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Lunar Phases

By qwerty19

Fantasy / Humor

The Shipper

Being a Ravenclaw, it was no surprise to see Luna with her nose in a book, ignoring the outside world. She would expertly navigate the crowded halls and moving staircases without ever taking her eyes off of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Moste Potente Potions or other texts. Sometimes, she would stand in a corner, facing away from everyone else, and read The Quibbler upside-down. Why should this inconspicuous black book be any different?

However, there was something… odd about the way she handled this book, and considering this is Luna, that's saying something. She angled the book so that the title was hidden from observers. She would consistently write in it, and would giggle a bit while doing so. It was almost as if it was a diary, but Luna was very open about her usage of a diary, often writing in it in public, so that possibility was out. This mystery was frustrating Harry Potter, and he resolved to find out just what in Merlin's polka dotted fanny pack she was up to.

Using the Marauders Map, Harry discovered that she was sitting by the Black Lake, so he casually strolled over there. Sure enough, she was there, wand behind her ear, quill in hand. That darn book was on her lap, and she was scribbling furiously in it, as if whatever was on her mind would disappear if she didn't write it down that second. Harry snuck up behind her in what he thought was a stealthy manner and peeked over her shoulder. Harry saw the title and paled. It was obvious that she was writing some kind of story, and if the title was any indication, he wouldn't like it one bit. He took off his glasses and rubbed them furiously on his robes to clean them off, then put them back on his face, hoping to see something different. However, to his overwhelming disappointment, the title was static. It horrified him.

Harry and Draco, a Time Traveling Romance

By lunarharmonyftw

"Hello, Harry." He jumped back at Luna's words, not realizing that she noticed him. He mentally slapped himself at that. He was kneeling besides her, staring at the words for a good half a minute. Of course she would notice.

"Um, h-hello L-Luna. What…what is that?" He couldn't form a coherent sentence; the thought of him and Draco in any kind of romantic involvement, let alone a time traveling romance, traumatized him.

Luna acted like she didn't notice, or perhaps she just didn't mind. "Oh, do you like my fanfiction? I've been putting a lot of time into it."

"I've noticed." Harry mumbled, a wave of nausea passing over him. He suddenly wished he hadn't investigated into Luna's secretive actions, but he couldn't help but ask a plethora of questions. Stupid curiosity. "What's a fanfiction?" He wondered if he would be bruised from all the mental slaps he was giving himself. "Why are Draco and I in a 'Time Traveling Romance'? What the heck does that even mean? Why am I in a romance with one of my worst enemies? Why are you calling yourself lunarharmonyftw instead of Luna?" Harry had so many questions spinning around in his head, none of which he was sure he wanted answers for. However, he had one last inquiry that he needed to make. "Is this another one of your Lunar Phases?"

Luna gave him her signature dreamy look, staring at a spot a few inches above his head. "Hold on Harry, you have some Nargles in your hair. It appears to be making you panic. Let me take care of that for you." She put her hands in his hair and moved it around like a nurse does when checking for lice. Harry humored her for a minute but was growing impatient. He was about to speak up when she finished. Harry didn't notice any difference except that his hair was even messier, but Luna seemed satisfied. "There you go, they're gone for the time being. Now, I will answer your questions in order so as to make it easier for the reader."

"Huh?"

"First off, a fanfiction is a work, usually written, about preexisting characters and settings. They can be about real people, like the One Direction fanfics by their many fangirls, or they can be about fictional characters, like Skipper and Kowalski from the Penguins of Madagascar. You're in a time traveling romance with Draco because I'm shipping you two, obviously. I love Drarry! A time traveling romance is where two people who love each other go back in time to save people. It's such an original idea, too! He may be your worst enemy, but one time you were fighting, and a bludgeoning hex hit you, and you had to go to the Hospital Wind. As punishment, he had to watch over you and help heal you. Eventually, as time went on, you two became closer… and closer… even closer… so close that you were but inches away fro-"

"Next answer!" Harry shrieked in a shrill voice. He was surprised with himself. He could go soprano! "Why are you calling yourself lunarharmonyftw? Sounds like a Honeydukes candy."

