Two weeks later...
Jonathan and I haven't spoken to each other since the night went to the music store. I pushed him back and told him that I wanted nothing from him and I wasn't holding anything back, that I simply got carried away in the moment.
He left the day after because Robert cooled down and he had his old apartment and money back. Maybe things were better this way. Magnus was right, I couldn't let him get attached to me because it'd only hurt us both, not that I wasn't hurting now.
Magnus and I were busy looking for the witch who we really couldn't track. He said that she was very near, but he couldn't tell her exact location, there was a spell protecting her from being spotted by another witch. There was a stronger spell that could break what the witch did, but it would take him a few weeks to prepare and execute it. He said that he'd be ready with it in four more days so we should find the witch in no time.
There were also no more notes after Jonathan left, we stopped talking, and ignored each other in school. The witch was satisfied with our distance.
Jonathan was back in his old ways, but much worse this time. He came to school bruised and sometimes bleeding. Maia mentioned that he even came to one class drunk. I kept telling myself that it wasn't because of me that was why he'd been acting that way, but I couldn't help thinking of what Isabelle told us about him before, that he did what he did because it distracted him from the girl with flaming red hair.
He was doing stupid things again because of me. If only I had the courage to talk to him after what I did. He must have felt bad after telling me things he never told anyone before. He almost trusted me his heart. He thought differently of me than the other people who surrounded him. But what did I do?
I promised myself that after we found the witch and knew what she wanted from me and Jonathan, I'd leave New York. I could go to Greece or somewhere in Asia. Jonathan could do whatever he wanted. Since he wouldn't be able to see anymore, maybe the nightmares would vanish. Just to make sure, I'd ask for Magnus's help. I'm sure he could do something to make him forget that I ever existed even just in his dreams.
I didn't feel like going to school anymore. I was too distracted to paint properly and I couldn't really focus on my other classes. Every time I see Jonathan, whether he was alone or he was with friends or another girl, the hole on my chest kept stretching and stretching bigger.
I skipped three days of school. It was a Saturday and only Isabelle and I are in the apartment. Maia had a date with her boyfriend and Simon had band practice. We were in the living room, the television was on, it was on a news channel, but we were both busy with different things. She was using her iPad while I was reading a John Green novel. His books were something I could relate to. Most of the time, his characters didn't end up together, just like me and Jace. No matter how many years and lifetimes passed, it would never be us.
"Clary?" Isabelle called me.
I faced her, she wasn't using her gadget anymore and she looked serious. I placed the book I was reading on my lap.
"Why?" I asked.
"I've wanted to talk to you since the last few days," she admitted.
"Then why will you just tell me now? Is there a problem?"
She shook her head, but the worry in her face was clear. "It's about Jonathan."
I hated doing it, but I played dumb and innocent. "What do I have to do with him?"
"I know there's something going on between you two," she said with a raised eyebrow.
"We don't have any kind of relationship, we aren't even friends," I argued.
"He's being his fifteen year old self again and I know it's because of you. Can you please tell me what happened during his last night here?" she was sounding more frustrated and suspicious.
I knew how much he loved and cared for his brother. It was the reason she was like this to me. She didn't want him to suffer and destroy his life.
I know the feeling.
"Nothing happened," I lied.
"I know you're lying, that he played the piano for you, that he might have not told you about his feeling, you turned him down. You made him do things I never thought he would and could. What did you do to him?"
My brows scrunched. I knew Jonathan wouldn't tell her about it. "How did you know about that night?"
There was panic, fear and guilt on her face. She looked like she did something that would really, really make me angry and I already had an idea of it. I wish I were wrong because she would just add up to the problems I already had.
"Isabelle, how did you find out about that?" I repeated, sounding really impatient.
"I saw everything under your bed. All the sketches and your journals," she confessed. "I didn't read all your journals, just some entries from the past and the current one. I know everything, Clary. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tamper with your stuff, but I accidentally saw your sketch pad the first night I stayed in your room. I grew curious, you had so many sketches of Jonathan and it freaked me out. I thought you were a psycho or a stalker. It was until I opened one of your drawers while you were in school and I learned the truth.
