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To Love What's Taken

By sai_avjs


Chapter 1

Also published on Fanfiction.net under the name InkblotsOnThePage

Pansy sat in the corner, her arms wrapped tightly against her legs, her head buried. She was alone, the pitter patter of the rain falling from the sky onto the terrace. A few drops almost hit her, but never did. With every splash, Pansy sunk even farther into the walls, her backbone digging into the stone. It hurt, but the pain distracted her from reality. She focused her attention on her backbone, trying to blissfully forget all her problems.

It was all Potter's fault. If he didn't exist, Slytherin would be the best, not Gryffindor. She would still have her title as the future Lady Malfoy. Draco would still be the most popular.

Draco. She used to be able to say the name with love, but now it only brought more pain. He had proposed to Astoria, and not her, despite their agreement. An agreement that had been arranged over a decade ago, and she still couldn't bring herself to hate him. There was something seriously wrong with her.

Besides, he only liked popular girls who had the world wrapped around their finger. Not her. She was rude, sarcastic and brutal. She had forced her way to popularity, rather than talk her way there. Much in the same way he had whined his way there, she thought bitterly.

But Draco Malfoy didn't like her. He liked dignified girls like Astoria, not barbarians like her.

They were friends, Draco and her, mates. Just one below lovers, but one below nonetheless. She had once again been bested by Astoria, her once friend, and sister of her best mate. Astoria had stolen everything from her. She had taken Draco. She had taken the role of popularity. She had taken away Pansy's dignity. Pansy stood up, finally fed up. Her backbone ached, and her legs felt sore.

She needed to do it before she changed her mind. Her fingers trembled as the unlocked the door. Rain pattered down on her head as she mounted the ladder. She would've cared before, her clothes wet. But now, she relaxed in the rain, her hair sticking to her back.

Her wand fell out of her hand, hitting the stone floor with a clatter. She walked closer and closer to the edge. She was on the edge now, so close to the flashing lights. Maybe they were warning her. Maybe they were enticing her to come closer. She chose the latter.

The door slammed open again, and Draco stood in the doorway. Pansy could see him, but it was too late.

"Pansy?" Draco noticed her silhouetted figure, dangerously leaning off the terrace, about to fall.

"Goodbye, Draco!" Pansy waved her arms madly, her flailing causing her to fall. She didn't fight it.

"Pansy!" Draco ran to the edge, but it was too late. Pansy was already on the ground, her dark hair soaked and spread about. He flew down to where Pansy lay, one last note clutched tightly in her whitened hand.
I love you.

Draco read the note over and over again, crying silently over Pansy. They had been best friends since Hogwarts, and he wasn't ready to lose his best mate quite yet. Sure, he had Blaise, but her honestly always liked Pansy's company more.

"You're my best friend, Pansy! Wake up!" Pansy could hear his words, but refused to move. He had more emphasis on the word friend than anything else. That was all they could ever be, friends. She didn't want that. She wanted more than just friends. So she stayed silent, tears running down her cheeks. For the first time ever, she was thankful for the rain. It seemed to cover her tears well enough.

Pansy tried to open her eyes, just to see Draco's reaction. She couldn't. She tried to scream, to tell Draco how she couldn't open her eyes, but no sound came out, not even a squeak. She tried to get up, she really did. But an odd tingling in her bones forced her to stay down. She could feel Draco wrap his arms around her and bring her up to the infirmary. She could hear Madam Pomfrey speaking, but couldn't tell the words apart. She could feel the infirmary bed.

She tried to get up, tell them she was ok, that she wanted to leave, but found herself unable. She could feel something sticky on her scalp, before realizing it was blood. Her own blood. She could smell the potion before it sunk into her arm, the strong stench clogging up her nose making her choke on the aroma of the vaccine.

She let the potion do it's work, and was soon fast asleep.

Their voices sounded like those of a sirens to her, especially since they were singing together. Their feathered costumes only added to their little act. Their high pitched voices, and brightly colored costumes seemed to grab the attention of the crowd more than what actually came spewing out of their mouths.

Their hips swayed back and forth, the feathers rustling as the spun around and around. They had added smoke as a prop, and it suited them well, circling around their feet making them all the more like sirens. Pansy wished she could say they looked awful, but in truth their little group was gorgeous.

Daphne was in the center, as per usual, the vice president in their group. As Pansy had no interest in the talent show, she simply let Daphne lead Millicent and Tracey in whatever song they were singing. Pansy still couldn't understand why little Astoria, she had taken to calling her that, ever wanted a talent show at her birthday party. At hers, she always had to be the center of attention, and talent shows were the exact opposite.

She was seriously starting to question Draco's choice in the marriage. The talent show was dragging on and on, and she saw how the other pureblood families disapproved of such childish actions on Astoria's part. Besides, talent shows were a muggle thing that pureblood wizards weren't supposed to do.

Astoria applauded as the entourage exited the stage, earning several sighs of annoyance from the few adults still attending the function. Even Draco looked a little bored, but he seemed to be doing a good job of hiding it. Pansy, finally fed up, quietly exited the ballroom, hoping to regain sanity out in the Greengrass Gardens.

