Don't Fear the Reaper
Don't Fear the Reaper
Summary: I loved him. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I did. Maybe I just saw the side of him he didn't want the world to see. Regulus/Emmelilne.
Rating: A very very strong T rating.
A/n: Well. I got severe writers block my Neville story and decided to write a Regulus one. :D
To get an idea… in the beginning Sirius is 16, Emmeline is 15, and Regulus is 14. It isn't completely canon compliant, but we aren't given much to work with.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. Various quotes from all over pop culture. I don't remember them all off hand, but they're not mine either.
I couldn't have been happier. I, Emmeline Vance, was the Magical Secretary to the Prime Minster. It was a job I've wanted ever since I was a little girl and saw my mother doing it. That was what her job was before she died, and that was what I wanted to do. My mother was a muggleborn witch, my father a muggle. And being a liaison between the Ministry and the Prime Minister was like a dream come true.
Even as I walked home (I didn't live that from from number ten Downing Street) there was a slight bounce in my step and a smile on my face. It might have been the early hours of the morning, but nothing could bring me down right now. Except one thing: there was an Order meeting later today, where I knew my mood would be dampened. Order meetings were depressing anymore. They made me want to go home and cry myself to sleep. To hear of the horrible things the Death Eaters were doing.
To go and not be able to see Sirius Black's face because he had been murdered by those horrible people. He was the last connection I had to him. Even if they hated each other, seeing Sirius in a way was like seeing his younger brother again. The Second war claimed the eldest Black just as the First one had claimed his brother.
But I quickly forced my mind to change subject. I didn't want to dampen my mood. Not yet. Suddenly the street lights around me all went off and I immediately reached for my wand. My heart was racing as fear settled in. I started scolding myself for not calling Kingsley to walk me home. He always said that if I needed him to just page him to walk me home. But it wasn't that far. I was supposed to be safe. Dumbledore said so himself.
And now I was just being paranoid as I lit my wand and found myself face to face with Fenir Greyback.
I swore my heart stopped.
Hogsmeade was full today. It was always full on Hogsmeade weekends and I wouldn't let that stop me. I loved the Three Broomsticks, even when it was packed wall to wall with people. I managed to find a small table in the corner where I could sit in silence and read my book. Even as a Gryffindor I always loved to read. I loved fantasy the most. Magical fantasy, muggle fantasy, you name it; I probably read it at some point.
I was reading when he ran into the table, knocking the bottle of butterbeer all over my book and my favorite outfit. I was supposed to be meeting RemusLupin for a drink in a little bit. We were good friends Remus and I, even if he was a year ahead of me in school in some ways I thought of him as the older brother I never had. His father and my father were friends so I've known Remus for as long as I could possibly remember.
I looked up at the figure that knocked into the table spilling the warm beverage all over me. "Sirius?" I asked, only seeing the back of the young man's head. But the dark hair immediately made me think of my fellow Gryffindor. The figure turned around and I immediately realized that he wasn't Sirius. No. Regulus Black had run into the table.
He looked at me, then down at the butterbeer stained book and outfit and then back up at me. He never said a word as his dark eyes met with my light blue ones.
"Well, aren't you going to apologize?" I finally asked breaking the silence as I continued to stare at him. He did look a lot like Sirius all the way around. If one wasn't looking close enough they could easily mistake Regulus for Sirius. But Regulus had a different overall look to him. I got a different feeling when I looked at him than when I looked at Sirius. But it wasn't a bad feeling. Just different.
He looked at me as he furrowed his brow, and I couldn't help but think that he was adorable when he did that. "Yeah. Sorry."
And that was it.
My first encounter with Regulus Black.
"Hello my pretty," Greyback smiled with those horrible pointy yellow teeth of his. He took a few steps back, ready to run. That was obviously just what he wanted me to do as I felt two sets of hands grab my arms and pull me back, my wand clattering to the ground.
I fought against them but couldn't escape as they drug me into a nearby buildng, Fenir following them. I struggled and fought, just causing them to laugh. I opened my mouth and screamed. The scream echoed into the dark night, probably reaching the stars above. But no one ever came to help me.
