Moment, Part II
It was her eyes that told me. Her eyes showed me everything.
Again some fucker has taken her off somewhere and I have to go save her ass from dying. I'm getting real tired of this. I'm getting real tired of cutting the same weak-ass punks up over and over again. I'm done with seeing her face all squished up from being scared. She looks like a little kid when she's scared. I hate that.
This time is a little different though. I'm tired. And wet. What Jin said to me before I left him keeps on repeating in my head over and over again, like a spell you hear about in stories. It's dizzying.
"Protect Fuu. Protect Fuu. Protect Fuu."
Fuu. I look at her. He's been hitting her, I can tell. He's even tied her up. That doesn't make me pissed though. Well, not real pissed. It's her eyes. She's fucking surprised to see me standing here, shocked even. My insides throb, just once, real quick.
That hurts. That fucking hurts.
And then I'm not pissed anymore. Just…just tired. She doesn't even think I would come and help her out. Thinks that I will just dump her when I can and leave her to die in some shit hole. Yeah, well, maybe I should. (Protect Fuu. Protect Fuu. Protect Fuu. It's endless; I can't get her out of my head.)
I realize that the guy with a scythe has been blabbering on about some revenge shit. God damn, every single one of them, the same type of guy. Finally he gets down to business and threatens to cut off Fuu's head. I tell him to shut up. No one tells me how I feel about some girl. Fucker. If I feel like caring about her, no one else has a damn say in the matter. And anyways, I don't have to care about her to not want her dead. I just…I just want her…I want her to not be amazed when I do happen to save her life. (Protect her, protect Fuu…)
I throw my sword, cutting Fuu's ropes and burying the blade into the wooden stake. She needs to get out of here and find her samurai. She needs to get out of here, but not because she still has that wild, shocked expression on her face. That has nothing to do with it. I just don't want us to have gone on this long-ass journey for nothing.
She won't, she says. She can't leave me, she says. Another throbbing feeling, another instant moment of not breathing. What the fuck is she doing to me? Fuck, fuck, I just want her to go away. I yell at her, I want to hurt her like she's hurting me, and so I say, so I say…
"Have some faith in me, will ya?"
Eyes widening, she turns to leave, unsure, afraid. Whatever it is inside me, fuck it's shrieking, raging, this hurts, this hurts (oh protect her, protect her…) and then I look to her face and I know. I know.
Her eyes, they show me everything.