Gold sheets were wrapped around my body. I just woke up from another nightmare. Cold sweat covered my forehead and I was panting for breath. My eyes burned and my throat felt dry.
Jace was calling for me as Aline rammed a dagger through his chest. Same dream every night.
From the small alarm clock on the nightstand, I saw that it was past eleven in the evening.
I hadn't visited Jace again because I couldn't stand seeing him that broken. The sight of his brutal wounds came to my mind and my stomach turned. I rushed to the bathroom across the hall, not caring that I was only in my underwear. Magnus was never interested in girly parts anyway, so he wouldn't be bothered with my lack of clothing.
I was heaving after emptying the little food I had in lunch. My stomach grumbled while I was brushing my teeth, but I ignored it. There was a body length mirror in this bathroom and I saw how horrible I looked. My red hair was a tangled and oily; my skin was paler than ever, my freckles stood out even more. My cheeks were also a bit hallow from the lack of food and my green eyes which were swollen from crying looked dull and lifeless. I was a mess.
I'd be insane if I stayed here longer. I had cried too much the past few days and I'm done with that. I'm done wasting my time here, crying wouldn't fix my problems.
I went straight to the shower and took a long, hot bath. I used a fruity smelling shampoo with a matching body wash and scrubbed the three days worth of grime off my body. I felt lighter and a bit relaxed when I got out the shower, but my heart still felt heavy. Wrapped in a fluffy emerald-green robe, I left the bathroom.
On the hallway, stood Alec, he was wearing a blue cashmere sweater and denim pants. He looked shock upon seeing me. I guess Magnus hadn't mentioned my presence in his house.
"What are you doing here?" he spat at me. His eyes were on my robe and wet hair.
Gosh, why do I feel like he hated my guts so much? "Magnus didn't tell you?" I asked innocently and it only made him more irritated.
That was when Magnus emerged from his room, wearing only a pair of sparkly purple boxers. He looked disheveled, like he just woke up. There were dark circles on his eyes from the lack of sleep. He had been busy with researching and preparing for the spell to track the witch. I almost forgot that he would perform it later with my help.
Alec's gaze traveled from Magnus to me and from me to Magnus. He looked incredibly jealous and angry.
"We didn't sleep together," I said nonchalantly. "He's not my type and it will be like sleeping with your brother. Uh, disgusting."
He wasn't convinced. He looked at his boyfriend who was still half asleep. "Then why is she here? You never mentioned anything about her."
"Claris-Clary is a distant relative of mine. And Alexander, you know I'm a hundred percent gay. I won't ever, ever cheat on you," he explained and looked at Alec fondly.
Alec's face relaxed and he walked to where his boyfriend was, finally ignoring me. I still didn't get why he hated me. He didn't even know me.
I went to my room and got dressed. Magnus had bought me clothes and as expected, they were girly and sparkly. I chose a long-sleeved flowy black dress that didn't sparkle much and barely reached my knees and black tights. I braided my damp hair and applied a little makeup to cover up my eye bags and hide my paleness. I wore my new leather boots and headed out where the couple was nowhere to be seen.
It was almost midnight when I got into the hospital. Without Magnus's help, it will be tricky to sneak in to the ICU without the staff noticing.
I wasn't an expert in magic and it didn't work on me all the time, but I still tried. I casted an invisibility spell which would only last for five minutes or less so I had to hurry. The nurses who were making their rounds ignored me so I think it worked. I went to the elevator and pressed button for floor where Jace was. The elevator was so damn slow. It opened in every floor and I was running out of time.
One minute left and the elevator doors opened on the eleventh floor. I sprinted out and ran to Jonathan's room, but before I could open the door, somebody called me.
"Clary?" Isabelle said, sounding a bit confused.
I turned to look at her. She was in a plain cream sweater and jeans and her long hair was up in a ponytail. She had a steaming paper cup of coffee in her hands. But what bothered me most were her dark brown, almost black eyes, because I thought she had blue eyes like her brother and mother.