Greyback grabbed a handful of my long blonde hair and pulling my head up harshly to look at him. I didn't know who the other two were but they had a firm grasp on my arms, keeping me from escaping. "We're gonna have some fun mudblood, how does that sound?" one of them whispered in my ear causing an involuntary shiver to run through my entire body.
My breathing was erratic as Greyback forced me to look right in his eyes. I spit right in his face. Looking back that wasn't the smartest thing to do as I he lifted his other hand and slapped me hard across the face.
My next few encounters with Regulus were just as brief and the conversation just as forced. Until one day when I wasn't feeling my greatest and walked into the boy's lavatory instead of the girls. I hadn't been sleeping and was too stubborn to listen to Remus and go get a pepperup potion from the nurse. Those things made me nauseous anyways.
Luckily Regulus was alone in the bathroom and just washing his hands. He looked at me with those dark eyes and started laughing. At first I didn't understand why he was laughing and then I realized that he wasn't the one in the wrong bathroom. I was. I started laughing too.
And thus began my friendship with Regulus Black.
My head flew to the right when he slapped me but he still had a tight grip on my hair. I cried out from the pain it caused me. But I refused to let the tears fall. I was going to get out of here. I had to. I wasn't going to let them hurt me. I wasn't going to let them kill me. I was better than them!
My breathing hitched as I felt his hand caressing my cheek. I kicked at him, I screamed, I tried to do anything that would alert someone of what was going on.
"Music to my ears!" Greyback grinned as I screamed and struggled. I was getting exhausted. But I wasn't going to give up. I fought against them. Why was no one coming to help me!?
I screamed even louder this time but was silenced by the werewolf shoving his tongue in my mouth.
It was an odd friendship to say the least. Most people would never guess for a Gryffindor mudblood to be so close to a self proclaimed Slytherin Pureblood Prince. But we were. We couldn't spend time like normal friends, both of us having reputations to keep up. But we were still close as can be.
One night we met at the Quidditch Pitch. It was a completely coincidental meeting. I was out there to get some fresh air after a particularly nasty nightmare. He was out there to get some flying in, unable to think because of the Quidditch game the next day. We ended up talking for what felt like hours. He flew me around the Quidditch Pitch and we laughed and told jokes.
We sat there, looking up at the stars, his arm around my shoulders and my head resting on his chest. He was taking deep breaths as was I. "You make a nice pillow Reggie," I smiled still looking up at the stars.
He was playing with my hair. Normally I would have stopped him but I was so tired that I didn't really care, and it all felt so natural.
"Why thank you," Regulus laughed. His laughter in turn made me laugh. There was always something about his laugh that made me smile and want to hear it even more.
I took a deep breath and continued to look up at the stars. "What's your name mean?" I finally asked. I knew that the Blacks were all named after stars or constellations and that his brother was named after the Dog Star.
"Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation Leo, did you ever pay attention in Astronomy?" He laughed again and it caused my head to move with his stomach.
I giggled. "Astronomy was never my best subject." That and I just wanted to him talk. His voice was so perfectly used. Regulus knew what he had going for him and he used it to his advantage. His voice was soft and even, his inflection perfect. His voice alone could convince anyone of anything. Regulus knew how to use his words to hit someone where it counts.
"I know," he smiled. "Do you know what it is Latin for?"
I shook my head. "Do I care?" I asked playfully.
He hit my arm in a joking manner. "Emmie!"
The way he said my name made me giggle.
"What's it Latin for Reggie?" I asked, in mock curiosity.
"Prince," he said simply. He didn't have to say anymore. The way he said that one word he didn't need to say anything else.
"So that's why you call yourself the Slytherin Prince."
Slowly he sat up, causing my head to fall into his lap and I looked up at him. "What was that for?" I asked with a small smile. Without a word of warning he lifted me up and captured my lips in his. I didn't know what to think at first as his hand cupped my cheek, but I kissed him back. My mind was in heaven right now, unable to think of anything else for the time being. Just him.Him and me.
