Chapter 1
Sitting by the window pane, I watched my garden in pain. Thinking of almost every possibility there is, 'What will my life be if I am not apart in this royalty?' My mindless thoughts went wild, questions roaming around my head, this went for almost every day of my life.
I grasped my feathered pen and grabbed my journal. My hands moved along in my control...
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Red roses, red roses
Oh how I wish to be like you
Thorny and pricky features, you have on the outside
But still, people liked your petals, your symbol, and kind
You're as beautiful as ever in my eyes
How I wish to be like you someday
Loved by everyone, the people surrounding you
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A tear escaped my eye, running down to my cheeks. Eyes closed letting the emotions go by, dropped my pen to the table I am leaning on, and formed my fist into a ball, lips pursed while doing so. It hurts, every time, every day I step out of my room. The looks of everyone I always meet upon, as a royal prince myself I never thought that this would happen. I am still waiting for the time when those looks change. A prince is supposed to be loved by its own family and its surroundings, but then I am no prince... I'm just a shadow. Raising my dominant hand, I wiped off my tears and let out out a sigh, one sigh filled with pain and misery in one's eye. How I wished to live a normal life, but can I?
The garden I watch every day with my own eye, still filled with beauty, contrasting colors blending high. My mindless thoughts keep on asking, Is this really my life? The life of being a shadow in the family? The life of being deceived by everyone?
Looking away from the beautiful scenery in front of me, I stood up, hesitant to move a step away though I forced myself to do so and take a step one after the other, I made my way to the closed opening.
Placing my hands on a thick piece of wood in front of me.
'Should I? Or should I not?'
Pursing my lips into a thin line again with both eyes closed, I pushed open the thick door. Immediately opening it afterward, Multiple eyes were looking at me, though something was off. Something is... wrong.
No eyes of theirs showed pity, no eyes of theirs put out a cold glare but instead, it showed happiness, everyone is smiling their ways, Guards bowed 90° in front of me and of course, we always have that buttler. That buttler always wanted to keep me up on my schedule. Apart from that, he also makes me feel like I am important, safe, and happy but Am I really? I can't even just call him a buttler, but instead, I look up to him as a friend. How about the others are they happy because finally, they can kick me out of the castle? Or is it because of my most trusted friend, Kim Seok Jin, the buttler? Did he have to do something in regards to this?
"Come now prince, we still have a schedule to fulfill" The buttler led me, his hands found behind my back.
"What's going on?" I whispered but even so, I really hoped Jin Hyung heard it. Jin Hyung, yes indeed he is the buttler but the thing is he does not want me or my brother to call him Mr. After all he is a friend we could all lean on to.
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I found myself in a room, a room full of people in one set. I sat down putting my hands on the table cloth. Why is everyone here? Aren't I suppose to eat alone, the usual set?
My father, mother, and even my brother are here. My parents are smiling and I don't know why my brother is having a weird look like mine. What is happening? Other than my family, there are also people who we are sitting with right now. People who I do not know of. Who are they? A royal family came to visit us? Or is this another arrangement session, that typical part of the story wherein princesses have to decide their prince. Are they testing us?
Which country are they from? That royal family is so neat and postured. A mother, father but not a son. A daughter is with them, an only child.
She keeps on staring, and it's getting irritating, putting her gaze on either my brother or me. Get your eyeballs away, I don't need your attention.
Food, food Is found everywhere. A Royal feast or so? I don't know. Before anything happens, I wanna go and that is indeed I did. My father is shouting at me, not again, just leave me alone.
I went out of the room, not even minding what I did. Rude? Is it? I don't know, which is which. My father, who keeps on pushing me and my brother to the things we don't want to do? or Me, who always keeps on getting out of the way and not caring?
They always see me like a shadow in the family, why are they even trying to push me through? Isn't my brother they want?
Kim Seok Jin, he followed me. I sat on the fountain, staring at my own reflection, what hidden inside me stays there. Moving the water, it flows through my hand, blurry. My reflection is blurry, my soul, luck, the self is hidden inside me. All I see, my reflection starring back at me, happy?
Illusions, illusions are everywhere. I wanted myself to feel happy, and yet it feels so hard to even by thinking.
"Prince, what are you thinking right now? Are you confused? Somewhat angry? You can always tell me" Kim Seok Jin spoke, finally tell me what did I do wrong in me?
"What did I do wrong in my life?" I spoke, to subtle? Too blunt? I'm scared, what if I will just die this way. Die without anything in mind but just regrets, anger, and fear.
"You did not do anything wrong my prince, don't ever put yourself in a place like this... Places full of darkness" I can't help it, I've been my family's shadow for almost 12 years, what more could I have done wrong?
"My father, what is he planning? Is he planning to humiliate me? By making Jungkook get married to that girl? I'm so useless in this family" Jungkook, yes Jeon Jungkook, he is my brother. The brother who never leaves his trust in me. Who kept me by my side for everything, he never see badly in me, unlike my parents.
"No, apparently that is what I suppose to be happening now but then he changed his mind so suddenly and told the royal family to let the princess pick. Choose in which who is best" Is he testing me? Being a prince isn't always the fantasy everyone thought it to be, being judged in the way you treat others, must put up a very good character, the thing is when you change, people judge you. I changed because of the people surrounding me.
"Look, prince, don't ever feel angry because your father is like this. He may perhaps have a good reason for doing this" He better have a good reason for this. But how should I know, we don't have a good father-son relationship.
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"Why did you do that? Running away as if we did not have any visitors" Scolding, scolding, the only thing you know of about. What can I do? I'm just waiting for you to be done with it. I did not want to listen, when will you care? You always do this in regards to me, if my brother does what I did you never scold him. When will you understand my feelings?
A slap came right through me, is this it? This isn't the first time he ever had guts to slap me. I held on to my face, my father just chuckled, When will you understand?
"You never learn, do you? Every time, every day, you always ignore me. You never listen!" Again, this time my face hurts. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, reddening. I did not do anything, not even bothering to talk back. Yes, I know it was kind of rude, walking out like that, but what can I say? You always do things without our concerns or permission. You wanted things your way, when will you ever learn? That not everyone agrees with your decision... I just wish that you are not my father...
"If you do this one more time, don't even bother coming out of your room. Be glad you're still here" He left, finally, shutting the door loudly. I looked down at my feet, noticing something different in my eyes. Everything, everyone, they keep acting strange things on me, why can't they do it on the others? Is it because I can't be here in the first place if not for them? Or is it because they do so much better than me that I am just a second loser in the background.
I sighed, moving my feet in one direction. Everything is already done, there is no turning back. I climbed on to my bed as I bid myself goodnight. Closing my eyes not even bothering to do what royal princes should do in the night.
"Sleep tight Taehyung" I spoke slowly drifting away to my slumber.
