Who Is She

Crap Clary

Hey guys,

Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare, so all I own is the plot.

Clary BOLD

Jace italic

Oh shit Clary" Jace says from his just inside the kitchen, where I'm lying on the floor gasping for breath trying not to retch on the floor.

"Clary" he says coming towards me this time, I hold up my hand suddenly angry at him, this is his fault. If he just left me alone I wouldn't be in this bloody mess in the bloody first place. "Stop!" I growl giving him my best death glare which has him retreating his steps hands up in surrender.

"Clary" he says begging with his eyes to forgive him for his actions, this just fuels the fire inside me and I stand up ignoring the dizziness of getting up too quickly. "Just leave me alone!" I scream glaring at him shock on my face.

"Don't pretend you freaking care about me, stop with all the bloody pretending and just LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream to a shocked Jace who has his mouth open in shock. My chest is heaving and I want to hit something hard and quick but won't or Magnus will get in trouble and as much as I want to I won't.

"Now, I'm going to walk out of that door" I say deathly quiet never taking my eyes off of Jace who is frozen, "I'm going to go out that door and the minute I do you're not to talk to me again, got that because right now it hurts to even look at you."

With that I walk past him who just stays frozen trying hard not to break down in front of all my mother's party guests. I go towards the man at the bar and ask for a coke trying to calm my beating heart refusing to cry over the idiot in the kitchen.

When the man gives me my coke I smile and slip upstairs felling the tears in my heart getting bigger and falling deeper into the black hole. Yanking open my door open I walk in and look around at the room I call home.

Though I've made it my own it still seems bare, bare of the homey feeling that should come with living in a house for nearly a month now, yet when I look at the room all I fell is loneliness and isolation. This time I can't help it I scream throwing my coke glass at the wall causing it to shatter on the far wall leaving a brown stain on the white wall and broken glass laying around the floor.

Sighing feeling no better I bend down and start cleaning up knowing my mother will have a fit when she sees this. I grab the bin from the bathroom and start tossing the big pieces into the bin wondering if I should grab the hoover or just the dustpan and brush to get the little bits.

Deciding against the hoover and not wanting to go back downstairs I just pick each bit I can and then go for a shower to calm myself down, I get in and turn the water up high relishing the hot water washing away maybe not all my worries but all the make-up and whatever crap they put in my hair.

Smelling like lavender and tea leaves I change into a pair of pyjama shorts and a too big shirt before carefully getting into bed and turning off my side lamp. Just before I pass out the little voice in the back of my head whispers it'll be better tomorrowbut I'm too tired to answer, instead just let my head hit the pillow.

Half eleven comes and goes, yet the party is still in full swing and Jocelyn hasn't even noticed her daughter's absence. Just keeps her arm wrapped around Valentine while people come up to them and congratulate them on her pregnancy and their engagement, they smile and thank them when anybody says; "You belong together, so happy."

I can't help but snort at the irony of that, if they only knew where and what their daughter is doing right now, god knows where they probably wouldn't be as happy as they are right now. Which reminds me I look down at the clock and it's nearly ten to twelve.

Sighing I run my hand through my hair making it messier than it usually is wondering if I should skip the rest of the party and see if I can find her myself. I'm about to get off of my permanent spot from the wall when someone catches my eyes.

It's the guy from earlier trying to be discreet but waving his hands in the air waving me over panic in his eyes and I can't help my heart sinking thinking Oh god Clary what have you done now. Making sure nobody notices that I've left I quickly walk over to the guy who ushers me into the still busy kitchen.

I try ask the guy what's going on but he just points towards the back door. I look behind him and my breath catches. "Oh shit Clary" I breath out looking at her laying on the floor "Clary" I say unfreezing and going towards her worrying who hurt her and where, what I'm not expecting is her holding up her hand suddenly angry, it's written all over her face.

I stop suddenly confused, why she would be angry at me is stumping me. I mean after the whole stalker thing obviously I don't think she's got over that just yet. "Clary" I say begging with my eyes to forgive me just for the minute and tell me what happened. What I'm not expecting is Clary jumping up and swaying slightly for a few seconds before screaming "Just leave me alone!" glaring at me as I stand there frozen all over again.

"Don't pretend you freaking care about me, stop with all the bloody pretending and just LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screams as I stand there trying to come up with something to say that will convince her I'm genuinely concerned.

"Now, I'm going to walk out of that door" she says deathly quiet never taking my eyes off of me, I start to panic trying to think of anything to say to get her to stay "I'm going to go out that door and the minute I do you're not to talk to me again. In fact do not even talk to me, got that because right now it hurts to even look at you."

With that she walks past me who just stays frozen. Then as she lets the door swim back in my face I mumble out "I'm sorry" before grabbing the fruit bowl and throwing it at the wall making some of the caterers scream. I stand there breathing heavily my head spinning a million miles an hour with thoughts, yet my body is still in the same place.