Nothing else in the world mattered as we kissed in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch, the sun slowly rising but I don't believe that either of us noticed it, so lost in each other. His hand was tangled in my blonde hair just as mine was lost in his black hair.
We both broke the kiss simultaneously for air as my pale blue eyes locked with his dark ones. He smiled at me and I smiled at him. And we kissed again.
I never wanted it to end. Everything felt so perfect. I didn't understand why he had such power over me, but he did. He broke the kiss again and looked at me. I couldn't control the longing in my eyes. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to keep kissing him.
He looked over at the sun and then back at me, the same smile on his face. "I gotta get going," he said softly. "Meet me in Myrtle's bathroom after the game?"
I could only nod.
And with that he left. I sat in the center of the Quidditch Pitch just staring at his retreating back.
Oh God. I was falling in love with Regulus Black.
I felt disgusted and violated as he kissed me. His kiss was so different than Reg's. It hurt. It brought tears to my eyes not only to think of Regulus, but the fact that this horrible creature was kissing me. But I was not about to give up. I bit down on his tongue harshly causing the werewolf to recoil and slap me again.
My eyes closed as the tears continued to fall. I whimpered and fought against the two strong hands. I screamed again only causing them to all laugh. They let me fight. They knew I was going to tire myself out and then it would be easier for them to do what they wanted with me. I didn't know who they were, but they had no idea who they were dealing with. I was Emmeline Vance and I wasn't going down without a fight.
We met constantly. There were even nights he would sneak me into the Slytherin dorms so we could sleep cuddled up next to each other. While Regulus never said it, I could tell that he was falling in love with me too. No one knew that we were even together except his best friend Barty and Remus. I couldn't keep anything from Remus. We had known each other for that long that he knew when there was something up.
This went on through my seventh year. That was the year when Regulus changed. Maybe not around me, but he did change. Being of age, I had become a member of the Order of the Phoenix. The Dark Lord was rising and someone needed to fight him, and I was more than willing to help.
One night we were in an abandoned classroom on the third floor, his arms wrapped gently around me. He seemed so scared, I could tell just by the look in his dark eyes. "What's wrong Reggie?" I whispered. There were some times that we met where we didn't have to be kissing or talking, just spending time with each other was enough.
"Don't call me Reggie," he snapped. I fell silent. I knew that Regulus hated that nickname, but he would always let me call him that. It was like a cute little pet name. I slowly turned around and looked at him.
"RegulusArcturus Black," I said sternly. God I loved his name. While his older brother was named for the brightest star in the sky, Regulus got the names of the second and third brightest stars in the night sky, when combined they outshined Sirius. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I liked Regulus better than I liked Sirius. Sirius was cocky and annoying. Regulus was sweet and quiet. Sweet, quite, and perfect.
"What?" he asked as he broke his gaze away from me. I knew something was wrong. We had just returned from Christmas Break and there was something up with him. I could tell.
I stared at him for a while. "You can trust me Regulus," I whispered as I pulled him into a hug. Then the unthinkable happened. The normally stoic boy collapsed into a fit of sobs on my shoulder. Oh God, I wasn't expecting that. I held him close, stroking his hair gently as he sobbed on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I tried to calm him down. "Deep breaths Regulus," I whispered. "Deep breaths."
I wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay. That all of his problems were far away right now and that when he was with me he was safe.
It took him a while before he let go of me, tears still leaking out of his dark eyes. "What's wrong Regulus?" I whispered again.
He didn't say a word as he pulled up the arm of his sweater revealing the Dark Mark, newly branded into his skin. I gasped, a hand covering my mouth as I stared at the mark of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Just looking at it scared me. It terrified me, and it obviously terrified him as he covered it up again.
"Regulus," I whispered in disbelief, distancing myself from him.
"I… I…" he couldn't form words as his dark and heartbroken eyes just stared at me. I felt my heart breaking as I ran. I ran back to my common room. Scared and confused.
