Excalibur.' he demanded.

'No we don't.' James replied calmly.

'Yes you do!' Sirius said, 'I don't see your problem with it.'

'Only people who share DNA with this kid can name him.' James shrugged apologetically even though he was not sorry at all.

'Come on!' Sirius whined, his body jumping up and down as he became mardy, 'Please Prongs! I wanna help! I want some input in the kid's life! I don't want to be left out and- '

James sighed, resigned. 'Fine you can be- who looks after the kid if we can't?' he asked Remus.

Remus frowned in thought. 'Godfather?' he suggested.

'Yeah.' James nodded to Remus in agreement, turning back to Sirius and saying, 'There you go. You can be godfather.'

Sirius' face lit up. 'Really?' asked, his fists coming up to his chin in excitement, a childlike smile spreading over his face as if all his dreams had just come true.

'Only if you promise to stop badgering us to name him Excalibur.' James conditioned, pointing a warning finger to Sirius.

'I promise.' Sirius said, crossing his heart, his grin not falling.

'Good.' James said, relieved that he had managed to find a compromise that Sirius was happy with and that he didn't mind. He hoped Lily didn't mind either but, as she hadn't said anything, he presumed she didn't. If she did she definitely would have said something. It wasn't like her to hold her tongue.

The calm atmosphere settled around the group again, none of them speaking but all looking towards the nameless child. Something about him caused them all to go quiet and relax. It was as if, in this room, watching the child sleep, all their worries had evaporated. Lily and James' son knew nothing about the war he had been born in to and, being around him, his parents and their friends were able to momentarily forget also. It was nice and peaceful. There seemed to be a group sigh of contentment, all in their own thoughts. It was only Sirius who seemed to be sharing his out loud.

'What about Ascalon?' he said.

Thanks for reading!

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