Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Andrea Coffee would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Drunken Laments of Mr. Prongs

By Andrea Coffee

Humor / Romance

Chapter 1


“She came into my life as swiftly and utterly destructive as a hurricane; leaving nothing but disaster in her wake.  Well, for me, at least. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment in time when I first met her; this isn’t one of those ‘Love at First Site’ stories. It’s the opposite.  I abhorred her, and likewise, she hated me.

“We put all of our efforts into making each other’s lives a living Hell. I never thought she was a mastermind until one of my Marauder’s pranks went a little too far, and being the stuck-up, goody two-shoes she is, she had to put me in my place. After that though, it never worked. She tried, and I sincerely believe it was the hardest thing for her. We were always one step ahead of her. She never did figure out how

“By second year, yelling matches were a common occurrence when we met in the halls. Crowds gathered just to watch the spectacle. The upper years thought it was entertaining to watch some twelve year olds ‘have at it.’ Sometimes, bets were placed on who would start or win the next bout.

“It all changed when my hormones kicked in. There was something about the way her green eyes glinted when she glared in my direction, or how her pale face flushed when she sent a jinx my way, or maybe it was because of her hair; her fiery, golden hair. Maybe, just maybe, it was the tune she hummed under her breath when she thought no one could hear her. Something about yesterday and how her troubles weren’t so far away, some shit like that; probably some muggle song.

“She was always so damn bloody perfect, too! Always had to have top marks, always had to be the best, always dressed to the nines. The only subject she refused to better herself in was flying.” Too afraid of heights, fear of falling, no control,” were some of the excuses I heard her spout to her friends many times. I think that’s why I took up Quidditch. Just so I could be better at something than her.

“When I finally thought I was rid of her, she would drift back into my thoughts. She even captured my dreams. Fifth year was the worst. I realized I couldn’t have enough of her. She was a drug and I was her addict. What I really needed was rehab. Padfoot and Wormy thought pranking would cure me, but Moony knew better.

“We were out by the Lake when we saw Snivellus, and we decided to play a prank on him. Everyone was out by the lake, and when Padfoot pulled Snape’s pants down for the world to see, she came to his rescue. She had an odd relationship with him. Everyone knew he loved her, except her, of course. Apparently, they were childhood friends. Wouldn’t have known that by how he treated her. That day by the lake, he looked at her with the utmost contempt and slurred the word, ‘Mudblood,’ her way. Somehow, Moony knew that something like that would happen. It always does when we go on prank sprees. If they aren’t thought out, they aren’t executed well.

“That marked the last time I pulled a serious prank on Snivelly. Yeah, there was the occasional fight in the hall (Not as bad as hers and mine), and hexes usually flew, but nothing more than that. But he couldn’t stop there. I was fine to admit defeat, but he had a grudge, which is understandable; I did torture him up to that point. On one of the full moons, he discovered Moony’s ‘Furry Little Problem’ the hard way. He should’ve been grateful that I saved his arse.

“After that, I sobered up; I matured. She didn’t notice, though. Thought I was still the ‘arrogant toe rag’ that I was in first year. Then, in the middle of sixth year, my father died. A war raged inside of me, one of depression and anger. They battled to see who would come out on top.

“At one point that year, I was sitting in my favorite nook in the library (Far east in the window-seat), when she approached me. I didn’t even hear her feather-light footsteps or her clearing her throat. I do remember the feel of her hand on my shoulder when she realized I was lost in the turmoil of my thoughts. It was soft, light, but reassuring. She was never like that before. Turning, her face shocked me. It wasn’t one of anger, disgust, or superiority; it was one of sorrow, kindness, and trust. Something had changed in her, and I couldn’t stop the one tear from escaping. She took a seat next to me and we watched the sun set over the lake without saying a word.

“That next summer changed me. Without my father, I had more responsibility and I matured. Padfoot thought it was for the worse, but it wasn’t. I was still the same boy that flushed Snivelly’s diary down Moaning Myrtle’s toilet in fourth year. The only difference was that I had grown up. We all have to sometime. Padfoot just didn’t think he would ever have to.

“When our Hogwarts letters arrived and a small pin fell out of mine, Padfoot went bloody nuts. The day before we left for the train, he simmered down, realized I could be an ally as Head Boy. He wouldn’t ever get in trouble from me, I’d have more clearance to do things, and he could wreak havoc wherever he went, as long as a teacher or the Head Girl didn’t see.

“It came as no surprise to me when she walked into the Prefects compartment on the Hogwarts Express exclaiming that I couldn’t be Head Boy, I wasn’t even a Prefect. Of course, the thought of sharing the Head’s Dormitories with me was ridiculous. Too bad she had to come to terms with it.

“About a month into seventh year, she realized I had changed completely. Like Padfoot, she realized I wasn’t the same, but unlike him, her reaction was positive. On patrols, we talked. It wasn’t anything big, just small talk, but I felt a bond forming between us. Almost like we were friends.

“One night, she came to patrols with a tear-stained face, telling me of her run-in with Snivellus on her way to meet me. She broke down in front of me. I always thought she was strong willed and would never break. Somehow, I thought she was indestructible. In that moment, I realized I was wrong. She needed support, someone to help her through the hard times. Without thinking, my arms engulfed her. Pressed against my chest, tears streaming, I realized, more than ever, that I love her.