Almost five months later I graduated. I hadn't spoken to Regulus since that night.
Suddenly I felt the pair of hands let go of me and I went to run. I was gonna run into the nearest home and worry about explaining myself later.
But I was stopped short of escaping the building when I heard one of the unknown men cast a spell at me: "Crucio!" Before I had a chance to react the spell hit me in the back and I crumbled to the floor pain surrounding me as I cried out.
Oh God why was no one coming to help me!?
I writhed in pain on the ground, pain surrounding me. It was like a thousand white hot knives being shoved into me repeatedly. Every nerve ending was on fire. Everything burned. I just wanted to die. I screamed. I screamed to let the pain out. I screamed try and alert someone that I was being attacked.
No one came.
Over a year passed. The war was getting more and more intense. It was hard being an Order member to keep straight who was good and who was bad. No one knew who to trust. I learned that first hand. I hadn't seen Regulus in ages, but I tried to force him out of my mind. I didn't want to think of that Death Eater anymore. That was all he was anymore. He was another Death Eater. But sometimes I had to wonder if he was the one that hurt these people. The people I was attending to that we managed to save after Death Eater attacks. I wondered if he killed any of the people we had to bury. I tried not to think of him but I couldn't stop myself. Part of me still loved him.
I knew that part of me always would.
I was at the Ministry one day, at work when it happened. I was on break when AlectoCarrow walked up to me. I had never talked to the woman before, and I always got a bad vibe. I don't even recall what we were talking about, all I knew was she must've put something in my tea when wasn't looking because I blacked out.
The next thing I remembered I was chained up to a wall. There must've been a blinding spell on me because I couldn't see, but wherever I was. I was cold. Freezing even. I don't even remember how long I was there. People in masks and black capes would come in and torture me mercilessly. They wanted information on the Order. Information I refused to give them.
I completely lost track of time. I lost hope. No one was coming to get me, part of me wondered if anybody even knew that I was missing. I could hope, but I highly doubted it. I was a nobody in the Ministry. An undersecretary to an undersecretary to an undersecretary. They didn't even know my name.
"Who else is in the Order?!" the man demanded.
I was weak, tired, in constant pain. "I d-don't… I don't know…" I whispered. That was all I knew how to do anymore. My throat was scratchy from screaming in pain. My muscles had a permanent ache. I would never give up the information, but I knew what was in store for me. They were going to break me. Painfully.
"LIAR!" the man shouted.
I flinched, tears falling again. I was going to die. My mind was weak and tired. I was more than ready to die. But they had other plans for me. The man looked at me in my battered clothes and my dirty skin. Then left.
I had no idea how long they had me. I was a lost cause. I couldn't tell the Order's secrets. They would interrogate me, torture me, beat me, rape me. I thought it was never going to end. I was ready to die. Part of me wished I could just betray the others so that they wouldn't hurt me anymore.
My eyes were barely open when the door opened again. I didn't even react to the Death Eater walking in. I didn't have it in me anymore. My mind was so far detached from the rest of me that I thought that I was pretty much gone. I was a broken and scattered soul. Gone beyond repair.
The Death Eater knelt down next to me, pushing a strand of my hair out of my eyes. They moved to look over at the hideous mask. I recognized his touch almost immediately. "R-r-reggie…" I managed to get out. The only thing I could remember about him at this point was that night when he showed me the mark on his arms and I ran out of the room, never speaking to him again. I knew he was a Death Eater, and now he was going to hurt me, just like the rest of them.
A soft sob shook me and he pulled my battered body close to him. "I'm so sorry Emmie," he whispered. We were so young. Too young for this. I was nineteen, he eighteen. It was just a testament to how much the war changed people, changed ideas on age.
"Don'… don' hurt me…" I managed to get out. He just pulled me closer, removing the chains from my arms as he bundled my small body up into his warm embrace.
"Sleep," he whispered.
And I remembered no more.
I screamed and thrashed about, trying to make the pain stop. It brought back memories I didn't want to come back. Memories that I had blocked out of my mind. Memories from the first war, memories of what the Death Eaters did to me then.
