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By dearserpent

Other / Humor



JUST at the end of the contestant’s singing, the judges stood, clapping with excitement. Before any of the judges spoke, Draco Malfoy took the opportunity with a shout.

Welcome—to—team—Malfoy!” he swung a fist at each of his emphasis.

Harry Potter, one of the other judges, turned his head over at Draco’s direction right beside him, wide eyes and jaw dropping. From clapping, he threw his arms out disbelievingly. “WHAT?” he laughed and pressed his hands together, begging at the singer. “Please–please. Please don’t listen to him.”

“No. No no. Listen to me!” said Draco in a exhausting tone with a shake of his head.

Another judge laughed as well. “Yeees, Harry. You tell ‘im! Turn 'im down. Show that pretty boy who's boss!” said Neville.

Soon or later, the judges quickly went back to their seats and gave a smile at their contestant.

“What’s your name?” Harry nodded.

“Well, my name is Nymphadora Tonks.” the girl proudly reply.

“Nym—..” Neville stared at the woman, figuring how to pronounce her name. He blinked at the rest of the judges, then back at the contestant. “…what?”

“Tonks. Just–call me Tonks.” the contestant smiled at Neville.

“And where are you from, Tonks?” the last judge, Luna Lovegood, spoke.

“I’m from Hufflepuff.”

The crowd cheered loudly and Neville puffed up his chest, lightly patting his chest with pride while giving Malfoy a knowing look.

Draco, on the other hand, started whining. He hit his forehead against the desk of his chair, pointing indirectly at Longbottom.

“Merlin. Damnit–damn it!” he cried, then grabbed the edges of the desk, leaning against it as he sulked. He whined some more “Why—do you—have—to be—from—there! Can't you be anywhere but Hufflepuff? That place is such—”

Neville rose his brows and turned to Malfoy, cutting him off with a diva impression. “Hey. You don’t see me complaining about Slytherins, Malfoy.”

Draco scoffed and waved at Tonks in protest. “Her whole family’s from Slytherin! My mother's side!”

While the two judges argued, Harry tuned them out with a roll of his eyes and turned to Tonks. “I’m guessing you’re from the Black family, then?”

Tonks smiled and nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“You speak a little of French. No?” he continued excitedly.

“Uh, oui. je parle le Francais.”

“Tu parles d’autre langues que Francais?” Malfoy suddenly intervene with interest at the sound of French.

Harry turned to Malfoy with a frown and in confusion “What—?”

“Peut-etre un peu d’espagnol.” Tonks responded.

Harry turned to Luna on his chair, frown still plastered on his face. “Wasn't he just arguing with Neville just a second ago?”

“Peux-tu dire quelque chose en espagnol?”

Tonks tilted her head and waved dramatically. “Hola!”

Draco laughed and waved back. “Hola.”

Luna smiled dreamily at Harry. “Draco's always excited to speak someone who knows French.”

As the conversation between Malfoy and Tonks went on, Harry and Neville groaned . Harry was the loudest, dropping his head on the desk as Neville dropped his head back, rolling his eyes. It wasn't the first time this happened. If a contestant knew French, Malfoy would end up starting a conversation, persuading them to join his team.

“I should never have said anything…” Harry complained, cheek pressed against his desk childishly.

Luna reached out to pat his back. “It’s alright, Harry. Maybe you'll do better off next time. Try speaking Parseltongue.”

And that seemed to make it worse, so Harry just buried his head in his arms, whimpering, sulking, pouting and groaning again. “But no one knows how to speak Parseltongue other than Salazar Slytherin!”

“It's a wonder how you and Draco are still dating in The VOICE as judges. The rivalry never cease, does it.” commented Neville while scratching the itch on his chin.

Every bloody god-damn French people always go to Draco’s team.” Harry murmured in Parseltongue. “I'm telling you, that's cheating.

At the sound of hissing, Malfoy abruptly straightened up from his seat and quickly shut up. He slowly turned his head towards the sulking man and frowned. “Harry!”

The man with rounded glasses also turned his head, cheek pressed on the desk. He chewed his bottom lip and asked in Parseltongue. “What?