I don't know how long I stay there just staring at the wall trying to calm myself down, long enough for somebody to make me a cup of coffee and sit me down at the dining table as I continue to stare at the wall. Think, make a plan and sort this, you saw her she was livid. Yet if today proved anything she needs somebody to talk to.

Yes, she does but it's hardly going to be you is it. You saw how she was around you. Can't stand you anymore, you messed that one up brilliantly well done by the way. Sighing I drain my coffee and head back into the party to find my coat and leave. This place is becoming suffocating and I've had enough of today and all its crap.

I practise a smile before going out and when I think it's suitable then take a deep breath then head out, I smile as I see Amatis having a conversation with an old friend she used to have lunch with when I was younger.

I walk over grinning awkwardly as Amatis says; "Speak of the devil" smiling up at me, I laugh wrapping my hand around her waist an affectionate gesture I always do with her. "Whatever she has told you is a lie" I say as the lady and Amatis laughs.

"Sorry to bother" I say sheepishly to the lady before turning to Amatis and saying; "I'm not feeling the best, so I'm going to take off. Don't worry I'm fine just tired and need to sleep, you stay here and man the fort for us Herondale's okay"

She frowns and says; "Are you sure, because we can go right now. I don't mind" I shake my head kissing her on the head before saying; "I'll be fine, just as soon as I'm in bed. If you see John can you tell him I left? Not bothered to find him kissing in a corner with Aline"

Amatis laughs and says; "And I want to?" I laugh hugging her gently before walking to the front of the house and grabbing my coat. I smile goodbye to Valentine then hop out the front door and into the fresh air.

You really messed up now haven't you, really bit the bullet this time haven't you. You've crushed the one girl who might have made a difference in your life and you mess it up. Well done your congratulation card is in the post.

"Shut up" I growl to the voice in my head as I make the short journey home passing through neighbourhoods burying myself deeper into the lining of my coat to fight away the coldness. The coldness not only in the air but in my heart, for if Clary feels bad and angry how am I supposed to feel?

Slamming the door closed behind me I storm upstairs and not bothering to change flop onto my bed wondering how things got so complicated so quickly.

I have a plan. I'm just not going to speak anymore, not to my mother and her little toy boy or his son and his nameless friend. Also I'm quitting the running as early as possible, screw how many detentions I get this is for the best.

Instead I'm going to go to the gym every day and train up, I have a practise match in a week and to be honest I haven't been there since I broke down with Mia, so that's what I'm going to do. No talking unless I have to and even then just one worded answers.

Ignore them, they're not here. Just focus on getting your coffee and reminding your mother you're not going to be here for dinner. That's what's playing on my mind as I shove a hat on my head and walk down the stairs music blaring in my IPod.

Before I go in I take a deep breath let it out then go in listening to my music singing the words as I head towards the coffee pot. The guys don't bat an eyelid and I can't help but smile, maybe this will be easier than I thought.

Pouring it all into my flask I grab my bag off the chair then head towards the jeep shaking my head to the music allowing myself this one pleasure before school takes everything away from me. And I'm right, right from the word go, as usual people are staring at me, yet this time they say things loud for me to hear.

"She's crazy, nearly beat up Raphael for no reason" "Heretic" is just some of the few insults I hear walking in, the guys are already gone into the crowd of people walking towards the school, leaving me to listen to the insults and try not to lash out on a poor bystander.

Instead of going towards my locker, I head towards thee coaches' office at the other side of the school. I knock the door and go in when I'm allowed. Coach is sitting with his feet on his desk reading some sports magazine sipping a tea.

"Clary, how can I help you this morning" He asks smiling brightly at me. I feel guilty for dropping this bomb shell on him yet it has to be done so I swallow then say; "Sorry to bother you sir, but I want to tell you something"

He frowns but indicates me to sit but I don't too anxious to sit, all I want to do is say what I have to and be gone. "The thing is, the thing is sir is that I'm withdrawing my spot on the track team. I don't find it beneficial anymore and honestly I've better things to be doing. Go ahead and give me one hundred detentions if it makes you feel better, I'm still not coming back"

With that I leave his office and head back to my locker to stop and stare at it. Some smart ass has spray painted Ginger all over my locker, I whirl around like the person who did this will come forward. Yet all I get is people snickering and agreeing with it with their friends.

Turning again I sigh muttering; "And the global award for most obvious point goes to this asshole. Well done good sir" before yanking my locker open and getting books ignoring the yells of "Ginger" and "Heretic" coming from all directions.

Yanking my door shut I walk outside to read or at least breathe and not get judged over it. I get over to the tree before somebody behind me coughs. Jumping expecting it to be Raphael and his friends back for round three I sigh when it's just Johnathan and Kyle.

"What" I snap at them, throwing my bag down on the floor and glaring at them both. "What is so important that I can't have five minutes alone?" I fold my arms glaring at John who sighs running his hand through his hair.

"We just need to know something" I laugh shaking my head sitting down before saying; "And what makes you think I'll A) answer and B) know anything?" Johnathan just ignores me sighing.

"What's up with you and Jace?"

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