Meant To Be

Hospital Wing Confessions

The moonlight, partially obscured by the clouds overhead, seeped into the hospital wing, falling gently on Remus' peacefully close-eyed countenance. Sirius sat next to him, alert despite the hour. It had been 3 A.M. when he'd first taken over watching Moony from James so he could catch some shuteye. Peter would probably be along in an hour or so to take his place. The place was peacefully quiet as even Madam Pomfrey had retired to her private quarters adjoining the main infirmary. If she knew about the traditional bodyguard roles they assumed after a full moon, the strict nurse did not say anything about it… yet.

It had been a hard full moon for the Marauders the night before. Moony had been unusually irritable – as though his mind was preoccupied with more things than usual – and their usual 'play' had gotten out of hand more times than Sirius cared to remember. The result? The three animagi were sorer than usual, even with copious doses of their 'quick-fix' potions that they used after every full moon, and poor Remus had yet to awaken since Madam Pomfrey had found him.

The black-haired marauder unconsciously mimicked James by running his fingers through his hair. He sighed, and looked at the still form of Remus lying on the bed barely even an arm's length away. Wisps of sandy hair tickled his face as a slight breeze blew, causing him to scrunch his nose up in such an adorable fashion that Sirius longed to kiss it.

"Moony…" he began tentatively. "I know you aren't awake so I'm technically not speaking to you, but let's just pretend that I am, okay? I need to tell you something really badly but I can't do it when you're awake 'cause you'll think it's stupid and that'd be so embarrassing but then when I talk to you when you're asleep it's stupid as well and people might think I'm crazy but I guess I already am so that isn't that terrible and yeah so –" Realising he was rambling like someone who overdosed on a Babbling Beverage, Sirius cut himself off and grinned embarrassedly.

He steeled himself with a deep breath. Okay, you can do this, Sirius Black.

"So, as you know –" Eww.

"So, anyway, I guess what I wanted to say was –" Nope, again.

"I felt like I should tell you that –" Nah-uh.

"Rem, it's really important –" Try again.

"The thing is, I really –" Horrible! Once more. Stop mucking it up!

"Argh! Screw this shit! I really like you okay Remus John Lupin!" He rushed out.

Merlin's pyjamas, he thought belatedly, that was loud. Really loud. He tensed warily, waiting for someone to barge into the hospital wing and demand an explanation or something along those lines, but after five torturous minutes without a single shadow in sight, said man relaxed slowly and continued.

"I mean… I like like you." Sirius made sure he was whispering. "More than a friend or a brother even. As in, the I-want-you-as-my-boyfriend-and-we-can-get-married-and-have-kids-and-spend-forever-together kind of like you."

That was not the description I had planned. He paused to clear his throat. Softly, of course.

"And I don't care about your furry little problem – because I know you'll say something like that. I've said it before and I'll say it again! Just because you turn furry and four-legged once a month doesn't make you less of a human than anyone else! Hell, Remus, girls turn into monsters for like, a week or something every month, right? They're definitely human, so why not you? So there," he pronounced with finality, "your claim is no longer valid."

"You are more than just a werewolf, Moony. You are your love for knowledge, the way you bite your tongue and stick it out just a little to the left whenever you concentrate on something, and how your eyebrows furrow until they're almost touching each other, how you're a walking contradiction – a serious prankster; I didn't know that was possible until you came around – and the way your eyes light up like a thousand suns at the sight of chocolate. You are the way you cannot sleep unless the blankets are all the way up to your chin, and the way you frown even in your sleep – like you are now, how you're so damn forgiving – even when that person doesn't deserve it – and that I doubt I'll ever understand, and how flushed your face gets when we tease you about stuff, and you get all flustered and start ordering us to do productive things or you'll give us detention, but you never do."

At some point during that intense monologue, Sirius had found Remus' hand under the sheets and held it. He gave a nervous chuckle.

"And I know that it's not… normal… for blokes to like… well, um… other blokes. But you just feel… right, you know? Like there's no one else I'd rather be with other than you. Love looks at the heart not the gender, right? I read that from one of your muggle books I picked off your bookshelf one day. And I'm just following my heart, here, Remus, and I told you because… well, frankly, I had to get it out of my system. I had to let you know, because if I didn't, I'm sure I would die from the 'what ifs'. But I didn't have the guts to tell you when you were awake, so here I am, I guess, speaking to your sleeping self and trying to convince myself that it counts." Sirius spared a sigh – of what, he didn't know. Desperation? Longing?

Remus fidgeted slightly in his bed, startling Sirius and causing him to jump. The Gryffindor beater waited with bated breath – was Remus stirring?

But to his fortune, Remus simply turned on his side so that he was facing Sirius, and settled down again. Sirius determinedly stifled the urge to stroke the side of Remus' face. The cuts from the night before were illuminated by the moonlight, making his heart twinge in sympathy. Swallowing nervously, he forced himself to continue.

"If you don't fancy… other blokes – which I really really hope is not the case – it's totally cool, all right? I won't get… mad, or anything. We'll still be best mates and all! Pranking Snivellus and those slimy Slytherins all year-round and all that, yeah? Nothing will change between us, Remus," he said sincerely, "but I hope it does change – for the better, if you get what I mean."

The grey-eyed marauder tightened his grip on Remus' hand, drawing comfort and reassurance from the contact. His senses got wind of Peter's imminent arrival, and this was confirmed by the Marauder's map that lay on the bedside table (It had been James' idea – in case anybody decided a late night stroll to the hospital wing was nice, they wouldn't't be caught out), so he reluctantly released his grip, tenderly smoothing the creases out of Remus' washed-out hospital sheets and tucked the covers firmly under his chin – just the way he liked it.

"I love you, Moony."

Sirius rose and strode confidently towards the door, his posture never revealing the emotional moments that had taken place mere moments prior.

Behind him, Remus smiled contentedly into his pillow.


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