How could you?
Hey guys, so mistakes are mine. Please read and enjoy :)
I made a beeline to the car the minute we left the house, I wasn't in any mood to hear Kalie blab on about how Jace was so "Obviously mine" and "How wonderful he is" when not ten minutes ago she was calling him names and threatening to kick him where the sun don't shine or eternity.
Instead I hop into the car and stare out of the window while Jon has a conversation with Kalie and Jace the "Happy couple" wondering what they're talking about, I can't help the stupid feeling of being talked about coming over me and I send up a tiny prayer that if they even are talking about me that they're not trying to play superman because I made one mistake.
A huge one though a little voice in the my head mummers and I tell it to shut up in no certain terms, breathing a sigh of relief as Jon finally decides to drag his ass into the car and get us out of this place and away from that stupid girl for a while or maybe forever but I know that isn't going to happen as the moment we enter the car park she'll be sitting on the hood of her car, Jace standing right beside her looking uncomfortable than ever which serves him right, calling us over to the space right beside hers.
Sighing I continue to look out the window as Jon starts the car and reverses out of the driveway starting the short journey back to ours. For the first few minutes I try to ignore the constant worried glances Jon gives me, but by the time we're at the first stop sign my patience is running thin. After the next one I sigh and turn to him; "I'm still in the car Jon, you don't have to constantly cheek to make sure. I'm right here and not going anywhere. So stop your bloody obsessing and keep our eyes on the thing that matters here, the road" I say it sharper than I should have because any hope left in my brother's eyes has vanished.
Gripping the steering wheel he whispers; "How can I be sure you won't try to pop yourself again, how can I be one hundred percent sure that you aren't trying to injure yourself when I never see you ever, give me credit here. I'm just trying to figure out how to give you much needed help"
I bang the dashboard screaming; "I made a goddam freaking mistake, I don't need your help, I'm not some petty little girl who can't defend herself or protect herself. So cram your stupid "She needs help" crap because I don't want or need it!" panting I turn my head away from the stricken look plastered on Jon's face. "I don't need help" I mutter again before staying quiet the rest of the journey.
When the car isn't even in the driveway I'm unbuckling the seatbelt and getting of the car storming inside leaving my brother to park it and follow me in, I don't have to turn around to know the look of sympathy and shock that is still on his face. Alternatively I storm up to my room and slam the door shut wondering if things will ever get better for me.
Not if you keep screaming and shouting at everybody it won't, that you can count on. "JUST SHUT UP!" I scream to nobody in particular breathing heavily again but ignoring it as I just sit down leaning against my bedroom door eyes closed exhaustion sweeping over me even though I can't remember half of what happened last night and this morning. A single tear rolls its way down my check, why can't I be normal, worrying about boys and if I'll get asked to the end of year summer dance. No instead I have to think about whether or not my mother will even notice that I broke the bathroom mirror and if my brother will ever look at me the same ever again. Well we know one thing for sure, Jace definitely won't look at some girl who cuts herself when things get rough. So that's a certain.
Too frustrated to throw anything I get up wearily drying my eyes with the cuff of my bloody shirt I go looking for clean clothes and my schoolbag before anybody gets suspicious and comes up here. Picking out short sleeve shirt I see it's my shirt with the Fullmetal Alchemist symbol on it and I can't help but smile a little, maybe I'll have people constantly staring at me but I like this shirt and the story lying behind it so much I can't help but tug it on and throw a grey cardigan over it for good measures, you never know with Irish weather. Afterwards I slip into a pair of blue denim jeans and throw a hat on to cover my horrible bed hair.
I don't bother cheeking myself in the mirror knowing I'd see an ghostly pale girl with one too many bags under her eyes and bloodshot watered down green eyes, to be perfectly honest I don't have the right amount of personal love to try tackle the mirror again so I just quickly brush my teeth before plugging in my IPod and going back downstairs for some much deserving coffee.
