Of Nights

Choose, you say.
Choose the one I will give to you. The one that will take you away.

Choose as if they were some type of good that I can barter with. As if they don't have any say in the matter. As if I could choose between my right hand and my left. How could ask this of me? How dare you? You have no right, you have no right to tear our makeshift home apart with such a demand. All that we have are each other.

I am only fifteen and yet I am not some stupid little girl. I know that you could never be what I am to them, since you are blind in more ways than one. And Sara, you don't even know it.

If Jin walked by your side, how would you know that he likes eel more so than fish and that when he is full from eating he always folds his arms back into the sleeves of his kimono? How would you know that he wipes his glasses off counterclockwise, first with the left lens and then the other? Could you differentiate the meanings between his monosyllables? Or his silences? Could you even protect him from his loneliness, from his quiet despair of finding something to live for, even if he still has no idea that he is so vulnerable because of these things?

But if it was Mugen…if I let…Mugen. Could you hit him in the right places so he shuts up with his infernal snoring? Have you any idea what a total JERK he is when it comes to bimbo women and their big boobs? Can you not hear the total garbage that comes out of his mouth? The things that he calls me? How I sometimes feel like I just want to throttle some common decency into him? Do you know how infuriating his smirk is when he does something completely ridiculous and stupid?!

Are you aware that Mugen has always been the first one to come and save me? Always. Always. Can you not understand that?

It's time for now it is morning and I have had no sleep. You, Jin, and Mugen are waiting for my answer. In my heart I know that from now on everything will be different between us because I chose one over the other. But now that I think about it, maybe I have no choice at all. I think you have always known which one I will give to you Sara, since you know what it means to love. I can't help it. It's just not fair.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are not as blind as I say. Maybe you are not blind at all.