"I know you only mean well to Jonathan, that you want him happy this lifetime, but what if he would never be happy without you. You are the girl he kept dreaming about, flaming red hair and the greenest eyes. In his dreams, he killed the girl, but you are alive. You are the proof that he isn't a murderer like he thinks. I don't understand what magic revolves around you two, but you changed him in a span of days. What the both of you have, it's really powerful."
I should be angry because she read my journal, my secrets, some even Magnus didn't know, but I felt no hateful emotion. I was even kind of relieved. It felt quite good to have someone to talk about my curse other than Magnus, to have another opinion aside from his.
"And you also know that we can't be together or else—"
"He'll die and he'll disappear forever," she interjected.
"I did what I have to do, Izzy," I said with a sigh.
Despite of what I said, of knowing the sad truth about me and his brother, she looked hopeful.
"Clary, you're the only one who can help Jonathan."
"I don't understand how I can help him."
"You can help him get better, resolve his issues. When he was younger, even after the accident, he was acting like a normal kid. He was even cheerful so our parents didn't find the need to send him until he was fifteen, but they couldn't control his actions anymore. He refused to talk to a shrink. Mom tried her best, but she failed every time." Isabelle looked sad and it wasn't like her. She was always confident and smiling.
I was still confused. "What can I do for him then?"
"You make him a better person. If you can stay with him for a while, then maybe, he'll change. He has a bright future as a musician and I don't want him to lose that just because of the things that he's doing now and you want that, too."
"I'm afraid I can't do that. What happens when I have to leave him? He won't handle it well. I'm scared of what he's capable of."
"Then you have to teach him how to handle losing the people he cared about, that they may leave you, but life goes on and you have to make it worth."
She was right. The death of Jonathan's parents was one reason of what he became now. He was blaming himself for it. He was probably feeling the same after I rejected him that night. He might be thinking that I didn't want him because he was a bad person.
He wasn't really as bad as he thought he was. Sans his façade, he had a good heart. He was also fragile that was why he created a strong barrier around him. I almost had the chance to break that, but I let it slip from my fingers.
"I don't want to hurt him," I said honestly.
"And you're afraid that you'll hurt yourself, too."
"I don't want to see him cry again for me. I hate seeing him in pain."
"Well, he is pain now." Isabelle's face paled as she pointed on the flat screen.
There was news about a young man who had a motorcycle incident. He was over speeding and was hit by another car. "The young man was reportedly drunk...the police found an identification card from his wallet, confirming that he was Jonathan Lightwood, one of Robert Lightwood's, a business tycoon's son. He's now in the hospital in critical condition..."
I stared at the screen for a moment, not believing what I was seeing. Jonathan's motorcycle was in pieces. I remembered how my heart beat so fast while I was there with him.
"Clary, come on, we have to go there!" Isabelle was shaking me, waking me up from my trance.
"Jace, he's hurt." It was just now that I realized that warm tears streamed down my cheeks. They were like two waterfalls that wouldn't stop flowing.
Isabelle helped me stand up, go to my room and change into something more decent from my pajamas. I was in a deep blue sweater, jeans, snickers and a grey coat. Isabelle was in a floral shirt, faded jeans and a thick brown jacket. I'd never seen her wear simple clothes before.
We decided that both of us weren't in the condition to drive so we just hailed a cab. I just stopped crying recently so my eyes were still swollen and bloodshot.
Maryse and Robert who held her were there when we arrived. Maryse had cried too, she started crying again when she saw me and Isabelle. Her daughter gave her a long hug.
"How's Jonathan?" Isabelle asked when she pulled away from his mother.
"He's still in the operating room. He's undergoing a surgery; a piece of metal from the motorcycle punctured his chest. The doctors should take precaution because it's very near to his heart. He might...he might...die if they damage his heart," Maryse explained through her tears. Robert rubbed her shoulders as she sank into his chest. She loved Jonathan so much.
Jonathan couldn't die. He was too young. He couldn't leave me this soon! He just couldn't.
I just stood as his family talked. It was like I wasn't in the room with them as they comforted each other. I couldn't even go near them knowing that I was one of the reasons why he ended up in here. I failed to protect him.
I can't breathe.
"Uh, this is Jonathan's friend, Clary," Isabelle told her parents.
"I think she's in shock," a man's voice said, it was Robert's.