"Hi?" I said awkwardly.
"What are you doing here, not that I don't want you here, but how did you get here?"
"With the help of a little magic," I admitted.
"Oh, you want coffee?"
She asked me if we could sit for a while and talk. I told her it was fine so we sat on the plastic benches across Jonathan's room. From where we were seated, I could see a little of him through the glass window outside his room. Some of his bruises were getting better, but he still looked so lifeless there and it broke my heart even more.
Isabelle took a sip of her black coffee before speaking. "I saw you looking in my eyes. Only you and Simon aside from my family saw me without contacts."
"You wear contacts? But we shared a room and I never saw you without them. Did you sleep on them?" I asked in shock.
"Of course not, I always slept first and you sleep late, most of the time I get up first or you do and I've been careful."
"You look beautiful without them so why do you still wear them?"
"Because I don't want any traces of my father in me. I look exactly like Mom except from my eyes. I wish I had Alec's eyes."
"Why do you hate your father?" I wanted to tell her that she was lucky she still had him because I knew how it felt to lose your parents.
"He's cheating on my Mom. He's always away and he barely has time for us. He always has time for that woman, but not for us. He only came back to New York for Jonathan. I'm sure he feels guilty because he's one of the reasons this happened to him. If he hadn't cut off Jonathan's allowance, then he wouldn't have sold his car and bought that stupid secondhand motorcycle," she said with thick hate.
The bitterness on her face and voice made me flinch. Jonathan wasn't the only one who despised their father.
She went on, "It is Dad's fault Max died and it will be the same with Jonathan."
Max was their little brother who died in an accident when Jonathan was fifteen and Isabelle was fourteen. I didn't know much about him, but it was clear that Isabelle loved him so much.
"Izzy, Jonathan won't die," I said, more of convincing myself than her. I sounded unsure and my voice shook as I spoke.
"Go in there, he needs you," she said simply, stood up, and walked away. I swear I saw her shoulders shaking, like she was crying, but I didn't come close to her. She needed time to think and maybe she needed someone who knew her better than I do, the only person who understood her and accepted her for who she was.
I took my phone from the pocket of my dress and texted Simon.
I took a bit of Magnus' magical dusts with me, the ones that he used for healing wounds. I placed some of them on Jonathan's legs, arms, and the one from the surgery on his chest. I put a small amount of it on his right cheek where there was a small gash that ruined his perfect face. I watched as they worked and slowly healed Jonathan. If only there was something that could heal his head. How would he doctors react when they see that his injuries magically disappeared like they weren't there at all?
I remembered the first time he smiled at me. It was when I was sixteen, the smile hat made my heart skip a beat. That smile that made him looked so young and carefree. Would I ever see that again?
"Jace…Jonathan, remember my last wish, okay? Don't leave so soon," I whispered.
I kissed his cheek gingerly and left.
Time to find that witch.
I couldn't control it. It was happening more often than ever. It was something I didn't choose and I hated it. I never liked hurting people.
Why my parents did chose to deal with her though they know there was something grave in return?
"Maia? Are you alright?" Jordan asked. His face was full of concern. His hazel green eyes were staring into my dark brown ones. It was like he was trying to get into my head, but he couldn't.
That look reminded me of the first time we met. Cliché, we met in a coffee shop when I was only fifteen. I left home after knowing the truth about what will happen to me when I turn eighteen. I was too angry at my parents because they were selfish. They wanted a child so badly; they made deal with a powerful black witch.
My parents were witches, too. My mother couldn't bear a child after having a miscarriage. No white witch could help them, no healing spell worked. They couldn't do anything to help her get pregnant again so Mother summoned a black witch's soul from hell.
The witch agreed, but of course there was something that she wanted in return. On the day of my eighteenth birthday, she would conquer my body. She'd have it as her own. Another thing, she also had control over Mother's body until I was seven. That was when I started doing strange things, my father said.