However, once again, there was an unpleasant surprise awaiting her. She was starting to feel the need to vomit, although she wasn't sure if it was from the cake or the sight before her.

"Zabini." Pansy hissed, glaring at the Italian standing under the gazebo. He seemed to be admiring the roses. Blaise looked up, and upon seeing Pansy, twisted his smile into a smirk.

"Parkinson. What are you doing here?" he asked, plucking a rose from the garden.

"What are you doing here?" Pansy countered, huffing impatiently.

"I asked you first." Blaise replied calmly.

"I asked you last." Pansy snatched the rose from Blaise before stomping on it until it was a pile of red powder. Blaise snickered, earning him a glare from the dark haired girl.

"What's wrong, Parkinson?" Blaise settled himself on a ledge, staring intently at Pansy. It made her uncomfortable. She and Blaise had always been the two who quarreled in their group. They still cared about each other, but their bickering made it hard for them to actually have a conversation.

Pansy stayed quiet, but sat down next to Blaise, unsure of what to say. She could tell him, but she knew Blaise was closer to Draco than to her and would definitely spill.

"If you don't tell, you're not going to feel better," he prodded lightly.

"If I do tell you, I'm not going to feel better. Probably worse," Pansy snarled, finally excusing herself from the situation. It had started raining again. She stomped through the rain, furious as it drenched her party robes. She could hear Blaise running after her, probably to bug her until she gave in and told him the secret. Not this time. Pansy continued walking, slamming through door after door until she finally arrived to where her inner circle was.

Astoria was undoubtedly eating cake and partying with those in her year. So her older sister was in her room, talking with the older Slytherins who were invited to the party. Sure enough, in Daphne's room sat Bulstrode, Davis, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott and Malfoy. Pansy sat herself down on one of the cushions, Blaise next to her. Daphne grinned as she realized she had more company.

"So what do you guys want to do?" Blaise had asked.

"I don't know. Pansy?"


"Pansy?" Pansy groaned, waking up from her coma. She cracked open her eyelids a little, and was immediately greeted by two blurred figures across from her and a few on the sides. She couldn't tell who was who, only they were all wearing green. Slytherin. She tried to sit up, but found she still couldn't.

"Pansy Parkinson!" Pansy's eyes cleared, and she could suddenly see those in front of her. She gave a little gasp, her throat sore from the lack of water. She blinked a few times, testing her eyes before trying to speak.

"Waaaaaattteeeeeerrrrrr." the word was slurred, and her voice sounded hoarse. Immediately, Bulstrode rushed to get her some water. Pansy gulped down the beverage, looking across the familiar faces as her memory slowly was regained.

"Millicent Bulstrode." the girl who gave her water eagerly nodded.

"Tracey Davis." another girl gave her a nod as well.

"Vincent Crabbe." a fat looking boy grunted in response.

"Gregory Goyle." an almost exact replica of Crabbe responded in the same way.

"Theodore Nott." Pansy looked at the wistful looking boy, who was playing wizard's chess with himself. He nodded as well.

"Daphne Greengrass." Pansy smiled at her best friend, causing her chapped lips to start bleeding. Daphne quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped off the liquid, tossing it away in disgust. Pansy couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Draco Malfoy." Pansy recognized the last face immediately, his silver eyes practically piercing her skull. The reason why she was in the hospital bed in the first place. Draco smiled at Pansy, glad she had regained consciousness.

"I still can't move," Pansy told Madam Pomfrey as soon as the matron of Hogwarts entered the room. Madam Pomfrey nodded, quickly shooing out her friends. She did a few checks on Pansy, sighing in relief when she finished.

"Don't worry. It's just a side effect of the potion I gave you. Professor Dumbledore has confiscated your wand while you go to Saint Mungo's for rehab. As a visitor at Hogwarts, you are not allowed to use the grounds to injure yourself or others." Madam Pomfrey lectured, helping Pansy sit up.

The memories continued flowing back to Pansy. She was back at Hogwarts for a Second Wizarding War Reunion. Draco had proposed to Astoria a month earlier, and they had their marriage arranged in half a year, as they wanted an extravagant wedding. She had jumped because of the proposal. Harry Potter was still the center of attention, of course. It sickened her that that was one of her first thoughts.

She turned her attention to trying to sit up straight. Having finally succeeded, she watched as Madam Pomfrey filed her papers. The dream had gotten to her, and was what had woken her up. After they had all rendezvoused in Daphne's room, Blaise had pulled her away. Blaise knew her secret, and in exchange for being his 'date' to the reunion, promised to keep it.

She felt her bones crack as she sat up again. The potion must have worn off. Outside her door, she could see Draco wrapping his arms protectively around a terrified Astoria. Blaise stood there, too, staring intently through the screen at her. The others had taken to whispering to each other, probably unaware she could see them.

Giving a sigh, she finally stood up, not eager to start her the ongoing toils of her life again. She'd take the day off, she decided, make some excuse saying she was sick. With one last look around the hospital wing, Pansy used Wandless Apparation to take her back to her muggle apartment in the center of London.

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