"She needs to sit or lay down, she's shaking. Call a nurse, Isabelle, she looks pale," Maryse said hurriedly.
"Miss?" There was a blur of a white figure and all of a sudden, everything went black.
My chest hurt and it was the only thing I felt.
I woke up in a dim light blue room. It was so quiet and I didn't recognize the place. How did I get here? I looked at my clothes and they were the same except I wasn't in my coat.
"Clarissa, you're awake," a familiar voice said.
"Magnus, where am I?" I asked with raspy voice. "Can I have water, please?"
Magnus, who was wearing sparkly as usual, got a pitcher from the mini fridge and poured water in a plastic cup.
"You're here in the hospital. You passed out because your blood pressure went extremely low. We can leave this place whenever you want, are you feeling alright now?" he said when he handed me the cup which I drank a little too fast. My throat was burning.
And then I remembered everything, why I was here and why I passed out. Jace, his life was in danger. I always felt it when he was in danger even if I was far from him. He was alive, I could feel it. I needed to see him, to check on him.
"Magnus, you have to help Jace," I pleaded.
He had a look of sympathy on his face. Why did he look so hopeless? He could heal people, so he could also heal Jace, right?
"His had undergone two surgeries; the one on his chest was successful. The surgery on his head was the problem, they were able to do the procedure well, but it isn't a guarantee that he'll be fine. Nobody knows when he'll wake up or if he'll ever will and you know I can heal injuries in all parts of a human's body except from the head. Huge amount of magic doesn't react well with the brain, I could mess his head and he'd go crazy," he explained apologetically.
I had to wait like his family and it was all I could do. The only hope that I had on saving him was gone. This wasn't supposed to happen, if I only avoided him when he started approaching me, he wouldn't be fighting for his life. Why did things have to be this difficult this time? Wasn't it enough that I couldn't have him?
"Can I at least see him?" I asked.
"He's in the ICU and only close family members can visit him there, but I can get you in. I'm really sorry I can't do anything for Jace, I know it's killing you that he's in that condition."
"Thank you so much. No, it's fine, you have helped me so many times before and until now and I'll be forever thankful for that. I understand the extent of your powers." I gave him a sad smile to reassure him.
Later, after Magnus had worked his magic with the hospital staff, I headed to the ICU.
Maryse and Isabelle were sleeping on the uncomfortable plastic bench outside the room. Both of them looked exhausted, their eyelids were swollen from crying and there were dark circles under their eyes. Magnus mentioned earlier that Robert and Alec got some stuff from home for the ladies and they would be back in a few hours.
It was past the visiting hours and the place was barely lit. The sounds of beeping were the only thing I could hear. I felt chills run down my spine as I held the doorknob of the room where Jace was. I breathed deeply before I pushed the door open.
There he was, lying like a rag doll on the bed, various wires attached to his body. He was wearing a pale blue hospital gown. His head was shaved and bandaged, the mop of blonde hair was gone. His left arm was also bandaged and he had several wounds on his legs.
I fought the urge to cry as I approached him.
He looked so lifeless. I'd be convinced that he was dead if not for the falling and rising of his chest and the beeping of the heartbeat monitor.
I stood beside his bed and bravely took his hand, it wasn't the one with the IV. It was pale and cold, but I held it tightly.
"Jace...Jonathan, I'm sorry I can't do anything for you. I'm sorry this has to happen. You are strong, I know you can win this fight. You hate losing, right? You have to wake up. There are so many things you still need to do. You'll make music and become famous. You have to prove Robert that you made the right choice. They might not believe in you, but I do. I'm your biggest fan.
"You have to wake up because many girls will be sad if you don't. You have to choose one from them and marry her. We, I will miss you. I'll miss your teasing. I'll miss arguing with you over stupid things. I'll miss being with you." I couldn't control my tears anymore. "You still owe me one wish, right? You said you'll do it no matter what. My last wish is for you to wake up."
I kissed his hand that I was holding and whispered to him, "I love you, my Jace."
thing, in this chap, it's mentioned that Magnus can't heal head
injuries because it requires a lot of magic and it'll mess up the
person's head. In a past chapter, Clary used magic on Jonathan to make
him forget. That wasn't a lot of magic and it's temporary so it won't
have the same effects like in healing.
Thank you for reading!