Just an Agreement
Someone like You
Chapter 1 – Just an Agreement
There were only few people who luckily found their true love and had their own happily ever after. I wish I was one of those people. Since I was a kid, I'd dreamed of having my own prince charming, we would fall in love and we would have a happy family. I'd watch my kids grow as I grow older. I'd be there when they get married and when they have their own children. When I am really old to do things, I'd just lay on bed with my husband. We'd talk about the wonderful life that we had together, and would die happily in each other's arms.
But looks like, it would never happen to me. It's just so complicated and impossible.
I'm Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. I'm the wife of a successful doctor, Edward Cullen.
We were married when we were twenty-three. Our great-grandparents had an agreement between our families. They had agreed that whoever would be the first child of Edward's and my parents would be arranged into a marriage. And it happened to be that I was the only child and I'm a girl, and Edward was the only son of Carlisle and Esme even though he was the second child. So it's automatic that we're engaged.
We never knew of the agreement until we were eighteen. Our parents had decided to tell us all about the agreement so we could be prepared on whatever would be happening in our future. We both didn't want to be married to each other because we have no feelings for each other. I even thought of running away from my parents at that time, but I knew that they could find me anywhere due to my father's connections.
I'd tried to explain to my mother and father that I will not be happy in a loveless marriage, but they didn't listen. They told me that Edward is perfect for me and they could not picture anybody with me in the future except for Edward. And that they could not break their promise with our great-grandparents, because it's a sign of respect for them. Yes, our families respect our elders so much.
The Cullens and the Swans were always so close. Alice, Edward's youngest sister, was my best friend since I could remember. We were inseparable and we're like sisters. Even though we're opposites, we could still understand each other and we enjoy doing things together. Rosalie, Edward's older sister was my second best friend. She was four years older than us and she was a model. She was really so pretty and smart. Many boys were after her, but only one boy caught her attention, which is Emmett, her fiancé. Emmett was a really nice guy, and he's like a big brother to me.
Esme and Carlisle were like my second parents. When I was younger, I used to stay with them when my parents were out of the country for business trips. They treated me nicely and as their own daughter. Before, I was so confused on why Esme was so fond of me, and then I knew about the arrangement. She's so fond of me because I was her future daughter-in-law.
Edward and I were never close. Even when we were younger, he never played with me. We barely talk and stay together because I got bored with him. If I would not initiate a conversation, he wouldn't talk. All he does was read and read. Reading is good, but too much is really annoying.
So, we've been married in exactly four years today. Yes, today was our wedding anniversary. We never celebrated our wedding anniversaries. For him, it was just an ordinary busy day, but for me, it's a very special occasion.
In the four years that we lived together in the same house, I learned to somehow love him. It was just last year when I realized that I have feelings for him. At first I thought that it was only a crush. I mean, Edward was really gorgeous. He's tall; he has snow white skin, tousled bronze hair, dazzling emerald orbs and an angelic face. Sometimes, I couldn't help but feel lucky that I am his wife. You know, so many girls were after him, but he was already married to me, so they were no match. I learned that he was just as kind and compassionate as his father. He treats people with respect and he's such a gentle man.
Too bad that he can't return the feelings that I have for him. Anyway, we were just married because of our families, not because of love. Sometimes, I can't help to imagine what it would be like if he does love me. How would it feel to be loved by him, to be appreciated, to be cherished...?
We have no kids. How could we have when we even barely touch each other? The only times that we kissed were during our wedding and in a dare during Alice's birthday. Whenever that we are visiting our parents, they would be bugging us that they want grandchildren already, every after those conversations, things would become awkward between Edward and I.
We talk, but it's just about our day, nothing more. We never talked on what we want to do in the future, just like the normal married couples do.
I paint everything that I want to happen in our life in the future. All the things that I want to do and have. I'd painted a picture of me and him with a young boy in our house. The boy has his eyes and hair. He looks just as handsome as he was. I'd really wanted to have a baby boy since I was little. But the painting would just be a painting forever. It would be impossible for that to happen. It's just my wishful thinking.
Tonight, Edward will be coming home early. I knew that through his secretary.
I'll be cooking his favorite homemade pizza and lasagna. Those would just be my little gifts for him for our anniversary. He might not even remember it, but I want to celebrate it on my own little way. I'll also be confessing my feelings for him tonight. I know it's a big risk, but at least I tried. I came to that decision, because he has been treating me differently lately. He does little things for me, like buying me my favorite treat whenever he comes home from work. Sometimes he kisses my forehead before he leaves for work. He lifts the chair for me whenever we're about to eat in the dining room, and we started to have light conversations.
I know that by confessing to him, all the improvements of our relationship might change, but I just really couldn't take what I'm feeling. It was like seeing something that you want, but you can't have it. It's really frustrating.
Aside from my feelings for Edward, there's also another thing that I am keeping, and it was my illness. I've been diagnosed with stage two brain cancer last year. I was so scared that I didn't tell anyone. I thought my often headaches were just because of my migraine, I didn't know that it was something more.
I don't want everyone to be worried about me and pity me. I don't want to be treated differently because of my condition. I want to live happily during the last moments of my life. I refused any kind therapy or surgery. They warned me that it may affect my life expectancy, but I didn't listen. And I haven't visited the oncologist since I was diagnosed.
I just believe that if it's really my time to leave this world, then it's my time. I couldn't do anything about it. All I want now was for Edward to love me and I would be happy to die.
I am now in the grocery to buy the ingredients for the dish that I'll be cooking tonight. I was just about to pay everything at the counter when I felt the familiar headache.
Oh no, this wouldn't be good. I'd been having these headaches lately, and they were really worse that what I'd experienced before.
I gripped tightly on the pushcart and I closed my eyes. I keep thinking that the pain will go away, but it won't. Every second, it's just getting worse. When I opened my eyes, everything was like spinning and doubling. I could hear voices, but they were incoherent.
I wanted to ask for help, but I couldn't speak. Nothing was coming out of my mouth.
All I could remember were people crowding me before everything went black.
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