Mother Knows Best
AN: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.
Summary: Regulus's mother knows best, of course she does. If she says he no longer has a brother then he doesn't. Of course not.
There is heat radiating on my face and I loath to admit that it comes from my very own tears. Blacks do not cry, ever, under any and all circumstances. So why are there tears marring my face. Am I not a Black? Am I not my mother's perfect child? Was I not sorted into Slytherin unlike my failure of an older brother? Have I not always taken care to stay inside the lines that mother carefully drew?
I am. I did. I always have and I always will. Of course. I am Regulus Arcturus Black, the only son of Walburga and Orion who withheld the family name. I am perfect, mother told me so, just a week ago. My brother was there. It was one of the few times he withdrew from an argument without yelling. Sirius had simply sneered at her comment before looking at me as if I somehow pulled the words from her mouth. I never noticed before how cold his eyes could be and I was thankful when he finally decided to turn around and storm to his room.
I am perfect. Or I was until I stepped out of my mother's boundaries. On pure impulse of course, and for a vague and fleeting moment, it was enough though. It was enough to evoke that disgust in my mother's eyes, so much that she didn't even wish to be around me. That is why I am here now, with pitiful tears in my eyes, as my mother travels the sea side, alone, anything better than being with me.
I deserve her rejection of course. I was the fool who chose to show emotion for a blood traitor. It was I and I alone who allowed a squeak that sounded far too much like anguish to escape my lips as a stain was rightful burned off our family tapestry. It's irrelevant that the stain is my brother.
Former brother, Regulus corrected himself. Sirius was his former brother.
There was no place for Sirius in our family anymore. I, Regulus Arcturus Black was an only child. I was the sole heir of the Black name. It was what I rightful deserved. I did not steal it from under my own brother's feet, of course not, it was given to me. No, it was earned by me and I have nothing to feel guilty for. Sirius chose to betray our family and it had nothing to do with mother or I. Even if I had been nicer, a better brother, Sirius would have still chosen his path. I have nothing to be sorry for! It's not my fault! It was his doing, his choice. There was no place for Sirius in our family anymore.
Sirius never existed. I will not talk as if I ever had a brother. I didn't. When I was a child I comforted my own self, I never crawled into the arms of brother who seemed to love me unconditionally. I of course picked myself up from the ground when I'd tripped on the trick step at our house. Never once did an older brother pick me up, hold me until I stopped crying. Of course, when I look into the mirror I see nothing by my own reflection staring back at me. Perhaps if I had had an older brother I might have seen someone with warmer eyes than my own smiling back at me, giving me a look that said "everything is going to be ok." I don't though. I was born alone in this world, I remain alone in this world and never was there a person who I loved and adored more than anything in my lonely world. Of course not. If such a person ever existed where are they? If such a wonderful person was ever real why aren't they around to see me through these doubts that of course I don't have. How could my own brother pack his bags and abandon me. How can he leave me alone like I was worth nothing, like he never loved me at all? He wouldn't, of course he wouldn't, he couldn't since he never existed. Mother said Sirius never existed…
And of course, mother knows best.
AN: I hope you enjoyed! Leave a like and favorite if you did!