It had always been a hidden secret, a message that both Hitachiin twins understood without needing words to be said aloud. They were two halves of a whole, the centre of each other, so entwined that no one could ever tell them apart. And from there they closed the window into their world, hiding away from everyone else as they focused on themselves, the bond that encircled their souls and crushed them breathless, as much as it gave them a thrill to know someone so well. They belonged to each other and they both knew that.
But Haruhi came along and Karou felt his world splintering into pieces as Hikaru slowly drifted away, sometimes missing that shared smile and focusing instead on Haruhi. Karou didn’t mind initially; it was refreshing, a fresh new outlook and it relieved him to be able to separate himself from his twin. Two halves that now started building up their own circle, forming a complete self without knowing. Or at least Kaoru had hoped so.
It had been nothing but a distraction, a lie. Something to cover and protect themselves as they ran from the truth that would brand them for life. Because how could two people who shared every aspect of their lives and knew each other so well, be entwined right down to the very core, fight the inner need not to be together? But the thought of Society’s reaction sent both spiraling away, desperately trying to salvage themselves in a way they knew they never could.
“Oh God who’s calling so early in the morning?” Hikaru mutters, blearily blinking as he throws an arm over his eyes, Kaoru stirring in his arms as the sunlight filters through their curtains, the silence in their room rudely broken by the shrill ringing of their phone. They never did have the need to have separate phones, Kaoru thinks as he watches Hikaru swipe the phone from the bed stand and hold it against his ear.
“No I don’t care, we’re sleepy and you almost woke Kaoru. Goodnight!” Hikaru snaps into the phone, a look of complete annoyance on his face as he shifts slightly, allowing Kaoru to wrap his arms around his waist.
“It’s alright Hika-chan…” Kaoru murmurs, resting his chin on Hikaru’s shoulder, enjoying the feel of the sunlight and the way Hikaru’s skin felt warm and soft against his own, emitting heat.
“What an idiot.” Hikaru mutters as he breathes in Kaoru’s scent, nose buried into Kaoru’s hair as he allows himself to enjoy the warmth and feel of the younger clinging to him. Kaoru hums in return and Hikaru slides both his arms around Kaoru, lips brushing his temple as Hikaru slides away from Kaoru’s intense gaze, amber evoking amber.
“Don’t.” Hikaru says sharply, his eyes flashing back to Kaoru’s face as the younger hesitatingly tries to breach the taboo subject. It’s a warning as Kaoru drops his gaze, the warmth and hold of Hikaru suddenly feeling a tad too suffocating. The elder seems to realise he was too harsh as he opens his mouth to utter an apology, only to watch as Kaoru pulls away from him, eyes fluttering open as he turns towards the edge of the bed.
Why was it always like this? Kaoru thinks bitterly, hands fisting into the quilt, his lips pursed. Always, when they were together, the thought of how they were a taboo loomed over their heads, and like a secret clock Kaoru could feel the seconds ticking; always reminding him of how there was always an ending to a scenario, and he only knew the ending of them all too well he thinks bitterly as he slides his feet into his slippers, prepared to leave to the bathroom.
“Kaoru.” A firm hold on his wrist has him sinking back on the bed as Hikaru slides over to his twin, the quilt falling off both of them and revealing pale skin. Kaoru avoids his gaze and Hikaru sighs, knowing full well what was on his twin’s mind. And the worst part was that he couldn’t do anything about it, Hikaru thinks as he gently brushes his thumb against Kaoru’s cheek that has the younger shuddering.
“Forget it Hikaru.” Kaoru says flatly, grabbing Hikaru’s wrist and pulling it away. Every touch was supposed to be wrong, poison, but it’s an addiction Kaoru thinks as Hikaru licks his lips, wetting them as he hesitates. An addiction he can’t deny himself or run away from, because how do you run from your twin, your brother? Kaoru is still as Hikaru’s gaze flickers to the door and back to Kaoru.
The answer is simple.
It’s as though air is breathed back into his lungs as Hikaru strikes, grabbing his face and pressing his lips feverishly to Kaoru’s. Kaoru almost wants to cry in relief because it’s been too long; how long had they tried to refrain from any intimacy? How long had they denied themselves, denied themselves this? Kaoru is lost in himself and the warm embrace of Hikaru as he cards his fingers through his twin’s hair, enjoying the feel of smooth lips pressing against him, insisting, desperate, needy.
