Worries

Summary

Kanda is worried about his relationship with Lavi. warning for anxiety, self harm and suicide. i have to warn everyone, it may be a bit ooc, maybe should be considered as a bit of an AU

Genre:
Drama / Romance
Author:
J. F. David
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
4
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
13+

Chapter 1

Pretty, beautiful, used to be mistaken for a girl. This is the cross Kanda Yuu has to carry for the rest of his life, since he was re-born. He wouldn't care, if it wasn't for the fact that his excuse of a boyfriend is a ladies' guy, and he has a thing for big boobs. Which Kanda doesn't have, obviously.

This is something he thinks about a lot, more than he should. Whenever he's washing his long black hair with soap, or he's fighting some enemy, sweating, bloody, and witnesses whisper 'Beautiful!' under their breath. He didn't ask for this. He just wants to fight, maybe have a quiet, nice life. He's well aware that these are just dreams, but it's reassuring thinking of these things time to time.

Until his lover arrives in his room, without knocking, with huge noise, babbling about some stupid book or mission or whatever. When he's done, he looks at Kanda as he's the most precious thing he's ever seen, he touches his face gently, like he's afraid the other would break, and kisses him softly at first, but getting impatient quickly.

They end up making love, but after Lavi fell asleep, Kanda lays awake, bothered by those stupid thoughts. Does Lavi really love him? Would he love him if he wasn't this pretty or whatever? Maybe he's only with him because he still looks a bit girly. And knowing how much Lavi likes girls…

Kanda is irritable lately, even more than he usually is. His always grumpy look is now accompanied with huge dark circles under his eyes. Lenalee worries about him, but he tells her off, and commands her to leave him alone. Lavi worries about him too, he can tell, because the redhead is just a bit less noisy, and glances at him more with knitted eyebrows.

But he can't help it. He can't sleep properly because of his stupid anxiety over that dumbass. He questions himself often, how did it turn out like this? But he can't answer.

One day, after being awake for almost five days, Kanda meets his doom at the gym. He drops with fatigue, and he's lucky that he wasn't alone training, so he's admitted to the infirmary.

Komui only leaves him alone, because his precious sister, Lenalee sends him out, and she stays with the swordsman.

When he wakes up, he sees his friend and his boyfriend sitting next to his bed, quietly arguing about something. When they notice that he's awake, they begin to question him.

He doesn't want to tell. He doesn't want to appear weak, not because of some guy he's in love with. So he just blames it on bad food, nightmares, anything he could think of. They clearly don't believe him, but they don't push him.

By the end of the day, he can go back to his own room, where he locks the door behind himself and stands by his window for a few hours that only seem like a few minutes to him. He thinks hard, but can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. For him to be in this state because of something that should make him happy – being in a relationship with the person he loves. Kanda's been thinking hard of what's wrong with him. But he can't answer. He even toyed with the idea of breaking up with Lavi, maybe that'd make his life easier, but to that thought he only panicked and almost started crying. He loves Lavi, for fuck's sake! Then why is he troubled by being together with him?

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Further Recommendations

lapatrick74: A very good story 💗💗💗

Ashley Girard: I love reading a lot e story. I can't wait to read the rest of the series. I think that it's wonderful how you split them up so that each had their own story.

candideads: ......................

lolli63pop: Loved it from beginning to end. Very well written, slightly funny, and sexy as heck. Minor typos. Well done.

Mariet: Ahh I like this book good plot and shit

More Recommendations

By Terri: This is the best of the three I've read so far! Grammar still needs a bit of help but otherwise you are filling in the blanks from the other two stories! Good job!

Jd Nox: Amazing short story. Love it! ❤️

Itzy Love: The story is good the plot is good well, a few grammatical errors but who doesn’t have those.

Nina-Marie Madugu Opene: I like how you made each book a part of the story

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