Dealing without you

Chapter 4 - If I was rude my life would be so much easier

I cant do this. Not now. Not yet. Not ever. I don't want to talk to him. I do want to talk to him. I'm so confused. The phone is still ringing after what feels like hours. How long is he going to keep this up? It seems so loud yet no neighbours have called to complain. It's giving me a headache. I can't think straight. Then it stops. I look at the phone in my hand and think to myself 'I made the right choice.' I set the phone on my bedside table and lie down. It begins to ring again and I quickly jump up and answer it. I changed my mind.

“Hello?” Comes a voice from within the phone. He sounds tired and a little confused. I'm not sure why he called so late at night. He could have just waited till morning. “Hey.” I respond calmly attempting to hide the fact that I was almost going crazy a few minutes earlier with my amazing ability to lie about how I feel. I'm beginning to regret the choice I made in answering this call. My stomach feels... Strange. “I heard from Dojima that you got into an accident. He said you had to got hurt.” I feel the back of my head. Still hasn't healed and there is a small amount of dry blood in my hair that I couldn't get out. “I-I'm fine.” He knows I'm lying and refuses to drop the subject. Eventually I cave in and explain to him in as little detail as possible the events of my injury. I don't know how he does this. Ever since I met him he has been able to get anyone to talk. It's unfair if you're trying to hide something from him.

“W-why do you care?” I ask. “Last I checked you didn't seem that interested in talking to me.” Why am I saying this? I don't want to. These are my personal thoughts. I can't tell him. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.” I don't know why but I'm feeling angry at him. It's not that I'm mad because he's checking up on me. It's more... I don't know how to put it. It got to a point where he stopped talking to me outside of the TV world. It's not just that though. He always made up some excuse as to why we couldn't spend much time together. The first that comes to mind is Christmas eve. HE was the one that came to me and invited me to spend Christmas eve with him. Then the night before he cancels and tells me that he's busy. Later on I found out from Rise that the two of them were at his house at the time. The same applies for almost any other time he invited me to do something. Always Rise. I feel he must of favoured her over me...

In my defence I regret everything I said to him after that point. I went a little overboard and told him never to call me again and that I hated him and wished he would die. I guess regretting it isn't much of a defence. I felt really bad after and couldn't sleep. It's been about three hours. I'm so tired but I can't get it out of my head. I didn't even stay to hear his response. I just hung up and turned my phone on silent. I need to forget this whole thing. I wonder if Kanji is doing anything tomorrow after school. He always seems somewhat easy to speak to. I can be myself. I don't have to be a detective. I can just be me. With that in mind I manage to get a little sleep.

| 03/27 Monday |

There seems to be a letter in my school locker. The envelope is pink. I choose to leave it there for now. I attend school as usual and once lessons have finished for the day I approach Kanji. I feel that this may end awkwardly yet fast. I look at him and before I can talk he notices me and hides his face behind a book. I'm not quite sure why but I can only assume he must be afraid of girls still. I begin to wonder if I made the right choice in trying to talk to him. I turn to go home but before I can he speaks. “Hey, uh.. Need something?” I turn to him thinking of how to respond. I could straight out tell him that I want to talk or I could run away. The latter of these two seems to be the better choice but that would be rude of me and I don't want to give the wrong impression to Kanji. “Actually yes, If you don't mind I would like you to accompany me to the central shopping district. There are some... matters I wish to discuss with you.” I feel as though he may refuse. It is in his nature to avoid girls. Actually I'm not so sure of that. He seems to be fine around the others so why does he act this way around me? I don't know. It's not important. I await his refusal but he doesn't speak. Instead he hands me a small package and then runs off still covering his face with a book. I hear his shout of pain when I can only assume that he hit a wall. By the time I get to the hall he is gone. I sigh and look at the package in my hand. It's addressed to me so I guess I'll open it when I get home.

For once it is not raining. I can stay dry as I return home. Even though I was lucky this time I still need to start bringing my umbrella to school. Upon thinking that I am safe I let my guard down only to be immanently tackled to the ground by what can only be described as an angry and/or dying cat with razor blades stuck in its throat. This creature is otherwise known as Rise. Before I can react in any way she is already lying on my back, wearing my hat and messing with my hair. I remind her that I am not a toy by attempting to hit her as hard as I can in the face. Unfortunately she is heavier than I am and so with the extra weight of her lying on me I am unable to move. It is at this point that I realise that I left the package from Kanji in my locker. Why that came to mind at this point is a mystery but Rise is heavy and I can use it as an excuse to get away. “Rise. I forgot something. I need to go back so could you please stop lying on me.” She is in a world of her own. I don't understand how she can be so heavy while not looking it at all. After giving up and just lying on the floor I am eventually saved by a teacher passing by.

Rise apologises many times and accompanies me to my locker. Once I have the package in my hands she reads the label. She points out that this is Kanjis handwriting. I make her aware of who handed me the package. I leave out the part where he runs off into a wall. I feel a sense of freedom when Rise tells me that she has somewhere to be. She runs ahead out of school while waving back to me. I stay standing till she is out of sight and then begin my walk home.

My house is colder than usually. I notice this before noticing that there is a new door. I don't know what's wrong. My perception must be a little off. I blame the cold. I set the package onto the table in the lounge and go to the kitchen to make a drink of something hot. Possibly coffee.

If coffee – Dojima's fault.

It would be highly unlikely for Kanji to send a bomb to my house so I can cross that off of the possibilities of what could be in this package. I carefully open it to find a letter with very little text and another small box about the size of my hand. The letter goes as:


What's in the box is for you. If you don't like it just throw it out and forget about it.


One other thing. Come see me at my house next week. I want to talk to you about some stuff.'

I'm unsure as to how I should respond. I look towards the box on the table. I wonder what he wants. I wonder what he's put in this box. I wonder if he'll be able to talk to me without running off again. Guess I'll leave him alone till then...

I open the box and find a small hand made doll. Upon closer inspection I notice that this is a doll of myself. Why would Kanji give me this? Did he make it himself? I must admit that it is well made. I like it... I take a closer look. Same eye colour, same clothes and hair, even has my hat. I'm a little confused still as to what it's purpose is. For now I want to sleep. The doll can stay on my bookcase. I lie down onto my bed and fall to sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll make a visit to the city after school. I'm still a detective after all. I can't just stop working and I don't want to get used to not working.

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