Because this was what it felt like to be drowning alive. This was what it felt like to be able to see, to touch briefly, but never to indulge. All because of society’s perception. Hikaru is a desperate mess as he finally tears the barrier through them and removes away all the hard work they’ve put in for the past two weeks. To refrain from the forbidden and to toe the careful line between brotherly love and something so much more. Hikaru kisses like a drowning man fighting for the last few seconds to breathe, Kaoru thinks bitterly as he kisses back.
The last few seconds before the ending comes.
There was no denying it, or fighting or backing away from the truth. Because no matter how many pretty lies they spun and however much they decorated the truth with pretty bows and twisted confetti, the ending could never change. They would be caught one day, and there was no way they could run then. If it wasn’t now, it would be later, when they were expected to retire to their own rooms, or to be married. And the thought of this sends Kaoru almost shaking in despair, Hikaru shivering as they break apart.
“I know.” Kaoru whispers as Hikaru looks up at him, eyes filled with despair and longing as well as fear. Because what could they do? How could they escape this? It wasn’t as though they chose for this to happen, chose to love someone that had always been by their side. Hikaru smiles briefly and Kaoru mirrors that smile as the brothers try to lighten the heavy atmosphere between them. And just like that their act starts, right from morning.
“Hey, Hikrau, Kaoru, you coming with us?” Haruhi asks brightly, hand holding onto Tamaki’s before her eyes widen and she realizes her mistake a little too late as Honey looks at Mori wide eyed, Kyoya lifting his head to study the scene.
Did they seriously think we’re still broken up over the fact that they’re together? Hikaru questions, almost laughing out loud, and judging from Kaoru’s face, they were both thinking the same thing. Hikaru felt no jealousy towards Tamaki and Haruhi; perhaps he did once, but that was before more pressing issues occurred. Pressing issues that while waking him from his revere of who he did love, also awoke the problems that faced them both. He would never wish problems on another couple; Hikaru thinks as Kaoru glances at him.
“Sure, we’re free anyway Haruhi-chan!” That sentence is a sigh of relief for the club as Tamaki smiles at the twins, glad to know that there were no hard feelings anymore.
“Yay let’s go have cake Takashi!” Honey senpai squeaks, hugging onto Usa-chan, his smile almost blinding as he beams at the twins.
This is what they were going to miss, Kaoru thinks numbly as he watches Tamaki dramatically cling onto Kyoya, while Honey asked both Mori and Haruhi their opinions on the raspberry cheesecake. All the friendships they had formed, all the love, all the things they had let in would be gone, and it would be back to the beginning; them against the world. Was Hikaru willing to give all that up? Kaoru thinks, heart hammering as he looks down to Hikaru’s hand and his, finger tips barely brushing.
Hikaru’s fingers twitch to life and Kaoru has to bite back the inner squeak of surprise as Hikaru’s fingers thread with his, pressing both their palms together, linking hands. Kaoru’s eyes flicker up to Hikaru’s same amber gaze, questioning, worried, confused. Hikaru smiles and Kaoru’s heart skips a beat as he sees that real true smile fly across Hikaru’s face, just for him to see.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
“What is it?” Hikaru questions, frowning as he burns holes into his homework, tapping his pen against the desk as he scowls. Pushing his fringe upwards and finally giving up on the equation, Hikaru turned towards Kaoru, giving his younger brother his full attention.
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Kaoru’s voice is shaky and slightly broken and Hikaru pauses.
“…” Hikaru looks as Kaoru, his expression softening as he sees that Kaoru is hunched over his laptop, sitting on their bed and away from his view. Getting up, Hikaru crawls on the bed to Kaoru, wrapping his arms around the younger, voice soft as he asks what’s wrong.
“Nothing.” Kaoru responds quickly, too quickly, and Hikaru’s hand shoots out in time to block Kaoru’s hand from pushing the laptop screen down. Kaoru’s head snaps up as he looks at Hikaru in surprise; Hikaru only noticing Kaoru’s slightly teary eyes then. Tillting his head, Hikaru’s amber eyes narrow as he begins to sift through his mind what are the possible things that could have upset his younger brother. His eyes flicker to the laptop and back to Kaoru, causing the younger to squirm slightly.