Draco’s shoulders fell and he whined, crying with arousal. “You know how I feel when you speak like that!”

“And that’s sex language, y'all!” Neville shouted to the laughing crowd.

“I think it's quite romantic actually.” added Luna. “French, of course. Romantic language. Not Parseltongue. It's quite kinky.”

“Harry Potter, if you don’t sit on my lap this very instant, I will drag your arse all the way here.” the blond growled possessively, pointing at his lap and waiting for said man to inch closer.

With a soft sigh, Harry went over and sat comfortably on Draco’s lap, the man from Slytherin wrapped his arms around strong waist and buried his face to muscled back, inhaling the scent of musk and spice.

Howls and whistles drew in and Luna interrupted. “Anyway, ignoring the couple with the radiance of sex hanging off in the air, the song you chose was very appropriate. It’s definitely you. I understand–”

“She understand that. I overstand that.” Neville added, motioning his hands over at Luna's direction then over to himself.

Draco turned to the crowd and cupped his hands around his mouth. “HE MADE UP A WORRDDD!

“–if you don’t get in my team, but even so, if you choose another, the Nargles might take away your voice and your wonderful talent.”

The three men stared at her with a mixed of confusion and uncertainty.

“…what?” blinked Neville.

‘Nargles?’ Draco mouthed and Harry pat his arm with sympathy.

“You don’t want to know, Draco.”

“Anyway, I should let you know that I was the first one to turn by a long shot.” said the Slytherin.

The brunet on his lap rolled his eyes. “Who gives a fuck about that?”

The blond shrugged and drew up his hands. “Well that’s important. Because I saw what you guys failed to see.”

“Well that’s because you turned around and you can see!” Neville called out from the other end of the chairs with a laugh.

“Besides!” Harry shook his head and looked at Tonks with a wide smile. “The only little link you’re missing is me–”


The man of Gryffindor rose his brows and turned to give Draco a look before back to Tonks. He pressed and hand to his chest. “I’m the missing link, you know.”

Draco pointed at himself from behind, mouthing. “I’m the missing link.

Harry swatted the man’s arm and Neville took over.

“I should know the feeling. My wife, Hannah, introduced me to that song. I used to–” 

“He’s going to play the ‘wife card.’”

“By the number of times he mentions his wife in the show, he must love her a lot.”

“Just the same old thing with this guy.”

Harry, Draco and Luna spoke at the same time, and Neville gave them a look, arm on the desk. “You’re bloody damn right I’m going to play the ‘wife card.’ Shut up.”

Everyone laughed.

“But I should tell you that Fate brought us together. “Neville spread out his arms at Tonks with a brilliant smile in hope of persuasion.

AWWH.” Malfoy threw his head back, shouting out loud to the crowd with a tease.

“And then maybe we can–”

“How CUTE.”

Neville stiffled a laugh and Harry took in. “If you choose me as your coach, Tonks, I will take that shell and pry it open and I'm going to polish it up—“

“That sounds painful.” added Neville before Harry threw up his arms and crossed them, leaning against Draco with a pout. Harry continued, “I can show you what talent a Gryffindor likes with my help.”

“Oh, and you don't think Slytherins won't like her talent?” asked Draco with a fine brow raised at Harry.

The brunet rolled his eyes. “I'm good with Gryffindors!”

“Well so am I, baby.” Draco waggled his brows and the crowd howled at Harry's red face.

The Gryffindor fanned his face and lifted up his left sleeve as an implication. “You know, Tonks, Draco has this Dark Mark tattoo on his arm that says 'Wrong coach for you.'”

Neville laughed at Draco.

“Shut up all of you.” Draco waved at everyone then placed his attention back at Tonks. “Alright. I'm a producer. I wonder on the staging. I work on the wardrobe. And I make sure the people on the stage will look brilliant and feel brilliant—“

“He cooks you dinner.” added Neville.

“And cleans your house” smiled Luna.

“Don't forget that he makes the perfect house-wife.” Harry smirked at Draco, who chuckled and shook his head.

The Ravenclaw spoke up. “I can tell you, Tonks, that this song you sang is very personal to me. And I have no doubt none of the other judges can name the singer who sang it.”