Sauntering into the kitchen I ignore the boys at the kitchen table talking about some homework none of them decided to do, or that Jon couldn't because he was too busy saving your ass. Shaking my head I fill up my flask to the brim pour some milk in and grab an apple. "I'll be in the jeep when you decide it's time to go" I mutter to nobody in general heading out the door and back into the jeep casually thinking about the homework I should've done but decided not to because, and let's face it, when is any of the teacher's cared if I do my homework or not.
After what feels like an eternity of me listening to music and wondering if we're even going to go to school in time for first class the boys finally come out of the house and get into the jeep. "Took your freaking time" I think as Jon starts the car again and we head off towards the daily torture chamber.
As we get closer and closer to the school things seem to have calmed down between Jon and me, we even hummed the same part of a tune for a few seconds before I shut up before he could say anything. When we go to turn the car into the school I remember yesterday and say; "Stop the car, I'm getting out" to which a lot of what's and whys are directed towards me.
"I'm not seeing any more of Jace's girlfriend than I have to thanks much, but hey you guys enjoy the whole "my jay is so sweet, see what he bought me the other day." And "Oh lord he's steaming" I personally would like to keep my breakfast down today" I say before opening the door hopping out and saluting them from behind as I walk into the school on my own.
I walk in with a big crowd of others and walk right past Kalie and her posse deciding to take the high ground and just keep walking. Though it doesn't go unnoticed by myself when I see a malicious grin spread across her face, I want to ask why she's smiling like that but I know something is off.
Panic starts to set in as I run up the last few steps into the school, I look around and that's when I know something really is off, not only are people staring at me but they are staring at my hand and whispering to their friends; "It's true" "tried to pop herself last night" before shaking their heads and walking away.
I stand there a mixture of emotions playing in my head, there's upset and disappointment which are only directed to myself, then there's something I wasn't anticipating. Relief. Relief that now I don't have to come up with some half assed excuse why I have a bandage covering the top half of my hand. The biggest emotion though is anger. Anger towards the person who told the whole school and how they're going to pay.
Wanting to scream I walk calmly over to my locker which is swarmed with people trying to find out what happened. When I come close enough they separate letting me through and I snort muttering a thank you before yanking my locker door open. Everyone just stands there staring at me waiting for me to either deny it or claim it.
Honestly it's getting weird so I turn and look at the stupid mass of people, sighing I say; "Ok, who told you what happened to me, only one voice please!" as everyone piques up with information I can't hear.
"You" I point to some random person with blonde hair round black glasses and a ton load of books in her hands. She shuffles slightly uncomfortable with the attention I'm throwing on her Join the club I think as she begins to speak; "Apparently, somebody told Kalie who sent it to one of her friends who decided the whole school needed to know about your little fiasco. Also she told us all to say you're a boyfriend stealing whore, but I don't believe that" she finishes quietly, I stand there frozen as it becomes clear who told her in the first place. Jace.
I've made a horrible mistake. A colossal mistake that will probably cost me my remaining years if I'm not careful. It was an accident though, maybe she'll forgive me and we can just move on yes because that's just the type of girl Clary is, forgiving and accepting. Nope you're going to lose your remaining limbs because of this.
Damn it this is all Kalie's fault. We had just left my house and were going to school in her stupid red car that has a tiny engine and an too big radio she hardly ever uses instead just steals my IPod and screeches out the words. We were cruising down the district coming up to the first stop sign when Kalie decided she had had enough with the Arctic Monkeys and wanted answers.
"So why was that bitch in your house?" she asks and I have to grip the door handle to not hit her, Clary isn't the bitch here, if anyone is I'm sitting right beside it. Instead I take a deep breath in and say; "She hurt herself and didn't want to go to the hospital, Amatis was a nurse and Jon made the decision to bring her here instead."
Technically it's not a lie but I'm just not telling her everything, like how I stayed beside her bed the whole time, or how when we fought I finally felt like I was waking up from a long nightmare. I didn't tell the girl driving this stupid car that Jon I and stayed downstairs listening to Clary getting her stiches replaced and how Jon had to hold me down from bursting in and holding her hand.
