【Ｓｐｉｄｅｒ － Ｍａｎ ／ Ｐｅｔｅｒ Ｐａｒｋｅｒ Ｏｎｅ － Ｓｈｏｔｓ】

(A/N: welp. here we are. this kinda sucks, it’s very roughly edited, just went over the big issues I noticed. pretty much everybody in this one is OOC, sooooo... alright, onto my probably really shitty first story!)

Peter has lost almost everything.

His mom, his dad, his uncle, and now his aunt. His last living relative.

He still has one thing left though.

Tony Stark.

Peter’s mentor and father-like figure.

Stark was quick to adopt him and introduce Peter to the Avengers. It was all going smoothly, and Peter felt loved and welcomed.

Peter even started to call Mr. Stark ‘Dad’ and the Avengers ‘Aunt’ and ‘Uncle’.

That was until Tony got another intern, thinking that Peter could use the company of another teenager. What Tony doesn’t know is that his new intern is Eugene ‘Flash’ Thompson.

He shouldn’t have even gotten in. He had cheated on the entrance exams, but nobody said anything about it because his parents paid everybody who saw him cheat to keep their mouth shut.

Mr. Stark was impressed that Flash only missed 5 of the questions. Peter got everything right, but Tony had long since forgotten that fact.

Flash began tormenting Peter when Tony left the lab, and when Tony came in Flash would pretend to be upset, talking about how Peter had been insulting him and that Peter should be removed from the building.

Stark didn’t believe Flash at first. But then as they spent more time together, Flash had somehow gotten Tony to believe him.

Tony started to get irritated at Peter, constantly lecturing him, and even threatened to take away his suit - the one thing keeping him sane as of then - and Flash had overheard them speaking about his superhero activities.

Flash had walked in, wide-eyed.

Tony glanced at Flash and decided to give him the role of Spider-Man, but as Platinum-Spider.

He didn’t even train.

He was weak.

He had no chance of saving people.

Tony had taken Peter’s suit and made it as flashy as possible - per Flash’s request - while Flash practiced his new signature more than using his web-shooters and getting used to the sticky pads that Stark had added to the suit.

While this was happening all of the Avengers turned on Peter.

Everybody except Thor and Loki, they were off-world.

When they came back to a new Spider-Man (that didn’t even help anybody, just asked if anybody wanted a picture or signature), and a new intern, with Peter hiding in the shadows, they were confused.

How could such a good-natured boy be forgotten?

Eventually, Flash had convinced everybody (minus Thor and Loki) that Peter had given him the bruise on his face even though it was just a supporter of Spider-Man (and a hater of Platinum-Spider) asking when the real hero was coming back.

Tony had thrown Peter out to fend for himself.

The Gods quickly came to Peter and asked if he would like to go to Asgard. Of course, Peter said yes; anything to get away from Stark.

When they got there, everybody in Asgard felt it. They felt Peter’s presence. So imagine Odin’s surprise when Thor and Loki brought in a 15-year-old boy.

Odin quickly talked to Peter about his potential.

Peter was given the option to be adopted by Odin, become the God of - let’s be honest - a ton of stuff, and to get a safe surgery to be turned into an Asgardian so he could age slower, (still keeping his spider DNA - so he was 50% Asgardian and 50% spider).

After pausing for a second to go over his options, ‘hmmm... go live on the streets or live as a literal god... easy’.

He accepted.

Odin, Thor, and Loki made Peter feel welcome, feel loved.

They had made it clear that Peter was a part of the family, and he would never, never be forgotten, or cast off.

Now, Peter is officially the God of spiders, agility, senses, wisdom, pain, torture, war, strategy, lies, wolves, strength, the sun, the moon, immortality, animals, the infinity stones, and much, much more.

Yep, he had shared some things with Gods who were willing, because he didn’t want to completely take everything, and of course everybody was willing, how could they say no to the cute little cinnamon roll.

Loki shared the ‘lies’ bit because he needed to be able to lie if captured, and before this happened he was horrible at it.

Loki and Thor tried to teach Peter Asgardian, but somehow, when he became the god of the infinity stones, every single language was implanted in his mind.

It just happened.

Everyone was pleasantly surprised.

Loki taught him all the magic he knew.

Thor trained with Peter.

