Looking in the mirror
This is a fanfiction story using Madonna as the Main Character. This is not a true account of things that have happened. Some things are based on comments she made in the past, gossip, and what fans think. The important thing is to my knowledge, none of this has happened.
The story was written to explore our role in society and acceptance that things change because we get older or the world changes
1. Looking in the mirror
I threw down the newspaper. A singer from X-factor told the press that my last album was weird and a mess. This singer said that I was once the Queen of Pop, and could not accept that my career was over. She even said that I was desperate and scary. I did not act my age, and still thought I could dress and act like I was 25!
The younger generation wanted to be stars overnight and thought that programs like X-factor and American idol would do this. Still how many could remember last year’s winner? She has a nerve for being so harsh on me. What will she ever achieve? Most likely she would be forgotten in a few months. Achieving success means a lot of work and dedication. It means knowing the right people at the right time. This took me years to achieve. I was as ambitious as a young woman than I am now. However, I had to work my ass off for it!
I threw away the newspaper and sat down at my make-up table. I will be 62 soon and it is showing in so many ways! When I look in the mirror, it looks like I am a dying flower. It horrifies me now when I see myself. There seemed to be a new wrinkle every day. I just stared at myself. Creams used to help and then botox used to do wonders. Face-lifts also helped, but it all has been a fight against time. While the aging process was slow before, it has been a daily struggle. I now needed a miracle every time I wanted to go in public.
My son David came into me. He was a lively boy and always made me smile. In a way, he reminded me a lot about myself. He had a lot of ambition and wanted to be a soccer player. He was now a teen and his whole life was before him. The path he wanted to be on was long and hard. I am also sure he would go far. I would be there to cheer him on and support him. We sat on a small table in my room. The maid had already put a pot of tea there. This was a habit I picked up when I lived in England.
David asked me if being ambitious and determined a bad thing. This made me smile. I should be the last person to admit that ambition was wrong. I told him when I was a young woman, I told a journalist that my ambition was to rule the world. I wanted everyone to know my name. I told David that without determination and ambition, no one would know who Madonna was. I smiled as I told him not to worry about ambition and determination. Life was exciting. He could achieve what he wanted if he worked hard and tried to be the best.
I sure did feel old giving advice like that.
I wrote a note on what I needed to do that day. I have been doing since the start of my career. It helps me use the day to its full potential I would start by reading my mail, then doing business. I would exercise and spend some time with my children. I would party on occasions, although that is so hard during COVID times. There are so few hours of the day, and I like to be in control of all aspects.
My manager came and told me that he just had a meeting with the record company. My latest album sold less than my previous album. However, the small tour did well, grossing 51 million dollars. My manager reminded me that this is the 4th album that would be considered as a flop. He looked at me as if it was the end of the world.
I looked down at the statistics. I knew the Madam X album was very different from what I released before. It was experimental music that explored music from all over the world. It had a very Latin American sound. I knew the songs would not be played on the radio. This stopped bothering me long ago, I knew that many radio stations did not play my songs because they thought I was a relic from the past, The fact is Madam X was something very few people have tried. It was an experiment. It was fun.
The promotion could have been better. I released Medellin first. It did not even enter the charts. I think my fans wanted a song they could dance to. Things went very bad at the Eurovision song contest, where I sang out of tune. I was mad and so disappointed after. I was not mad at the media saying how bad the performance was or that It showed that I no longer should be there. I was mad at myself. I always want to give the best performance ever. The performance was one of the worse memories of my career and I knew how disappointed the fans were.
I went on tour to help sales of Madam X. This is something that turned out to be a nightmare. I decided to do small theaters because I wanted to be closer to the audience and give them a new experience. The tickets cost an average of 250 dollars! There were problems with the tickets. The worse thing was that I could feel the tour was killing me. I was in so much pain. This meant that I had to cancel shows and showed up 2 hours late at some shows. I value my fans and respect them a lot. The experiences of the Madam X tour upset many. I may have grossed 51 million dollars, but I did not like the fans that had such a bad experience. The fan’s reaction was more important that Billboard saying it was one of the best tours of the year.