I was afraid they were going to do it again, only this time they would succeed in killing me. But this time… this time was different. I didn't want to die. I had almost everything I could possibly want. I had my dream job, I had a family at home. I had my friends. I had everything. And I wasn't going to let them take that from me!
They took the spell off and I felt the sweet oxygen refilling my lungs as I took a deep breath. I moved to try and run but my muscles wouldn't listen. One of the men grabbed me before I could even begin to crawl away.
"We're not done yet beautiful."
When my eyes next opened I was surrounded my something soft and gentle, so different than what I was used to. My body seemed to sink into the comfy bed and my eyes fought to stay open. Sleep wanted to take me again. Sleep wanted to envelop me in its comfortable embrace. But I forced myself to sit up and take in my surroundings. I was in a small but comfortable room. It was dark, but I could make out black and green decorations.
Someone had changed my clothes too. A pang hit me when I realized that someone had stripped me of my clothes only to put nice clean ones on. It was a simple black shirt that was a few sizes too big for me and a loose pair of sweat pants.
The door opened and I squeaked and jumped. I didn't know what was going on and I was scared. I was absolutely terrified. I started shaking as the familiar figure of Regulus Black strode into the room. "Emmie, calm down," he said in a soothing tone. "I'm not going to hurt you."
But I didn't believe him. He was a Death Eater, just like the rest of them. He was going to hurt me too. I curled up into a protective little ball, knowing that would do me no good. If he wanted me he would take me. There was no doubt in my mind.
He walked over and more fear settled in me as I tried to move away. He pulled me tight into his embrace and I couldn't escape his grip. I was still too weak. Soon I had collapsed into a fit of sobs, holding onto him like I was never going to let go.
And he never did anything except gently rub my back whisper in my ear. "You're safe now Emmie. They're not going to hurt you again…"
I believed him.
I was in his care for a little over a week. I didn't understand why he got me out of there. I didn't understand why he was being so nice to me. He was patient and he slowly nursed me back to health. He made sure I got enough to eat and that I got enough rest.
Soon I was walking around again like there was nothing wrong. Like I hadn't just been saved from a vicious place. I fell asleep next to Regulus every night, his arms wrapped protectively around me. Part of me still feared him (he was a Death Eater after all), but another part of me trusted him. I needed him there. I didn't want to think of him as being evil.
I curled up next to him, still wearing his clothes. "I'm going to take you to Lupin's tomorrow," he said simply. His words were forced.
"Can't I stay with you Reggie?" I whispered, scared. I felt safe around him. I was afraid if I went back out there that they would get me again and hurt me. I didn't want to leave Reg's small apartment, I wanted to stay with him forever.
He slowly shook his head as he kissed the top of my head. "You'll be safe with Remus," he sighed. I could tell that he didn't want me to leave either, but I didn't fight him. Instead, I kissed him. He returned it. His kisses were soft and gentle, like they always were. So different than what I had gotten used to in captivity.
He broke the kiss not too long after I initiated it. "Regulus Why?" I asked slowly.
"Why what?" he responded.
I looked down at the mark on his arm.
He didn't answer me, just kissed me again. I broke it this time. "Please tell me Regulus," I pleaded. He went to kiss me again and I turned so that he missed.
A soft sigh escaped the man as he looked down and then up at me again. "I didn't have a choice Emmie," he whispered, his voice pained as he spoke. "Voldemort came to the pureblood families, demanding the oldest to join his ranks and fight. Since… since Sirius was blasted off of the Black Family Tree I was the only son left. I tried to do them proud. I tried and failed," he whispered, his eyes closing. Part of me wished I would have asked that question before when he first told me that he was a Death Eater. But I had been so out of it at the time that the thought never passed through my mind.
"I can't get out of his service now."
I looked at him and kissed him gently, weakly pulling him so that he was on top of me. I didn't know what to say to him, so I kissed him. I wanted to kiss away all his problems. I felt so guilty for leaving him when he needed me the most. But you can't change the past. He obliged and straddled me, careful not to be too rough.
