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Harry Potter & the Playboy Mansion

By Nikidri

Humor

Harry Potter & the Playboy Mansion

Lakota was furious when she realized that Niki had given her the address for a drag queen bar instead of a restaurant.

"Well," Harry said, "it's not the date we imagined, but we could perhaps have some fun still."

"I dunno..." Lakota started, but Harry grabbed her hand and dragged her inside.

She was horror-stricken as she saw some man shaking their butts on stage in short skirts and fishnets.

"Holy shit," Harry cried, "I know one of those guys!"

"Um... what the hell?" Lakota said. She was starting to question Harry's sexuality. Harry kept dragging her closer and closer to the stage. She tried to pull away, but he had a firm grip on her hand.

"Voldemort!" Harry cried, "Stop flouncing around and duel me!" One of the men jumped off of the stage and that's when Lakota realized that he didn't have a nose.

"Holy crap it really is Voldemort!"

"I thought I killed you?" Harry growled.

"You did, but somehow I came back. I no longer have any interest in conquering the world. I'm just interested in show business!" Voldemort waggled his fingers around attempting jazz hands.

"How can I believe you?"

"Oh mah god, Harry, Lucius totally said you'd be this way!"

"Well, you tried to kill me for 18 years of my life. So excuse me for being paranoid."

"I'm with Harry on this." Lakota said.

"Well fine. As an act of good faith, I'll invite you to my party." Voldemort said kindly.

"What party?" Lakota asked.

"I rented out the Playboy Mansion for the night."

"Sweet!" Harry cried, "we're so in."

"Well, let's leave now, I'm sure the limo is here now."

Lakota was quite hesitant, but decided to go along with it knowing that it would make for an interesting tale to tell Niki. They climbed into the limo and sped off. Voldemort served them martinis, which Harry checked with a spell to make sure they weren't containing drugs. Then they drank to their hearts content. By the time they reached the mansion, Harry and Voldemort were already quite tipsy. Lakota followed them inside. She was horrified when she saw a bunch of men walking around in Playboy bunny outfits.

"I thought this was the Playboy Mansion!" She cried out.

"No no! It's the 'Play with a Boy' Mansion!" Voldemort then grabbed Harry's hand and led him to a bedroom. Lakota awkwardly left.

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