Luna rolled her eyes, moving her whole head to match the movement of her eyes. "No, silly. It's my fanfiction username! Lunar Harmony is a shipping of you, Hermione and me. FTW is for the win!"

Harry decided he'd come back to that later. "Last question, at least for now," mumbling that last tidbit under his breath. "Is this another one of your Lunar Phases?"

Luna visibly bristled. "No! This is not just a phase! This is my life! I am a shipper! This is what I was meant to be!"

Harry sighed. 'Definitely a Lunar Phase,' he thought to himself. The author of this nonsensical, plot-lacking fanfic would like to give some background information, effectively shattering the fourth wall in the process. You see, Luna Lovegood goes through phases like any other human being. However, she takes them a bit too far, almost to the point of obsession. It's gotten bad enough that she once declared herself a daughter of Poseidon and tried to cause an earthquake in the Great Hall. The occupants of Hogwarts have begun to call these phases 'Lunar Phases,' Lunar because Luna means the moon, and Phases because wordplay is fun. The story shall now be continued. Everyone rejoice.

Harry noticed that there was one word she had said multiple times, yet it was foreign to him in this context. "What's shipping? Are you writing about the captain of a ship?"

Luna giggled, a bit embarrassed at having to explain it. "Shipping is when you take two characters that aren't in a relationship but write about them as if they are."

Harry groaned at it. It was too weird for him. However, he was nice, so he ignored the uncomfortable feeling, and asked to read it. Luna complied, and handed him her book. As his eyes scanned the parchment, he was surprised at how well written it was. For some reason, he assumed that it would be terribly written, poor spelling, improper grammar, and an uninteresting plot. However, it was quite the opposite. He stopped to mentally berate himself for thinking a Ravenclaw, Luna no less, could write a bad paper, then continued to read, devouring every word. He was surprised that the topic wasn't as disturbing as he thought, but perhaps that was because it was so well written. Well... it was sort of like a 'chick flick' kind of good, so it was more of a guilty pleasure, but the point remained that he thought it was excellent. "Luna, this… this is fantastic," he breathed in awe.

Luna beamed. "Thank you! I imagine that it would come in handy very soon."

Harry stared at her, bemused. "Come in handy? How could a fanfic be practical?"

Before Luna could answer him, he heard a shout from somewhere behind him. "Hey, Scarface? Tell your parents I said hello! Oh wait… guess you can't, eh Potty?" Harry turned around to face the ferret-like face of Draco Malfoy. Harry didn't have time to retort to the (admittedly weak) insults, as Malfoy just kept going and going, a low blow here, and a low blow there, here a low, there a blow, everywhere a low blow. Usually they were about his parents, but today he targeted everyone. Sirius, Cedric, even the muggles from the world cup. After a particularly cruel one about failing to save Sirius, Harry was about to snap, when he saw Luna out of the corner of his eye, shaking her head. Her words from earlier floated through his mind. "I imagine it would come in handy some day."

Harry started to smile, and walked towards Draco. He kept walking closer and closer, the smile never once faltering. Draco stuttered a bit, visibly unnerved, but he kept going. "Draco, did you know you have beautiful eyes?"

For once in his life, Draco was speechless. Did Potter just say what he thought he said?

Harry decided he liked this silent Draco better. "Draco, I want to snog you senseless. Let's go find a broom closet. I want to feel your hair… I bet it's so soft… what product do you use?" Harry inhaled deeply. "Smells like peaches. I see you're a fan of Suave… a cheap but effective hair care product."

"What the heck…" Draco replied breathlessly, the weirdness of the situation crashing down on him. He started running away, whimpering in fear as Harry continued to call out to him.

"Don't forget Draco, there's more where that come from. That…was but an appetizer!" Harry started cackling madly until Draco was out of earshot. "Wow, that actually worked. Maybe the ‘Power He Knows Not’ is fanfiction…" He turned towards Luna. "Would you by chance have any fanfics of me and Snape?"

"Around seven, the eighth is in-progress."

"Excellent. Any with Lord Voldything and me?

"Twenty-seven and three with the Death Eaters included."

"…Would you mind if I read them?"

"Anytime Harry, anytime."

Harry had just one more question that was snapping at him. "…So, why is your username about you, Hermione and me?" Luna grinned.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Harry became a shipper.

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