"I love you Regulus," I finally whispered the words I had been holding inside of me for so long.
His dark eyes looked at mine and a smile formed across his face. "I love you too Emmie," he said slowly before kissing me again, this time more passion in his kiss than I ever remember being there.
That night was a sharp contrast to the many nights before.
I fought against the man. I whimpered weakly, but it was three against one. They had my wand. I was unarmed, outnumbered. This was the end.
I had lost the ability to scream, I had no way to defend myself against them. They pushed me into a small room onto a bed and had their way with me. I tried to fight, I really did. But there was only so much I could do against them. They had complete control over me. And I hated that.
They left me there. In pain, curled up into a little ball, sobbing. My entire body burned. I was hoping that was it. That they were just going to leave me there and go along their merry way. I felt sick and bile worked its way up my throat and escaped all over the dirty bed. They kept walking. My heart breathed a sigh of relief. They weren't going to kill me, they weren't going to capture me.
Then one turned around and pointed his wand at me: "Sectumsempra!" I felt the spell cut across my chest, a long line drawn right down my middle. I could feel the blood rushing there, seeping through my torn shirt. And they left.
They left me there, a bloody and battered mess.
They left me there to die.
The next morning when I woke up, I wasn't in the bed at Regulus's place. I was clothed again and in a much less comfortable bed.
My eyes looked around and fell immediately on Remus
"You're up," he said, sounding so relieved as he squeezed my hand.
"Remus?" I asked slowly as I looked at him. "Where… where's Reg?"
"Regulus," I clarified. Oh God, he just left me there. He never said goodbye, he never said anything. He just abandoned me.
"He won't hurt you again Emma," Remus sighed as he pushed some hair behind my ear. "We found you at my doorstep. I don't know how you got there, but you're safe now." He did sound a bit worried. "We thought we had lost you."
I was going to tell him that Regulus never hurt me when he just put his finger up to my lips to silence me. "You've been gone for months Emma," he sighed. "Don't talk, just rest up."
And I fell silent.
I never saw Regulus Black again. I was soon released from St. Mungos and moved in with Remus. The war was still going strong.
A month after Regulusdisappeared a house elf called Kreacher appeared asking for me to deliver a message from his master. I didn't know who his master was and was weary to open the letter that the elf had for me. But I recognized the handwriting on the front. I thanked the elf quietly and opened the letter, my hands shaking as I read it.
As I read it tears sprung to my eyes. I didn't want to believe it. No.
I'm sorry I just left you there, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye properly. So this'll have to do. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that they hurt you. I hope in time you'll be okay again.
I've defied the Dark Lord, and my time here is over. I'm sorry and I love you.
I sat there sobbing, clutching the letter to my chest, not wanting to believe a word of it. I cried for the rest of the day and well into the night. I didn't want to believe that Regulus was dead. But I never saw or heard from him again.
Nine months later, I gave birth to his son.
And there I was, sprawled out on the dirty sheets of the bed. Slowly bleeding out. I couldn't move. I could barely breathe. I tried to call out for help, but my vocal cords wouldn't work.
My eyes slowly drifted shut. The wound was deep. I knew that this was it, that this was the end. I didn't know how long I had left, I didn't know how long I was there when someone finally found me.
My eyes were fuzzy, not focusing in on the face of the person that had me gathered in their arms. He was saying something but my brain wasn't processing it. I looked up, seeing a pair of familiar dark eyes. "Reggie…" I whispered, my voice failing me. I knew it couldn't be my Regulus. Regulus had died years and years ago. We knew that for sure now.
My mind had forgotten about his son. My son. The kid looked like me by had his father's eyes, but I had lost so much blood by this point, my mind had ceased to function.
I felt myself shaking and someone touching my neck before darkness took over me.
I knew no more. I ceased to exist. But I was finally reunited with him.
After all these years, Regulus Black and Emmeline Vance were finally together. At peace.
A/n: Hate it? Love it? Please review.