At Last I See the Light


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is an unreleased song in Borrowed Heaven (2004) from the Corrs.

Dear Diary,

Expect the unexpected! Castle is back in our lives. After the summer of practically no contact, he's back. I'm not saying I'm not happy. I am. I just don't know what to say…or do. We had a bet on the case. I let him win.


Josh came at the precinct today to fetch me. I saw Castle's reaction. It was...weird. I can't read it. It's like he's…

No. He has Gina.

Castle calls Josh, Doctor Motorcycle-Boy. I don't know how to deal with that at the moment. He's cute, though. When he calls Josh that.

I shouldn't have been there. It was an accident. I swear! I was there to get water when I heard Castle break-up with Gina. They were fighting. It was in the newspaper. He thanked me for not mentioning the article and I magicked some flowers for him. At least it was a distraction. We both enjoyed the comfort food truck.

PS Oh, I told him that I wish he wouldn't call Josh, Doctor Motorcycle-Boy.

I'm beginning to sound like a teenager.

I saw Castle looking at my...ass as I danced my way to see if our suspect was in the club. He was all flustered. It was so cute. He is cute. Wait, did I just say that?

Josh and I are having problems. Castle saw us fighting...exchanging words, angrily. When we were at that storage, after we were exposed to radiation, I told him that I want somebody who'd be there for me so I'd be there for him and we can dive in together. I don't know what to do anymore. And then Fallon kicked us off the case for talking to the Syrian consulate. But you know us, Diary. We started investigating on our own but instead of getting the bad guys who has the bomb, we were trapped in a freezer with our victim's dead cousin. I don't know what I said before passing out but when I woke up, there was Josh. We talked about our situation and we might have a chance.

The case about the dirty bomb...Castle saved the day. He was about to tell me something but Josh came to the precinct. I was happy that he was back but why am I disappointed at the same time when Rick didn't say what he wanted to say?

PS I lied. I remember what I wanted to say to him.

IT'S OVER! I called it. Castle and I had a fight. He wanted me to stop investigating my mum's case, that I'm hurting people who care about me like my dad! I can't. Not right now that Lockwood escaped. And then he called me out that I'm hiding in relationships that will go nowhere. WHAT DOES HE KNOW?! HE LEFT!

Was he right?

It's been three months, Diary. A lot has happened. Josh and I broke up. I got shot. I told Castle that I don't remember anything that had happened that day. I do remember, Diary. I remember everything.

Instead of writing, Richard Castle was looking out of his office door. He was looking at his wife and his son playing Peek-A-Boo in the living room. Wanting to join the fun, he stood up and sat beside Kate Beckett on the couch.

"Hey, I thought you wanted to write?" she asked.

"Well, no ideas coming at me right now," he replied. "Besides, this looks like fun."

He picked up his six-month-old son, Thomas and made faces, to the delight of the little boy.

Kate smiled at the picture perfect scene. She always liked it when Rick is playing with Thomas.

"Look, mommy!" Rick said, lifting the baby above his head. "I'm flying!"

"Don't lift him up too high," Kate warned.

The baby just laughed excitedly.

"He loves it," Castle said.

He placed the baby back in his crib. He caught his wife staring at them.


"Nothing. It's just...cute."

"You remembered something, didn't you?"

Why does he always know? "Kind of," Kate said, smiling sheepishly.

Castle raised an eyebrow, a gesture Beckett took as a prompt to spill.

"You were right, about me hiding in nowhere relationships. That fall when you went to the Hamptons with Gina," she paused, as Castle nodded. "I wanted to accept your invitation. I broke up with Demming that day, told him that it wasn't what I was looking for at the moment."

She sighed.

"It hurt me when I saw Gina. That summer, I met Josh and he was there for me, at the time. But I kept thinking about you," she continued, a wayward tear falling on her cheek. "I really thought that we…"

"Hey," Castle said, wiping the tears away. "It's okay. Everything turned out okay."

"I know," she replied. "I just want to get it off my chest."

"You did," Castle comforted her. "Come here."

And he gave her the tightest hug he could muster.

"I understand. I have been," he told her. "Always."

Beckett smiled as she nuzzled under his chin. She knew he understood her, why she was who she was. It's one of the qualities she loved about him.

"Why don't we let Thomas have his afternoon nap and have a little something-something of our own?" he suggested.

Beckett looked at her husband in the eye and whispered coyly, "I'll get the ice."

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