“Longbottom doesn't know any singer who sings a song.” added the Slytherin.

“I do so!”

“Then who sings it?” Draco smirked knowingly.

“...p—” Neville ran thoughts in his head to think of an artist. “Um...”

“As I was saying!” Draco silenced everyone and turned to the contestant. “I'm the perfect coach for you because I'm not going to blow rainbows up your arse, like Longbottom, and just say that whatever you do to improve in the future is perfect—“

Neville stared at Draco as the blond spoke, then at Tonks and snapped back at Draco, frowning with confusion. He interrupted. “Blow rainbows up his arse?”

Draco bristled and ran his hands over Harry's waist to calm himself. “ Th—that was a very bad metaphor for what he was doing and I will desperately take that back and put it back in my mouth. The Slytherin grabbed the empty air and made a fist towards his mouth.

“...After it's been in his arse?” teased Neville.

Harry ignored the men and spoke up again. “Tonks. You’re going to need someone who’s done this before–as an artist–”

“We’ve all done this before.” said Neville.

“–who can give you–As a Gryffindor artist.” Harry pointed out at Neville.

“Oh no…” said man hid his face in his hands and the judges laughed.

Never too late to back down from Harry, Longbottom.’ Draco spoke to himself, wrapping his arms back around the man on his lap as Harry continued.

“I’m speaking–”

“And you know what, maybe–” interrupted Neville.

“–from the bottom of my heart–”

The man of Hufflepuff lifted his head to resume–”You know with–” and dropped his head with a stop when the Gryffindor spoke at the same time again.

“–all things are going to get…” Harry looked at Neville. “On this competition.”

A beat and Neville took control.

“And when we–”

“Sorry.” apologized Harry.

Neville sighed with a smile on his lips.

“Moving forward! I should remind you that I turned first.” Draco made of circling motion with his finger to prove his point.

Harry dropped his head back on the man’s shoulder with a groan. “Always with the ‘I turned first’ line.”

At Tonks, Neville said; “And would you want Malfoy as your coach? He whines all the time. Would you like a childish coach?”

“Hey! Guitly of Passion, okay? In the–Third Degree…” Draco turned at Neville, then leaned back on his chair, scratching his head and looking away with a guilt expression. “…what ever the bloody hell that means…

“But anyway, Tonks’ coming to my team and–”

“Ah–ah ah ah!” Harry lifted a finger at Draco. “Not without my permission, you won’t.”

Draco chuckled and pecked Harry’s cheek.

“Draco can never say ‘no’ to someone he loves.” said Luna,

“I can so!” the blond male protested.

“No you can’t, Draco.” Harry spoke up, resulting Draco to huff childishly.

“Since you’re female and I’m female. I’m sure we are meant to be together.” said Luna dreamily. “I can make sure the Nargles stay away from you.”

“Should I be happy not to be a female artist?” asked Draco. “Do all girls talk about… Nargles?”

“Well–I mean, you do sound like a girl sometimes…” said Neville.

“And sometimes behaves like one too.” Harry added.

To Neville. “Why would you even say something like–” Malfoy turned to Harry, confused. “Wait–what did you say?”

Harry and Neville laughed.

“Can we just let her choose a coach?” pouted Draco as he ran his hands over Harry’s thighs, trailing them higher towards his crotch.

The brunet hummed lowly, melting against his lover’s body while attempting to thrusting his hips to Draco’s hands. He held back a moan by chewing his lips as fingers found his skin to unbutton his jeans. He gasped when the blond’s tongue licked his ear and moaned loudly. The girls in the crowd drew a riot of squeals.

“Malfoy, what are you doing? Are you giving a heart-attack to the fans?” Neville rose a brow.

“I just don’t want Harry to persuade anyone to join his team.” Draco rocked against Harry’s body.

Tonks quickly called out the first name that came into mind, embarrassed at the lewd scene in front of her. “I choose Neville!”

The Gryffindor and the Slytherin paused action and looked at Tonks with a frown, jaw dropping, disbelieving expression.


YES!” Neville threw fists up in the air.

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