Yes, my fans mean so much to me. They have supported me through good times and bad times. I will be honest. I never expected to be the best selling female artist of all time. I know that I am not the best singer. There are so many singers out there that have a great voice, like Beyonce! When I first released an album, people were calling me a one-hit-wonder. They said I could not sing. Some even said that I slept my way to the top. It’s not good enough if you are talented or not. You need to be in the right place at the right time. You need to know what is trendy. I may not have talent, but I had ambition and determination and worked my ass off to where I am now. However, do I need more talent so people would notice me now?
I looked out the window and remembered before I was famous. I came to New York with a few dollars. I was so excited. I was young and I had the world before me. I wanted to be a famous dancer. New York was the best place to be. I had a very bad start. I was starving and had no money. The worse thing was that I was raped. I never felt so alone and so vulnerable when this happened. I could have felt sorry for myself and went back However it showed me that I had to control my life. I worked my way up the ladder.
It was not easy. I was often hungry and had no money. I ended up taking erotic pictures and did this movie that was also very erotic. The pictures were decent enough. I did not do them to express something. I have done them so I could eat. This is what people forget. When I started my career, there was no x-factor or idol. I am not sure I would even have won those! The road was long and hard.
I was bought back to reality when I saw my daughter outside smoking a cigarette. I used to smoke before I had Lourdes. Then I quit them. I rushed out to Lourdes and gave her my speech about cigarettes. I knew she was now old enough to decide herself. The problem is that she would always be my firstborn, my little girl. I would always worry about her. Lourdes knew me so well, and my speech did not ignite her anger. She just reminded me that she was now old enough.
We sat on a bench and looked at nature. I knew I should be doing business or exercise, but I had to take every chance I could when Lourdes was here. In many ways, I envied my daughter. She had so much talent. She could model, act, sing, and dance. She already tried a fashion line and tried modeling. I am not biased because I am her mother, but I was confident she could be what she wanted. The only thing I worried about is that she has no drive in her.
Still, I was her mother and not her guidance counselor. She would have my support and she knew that I would always be at her back.
Lourdes told me that it was hard being my daughter. She had all the advantages of being my daughter as she grew up. She went to the best schools and had quality dance and music lessons. However, she thought I always was a huge shadow, at least my fame and image were. When she was a child, her friends knew who I was. Lourdes would be asked why I was so provocative. I still remember the day Lourdes asked was it true that I kissed Britney spears? Another time she asked if I did a sex book! Even today she often wonders if she was to be a celebrity star, would it be because of me? I could not say no. Having me as a mother could have its advantages and disadvantages, but in the long run, it will be because she has talent.
As I walked back to the house, I remembered when I really found out that I was famous. I released two albums “Madonna” and “Like a Virgin”. I was selling millions and millions of records and dominating the charts. It was not until I went on “The Like a Virgin” tour that I knew how famous I was. Girls would come to my concerts trying to look and dress like I was. They would scream and go hysteric. The media called this “Madonna mania”, This was a surprise for me. After years struggling in New York, everyone now knew who I was. I was now a celebrity.
In a way, fame went to my head. I didn’t really pay that much attention to the positive reviews but took the negative ones so seriously. Some considered me like Minnie mouse doing pop. Others said I was like a porn star doing pop. Many said that I was a one-hit-wonder. Cyndi Lauper was also new on the scene, and many said she had talent and would outlast me. All this made me more driven and I refused to be a one-hit-wonder. It also made me a bitch, so looking back at it, I was hard to be around.
I am not apologizing. Wanting to be in control is not a bad thing.
My manager was still hanging around. He asked me did I really want to do a concert DVD as I have done in the past. He reminded me that the last one totally flopped and was an embarrassment, only selling a few thousand. The Madam X Concert DVD would certainly also be an embarrassment and make the media think that my career was over.
I laughed and asked what does he expect me to do? Does he want me to die or fake my death?
I could see my manager thinking. I could not believe it
To be continued