Having received indirect confirmation that something his brother was looking at must have upset him, Hikaru cocked his head as he began to read the article that Kaoru was reading. As he read, his expression darkened and his hold on Kaoru tightened, fingers clenching down on Kaoru’s soft flesh and robes. The younger doesn’t complain though, and instead burrows himself closer to Hikaru, eyes squeezed shut as Hikaru continues reading, his entire frame shaking.
“…” Hikaru looks at Kaoru, huddled up at his side, refusing to look up. He feels his insides swell up protectively as he takes in his younger brother’s almost fragile position. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair Hikaru thinks as he suddenly lifts up Kaoru by his waist, causing the younger to shriek like a girl.
“Hikaru! What do you think you’re doing?! Hika-” Kaoru stopped short, gulping as Hikaru sat him down on his lap, a smirk obviously plastered on his face. Suddenly feeling self conscious and embarrassed at the current position they were in, Kaoru squirmed, his face turning a light shade of pink as he twisted his upper half, trying desperately to get out of his elder brother’s embrace. With limited success, Kaoru finally gave up, the flush dark on his cheeks as he clung onto Hikaru, his voice softer and shameful.
“Hikaru… This is embrassing-”
“When we’re at the Host Club that’s your line that you always learn; but is that truly how you feel when we’re alone?” Hikaru asks softly, raising an eyebrow at his younger brother who gasps softly without thinking, amber eyes fluttering up to meet his own.
“There’s no one here Kaoru.” Hikaru took a deep breath before picking up the laptop with one hand, “And even if we do get caught for incest; even if it’s against the law and we have to go through death, I will always be your twin and your elder brother.” Hikaru felt his lips pull into a gentle smile and Kaoru stills, a soft surprised squeak escaping his lips as he clings onto Hikaru, a look of wonder and delight on his face.
“Now…” Hikaru gives a laugh as he throws Kaoru onto the bed, slamming the laptop down with his free hand, “No worries?” He hovered above Kaoru, caressing his cheek with his left hand, lips inches apart.
“Hai!” Kaoru replied, eagerly pressing his lips to Hikaru, joining their souls together, tumbling down the abyss of joy and happiness together. It had always been Hikaru, Kaoru thinks breathlessly as his hands snake up the front of Hikaru’s shirt and yanks him closer, crushing both of them against each other. For as long as he could remember, it had always been Hikaru that he was following, that was his mouth piece, that protected him. And now it was Hikaru that would protect him even as he feared for the end of their bond. It was going to be Hikaru that would comfort and shelter him forever. Only…
It had always been Hikaru.
Kaoru thinks, letting out a soft gasp as Hikaru gently nipped the bottom of his lip, his eyes immediately opening only to gaze right at Hikaru who sucks in a deep breath, looking right into his brother’s liquid gold eyes. For so long, Kaoru had always been the level headed one, the one that made sure he didn’t do anything stupid. The one that explained to him all his emotions, the one that would sacrifice himself for Hikaru’s own happiness. His brother had truly been all he needed, and all he will need; Hikaru gently parted Kaoru’s lips, the decision coming quickly to him.
No more hiding away, or being afraid. No more running away from the fear of being caught or hiding his feelings behind a smokescreen. It would be selfish of him, because it would hurt Kaoru, and Hikaru knew right there and then that his brother would always be his undoing. Tongue gently parting the seam of his mouth, hand holding onto his and pushing him back against the bed, Karou shivered at the way his elder brother held him; like he was a precious glass ware.
“Together.” Karou murmured, his hands tightening their hold on Hikaru’s neck, his golden eyes searching Hikaru’s deeply, his heart justly pounding in his chest as Hikaru pulls away.
“Forever.” Hikaru says seriously, frowning as he looks at Kaoru before tickling him. The atmosphere instantly lightens and Kaoru bursts out laughing, nudging Hikaru backwards as he throws his head back, eyes lighting up. That combined with Hikaru’s own chuckle was enough to set both twins’ hearts into stone; a stone engraved to only each other like a masterpiece. It was then that Hikaru thought, he would have Kaoru laugh like this forever; and it was then that Kaoru thought, he wanted Hikaru to smile like that forever.
“What? No but-”
“Honestly, it is high time you guys got your own room no? Spending time apart in different places would do you some good.” Kaoru could feel his hands clenching into fists as their mother spoke, his insides roaring with emotions like a tidal wave that was out of control.