Jordan approached me. He handed me a clean handkerchief, saying that a pretty girl like me shouldn't cry. He smiled at me so brightly and I instantly felt better. We talked until twilight and we also fell in love.
He was the only person I truly trusted. He made me feel like a normal person and he didn't treat me like I was a freak like other people do. I hated my parents because they were the ones who did this to me. They made me a monster. I wish I was never born.
"No," I admitted. "I can't control it—control her anymore. She comes when she wants and I can't do anything about it."
"You can fight it," he said confidently.
I shook my head and I felt him tighten his tattooed arms around me.
It was ten in the evening and we laid on his bed. I'd been staying here more since weirder things started happening to me. I didn't want to hurt my friends. They couldn't know, especially Clary. She would despise me and I couldn't take that. She was my best friend and the sister that I never had.
"She's growing stronger. Soon, I won't be myself anymore. I won't be the girl you love." My voice shook and eyes were getting glassy.
"I believe that you are stronger than her."
"I'm not. It's meant to happen on my eighteenth birthday, just a week away. I'm afraid...I've never been this scared in my life," I cried.
I peeled myself away from him and stood up. Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
"Maia, I will never leave you. I will never stop loving you even if you change," Jordan said before standing up beside me.
I looked so small beside him. He was tall and he had a lean body. I always felt safe and protected when I was with him, but not tonight. Nobody could ever save me from her...from myself.
"You can only say that now," I argued.
"We will fight it together, we just have to believe." His voice was full of hope and determination. I wanted so badly to believe in his voice, but I knew that even how much we fight, we wouldn't win. She was so much stronger than us.
"I did something horrible three days ago. I can't even control my own body anymore," I said, exasperated.
"Yes. It was something unforgivable."
His eyes grew larger in realization. "Maia, did you kill someone?"
I shook my head furiously. "No! At least, he's not dead. Do you remember Jonathan?"
"Oh thank God, yes I remember him. You talked about him a lot, like he's the guy she wants, but she also wants to hurt him because he had hurt her so much."
"He was in a club with friends and I placed something in his drink. I didn't know what it was, she was the one who made it and I can't remember when she did it. When she takes over my body, I only remember bits of things she does."
"Wait, I read on the newspaper that Jonathan Lightwood met an accident. Is the thing that you placed in his drink the reason he—"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sure you'll hate me. He's dying because of me."
"I can never hate you. We need to find help."
"I told you a million times that no one can help me. Clary will hate me when she learns about it; I know something's going on between them though she denies it. I haven't seen her in days, and I don't think I can see her. I feel so guilty for doing what I did to Jonathan. I'm disgusted with myself."
Jordan moved closer to me and took my face in his hands. He wiped the tears in my cheeks with his thumbs ever so gently.
"I'm sorry, I think we should stop seeing each other," I whispered and closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him, I'm sure I'd hurt him.
"No, I won't leave you alone. Not like this. I know that this isn't what you want. I won't forgive myself for abandoning you, knowing that I can do something to help you," he whispered back.
"I'm beyond saving. I'm too wrecked," I said weakly.
"You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Maia. Let me stay with you. I believe that good is still stronger than evil. Your heart is too pure to be corrupted by her."
But she already has. I wanted to say, but I held it in.
I opened my eyes and looked at his. I could see pain, love, longing and determination. He was a very strong person. He was the one who kept me sane, my rock. He could see light even in the darkest situations.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his.
Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to leave him, at least not now that I'm still myself. Time would come that I'd forget this, the feeling of being in his warmth, the feeling of being in love, but I knew he wouldn't. I'd live even just in his memories.
"I love you, Jordan Kyle. Always remember that."
Don't hate Maia too much, it's not her fault. :)
Thoughts? Suggestions? Please leave a review.
Thank you so much for reading!