Boy were they glad that Peter was on their side... They didn’t want to know what would happen to enemies...

~~~~~~~~

After a while, the Avengers had called Thor and Loki, saying they needed their help. Of course, they had no idea about Peter, had forgotten him. They were living their best life with Flash.

When the two Gods walked through a portal that Peter had made, everybody looked at them weird as they had never seen this method, but quickly got to explaining.

When Tony finished, Loki started to giggle. Thor started to laugh his loud, booming laugh.

The Avengers started to scream at them about how this ‘was serious’ and they ‘shouldn’t be laughing’, but the two brothers continued to laugh until they were on the floor, out of breath.

“So you’re telling me -wheeze- that there is a purple alien -wheeze- trying to get the -wheeze- infinity stones,” Loki finally said, giggling through those last two words.

“Yes- why the hell are you guys laughing right now, he can take over the world, he can kill every single person in this universe if he gets those damn stones!” Tony yelled at them.

“Man, I feel like you might start to regret something, Stark,” Thor boomed, slightly giggling like a man child, glancing at Flash who seemed to cower away from this glance.

“What?” Tony questioned.

“Hold on,” Loki said as he got out a high-tech Asgardian phone that Peter had made. “Hey... Yes, I know... We need you to come down here... Yes, you have to... Yes, if you don’t come then a big purple grape might take over the world... Well, he’s trying to get all the infinity stones and Stark is freaking out about it... *cackling from the other line*... Okay, bye,” Loki ended the call. “He will be here in a couple of seconds,“.

“Wai- Who are you talking about?” Tony asked, looking confused.

“Damn, Stark, you are gonna regret some shit,” was all Loki gave Stark to work with.

Suddenly another portal opened and out stepped Peter Odinson.

“What the hell? What are you doing here? Why are you here? We don’t need some weak kid getting in our way, we’re trying to save the world here, Parker,” Tony practically screamed.

Peter just laughed. Hard. Like he fell to the floor wheezing from how funny he found the situation.

Loki glared at Stark and the others who nodded along with what he said. “I wouldn’t be calling Peter weak right now, Stark," Loki said with Thor glaring at him as well.

“And why shouldn’t I? What’s he gonna do, save the world? Yeah right, if Flash couldn’t handle him, Parker definitely can’t,” Tony retorted.

Just as Loki was about to say something, Peter spoke up.

“Oh, how wrong you are... How about I introduce myself,” Peter said, smirking. Thor and Loki stood by his sides smirking slightly as well.

Stark just rolled his eyes, muttering something about how ‘weak and stupid Parker is’.

“I keep hearing you call me ‘Parker’, but that changed long ago... I am Peter Odinson, son of Odin, brother of Thor and Loki, God of spiders, agility, senses, wisdom, pain, torture, war, strategy, lies, strength, animals, the sun, the moon, immortality, along with many other things,” Peter took a moment to laugh at their shocked faces, and at the fact that they were freaking out about some random grape taking over the world.

“And guess what?” Peter smirked, taking in the horrified looks of the Avengers, the world’s mightiest heroes. “I’m the God of the Infinity Stones,” Peter whispered while giggling.

The Avengers looked scared but didn’t want to believe that they had thrown out a soon to be God, so they called bullshit.

Then Peter rolled his eyes, told them to shut up, held out his hand, and after a second, all of the infinity stones were there.

Right in this now 17-year-old’s hand (well, he hasn’t aged at all, as he is immortal now, but would have been 17 at this point in Midgard.)

Then, Peter snapped.

The grape was right there in the common rooms.

Flash had suited up, very slowly might I add, and tried to punch the wrinkly purple alien, only to be flicked - literally flicked - off of Thanos.

The three Gods in the room giggled like children, and the Avengers started to yell at Peter about how ‘if he was a God, then he would have been able to stop that from happening’. They kept going on and on about it while Peter just held an annoyed, unamused face.

They started to yell even louder, and Peter was getting quite annoyed, what with the confused alien in the room.

Peter then ordered them to be silent in his ‘scary king voice’ as Odin called it.

He quickly realized that it wouldn’t work on them, as they were not citizens of Asgard, and summoned some webs, webbing all of their mouths. Peter sighed in relief. He had long since gotten over his sensory overloads, it was more of annoyance that made him do it.

As Tony started to type on his watch, having FRIDAY yell it for him, Peter just huffed in annoyance, and webbed him to the wall, along with the others, in case they tried something as well.

“Don’t try to get out of those webs. If you do, you will regret it,” Peter said with great annoyance in his tone.

As all of them tried to get out of the webs, the young God sighed and summoned millions of spiders, at least a dozen wolves, and a whole arsenal of torture weapons, ready to attack if Peter deemed necessary.

That seemed to do the trick.

Peter then turned to Thanos.

