Janus

By Hibah Mirza

Romance / Scifi

Allure

I want to be honest
I want to be bad
I want to destroy you

He wasn't a creature in a mask.

At least that wasn't what he wants that scavenger girl to think of him. Why he minded her impression of him was another troubling mystery on its own.

He paces the interrogation room, waiting for her to wake up so that the process can commence. It doesn't matter what this powerless little girl thinks of me. Granted, she was strong but still nothing against him, for even with the Force in her, a girl untrained was a powerless fighter.

He wants her to know him, but without the added complications of being exposed. And at the same time, he wants the Resistance's little bug crushed. That wasn't what Snoke wanted. He wants her destroyed.

And to be fair to himself, Kylo Ren wants a bit of it too. However, whatever bit of Ben Solo lingered was vehemently against it.

"It happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask."

I want to be faithful
I want to be raw

Ben wants her to see him as he is, naked and true. Why he wants this girl to see him for himself is beyond Kylo Ren. Kylo would never allow that - it was tantamount sacrilege, to his doom. In that one moment of contemplation, Ben won.

He takes off the helmet and lets her drink in his visage, denying her expectation of the blood-thirsty disfigured menace behind a mask it asked for. A youthful, boyish face greets her, and he can see the look of mild shock, surprise and disappointment.

I want what I ask for
I get what I want

He asks her politely to hand over information - she refuses, and even though that defiance annoys him to the core, it lights a spark of curiosity in him. The girl exceeds expectations by her attitude and feisty demeanour.

"You know I can get what I want."

He wants to break her, so that's what he does.

It doesn't affect her. And her blocking his attempts to probe her mind are just as surprising. Interesting.

I think to be thoughtful
I know that I'm not

He's rash and impetuous, and he knows he hasn't thought shit through when he sees her break through his barriers and expose his memories, throwing them around like a pinch of salt. He's an idiot, that's what he is.

You think I'm a fake
And I know you're a fraud

He plays upon her weaknesses, exploiting her fool's hope of seeing a family, her (in his eyes) irrational attachment to Han Solo, her loneliness and her closed, cut-off self. He doesn't realise he's seeing himself till he she gets to his greatest weaknesses.

They're not so different, after all.

I'll fucking digest you
One kiss at a time

Like the impetuous and reckless ass that he is, he takes the most unorthodox route to get to her, and if he's true to himself, he enjoys that kiss way more than he lets on - he enjoys their connection, the electricity surging through his veins. He wants her by his side, wants to know every part of her better than she does herself.

You wish I was yours
And I hope that you're mine.

So when they meet again, this time in battle, he puts the offer on the table, hoping that some part of her would be swayed. But she needs no teacher in her eyes, especially not him - not that creature with a mask.

But what of the person behind it?

She doesn't seem to deny him when they meet again on a deserted planet three months later, their selves a mass of tangled limbs and thoughts, the Force surging through them as if in one being alone. Kylo Ren may hold no claim over her, but Ben Solo has taken Rey for his own. And only his will she remain.

The fleeting, heated kiss given for a goodbye reminds him that she thinks the same too.

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