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Worries

By J. F. David

Romance / Drama

Chapter 1

Pretty, beautiful, used to be mistaken for a girl. This is the cross Kanda Yuu has to carry for the rest of his life, since he was re-born. He wouldn't care, if it wasn't for the fact that his excuse of a boyfriend is a ladies' guy, and he has a thing for big boobs. Which Kanda doesn't have, obviously.

This is something he thinks about a lot, more than he should. Whenever he's washing his long black hair with soap, or he's fighting some enemy, sweating, bloody, and witnesses whisper 'Beautiful!' under their breath. He didn't ask for this. He just wants to fight, maybe have a quiet, nice life. He's well aware that these are just dreams, but it's reassuring thinking of these things time to time.

Until his lover arrives in his room, without knocking, with huge noise, babbling about some stupid book or mission or whatever. When he's done, he looks at Kanda as he's the most precious thing he's ever seen, he touches his face gently, like he's afraid the other would break, and kisses him softly at first, but getting impatient quickly.

They end up making love, but after Lavi fell asleep, Kanda lays awake, bothered by those stupid thoughts. Does Lavi really love him? Would he love him if he wasn't this pretty or whatever? Maybe he's only with him because he still looks a bit girly. And knowing how much Lavi likes girls…

Kanda is irritable lately, even more than he usually is. His always grumpy look is now accompanied with huge dark circles under his eyes. Lenalee worries about him, but he tells her off, and commands her to leave him alone. Lavi worries about him too, he can tell, because the redhead is just a bit less noisy, and glances at him more with knitted eyebrows.

But he can't help it. He can't sleep properly because of his stupid anxiety over that dumbass. He questions himself often, how did it turn out like this? But he can't answer.

One day, after being awake for almost five days, Kanda meets his doom at the gym. He drops with fatigue, and he's lucky that he wasn't alone training, so he's admitted to the infirmary.

Komui only leaves him alone, because his precious sister, Lenalee sends him out, and she stays with the swordsman.

When he wakes up, he sees his friend and his boyfriend sitting next to his bed, quietly arguing about something. When they notice that he's awake, they begin to question him.

He doesn't want to tell. He doesn't want to appear weak, not because of some guy he's in love with. So he just blames it on bad food, nightmares, anything he could think of. They clearly don't believe him, but they don't push him.

By the end of the day, he can go back to his own room, where he locks the door behind himself and stands by his window for a few hours that only seem like a few minutes to him. He thinks hard, but can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. For him to be in this state because of something that should make him happy – being in a relationship with the person he loves. Kanda's been thinking hard of what's wrong with him. But he can't answer. He even toyed with the idea of breaking up with Lavi, maybe that'd make his life easier, but to that thought he only panicked and almost started crying. He loves Lavi, for fuck's sake! Then why is he troubled by being together with him?

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Further Recommendations

Katy Rayne: i really enjoyed this book. i have to say i didn't know what to expect, but with every chapter that came something crucial to keep you reading happened. I was disappointed with the ending if this is for another book i will defiantly carry on reading the next book.

SandraHan1: This story is very descriptive, with vivid scenes from the very beginning, which made for a good scene setting. I love the symbolism in names, such as “Naysayers”, “Hadd”, etc . The story itself is revolutionary, intriguing, emotional and exciting. I was very pleased to see that there is a happy ...

Giuliana Cassetta: My face is full of tears, I never cried like now with a book or even a movie. I loved every single chapter. I truly don't know what to say, I'm out of words and my eyes hurt from crying. Such an bittersweet story, it's so wonderful. One of my favorites for sure. Keep it up!

Jennifer Kane Martin: I am a high school teacher, and the dialogue and inner thoughts are PERFECT. However, the lack of capitalization, punctuation, and the typos are distracting. Don't let these get in the way of a potentially good story.

rudyoxborough46: An action-packed, mystical adventure awaits anyone wishing to read this novel. I’m amazed at how well you’ve managed to flesh out the characters in this book, and I hope to read more of your work.I’ve read books about goblins and elves and all that mumbo-jumbo before, and most accounts of these c...

zoheusher20: What more can I say? The writing style and little details drew me into the book and for the entirety of the story I was Juliet. I felt her turmoil and emotions and every trouble or triumph as they arrived. This story was very different and had quite a few little but unexpected twists that made it...

kwilliams: I am an avid reader, and I do mean AVID and few indie authors capture my attention the way you have. I absolutely fell in love with these characters and their story. I'm usually not a fan of the cliff hanger endings (be it a series or not), but this one made me download the Kindle app just so I c...

Alex Rushmer: This was not what I expected, but I enjoyed it a lot Malfoy was always one of the characters that I liked a lot, so I like that a lot of this happens between him and Colette. I read the first couple chapters, and I enjoyed your writing style and am excited to see where you take this story. My com...

Alkira Joan: Great story, I found it hard to read especially the dialogue. You just need to fix up some spelling errors and the gramma .I enjoyed this book. was a little hard to get though.,.,..,.,.,,..,.,.,, , , , ,.,, , , , , , , ,., , ,.,,,,,

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