“As for you, I hear you are looking for these,” the God said while making the infinity stones float and spin around, almost teasing the wrinkly grape.

The alien lunged forward at them but was quickly thrown into the wall from the blast of electricity that had happened when Thanos touched the force field around the stones. “Ah ah ah,” Peter said teasingly. “These are mine,” he fake pouted.

“How could those stones belong to a useless being like yourself,” Thanos asked enormously.

Ouch.

Then Peter’s face broke out into a smile. “Loki?” Peter asked.

“Yeah?” Loki responded, only half listening because he knew his brother could handle it.

“He hurt my feelings...” Peter pouted pointing to Thanos.

Loki’s head snapped up, locking eyes with Peter, then Thanos and then glanced over at the arsenal of torture devices.

“Peter, do you mind if I borrow one or two or maybe all of those for a bit?” Loki asked Peter pointing to the ready torture devices.

“Of course, brother,” Peter smiled brightly.

Loki didn’t even know what Thanos did or said, all he knew was that he had hurt his dear brother’s feelings. Nobody hurt his brothers.

Especially Peter.

Nobody hurt his baby cinnamon roll.

So, Loki was just ruthlessly torturing Thanos while Peter had sent his spiders and wolves back, as well as dissolved the webs.

Peter knew that the Avengers couldn’t hurt him anymore. Not with words, not with weapons.

Then, Peter’s Asgardian phone went off.

Peter looked at the contact and smiled. It was his dad.

Peter had been teaching Odin how to speak English and sometimes challenged his father to simple conversations over the phone. Sometimes he would get stuck on a word, but Peter always worked him through it and then told his dad how proud he is on how skilled he is getting in the language, and then Odin would tell Peter how proud he is of him and every damn time it happened, Peter’s heart swelled with pride and happiness.

Peter decided to use this phone call as a challenge.

“Hey Dad,” Peter said nonchalantly, while Tony had a hint of sadness in his eyes because Peter just called somebody else ‘dad’. But Peter shut down his thoughts with a stern glare, somehow knowing what Stark was thinking.

“Oh that, well this big ugly wrinkly alien grape was apparently trying to get all of the infinity stones to rule the world or something, and then when I told him that he couldn’t have them because they were mine and then he was going on about how such a useless being like me shouldn’t have them and then Loki asked if he could use my equipment, and now the grape guy is getting tortured... Okay, hang on, lemme ask him,” Peter put his phone on his shoulder.

“Hey, Loki? Dad wants to know if he can help torture grape dude,” Loki looks at Peter and shrugs.

“Tell him he can come. It would be a shame for him to miss out on torturing someone who hurt your feelings,” Loki responded, stabbing Thanos in the stomach on the last word.

Peter put the phone back up to his ear and grinned, “Yeah, he said you can come... alrighty, I’ll open a portal for you... Okay, love you bye...”

Peter flicked his wrist and a portal appeared, with Odin himself stepping out a few moments later, grinning.

He walked over to Thor, who had raided the pantry and was happily eating pop-tarts and kissed his head. Thor smiled a bright and happy smile in return.

Then Odin came over to Peter and kissed his head as well. Peter leaned his head into the kiss while smiling.

When his father was about to walk over to Loki to help him, Peter said, “Wait!”

Odin turned around with a confused look but smiled when Peter leaned up and kissed his cheek, saying ‘I love you’.

Odin said an affectionate ‘I love you too’ to Peter and hugged him.

“Have fun, Dad!” Peter said affectionately.

“Oh I will,” Odin said with a smirk.

When Peter sat back on the couch, the Avengers all looked at him gaping.

“What? Did you expect me to die on the streets? I mean honestly,” Peter said with a scoff and pointed look, mostly directed at Stark.

“So. How’s Platinum-Spider doing. Stopped any crime? Anything at all to help. Because the last time I was here, all that imposter did was go around asking if anybody wanted signatures. You know, sometimes I wonder, what in the actual fuck made you think that Flash - an untrained high schooler - could be Spider-Man? You know what? FRIDAY, how much has the crime rate been up since I left?”

Flash smirked at Peter. He just smirked back, understanding what was about to go down.

“Crime rates have gone down about 25% since you left, Peter,” FRIDAY said.

Flash and the Avengers looked as if they had just won a war, and smirked.

Peter just smirked right back.

“FRIDAY, override code 774339, now tell me the truth, how much have crime rates gone up since I left?”

The team looked confused, and Flash looked panicked.

“Crime rates have gone up about 90%, Peter,” FRIDAY said, sounding somewhat relieved.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Flash? I kept the crime rates at 5% or below. So you’re telling me that somehow, someway, you got the crime rates above what they were even before I even became Spider-Man? Oh my, imagine how the citizens feel? You said you were going to protect them.