“No Hikaru! Enough.” His father finally speaks and Hikaru flinches at the sharp reprimanding tone from his father’s lips, “You rely on each other too much and are too close for brothers!”
High time you guys get your own room…
Spending time apart…
…rely on each other too much…
…too close for brothers…
Kaoru felt something in him break; tear apart from inside as the words were flung at him in his face. It wasn’t that he was weak, but the fact that the words were a little too close to the truth, and spoke volumes of everything he feared. Keeping his head down, he couldn’t bear to even look at Hikaru, or worse, his parents. No, he knew that they would have to part, after all, how could they be together forever? Hikaru would want something more with someone else, Kaoru thinks, sucking in a deep breath as he remembers how Hikaru had been like with Haruhi. Was he willing to sacrifice all that for Hikaru, even after knowing what it was like to hold Hikaru, be with him, love him?
There was only one answer to that.
Kaoru gives a curt nod and beside him, Hikaru recoils almost simultaneously in return, amber eyes widening in horror at the implication of what Kaoru had done. What did this mean? Hikaru feels his heart shudder, stinging slightly as he telepathically begs Kaoru to look up at him; just a glance, just anything at all, as Kaoru looks down, shoulders shaking as his hands clench into fists.
“I-Excuse me.” Kaoru finally manages, voice breaking slightly before he clears his throat, repeating himself as he sharply turns away, steps rigid and heavy.
“KAORU!” Hikaru shouts, anger present in his voice as his brother turns away from him. Why? Why wouldn’t he look him in the eye? The sound of his name being cried out heart wrenchingly from his own twin brother’s lips sends tears into Kaoru’s eyes and he starts running, wanting to put distance as the pain comes crashing down, fear, loneliness, isolation. No, it was a different kind of isolation Kaoru thought as he heads towards their shared bedroom, eyes stinging.
“KAORU!” Hikaru shouts and without hesitation sets out to chase his brother, his heart pounding in his chest, fear coursing through his body, sending his adrenaline going. Because what was Hikaru without Kaoru? If that bakka did anything stupid; Hikaru felt his blood run cold with dread. If he didn’t have his brother, if he didn’t, couldn’t, have him by his side, then I might as well not live! Hikaru thought, arms shooting out to shove back the doors to their bedroom.
“Kaoru-!!” Hikaru stopped short as he caught his brother leaning at the edge of the window, hands holding on so tightly onto the window sill that his knuckles were white. Judging from his shaking shoulders, Hikaru could tell just how distressed his twin was, and slowly he closed the door behind him, locking it shut. Knowing how distressed they were, his parents would not send anyone to them. It was this reassuring thought that spurred Hikaru to back hug Kaoru, embracing his brother tightly.
“Ah, Hikaru! No-”
“Why? Why not?” Hikaru hisses harshly, tightening his hold on his brother, holding him, just holding him as Kaoru trembled in his arms. Enjoying the warmth, the haven that Hikaru provided for him momentarily, Kaoru is silent as his entire body trembles from the effort to keep himself from crying. He was emotionally exhausted; from everything. As always it had been Hikaru, Hikaru that was and always has been his undoing. Form the moment he was born; they were inseperable.
“Because it’s wrong.” Kaoru manages a reply after a long pause, earning a ghostly chuckle from Hikaru whose lips traces patterns at his ear. Hands resting gently, Kaoru tilts his head to look at Hikaru, his twin, his mirror. They were exactly alike, but at the same time so different Kaoru thought, tracing a loop on Hikaru’s face, his eyes far away. The same hair, the same eyes, but yet Hikaru felt so much more beautiful, strong, and the way his golden eyes burned into him right now sent his body shivering from want and despair.
“What’s wrong and right? Who gave them the right to judge?” Hikaru asks, voice a little more breathless as Kaoru looks at him, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he takes in his elder brother’s nervous and almost hyperventilating state. Hikaru takes a deep breath and finally releases Kaoru, a cheeky almost teasing smile on his face, causing Kaoru to deadpan.
“Don’t try to play it off. What’s wrong?” The minute the words were out Kaoru wanted to laugh at the irony, because everything was wrong. Down to the very fact that they were in love.