“I love her. Her hair. Her smile. Her silly expressions. Her humming “Yesterday” under her breath (I asked her one night during patrols.) Her green, green eyes. Her short skirts. Her baggy shirts. Everything. All of it. Nothing in-between.

“My hands were tingling. She sobbed into my shoulder while I stroked her hair. I felt like my world was crashing down around me. Any minute now, she’d pull back and say, ‘Well then, let us continue on?’ in that perfect way of hers, in that tone that I couldn’t resist. But, that didn’t happen. Instead, she looked me in the eyes and I met her teary ones. Her gaze lowered to my lips, and before I could think, her lips were on mine.

“Her kisses were like fire; passionate and lovely, but stirring up a storm inside. She really was a hurricane. After what seemed like eternity, my bliss was cut short. Pulling back, I realized this was just out of her sorrow. I looked at her, studied her face, gave her hand a squeeze, and we continued on with patrols.

“After that night, she looked at me curiously. I bet she wondered why I didn’t kiss her again. I mean, I did pursue her for years. This continued for about three weeks. Maybe less. I don’t remember anymore.

“It became a habit to see her fall asleep on the common room couch while doing her homework. She was obviously stressed. Whenever I saw her asleep there, I’d move her work, relight the fire, and grab one of my blankets and drape it over her. When I’d see her next, her stare would linger. Whenever she gave me that stare, butterflies, but manly ones, would erupt in my stomach.

“This became our routine; do patrols, she’d fall asleep on the couch, wake up, give me the stare, and then continue on with our day.

“I don’t know how it happened, but she fell in love with me. I didn’t grasp that until one morning after a shower. It was an extra long one to relax me. Quidditch Captain and Head Boy duties really got to me that day. Anyways, I walked out in just a towel while she was walking out of her room. She was wearing a Quidditch jersey; a Gryffindor one. The thought of one of my teammates shacking up with her made me sick. But she didn’t realize what was going through my head. All she saw was me, half-naked standing in front of her like a dolt. I didn’t realize that the jersey was mine until it was lying on the floor with the discarded towel.

“Just like that kiss, she loved me like a hurricane. Lily would always be my hurricane.”






 *Photo courtesy of beerlens.com

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Andrea Coffee
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Satabda Chatterjee: Each and every charecter develops during the whole course of the journey and keeps secretly love for the princess . However the way that writter expressed each situatuons that the princess faced quite relevant and keeps the suspense always at the end of the chapter. . . .which makes the reader m...

rihannabkj2: Great story,I can hardly stop reading this novel. it shows that compassion and love can still exist after so many years between two persons. I most say well done to the Author who wrote this book. Others should read this book inorder to know that there can still be LOVE among two persons no matt...

Lauren Sanby: This is an excellent story. Very gripping and keeps your attention throughout. Hoping the author is writing a sequel because I'd love to read more about Rhi and Andreas and find out what else Rhi is able to do with her powers.

spec4huff: Thank you for creating this world. I am a 6'3" veteran that thinks himself tough. But the piece of literature you have created made me misty eyed on a number of occasions. I want a love like this. Thank you again, I would totally buy this book and hopefully the sequels to this ever enchanting lov...

Atractivo Sumit: The story is an amazing blend of what we call natural, plain romance along with subtle emotions and interesting twists. The plot is so beautifully interwoven.

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

ynez2005: I LOVE THIS BOOK SOOOOO MUCH!!!!Though you really need to make another book,more Princesses!!! Whoooo!!!Girl Power!!!Mabey it could even be Devona's BFF???That would make it even better!!!Plus can you pleeease make Akki come back,together with Thea and Authur amd the whole family is back!Other th...

Sandra Estrada: I loved every minute of it and I thank my lucky stars that brought me to the story, it's been a whirlwind of emotions, plot twist after plot twist but I never got tired of them. Abby and Kade's story is a hard one to understand but once you're submerged in their story and love, you can't help but...

zoheusher20: What more can I say? The writing style and little details drew me into the book and for the entirety of the story I was Juliet. I felt her turmoil and emotions and every trouble or triumph as they arrived. This story was very different and had quite a few little but unexpected twists that made it...

More Recommendations

jessiehs: This was absolutely amazing. I loved how it went back and forth between perspectives. I actually cried at the end I was so happy. This was amazing. I can't even think of another word to describe it. Thank you for writing his.

Dessie Williams: loved the book. the plot the characters all just great.I think it's a must read. once you start this book it's hard to put down. hope it gets published....I think this book is a must read.great job!!!!

Stephen Warner: To start off, I am thoroughly impressed. The writing style is somewhat unique, and the plot seemed to move at a nice and steady pace. However, I was not expecting this to be a vampire book! I am usually not one for novels about vampires, but I was pleasantly surprised! You wrote with such grace a...

christylynnr5: This was beyond amazing! Its plot was so unique! It was a beautiful romance story with a mystery twist! I can't believe it ended the way it did!!!! There HAS to be a second book!! This needs to be published and made into a series!

Katy Rayne: i really enjoyed this book. i have to say i didn't know what to expect, but with every chapter that came something crucial to keep you reading happened. I was disappointed with the ending if this is for another book i will defiantly carry on reading the next book.

JONANNA: As an avid reader it is not often I say that about a book. The plot is what was different and the twists where unexpected. This book is defiantly a page turner and enjoyable read. I can't wait to reread this novel after a little editing to finish off the shine on this wonderful novel.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.