“Che diavolo stavi pensando, Stark? Lasciare Flash, potrei aggiungere un bullo, diventare un ‘supereroe’? Non riesco nemmeno a pensare a tutte le vite che devono essere andate perse perché lasci che un idiota egoista e che cerca attenzione cerchi di interpretare il supereroe. Che tipo di stupido bastardo si rivolge a loro figlio, che stava facendo un bel lavoro dannatamente buono nel mantenere la città al sicuro e il tasso di criminalità basso, per qualche prepotente che non ha alcun desiderio di aiutare le persone. Chi cazzo lo fa?” Peter ranted, going from English to Italian in the middle.

(Translation: What the hell were you thinking, Stark? Letting Flash, a bully might I add, become a ‘superhero’? I can’t even bear to think about all the lives that must have been lost because you let a selfish, attention-seeking idiot try to play the superhero. What kind of stupid bastard turns on their son, who was doing a pretty damn good job at keeping the city safe and the crime rates low, for some low-life bully who has no desire to help people. Who the fuck does that?)

Suddenly, you could hear the sound of metal hitting the ground, and the screams that were once heard in the background turned to soft grunts and heavy breathing.

You could practically see the fear radiating off of Loki, Thor, and Odin.

Odin was the first to speak up, “What the hell did you do?”

Everyone on the team didn’t seem to know what kind of danger they were in and just shrugged all muttering about how they didn’t know what set him off.

“Oh, vaffanculo. Sai esattamente cosa hai fatto. Sai esattamente cosa hai lasciato accadere. O ancora, quanti ne hai lasciato morire. Sai esattamente cosa sta succedendo e lo sai. Stark, sei così morto. Per quanto riguarda il resto di voi ... no, sì, anche voi ragazzi siete tutti morti. Non esiterò a scuoiarti vivo dopo giorni, settimane, forse anche mesi di torture infinite. A meno che tu non esca dalla mia vista, verrai torturato a morte. Penso che tutti voi preferireste una morte rapida piuttosto che una tortura, sì?” Peter said, oddly calm.

(Translation: Oh, fuck you. You know exactly what you did. You know exactly what you let happen. Or more so, how many you let fucking die. You know exactly what the fuck is going on and you know it. Stark, you are so dead. As for the rest of you... no, yeah, you guys are all dead too. I won’t hesitate to skin you alive after days, weeks, maybe even months of endless torture. Unless you get out of my fucking sight, you will all be tortured to death. I think all of you would rather a quick death than torture, yes?)

The other three Gods in the room were freaking out, with the Avengers being oblivious to what Peter just said.

You see, Peter had implanted how to speak Italian in Odin, Thor, and Loki’s head in case he flipped his lid. He didn’t do the same with English to his father, because he wanted to spend time with his dad, and it was fun teaching him English.

“Okay, Peter, let’s calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?” Odin said while Thor rubbed Peter’s back with one hand, his other carding through Peter’s hair. Loki made Peter sit on the couch so that he could sit in front of the young God, letting him play with his hair.

“It’s okay, we can get those crime rates down with you, we can do it. And then we can monitor them, and if it goes too high for your liking, you can come back and patrol. How about that?” Odin asked softly.

Peter sighed, feeling a little bit calmed down. He shot a glare at the Avengers, especially Stark and Flash. Peter nodded his head, agreeing to what his Dad had offered him.

“Okay, what the everloving fuck was that,” Stark seethed. “FRIDAY, what did he say when he started to speak a different language?”

Tony scoffed at what FRIDAY translated.

“Peter. Do you really think you could torture somebody? Come on that’s a little bit funny,” he said giggling a bit. The comment earned a few chuckles from the Avengers and a smirk from Flash.

Peter was seething at this point he just wanted to fucking strangle them. But not before endless torture.

“Perhaps you didn’t quite hear me when I listed what I was the God of. I seem to recall mentioning being the literal God of torture. I am not the Peter you once knew. I will not hesitate to torture you for the rest of eternity. Literally. I can make you immortal just so that I can torture you until the end of time itself.”

As Peter was saying this, he subconsciously summoned at least one thousand torture devices.

“Alright, Peter, I need you to braid my hair, can you do that for me?” Loki asked, making the torture devices disappear into thin air when Peter started to calm down from doing his hair.

Loki, Thor, and Odin all glared at the Avengers while they watched a seething Peter slowly calm down.

When Odin knew that Peter was completely calmed down, he shot one last glare in the Avengers’ direction and turned to his son. “Alrighty Peter, I need you to get rid of the grape guy over there, and then we can go home, okay?” Odin asked softly.

Peter nodded softly and snapped, making Thanos turn to dust.

He flicked his wrist, making a portal appear.

Right before Peter stepped in, he turned to his old family, making them shudder. “Expect me back soon. Stark, I expect my old suit to be ready by the time I am back. I will get the crime rates back down. I will save this city from Flash. That is a promise.”

(How was it? Feel free to give me feedback, just please keep it to constructive criticism. Thank you for reading my story I guess? Uhm, okay, bye.)