We stay silent for a few minutes as we come up to the red stop sign and I look at it quietly never taking my eyes off it as Kalie studies me. She snorts then says; "Fine I'm going to believe you but you have to tell me something" I'm only partially listening letting the music she decided to turn on wash over me. So I don't think when she asks what happened to her to say; "She cut herself on glass, she was bleeding out. Could've died"
Kalie looks at me like I've grown two heads then says slowly; "I have to text Alex about homework" which should've been alarm bells ringing in my head, but instead exhaustion and sheer need to get out of this car was clouding my judgement, so I just nodded and continued to look at the stop sign. When she's done "texting" she starts the car again with a big grin on her face that looks dangerous, I don't say anything though just worrying about what Jon said just before he left for his own house.
"We have to look out for her. No more assuming she's ok. From now on we're going to be there for her." He said determination clear in his voice as he walks away from me to the jeep holding the lonely girl. Running my hand through my hair I sigh weariness taking its hold on me as we enter the school and park in the same place as always.
We get out and Kalie's friend Alex is instantly on her demanding information about something or someone, I blank it out though too busy trying to find Jon and the others to care who they're picking on. I slam the door shut and walk towards the jeep as Kyle and Sebastian are getting of the car looking stricken. A look at Jon tells me he told them what happened last night and I sag.
When Kyle sees me instead of the usual high five thing we've been doing for the last seventeen years he hugs me, to be honest it takes me somewhat by surprise but is nice also to know your friends will be there no matter what. I pat him on the back and he retreats back beside Sebastian who just throws me a small smile not reaching his eyes.
"Is she definitely ok?" he asks looking between Jon and I. We share a glance then both shake our heads "She's putting on a brave face but we both know she's in pain. She won't talk to anybody about it so she's essentially a ticking time bomb" I say looking down at the pavement a sense of defeat washing over me.
"Well then we're going to be there for her no matter what!" says Kyle determination set in his voice and I can't help a proper smile this time. "Yeah we will, but one thing we have to be discreet we can't just stare at her all day everyday" he says then mutters a something I can't hear but gets Seb laughing hysterically.
"What's so funny?" I ask but denied answers as somebody yanks me around and slaps me straight in the face.
I'm angry. If you looked up angry in the dictionary my face would be there at the bottom, I storm past the people around my locker and storm back outside ignoring the smirk Kalie seems to be wearing that's saying' "In your face bitch I won" but we'll see how victorious she feels when I beat to a bloody pulp her man. Striding away I wonder where he could be, I see the jeep and then Jon and know they'll all be there.
Taking my time getting over letting him savour his last few minutes breathing without a tube, then when they've finished talking about something I can't hear I jump out turn him around and smack him hard on the cheek the sound echoing around the jeep. Jace yells in pain and I smirk and go to hit him again but Jon is holding me back yelling; "What the hell is wrong with you! STOP IT CLARY"
I can't hear him though as I struggle to get out of his grip screaming at Jace who is leaning on the jeep; "HOW COULD YOU TELL HER, NOW THE WHOLE BLOODY SCHOOL KNOWS!" as I continue to struggle in Jon's grasp which up to know has been solid, but he slips at what I say and looks at Jace pale; "You told Kalie what happened? Seriously dude?"
Jace doesn't look up at us as he holds his cheek and says; "It wasn't my fault, I wasn't paying enough attention to what she was asking me. She coaxed it out of me, I didn't know she was going to tell the whole freaking school" he finally looks up saying the last bit and I can just tell Jon feeling sympathetic to him. That doesn't stop me from being angry though.
I tear out of Jon's now slack grip and brush myself off, I'm about to leave but have to say; " The fact that your girlfriend did tell the whole school what happened to me indicates it really is your fault, as much as you want to deny it. No matter what the relationship between me and you, you are also my somewhat brother's best friend. Best friends don't tell other people their secrets no matter what"
I walk away I can't help but think of Izzy and Simon and tears come to my eyes. I should know I think as I enter the school once again.
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