“Nothing. I-” Words failing him, Hikaru finally used his actions to explain. Slowly reaching into his pocket, Hikaru fell to one knee, causing Kaoru to jerk back in shock. This couldn’t be happening, Kaoru thought, his eyes flickering from the velvet box to Hikaru’s face, those liquid amber eyes that bore right through him. It couldn’t, wasn’t possible, it wasn’t allowed, couldn’t-
“You know what this means. If we do this, we’re running away from everyone. You know the cost more than me; I know you do. If we do this, it’s us against the world, like before. I know it’s selfish of us, of me. Do you…?”
Would you give that all up for me?
“Yes.” Kaoru whispers, his eyes not letting go of Hikaru’s same burning gaze. Their eyes, both, the colour of the sunset, of morning sunlight and liquid love. Both their faces split into identical grins, and Hikaru leaps up, his laughter loud and clear as they wrap around each other, bodies entwining. And it was that very night that they ran away, slipping into the darkness like the maid before.
Their parents were heart broken, and everyone confused; for were they so inseparable that they would give it all to just be together? Haruhi knowingly looked up at Tamaki and the Host Club knew it all, knew it from the start, right from when each of them saw the twins.
Because it was out in the open, so clear that only those steeped in denial or blind, could not see. They had always been made for each other, for what was Hikaru without Kaoru, and what was Kaoru without Hikaru? They were two halves to a whole, entwined, a blossom from the same root that fate tied together. They had been blind to it, but all the while it had been as plain as the cloudless blue sky across the Ouran Academy.
For they were always meant to be, even as fate and destiny played a cruel joke on them. They were each other’s pillar of support and love; forever and always. No one could ever break them or pull them apart, their love for each other and sacrifice they were willing to make were to that very extent. Through death and society’s broken perfectionist view, they would hold onto each other and walk to the end, through every life they have.
For in the next life they would still be twins.
Tamaki jerked, his phone buzzing, indicating a call. Confused he swiped the screen and his eyes widened, a loud shout escaping his lips that has the entire group of Host Club rushing to his side. They had closed down the club in a state of ‘mourning’ as the King had stated. Of course they were all depressed, but glad that the twins had managed to outwit and run from society’s cruel laws. It was a good thing, except…
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US?!” Tamaki roared into the phone, gripping it tightly.
“Eh, sorry m’lord, we were a little busy.” Hikaru said into the phone, Koaru leaning on him, amber eyes sparkling in the light.
“THAT IS NO EXCU-”
“Did you honestly think we’ll forget about our ‘family’?” Kaoru interrupts, Hikaru chuckling lightly as their King fell silent.
“Are you guys okay?” Honey finally asked, eyebrows furrowed as he clung onto Usa-chan.
“Hai Honey senpai, we’re fine. But you guys look awfully sad.” Hikaru teased, Kaoru clamping a hand over his own mouth to fight back the laughter threatening to burst from his mouth as Tamaki exploded, yanking at his hair.
“YOU CAN SEE US! WHERE ARE YOU?!” Tamaki shrieked and Haruhi’s eyes narrowed, hands reaching out to calm him down while Honey backed away from the fuming King, hopping onto Mori’s shoulders, Kyoya thoughtfully pushing up his glasses as he starts to question the twins.
“You can’t see us. But we can see you.” Kaoru says lightly, eyes watching his friends down below, clustered around the phone.
“Isn’t that kind of obvious…” Haruhi muttered, just loud enough for the twins to hear as they started to smile.
“Can we see you?” Mori asked slowly, his voice calm and collected.
“I don’t think so Mori senpai. At least not for now. We still have to tie up some loose strings and get settled down and all…” Kaoru trailed off, looking at Hikaru expectantly.
“Keep this number. We’ll call again; but Kaoru is right. I don’t think we can risk meeting you with everyone searching for us. At least for awhile…” Hikaru stopped, biting his lip as Tamaki finally stopped yanking at his hair.
“So this is goodbye then?” Tamaki finally asked, voice sounding mature and lacking the high and princely tone it usually did. The twins glanced at each other, Hikaru’s hand tightening around Kaoru’s as the twins looked into each other’s soul, knowing full well how connected they were.
“No.” They spoke at the same time, eyes shining as they answered Tamaki.
“This is the beginning.”
Hello~ and welcome to the end of this one shot! I hope it made you ache in all the right places and that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Cheers until next time! ^^
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